Do you think gifts are being replaced for parenting to much now?

@all_n_one (2005)
United States
December 1, 2006 1:50pm CST
I am only 20 but i have a daughter so i know both sides of it. I see all the time now kids throwing fits in a store or something and instead of the parent saying you'll get punished they say i won't get you the new playstation game. My mom use to do that from time to time herself but now i think it is outta control. The kids are worse then ever young teenage pregnancy is higher then ever but kids get more the ever now. I can see you wanting to give your child more then what you had but there should be a limit. People go to college now and graduate and go back home to live with mom and don't even get a job anymore most of the time. It might just be me and over reacting to this subject but what do you think about it?
25 people like this
177 responses
@Lugh69 (149)
• United States
1 Dec 06
It seems to me that most kids are what we used to call "spoiled" nowadays. At least in the US. They get want they think they want when they want it. Not what is necessarily right for them. It's called instant gratification and it's so prevelant these days because of technology and as each generation gets used to it it becomes more prevelant until it becomes the norm. Which I think it has or we are close. The kids nowadays don't know this because they've grown up with everything available to them.
@all_n_one (2005)
• United States
1 Dec 06
I understand what your saying and i agree but even though it is becoming the norm sometimes you gotta go outta the norm. It amazes me how much things have changed when i was in lower grades and i'm only 20 now and in college. When I was 10 the big thing was having a $30 game now it's having a $300+ ipod or the most expensive computer.
2 people like this
@Lugh69 (149)
• United States
1 Dec 06
It comes down to the parents though. I know alot of parents feel like they are depriving their children if they don't satisfy their every whim and when alot of their friends have the same things. But if you use moderation and explain to them the reasons behind your decisions they will end up better for it. When they grow up they will look back and appreciate what you did for them.
2 people like this
@neilf49 (810)
1 Dec 06
I totally agree with you. I'm divorced (and now happily remarried), my ex-wife took the kids and very soon married someone earning 3 times my salary. My kids now have every thing they have wanted, TV, computers, gameboys, you name it they've got it. I was in a terrible state because I couldn't compete so when the kids stayed with me we did "family things' - walking in the park, by the sea, building sancastles. They even learnt how to do practical things, change a light bulb, cook a simple meal. They always went back to their mother saying thank you for the time with me. The time at their mother's - watching tv in their room, playing computer games, in their room - no quality time. Perhaps they wiil remember their time with me and appreciate the things I did with them.
1 person likes this
@sbeauty (5871)
• United States
1 Dec 06
Most parents are too lenient and too over-indulging these days, because it's easier than making the effort to be an effective parent. As a Kindergarten teacher, I know for sure how real this problem is. When I try to get children to do what they're asked, they sit and look at me like, "Who do you think you are?" At first a lot of them don't do what they're asked, either. It's like they know that if they just wait long enough that adult will forget what they wanted and go away. That's what arents do. Children don't need a ton of material things. What they need is their parents to give them time and attention, to talk with them and read with them, to explore the world with them. I am proud to say that when my son graduated from college he got a really good job and his own apartment. I wish he WOULD come back home, but I appreciate the fact that we have turned out an independent young man.
2 people like this
• United States
1 Dec 06
Wow! Good for you!! That's the kind of parent I want to be! I started reading to my daughter when she was 7 months old, and will continue to do so as she grows up.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
2 Dec 06
I don't have a child yet but we are planning to have one soon. I have fears, though, of being a good parent with what I'm seeing right now. Thanks for this post. It inspires me and I hope to be the kind of parent you are. I hope to read more post on parenting.
@all_n_one (2005)
• United States
2 Dec 06
Well sbeauty i'm glad to see you put your son on the right track and he is working towards a great part of his life now and a family soon probably. I know when my sister graduated from college my mom wished she would move back to are state but you gotta let the bird fly. It is better to be set for the rest of life then to have had quick fun and getting your way because that won't last.
1 person likes this
@spcbrass (1192)
• United States
1 Dec 06
I don't have kids, but my best friend has a 12 year old son. His son was never the kind to throw fits about anything, but he was a slick little guy and knew exaclty how to bug his dad about a new game, or some new sports stuff. Well my friend for the past 4 or 5 years has gone to his son and asked him to do his chores and do his studies. He told him that if he worked extra hard and did a really good job that he would but Andy what he wanted. Now if his son did an ok job or a rush job to get things done during those few weeks then he wouldn't get what he wanted. However he soon learned that if he did the things that dad told him to do right away and he did everything the way his dad wanted that he would be rewarded. What he is teaching his son is the value of hard work and respect and rewarding him accordingly. I think that if more parents spent time really working with their kids on ways to reward them then our children would learn to appreciate the value of things. This will maintain a healthly relationship between both the parents and the children for many years.
2 people like this
@neilf49 (810)
1 Dec 06
What wonderful values to live by. I am very keen to see positive parenting, unfortunately there doesn't seem to be much of it about, perhaps we're going to have a generation largely comprising spoilt geeks who can't look after themselves, then that may not be too bad a thing for the service industries - burgers are easy to heat lol
1 person likes this
@all_n_one (2005)
• United States
2 Dec 06
I am a huge supporting myself of getting the kids to do things and rewarding them. I understand they want what everybody else has but if there gonna get it work for it. What happens when you just give it to them they start to depend on that and when they get older it doesn't work that way. When they are in highschool the clothes are more and they don't want to get a job but yet they want a car. I am 20 and know the value of a dollar from my mom not handing everything to me. I will teach my daughter the same way but it will last allot longer with those values then a new toy would. I just wish more parent's would do that instead of kids now acting as if everybody owes them something.
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Dec 06
When my kids act up in a store we walk out. There have been times that I ahve left my cart and just left with them. If I am getting something necessary than I pay and go immediately. My oldest is 6 and he thought for awhile that tears would get him what he wants but now he knows that all it is going to earn him is a quick trip home and a timeout.
2 people like this
@all_n_one (2005)
• United States
2 Dec 06
That is the best way to do it let them know at a young age that there little fits and crying won't get them there way. I see some kids telling thee parents to shut up and calling them stupid all the parent says is please stop. One they start enabling behavior like that it continues and doesn't stop.
1 person likes this
@nhtpscd (1418)
• Australia
16 Dec 06
I have done the same as Cortlynn Paid fot the urgent and walked out but started when mine were three. If they threw a hissy it would be 1 warning or back to the car. Only had to do it a few times. Now hissy's any more or can I I want etc. Just be consistant
@jediwa72 (204)
• United States
1 Dec 06
i have to admit to the occasional bribe but it is usually if i am leaving them at their grandmas while i go out to dinner. my kids are pretty good. they do what kids should be doing...they love playing in the back yard! i think that it really depends on how severe the kids are acting. i think a temper tantrum on the floor deserves nothing more than some serious repremanding....forget the game....but also, forget getting to play the playstation for a few days as well. i don't see anything wrong with living with mom though. granted i think if you are old enough to have a job and are able then you should have a job.
2 people like this
@lucy02 (5017)
• United States
1 Dec 06
I agree with you. Every year they have to have something bigger and better. I think when they are older they never feel satisfied or fulfilled because they don't know what's really important. Most of these toys they will get bored with in a week or so.
• United States
1 Dec 06
I think so.Parents are trying and getting "easier" on their kids and as a result the children too are being spoiled.
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Dec 06
I personally live in a very family-oriented home. Even though most of my siblings have moved out and graduated from college, they come back home at least 3 or 4 times a week. In regards to gifts, we have always received what we asked for for holidays but have also learned to give back presents to others. So basically, allow the kids to have some of the things they want, but teach them to give to others as well.
• Pakistan
2 Dec 06
Put it upam only 20 but i have a daughter so i know both sides of it. I see all the time now kids throwing fits in a store or something and instead of the parent saying you'll get punished they say i won't get you the new playstation game. My mom use to do that from time to time herself but now i think it is outta control. The kids are worse then ever young teenage pregnancy is higher then ever but kids get more the ever now. I can see you wanting to give your child more then what you had but there should be a limit. People go to college now and graduate and go back home to live with mom and don't even get a job anymore most of the time. It might just be me and over reacting to this subject but what do you think about it?am only 20 but i have a daughter so i know both sides of it. I see all the time now kids throwing fits in a store or something and instead of the parent saying you'll get punished they say i won't get you the new playstation game. My mom use to do that from time to time herself but now i think it is outta control. The kids are worse then ever young teenage pregnancy is higher then ever but kids get more the ever now. I can see you wanting to give your child more then what you had but there should be a limit. People go to college now and graduate and go back home to live with mom and don't even get a job anymore most of the time. It might just be me and over reacting to this subject but what do you think about it?am only 20 but i have a daughter so i know both sides of it. I see all the time now kids throwing fits in a store or something and instead of the parent saying you'll get punished they say i won't get you the new playstation game. My mom use to do that from time to time herself but now i think it is outta control. The kids are worse then ever young teenage pregnancy is higher then ever but kids get more the ever now. I can see you wanting to give your child more then what you had but there should be a limit. People go to college now and graduate and go back home to live with mom and don't even get a job anymore most of the time. It might just be me and over reacting to this subject but what do you think about it?am only 20 but i have a daughter so i know both sides of it. I see all the time now kids throwing fits in a store or something and instead of the parent saying you'll get punished they say i won't get you the new playstation game. My mom use to do that from time to time herself but now i think it is outta control. The kids are worse then ever young teenage pregnancy is higher then ever but kids get more the ever now. I can see you wanting to give your child more then what you had but there should be a limit. People go to college now and graduate and go back home to live with mom and don't even get a job anymore most of the time. It might just be me and over reacting to this subject but what do you think about it?am only 20 but i have a daughter so i know both sides of it. I see all the time now kids throwing fits in a store or something and instead of the parent saying you'll get punished they say i won't get you the new playstation game. My mom use to do that from time to time herself but now i think it is outta control. The kids are worse then ever young teenage pregnancy is higher then ever but kids get more the ever now. I can see you wanting to give your child more then what you had but there should be a limit. People go to college now and graduate and go back home to live with mom and don't even get a job anymore most of the time. It might just be me and over reacting to this subject but what do you think about it?am only 20 but i have a daughter so i know both sides of it. I see all the time now kids throwing fits in a store or something and instead of the parent saying you'll get punished they say i won't get you the new playstation game. My mom use to do that from time to time herself but now i think it is outta control. The kids are worse then ever young teenage pregnancy is higher then ever but kids get more the ever now. I can see you wanting to give your child more then what you had but there should be a limit. People go to college now and graduate and go back home to live with mom and don't even get a job anymore most of the time. It might just be me and over reacting to this subject but what do you think about it?am only 20 but i have a daughter so i know both sides of it. I see all the time now kids throwing fits in a store or something and instead of the parent saying you'll get punished they say i won't get you the new playstation game. My mom use to do that from time to time herself but now i think it is outta control. The kids are worse then ever young teenage pregnancy is higher then ever but kids get more the ever now. I can see you wanting to give your child more then what you had but there should be a limit. People go to college now and graduate and go back home to live with mom and don't even get a job anymore most of the time. It might just be me and over reacting to this subject but what do you think about it?am only 20 but i have a daughter so i know both sides of it. I see all the time now kids throwing fits in a store or something and instead of the parent saying you'll get punished they say i won't get you the new playstation game. My mom use to do that from time to time herself but now i think it is outta control. The kids are worse then ever young teenage pregnancy is higher then ever but kids get more the ever now. I can see you wanting to give your child more then what you had but there should be a limit. People go to college now and graduate and go back home to live with mom and don't even get a job anymore most of the time. It might just be me and over reacting to this subject but what do you think about it?am only 20 but i have a daughter so i know both sides of it. I see all the time now kids throwing fits in a store or something and instead of the parent saying you'll get punished they say i won't get you the new playstation game. My mom use to do that from time to time herself but now i think it is outta control. The kids are worse then ever young teenage pregnancy is higher then ever but kids get more the ever now. I can see you wanting to give your child more then what you had but there should be a limit. People go to college now and graduate and go back home to live with mom and don't even get a job anymore most of the time. It might just be me and over reacting to this subject but what do you think about it?am only 20 but i have a daughter so i know both sides of it. I see all the time now kids throwing fits in a store or something and instead of the parent saying you'll get punished they say i won't get you the new playstation game. My mom use to do that from time to time herself but now i think it is outta control. The kids are worse then ever young teenage pregnancy is higher then ever but kids get more the ever now. I can see you wanting to give your child more then what you had but there should be a limit. People go to college now and graduate and go back home to live with mom and don't even get a job anymore most of the time. It might just be me and over reacting to this subject but what do you think about it?am only 20 but i have a daughter so i know both sides of it. I see all the time now kids throwing fits in a store or something and instead of the parent saying you'll get punished they say i won't get you the new playstation game. My mom use to do that from time to time herself but now i think it is outta control. The kids are worse then ever young teenage pregnancy is higher then ever but kids get more the ever now. I can see you wanting to give your child more then what you had but there should be a limit. People go to college now and graduate and go back home to live with mom and don't even get a job anymore most of the time. It might just be me and over reacting to this subject but what do you think about it?am only 20 but i have a daughter so i know both sides of it. I see all the time now kids throwing fits in a store or something and instead of the parent saying you'll get punished they say i won't get you the new playstation game. My mom use to do that from time to time herself but now i think it is outta control. The kids are worse then ever young teenage pregnancy is higher then ever but kids get more the ever now. I can see you wanting to give your child more then what you had but there should be a limit. People go to college now and graduate and go back home to live with mom and don't even get a job anymore most of the time. It might just be me and over reacting to this subject but what do you think about it?am only 20 but i have a daughter so i know both sides of it. I see all the time now kids throwing fits in a store or something and instead of the parent saying you'll get punished they say i won't get you the new playstation game. My mom use to do that from time to time herself but now i think it is outta control. The kids are worse then ever young teenage pregnancy is higher then ever but kids get more the ever now. I can see you wanting to give your child more then what you had but there should be a limit. People go to college now and graduate and go back home to live with mom and don't even get a job anymore most of the time. It might just be me and over reacting to this subject but what do you think about it?am only 20 but i have a daughter so i know both sides of it. I see all the time now kids throwing fits in a store or something and instead of the parent saying you'll get punished they say i won't get you the new playstation game. My mom use to do that from time to time herself but now i think it is outta control. The kids are worse then ever young teenage pregnancy is higher then ever but kids get more the ever now. I can see you wanting to give your child more then what you had but there should be a limit. People go to college now and graduate and go back home to live with mom and don't even get
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Dec 06
Nice job just repeating the topic over and over again.
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Dec 06
I understand way too well. As a mother of a nine and twelve year old. My oldest always wants something when we go to the store. I just keep telling him, you don't get something everytime we go to the store. Sometimes he just keeps asking and I just keep telling him NO. I have seen some parents that just don't seem to know how to tell their child NO...
@LovingIt (5398)
• United States
2 Dec 06
I think that's where a lot of the problem is. There are way too many parents that don't know how to say the word "no".
• Pakistan
1 Dec 06
I dont think so.
1 person likes this
@all_n_one (2005)
• United States
1 Dec 06
This is a discussion you can at least be a little more responsive then that if not in this then in other ones. It still seems like some people must be missed the alert or just don't care.
1 person likes this
• India
2 Dec 06
i dont agree with tht .Parents are always kind to children in any condition they try to keep their child happy ... but as kids nature ... parents give them a penny so they ask for a dollar hehe ...
1 person likes this
@khysnews (743)
• Indonesia
2 Dec 06
I'm not sure
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Dec 06
I just think kids are more spoiled. Like, parents feel guilty for not being with them more and shipping them off to day care and the like. I think that parents need to realize that kids need boundaries and what they need and what they want are two whole different things. Happiness can be given in different ways besides material things, like hugs, time spent with them, and even a simple 'no'.
1 person likes this
@rainbow (6763)
2 Dec 06
You're so right, our kids hold us over a barrel because we are afraid of what other people think. I think bribery has become a big part of childcare but at what expense of their attitudes in later life I wonder? I put things back and will not allow them a present to stop screaming. I will also make them choose the gift they want most. I have had some very strange looks, like I'm being cruel. We will leave the shop if I feel we need to. At home I have a reflection rug and a chill out chair and have taken toys away if they cause problems e.g. fighting. I find it hard to not give them what they want but may not always be able to give them everything so they need to learn by waiting for or earning things they want. The things they need are there for them as much as we can anyway. I try never to bribe my boys to be good.
• United States
2 Dec 06
I have seen that. I have probably said stuff like that to my kids but the sad part is I probably never intended on buying them whatever it was in the first place. I do like to get my kids things. I love to give gifts. Whenever I am shopping I tend to pick up mini M&M tubes to give them when I get home. The one thing I have never done is give into them when they have cried at the store for something. And now they are 6, 5 and 4 and they almost never ask for stuff at the store and if they do they give up after asking a few times. I am thankful for that. I remember being at K-mart at the end of Sept (I remember because I was looking for a birthday present for my son). I was near the toys and on the other side of the shelves there was this kid screaming at the top of his lungs that he wanted a toy. I mean as loud as he could. You could hear it every where in the store. It went on for 10 minutes and I was getting a headache. I was ready to go over and tell the parents to keep their kid quiet. In the end they bought the kid whatever it was he wanted just so he would be quiet. Actually first he threw another tantrum because the thing his mom picked out wasn't what he wanted. He wanted something that was about $15. This kid was about 5 or 6 years old. It made me so glad that my kids don't pull stuff like that.
1 person likes this
@amorous (11)
• Pakistan
2 Dec 06
YES
1 person likes this
@triece (111)
• United States
2 Dec 06
personally, when my kids throw a fit in good ol' walmart, i throw one with um'. i'm a young mom too (21) so i still have enough kid in me to embarrass myself beyond recognition. my kids are still too young to get a full dose of "mommy is making a scene hide in the clothes before my friends see" but they get a sense of "throw a fit, it's not effecting me either way." recently they've been doing it a lot less...it only seems to happen when daddy is around..hmm
1 person likes this
• India
2 Dec 06
i didnt get it wat u said
1 person likes this
@abijey (10)
• India
2 Dec 06
yamjhofglj3rbf
1 person likes this
@Meljep (1668)
• United States
2 Dec 06
You are absolutely right. And the "me" mentality continues to the next generation. Kids need their parents, even up until the teen years. Parents are so afraid to set limits for fear they might be seen as an abusive parent. This has caused the kids to be out of control because kids crave boundaries and thrive when they have them.
@Aali311 (6127)
• United States
2 Dec 06
Yes I see it happening also, I'm twenty three and my oldest son is almost three, he gets punished by taking away his toys and park playdates and etc, he's never given gifts for being good, and gifts are not taken away when he's bad, he on'y gets gifts about twice a year. Unlike my nine year old step son he doesn't get a new toy or video game every month or so. He'll get something new for his birthday or if someone outside the home buys him something, I can't stand the way people are raising their children and the materialistic standards they are setting, it's very wrong.
1 person likes this