should i ever forgive my mum?

December 2, 2006 7:00pm CST
i dont want to go into complete detail but here goes. 7 years ago my mum and my fiance ran off together on the same day i find out im pregnant. when i was 6 months pregnat i had a stillborn baby girl, and neither my mum or the father came to the funeral. four years later i find my mum and found out she has now married him. i took her to the jeremy kyle show (most stupidist thing i have ever done) and begged her to leave him i even said its me or him! and she chose him!!! its been a year now since i last spoke to her and i miss her like mad but i cant stand him being around. He has completly ruined her life she has no friend, no money and no life. the last time i saw her she looked a wreck as she is working all the ours god sends, while he sits on his 27 year old ar*e. what can i do i want my mum back!
17 people like this
176 responses
@caramello (4382)
• Australia
3 Dec 06
missy this is a very sad story, and I don't think what anyone says to you is going to ease your pain. As for forgiving your Mum, I cannot say to or not, as my Mother walked out when I was 3 and I never forgave her! Maybe one day your Mother will realise what is important to her, and you may get her back! In the meantime maybe live your life the way you want it, and just see what happens.
3 people like this
@krish000 (246)
• India
3 Dec 06
i agree with u.
1 person likes this
@Tatsuya (1150)
• United States
3 Dec 06
Being a mother myself, I can't understand how a woman could just leave her kids. I spend all my time with my babies and couldn't live without them.
3 people like this
• United States
3 Dec 06
very true. just wait till your mother see's the light :)
1 person likes this
@farocop44 (449)
• Canada
3 Dec 06
If your mom doesnt say she has realized what a bad mistake she made then I pity her. First of all you should be happy that she ran away with him thus preventing him from ruining your life. Now you are safe from his uselessness and your mother is the one who saved you even unintentionally. I think this is grounds for forgiveness. Now I suggest you need to be a bit more deceitful if you want him out of her life. A direct confrontation with her got you no where last time. Try reconnecting with her and listening to what she has to say. Dont judge or complain, just listen, betcha you will hear some info you can use to plan an escape for her. But one that she needs to decide for herself and not believe you are pushing her. Again, time for some deceipt.
1 person likes this
3 Dec 06
i see what your saying and have tried this, for ages i carried on like i was ok with everything and he was telling me his secrets (how he chats up girls online he was even saying he had fallen in love with a 15 year old girl in canada!!!) i went to a pub with him one night and before we got ther, he pulled over and told me his friends thought he had split up with my mum, well half way trough the night my mum rang and i had had enough, so i told her evrything i knew and she still stayed with him!
• Canada
4 Dec 06
Well since you have an intimately clear idea what kind of loser your mother is stuck with I would wonder why your mother would want to be with a guy like this? Was your father of a similar nature? Or did she have boyfriends after your father that treated her badly? Clearly she has no self respect and thinks very lowly of herself believing she doesnt deserve a decent man, and is probably very scared to be alone so she would prefer a bad guy rather than no guy. Again, its time for you to do some planning on how to get rid of loser boy and free your mother, I stress, without her believing you are the one doing the planning. The ONLY way she will ditch him is if she feels she made the decision. Perhaps some video of him cheating, audio of him hitting on other women, anything that doesnt show him in a good light and he cant deny. But also it would be best if any info that was put together came from someone else, your mother will consider someone else as an objective person with little to gain, YOU she may believe have your own agenda.
1 person likes this
4 Dec 06
i know what you mean i do feel people think im like this because he is my ex, and maybe partly it is i know i would be happy if it was anybody else. And your right my dad did treat her bad, in fact she never met anybody else till my ex.
• United States
3 Dec 06
Unfortunately she has given you up. She will have to change her ways before she is ever mature to be there for you. I am a mother myself and would never choose anyone over my babies. When you talk with her does she acknowledge you? You carried her granaby and she still didn't help you through a time of need? Has she ever apologized for that?
1 person likes this
3 Dec 06
she tried to say sorry but the words never came from he mouth, and when we was still talking all i saw was a cold woman.
1 person likes this
• Ireland
3 Dec 06
Maybe she was to cold to say sorry, try giving her a jacket or a sweater
• United States
3 Dec 06
I'm sorry I really don't know how to help. I have a good relationship with my mom. She and my dad have been together for a long time. I do hope you can work things out with her. Have you told her how it makes you feel having her husband around??
1 person likes this
3 Dec 06
i have done but she just says that she has lost both her parents and she need someone in her life and my responce to that is i need someone too!
@easy123 (1486)
• India
3 Dec 06
oh so bed
1 person likes this
4 Dec 06
i think you ment bad!
@lucy02 (5017)
• United States
3 Dec 06
That is so sad. I think you have to forgive her but I know its not easy. If you don't forgive her though it will eat away at you more. She's bound to realize that's she has messed up bad by now but is probably too proud to admit it. I don't know what you can do. You can't force her to change. Did you get any kind of counseling to deal with this? I don't think I could deal with this on my own. You must be a very strong young lady.
1 person likes this
4 Dec 06
yes i did have counseling for a while but it didnt really help.
• Canada
3 Dec 06
this is a very sad story that happened and im sorry that is has happened to you. but im gonna let you knoe one thing a mother is the most important thing that a girl can have. i think you just might have to deal with the fact that she married a 27 year old lazy jerk. you want your mother in you life then it may be the only way to do it
1 person likes this
3 Dec 06
believe me i have tried but everytime i see him all i see is my little girl! it just hurts too much.
@mkirby624 (1599)
• United States
3 Dec 06
Really it's up to you. She chose him over her own daughter though. I hate to say it, but she's not much of a mom.
1 person likes this
3 Dec 06
i hate to say it too but i agree!
• United States
3 Dec 06
You need to get your mom alone and talk to her.
1 person likes this
3 Dec 06
i wish i could but he is always there. its like there glued together.
@sarah22 (3981)
• United States
4 Dec 06
If it was me that this happened too, i would never forgive her. She hurt you in ways that cannot be explained of a mother. Your time of need and the lose of her grand child. She is only looking out for herself and i would move on. you have alot to give and must be a very nice person to want to forgive her in the first place. I think let her be and in time things ight heal themselfs and she will come and ask for forgiveness. dont put your self out there to get hurt more if she is not willing to meet you half way. move on, and i wish you all the best...
@gknott (938)
• United States
4 Dec 06
I don't understand how any woman could do this to her daughter. You can forgive her because she is a very sick woman. I would not associate with her though, which is sad, but she sounds like she has not sense about her at all. Please go to counselor for yourself. Do things with your life that you love and move forward. Help other unfortunate children and get all the love you need from them, that would be a reward for you in heaven. God Bless YOU with all my heart.
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Dec 06
First of all, I am so sorry that is terrible of your mother. Also, can you forgive your mother? Do you still hold it against her? She chose him over you her daughter, and she took him away from you. I would not forgive my mother, but you still love her and miss her. Talk to her, see how you feel and take it from there. Best of luck.
1 person likes this
@michele609 (1687)
• United States
4 Dec 06
I am so sorry to hear this. Forgving someone is very hard to do, You mom put you through hell. It is your mothers loss because now on judgement day when she needs to face GOD with this he will punsih her, its up to you to forgive but sweetheart let me tell you GOD never forget and it his his place to judge them. What goes around comes around believe that! I hope you can move on with your like and overcome this, there is m ore to life then any man, and if your mother picks him over you, then thats her lost!
1 person likes this
• India
4 Dec 06
really bad...this was not expected n your mom should not hav behaved the way she did and your bf was equally at fault and which simply means he is not the one for you ..u shoud be thankful you show the true nature of your lover....so go on and find your true lover and things will improve .....in the mean while forget all these and ive life 24X7
1 person likes this
• India
4 Dec 06
What i think that was the mistake done by her wat ever be the case may be..but nw if she feel sorry for wat she hs done thn u can also forgive her and meet her and try to be like wat u was before tht thng happen
1 person likes this
@sammy1128 (241)
• China
4 Dec 06
since she has given you up,you need not miss her again.as a mother she should regret all her life for her mistake.
1 person likes this
@paulnet (748)
• India
4 Dec 06
don't do anything forget about the past and you should start your life fresh. Take lessons from your past and experiences and start your new life. But its upto you whatever you choose, Choose it wisely by taking pro and cons.
@caraj444 (1080)
• Canada
4 Dec 06
as for your original question "should i forgive my mum" it sounds like you already have or else you wouldnt be saying you want her back. In your shoes i wouldnt be able to forgive, im sorry but she doesnt love or miss you as much as you do her or she wouldnt have done what she did to her daughter and yes its harsh but its the way it looks to an outsider. It sounds like you should move on from your life or your always going to be held back in your own life because your waiting for someone who left you for a man who was your fiance and when you were going through something tragic she didnt show up to support you, that is not love. Hopefully you can move on and find people who are in your life to love an support you the way you deserve to be loved and supported, even though she is your biological mother she is obviously not your mom in the way you want her to be and it doesnt sound like she ever will be. She chooses to work and let him do nothing and you have no obligation to continue trying to worry about her she doesnt deserve it. Hope you find your happiness. take care
@Justme2007 (1848)
• United States
3 Dec 06
try to forgive and forget he is not worth your time but your mom is try to send her pics or letters try to explain to her how you feel maybe that will help you and her. I hope it does will be praying for ya'll
@pdp5419 (43)
• United States
3 Dec 06
Dear Missy24 Yes, you should forgive your mom, not just for her sake but mainly for yours. Hate and unforgiveness just robs us of our own joy and we are stuck. You have lost a lot don't loose you ability to have peace and know joy. It is not easy, I know from personal experience, but I also know we don't really begin to move on until we forgive our parents or anyone who has hurt us. Emotional scars take a long time to heal, but it doesn't even start until we forgive. And I want you to know the same joy that forgiving my father brought to me. pdp5419