Dating & Marrying ,,, what do you think?
@LeaPea2417 (36431)
Toccoa, Georgia
January 3, 2019 2:34pm CST
I heard an expression way back in the day that said "that when we marry, we are marrying the family of the spouse, and vice versa. We become a part of the clan.
There are parents who guide their children in who to look for when they choose a mate, saying things like "you don't want to marry into a family that has a flaw", for example, a family who has a son or daughter in prison. It not only makes the family you are marrying into look bad, it would make you look bad also.
So, as a result, the guy or girl will pass over the potential mate and not date them because of that family flaw. This leads to my question.
I know a 20 something guy who attended College, has a job, is rather handsome but has no prospective girl friend. He has a brother who has been in and out of prison. Both of these brothers have a Facebook. When the incarcerated brother is out of jail, he posts on Facebook. He has ruined himself with drugs and is just not a good character.
With today's access to learning more about a person through social media, do you think the 20 something brother, who has it all together, is being hindered into having any girl friend due to his criminal brother?
Do you think, possible girl friends and their families go online and do research before pursuing the desired men? And when they realize a potential guy has a criminal brother (sibling), they back away from the potential guy they are interested in, because if they would marry the guy, they would be marrying into a family with criminal jail bird potential relatives?
In other words, as parents, would you discourage your daughter from dating and marrying a boy who had a criminal sibling? Would you think it was a flaw with the family and not want your child to marry into?
18 people like this
17 responses
@Courage7 (19633)
• United States
3 Jan 19
As a parent, I do not believe my child now grown would listen to me no more than flying in the moon lol..I could not tell them what to do ever..So whatever my opinion would be would not be relevant.
And I think it would be wrong to judge the whole family on the one family member.
4 people like this
@LeaPea2417 (36431)
• Toccoa, Georgia
3 Jan 19
Yes, I agree it is wrong to judge the whole family on the one family member.
1 person likes this
@GreatMartin (23677)
• Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
7 Jan 19
@Courage7 Oh, oh--now you are making me change my mind!! :O)
Plus if you had avoided trouble in the past would you think your life today is a failure?? All the good and bad we do in the past makes us who we are today and as far as I can tell you are pretty great!
2 people like this
@Courage7 (19633)
• United States
3 Jan 19
@LeaPea2417 Though having said that, I think personally it is best to avoid trouble in general in life, a thing I wish I had done myself
2 people like this
@Courtlynn (66921)
• United States
3 Jan 19
Maybe in the old days you would be marrying the family too, but these days, people dont even like their own family, nevermind someone elses.
And to be honest, i dont think we have to. Be nice when around for like get togethers.. sure, but like them and consider them family, no. As when you marry, its only to our partner. Unless they have kids, because then youd be a stepparent.
And for the relationship part.. i dont think most would be in relationships / marriages if people went by how the family members were, instead of how the person themself is. As most families seem to have some messed up person in it.
1 person likes this
@LeaPea2417 (36431)
• Toccoa, Georgia
4 Jan 19
@Courtlynn I totally agree with you on what makes a true family.
1 person likes this
@1hopefulman (45123)
• Canada
4 Jan 19
If a family has a number of children and one is a criminal, would not the fault be with the child who is a criminal? That is how I would look at things.
1 person likes this
@LeaPea2417 (36431)
• Toccoa, Georgia
4 Jan 19
Yes, that is a good way to look at it. The criminal child makes his choice to do wrong. He is not a victim.
1 person likes this
@ilocosboy (45157)
• Philippines
4 Jan 19
In my own opinion, as a parent i would just tell her about this matter in a nice way and not to discourage her. Anyway, its her boyfriend what is important to me and not his brother. And I will not mingle to the feelings and preference of my children, they are old and educated so they know what's best for them.
1 person likes this
@porwest (78761)
• United States
7 Jan 19
You can't judge a book by its cover, and I think it's probably wrong to judge a person by their family. No one can help it that some people in their family may not quite have it together, and I think we ALL have at least one person in our family and extended families who doesn't meet a certain standard, so that would leave out a LOT of prospects.
1 person likes this
@GreatMartin (23677)
• Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
7 Jan 19
I agree 100% with Courage7's answer below!
1 person likes this
@sallypup (57836)
• Centralia, Washington
3 Jan 19
That's a hard one. If you marry someone who has criminal family, that criminal family could come begging or worse, could come threatening you. The man I married had a domineering Mother. She tried to tell him who he would date and he basically told her to go away. He'd do what he liked.
1 person likes this
@LeaPea2417 (36431)
• Toccoa, Georgia
3 Jan 19
That is good your husband didn't listen to his domineering Mom.
1 person likes this
@LeaPea2417 (36431)
• Toccoa, Georgia
4 Jan 19
I agree , children should make their own choices.
1 person likes this
@Jeanniemaries (8237)
• United States
5 Jan 19
It is a hard question because the difficult person would always be in their life. Both my girls married men without siblings and my son married a girl with just one sister, a very nice person. But it actually never occurred to me to worry about this problem. I suppose most families have a problem member somewhere.
1 person likes this
@Happy2BeMe (99399)
• Canada
3 Jan 19
I have known parents who were like that with their children but then the children would usually just sneak around to see who they wanted to anyway. Just because a person comes from a not so good family doesn't mean that they are the same. My parent may not have always like my choice in men but they didn't judge the men on their families. Even if a person has a bad past it doesn't mean they are still that way. People change.
1 person likes this
@LeaPea2417 (36431)
• Toccoa, Georgia
4 Jan 19
Yes, hopefully the criminal I mentioned above will have a deep inward change for the better.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40248)
• United States
13 Jan 19
Hm, I can't speak for the parents of someone looking to date. I know it wouldn't bother me though. I think the person themselves could choose if they want the life of crime - or maybe they learned what not to do from their sibling. I might be a bit more cautious, but it wouldn't totally discourage me, no.
1 person likes this
@wolfgirl569 (95105)
• Marion, Ohio
3 Jan 19
If the one is good I would overlook the other. But there would have to be an understanding before of how much if any help the bad one would get.
1 person likes this
@Marilynda1225 (79699)
• United States
4 Jan 19
I think it would depend on what the crime was but generally I don't think it has any bearing on the person who is only related to the criminal.
1 person likes this
