If you could set aside your differences

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And that is what my grandma spewed at my mother while they were on their way to the store, "If you could set aside your differences." That was in the context of Thanksgiving. My mom and I were invited to a Thanksgiving gathering with family up north and that would include, my grandma, great aunt and racist great uncle, my aunt and uncle who are visiting from Guam, and my second cousin and her husband who would be hosting the gathering. My mom said maybe to going up there but we were not looking forward to it. We do not get along with my family much. Anyone who is extended family we just don't mix well. After I saw my cousin post a transphobic picture on Facebook and my second cousin happened to Like it, I came out to my mother and told her that she can still go up there for Thanksgiving, but I would not. I went up there for Christmas before with just my grandma, my mom was sick and I was miserable. They kept making racist and homophobic jokes that were just downright disgusting. And after that I was never comfortable with going over there. So seeing that my cousin posted that picture and I explained it to my mom and she said that she would not be going up there evil because that is just sick for them to do. My mom tried to explain civily to my grandma as to why we would no longer be going up there. My grandma was upset but we thought she would understand. Today in the car when my mom brought up something about Thanksgiving, asking about these turkey thighs my grandma had in the freezer my grandma goes, "If you could set aside your differences we could just be a family." My mom has never liked family gathering, my great aunts would steal things of my mother's and give them to their kids, their kids would ruin my mom's toys, and later on in life they would just treat her like an outcast! I came along and things got even worse. I was the odd cousin. I wore black, I like rock music, I am not Christian. And so many times family members have called me a "devil worshipper." So, why should I go up to a house of a person who is homophobic and racist? Why should I go into their home and eat their food if we just don't get along? No, I cannot set aside our differences. I'm pansexual! If they are homophobic then they have one more reason to hate ME other than not being Christian and dating Mexicans. So that really hurt my mom when my grandma said that and I feel bad for my mom because I know and she knows that now my grandma, aunt, and uncle are all going to be talking about this and we have no idea what is going to happen up north. I really fear for what is going to happen up north with just those 3 because my family being racist, my aunt is Filipino. They always put it off because she is married to my uncle, but over the years they have become more bigoted and I really do not want them to insult her and be terrible towards her. I never liked my extended family, I knew they never liked me. I don't considered them family, they are just people I am unfornately related to who have bad mouthed me since I could talk and have hurt my mother since she was a child. So we can never set aside our differences. Why should I set aside my beliefs when I know they won't with theirs?