Too Cute, Too Familiar, Condescending, or Disrepsectful?
By DW Davis
@DWDavis (25812)
Pikeville, North Carolina
November 25, 2018 1:34pm CST
Today after church my wife and I visited a local steakhouse for lunch. As is our custom, we each ordered a chicken dish. I had the parmesan crusted chicken with a bowl of French onion soup and seasoned fries. My missus had fried chicken tenders with rice and the house salad. But that's not what I want to write about.
At the table kitty-corner from our booth sat 2 gentlemen and a lady, all clearly in their later years. I would estimate at least in their 80s. Their server, a very nice lady of, I would guess, 30 some years was very attentive and kind as she waited on them. Then she said something that caught my attention. She said to the lady at the table, "Young lady, I'll be right back with your refill."
I don't know about other parts of the country or world, but here in the south I often hear people in the hospitality industry address elderly folks in this fashion. It is done warmly and with good intentions. But I wonder - not yet having been on the receiving end of such a comment - if the person to whom the "young man" or "young lady" is addressed might take umbrage at the remark.
What do you think, is the remark appropriated or not?
20 people like this
21 responses
@JohnRoberts (109857)
• Los Angeles, California
25 Nov 18
I think when one reaches their 80s, they accept a comment like in the gentle nice nature in which it was intended.
2 people like this
@DWDavis (25812)
• Pikeville, North Carolina
25 Nov 18
I agree with you, and I've never in my experience seen anyone react badly when they've been so addressed.
I did have a coworker 33 years my junior once who tried to tell me off about something she knew nothing about and told me she was my equal, and then she got really bent out of shape when I called her young lady and reminded her that when she was born I had already served in the Army, graduated from college, gotten married, passed the CPA exam, and had one son with another on the way, so though she may have been my coworker she was in no way my equal. We didn't speak to each other for a long time after that.
2 people like this
@GreatMartin (23677)
• Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
26 Nov 18
John I am 83 and I never get tired of hearing "But you don't look it!" I usually respond "What does 83 look like?" with a smile on my face and , of course, they get a bigger tip!
2 people like this
@GreatMartin (23677)
• Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
26 Nov 18
As a server I would say that and some other things such as "I am sorry but you aren't old enough to order a drink" to a 70+ year old and they would actually smile and blush BUT one time I said to a old man, with his obviously very much younger woman daughter (?) or grandchild (?) and he got very insulted, got up, walked out and wrote a letter to my boss about how nasty I was!!
One time I addressed an old lady as m'am and she got insulted and read me the riot act, another time said 'young lady' to an old lady and she ranted and raved about how she wasn't a 'young' lady and I responded with "Sorry old lady" and the few tables within earshot applauded and laughed!
But most took the humor as just that.
Now I have a question for you---chicken in a steakhouse??? WHY?????? 
2 people like this
@amadeo (111948)
• United States
26 Nov 18
@GrearMartin you have all the fun there.
1 person likes this
@moffittjc (118365)
• Gainesville, Florida
26 Nov 18
I have been guilty of saying this myself to older folks. I'll have to be more careful, as I never thought that it could not be well received by the person.
1 person likes this
@moffittjc (118365)
• Gainesville, Florida
28 Nov 18
@DWDavis I haven't had anyone claim offense yet, but I'm sure it could happen at any time. I just need to be more careful and respectful of what I say.
1 person likes this
@cintol (11261)
• United States
26 Nov 18
I worked taking care of the elderly and never met one that was offended by not being made to feel younger. They loved being talked to like that, I think its great when people talk like that to the elderly, it puts a little dance in their step.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (157481)
• United States
25 Nov 18
I can hear my dad saying this to someone. Now he would be on the receiving end. I think it depends on the restaurant, perhaps and the "tone" of the establishment. My dad would not mind being addressed that way. My mom, who is deceased, would have felt it to be tacky. When I was younger, I did not like to be called "Ma'm", but now, with either greeting, I would just be thankful to be remembered.
1 person likes this
@Juliaacv (48251)
• Canada
25 Nov 18
Terms like that are not used in our area of the world.
I would think that is disrespectful and not really called for.
I work in customer service, and when I'm challenged in a situation I will often refer to the customer as Sir/Ma'am. So that isn't a very polite way to acknowledge anyone either, unless the name hasn't been disclosed.
Its a very sensitive subject.
1 person likes this
@wolfgirl569 (94747)
• Marion, Ohio
25 Nov 18
I think for many it is taken as a nice gesture. I know my mom did not mind when most people said that to her.
1 person likes this
@akalinus (40433)
• United States
26 Nov 18
It is okay, I think. My son and I ate out the other day and the waitress kept calling us darling. People in the south just talk differently sometimes. As long as she was attentive and meant the remark in a positive way, I don't mind. I can't speak for anyone else.
1 person likes this
@Poppylicious (11133)
•
26 Nov 18
It's not something we would say in the UK, but it sounds like it's an accepted colloquialism in your neck of the woods. I think I'd like it if I were an old lady!
1 person likes this
@allknowing (130067)
• India
25 Nov 18
That is cute in my opinion considering she was all attention serving them.
1 person likes this
@LovingMyBabies (85127)
• Valdosta, Georgia
26 Nov 18
I have seen most smile and blush a bit when this is said to them as if their remembering their younger days, after being called young again. =)
@garymarsh6 (23393)
• United Kingdom
25 Nov 18
I am sure it was said with good grace with no malice. However had it been said in a certain way it could have quite easily have been taken wrongly. Endearments are frowned upon by the establishment but many people find it a comfort.
1 person likes this
