Life with my father.

@patgalca (14309)
Orangeville, Ontario
December 2, 2006 8:33pm CST
My father passed away suddenly this past February. As Christmas approaches I am becoming more sad. My father was the only person who understood me, never judged me, never criticized me, always supported me. He was my best friend. I know it's very hard on my mother after being together for 66 years since they were teenagers so I cannot show her my suffering. I cried in church today because of talk of Christmas. I can hear my father voice. I can hear things he said. As we were leaving church one of my fellow parishioners comforted me and told me to listen to my father's voice. Talk to him. I just want him back. He was not expected to die. My mother found him dead on the floor of his den, an aspirin on the floor by his mouth. He had a massive stroke. We are grateful he didn't suffer through recovery from a stroke, but still wish he was here. My brother died suddenly two years earlier of a massive heart attack at 56. I hadn't seen him in 8 years. Those were the two greatest men I ever met and they have both been stripped from my life. I am so sad. A month before my father died at my writing group I responded to the prompt "Because of You" with a poem to my father. He never saw the poem but it was on display at his funeral, and he was buried with it. He was very proud of me, so I've been told. These are the first two close deaths I have ever had to deal with and they are hitting me hard. How do you cope?
17 people like this
123 responses
• United States
3 Dec 06
My condolences to you. Losing a loved one is extremely difficult. Your ability to write your feelings is a way of letting it out. Please continue with your writing. Remember that you are not alone. Others have suffered loss of a loved one. Having lost your father so recently, you are still grieving. It takes a while. I lost my best friend 2 years ago. We would talk for hours and never grew tired of each others company. I still talk to her. I will always miss her. Talk to your father. Keep your fond memories of him, they are the greatest gift he gave you. Remember, it takes time to heal. What I always tell people is that it is harder for the living to go on. Huggers and strength to you. : )
• United States
3 Dec 06
You can still talk to him. If you are getting razzed for it, do it in a place of solitude. That will bring you closer to your father. It will be your time alone with him.
1 person likes this
• Turkey
3 Dec 06
i know too bad for you.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Dec 06
I lost my father a year ago in November and I know how you feel. I lost my Mom 12 years ago. It is very very very hard to describe the feelings of loosing someone because when I lost my Mom I grieved so hard and sometimes I return to that place. You will always remember your Dad and you should. He is in your heart even though he is not here with you...He really is! But right now you must comfort your Mom (Bless Her). She must be devastated after 66 years and she needs you so much. She lost not only her son but now her husband. Stay close to her and love her as you did your Dad. I truly wish my parents were here with me too, but remember - you still have your Mom. Through your grief, I will pray for you and your family. How do you cope? Pray for the living!!!
• United States
3 Dec 06
I am so very sorry about your losses, losing someone is the most difficult thing to cope with. Losing someone that you love very much is extremely difficult and not an easy thing for anyone. I think that when you are feeling sad and depressed the best thing to do is remember the great times you had together and all the great things that you were taught and learned from the both of them. It's okay to cry, but when you cry you should remember that you had great times together and although you won't have new ones you still have great memories to remember them by.
2 people like this
@epizzahut (2080)
• China
4 Dec 06
My father passed away last month on oct.29th.I feel something had gone away from my body.I am not sure what it is,but I just feel pain,very pain...the pain is from my heart.I know you can understand the feeling,I miss him,he don't come back,never....come back,my dear dad....he has gone...
@patgalca (14309)
• Orangeville, Ontario
4 Dec 06
Yes, I definitely feel that pain. I just wish he would come back. By the way, my birthday is October 30th. I had a harder time on my birthday than I did on his birthday (November 2nd). My condolences to you. I know your pain is still very fresh.
@StarBright (2799)
• United States
4 Dec 06
My heart goes out to you. I can only imagine how hard this is for you. I lost my mother several years ago. It was my first loss that really hit me smack between the eyes, so to speak. I was devastated. With the deaths of two close family members so soon, this must be doubly hard. No one can tell you how to grieve or for how long. I will tell you, each of us responds differently. You will have to find what works best for you. If you find that the road gets too rocky and you absolutely cannot cope, then counseling is an option. You may find those firsts that occur following your loss will be the hardest – the first Christmas, the first birthday, the first holiday of any kind, in fact the first time you grab the phone to call him to share something and realize he’s not there to answer. If you can, use your gift as a writer to help you get through this. Your father and brother sound like wonderful people. Write down all the things you remember about them. You must have some great stories to share about them. Get your mother involved. Capture your parents’ story from your Mother. Sixty-six years of life will yield quite a story. Talking to you about their life together may help her grieving also. Are there any children or other family members to pass these stories on to? In time, when you remember your father and brother, you will be able to smile and remember the good times you had rather than the grief you feel now over the loss. It takes time. Be patient with yourself.
1 person likes this
@shooie (4989)
• United States
3 Dec 06
I sit here with tears in my eyes after reading your story. I know how you feel because Dec. 1999 my Mother passed away and so when the holidays draw near the loneliness and longing for her to be near sometimes is very depressing. It will get better in time...But you never stop missing them especially when and if they played a special part in your life. In our hearts they live on. Make a Christmas tree ornament with his picture on and one with your brothers and put it on the tree every christmas...is what my sister and I did after my mom passed away. hugs and my prayers are with you
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Dec 06
I cannot tell you that I know what grief you are going through. I can tell you that your mother needs to know how you feel. Likewise in her case also. After all is said and done you have each other to lean on and cry with. I do know if you keep your emotions far from her you will not mend your heart. You will never be alone as long as your family is in your heart!! If your father was the man and friend you say he was I am sure he would not want you to grieve for him. He would want you to be happy for he is comforted in glory. I believe you still hear him because you are holding on to what you have lost and not making each day the best it could possibly be for you and those around you. Do not get me wrong,... it is totally natural to grieve and it will take time to heal, but sometimes when you don't let go you end up keeping the ones who have passed from truly resting. Ask yourself what you think he would say to you if he were here and it had been someone else lost... Just remember you are never given more than you surmount. Your experience and wisdom may someday change the life of another. Peace be upon you and all around you, and strength be your rock.
• Saint Lucia
3 Dec 06
losing a loved one is pretty devastating but loosing two of them would really make life difficult. i know that going through life this way is pretty difficult but u must keep your head up. trying doing something good to someone who is in the same position as you. this would help you greatly. i have nothing more to say but every thing happens for a reason and you should give your life to god. good luck in the future
1 person likes this
@blakky (137)
• Australia
3 Dec 06
nothing i can say will ease your pain but i do feel for you and have been in your position. the only thing i have found helps with the passing of time is to let myself talk about the person and to remember them with all the love and affection i still feel. the sadness is still there but i choose not to forget them and talking about them helps to remember how great they really were and know that i will see them again one day and we will laugh together again. take care
1 person likes this
@krankies (811)
• United States
3 Dec 06
I am so sorry for your lose. We have just lost my husband's mom in October. This will be our first christmas without her. It's ok to be sad, I do beleive you should speak to him. It will comfort you, even if you do not get a response you may see a sign. The other day something woke me up, i notice my husband was not in bed and there seemed to be a reflection at the top of my bedroom wall. it look like there was a fire somewhere in the house and that was a reflection of the flames. I got up thinking the ceiling fan my husband had installed was on fire, but in was not. So i continued to check my son's room as he wakes up many times and usally climbs in bed with us or my husband or I will lay in his room till he falls back asleep. There wy husband awake looking as if something terrible had happen, I ask what is wrong he said "I just had a dream about my mom and my sister". They where looking for me and couldn't find me. I told him about the light in our room that I had mistaken for a refection of fire. What do you think? I beleive my husband needed his family at that moment and they came to comfort him. So talk outload as much as you like.
@Ambur25 (1007)
• United States
3 Dec 06
I sincerely shared your sadness in this post. The only real way to cope is to know they are truly in a better place now. Your father and brother both sounded like amazing men, and know that they will be rewarded for their works here on Earth. I pray for you and your family. God Bless. =)
@leedug (921)
• United States
3 Dec 06
First of all, I truly believe that your father DID see your poem. You may not be able to see him physically, but he is there. My father passed away last September so I know exactly what you are going through. What has helped me is that I 100% know and believe that my dad is still there and now probably more close than he was when his physical body was alive. If you pay close attention you learn to notice the littlest of things when he has popped by to see you. Just because you can't see him doesn't mean that he has left you; he will never leave you. Last, my condolences about your loss. Although you will never forget, things will get a bit better over time.
1 person likes this
@shana123 (2096)
• India
3 Dec 06
dont worry patgalca.., TRUST JESUS.. i can understand ur feelings coz i too luv ma dad.Im really moved by ur writting.LOVE JESUS n praise Him. ur brothr n dad wil b safe under GOD'S care,i feel dat they went to GODS place n praying 4u in heaven to GOD.don worry ur dad still luvs u!he z wit u alwys... ill also pray 4u sweety! i knw how hard z to b departed 4m beloved ones,GOD will have a reason 4 evrything:-)
@lilmissy (481)
• United States
3 Dec 06
its always hard around the holidays , i am sorry you los your father and brother ,i hopre you find some joy in the coming holiday season
@viswaa (36)
• United States
3 Dec 06
patglaca, I am sorry to hear that....( dont want to hurt u more) I love my father.. till today we are like friends . Now I am away from my home.So I am not able to share frequently.But if I get a chance to talk, we are the best friends to share. be happy make your parents happy..
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Dec 06
RIP - Rest in peace
I am so very sorry about your losses, losing someone is the most difficult thing to cope with. Losing someone that you love very much is extremely difficult and not an easy thing for anyone. I think that when you are feeling sad and depressed the best thing to do is remember the great times you had together and all the great things that you were taught and learned from the both of them. It's okay to cry, but when you cry you should remember that you had great times together and although you won't have new ones you still have great memories to remember them by.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Dec 06
I am so very sorry about your losses, losing someone is the most difficult thing to cope with. Losing someone that you love very much is extremely difficult and not an easy thing for anyone. I think that when you are feeling sad and depressed the best thing to do is remember the great times you had together and all the great things that you were taught and learned from the both of them. It's okay to cry, but when you cry you should remember that you had great times together and although you won't have new ones you still have great memories to remember them by.
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48717)
• United Kingdom
3 Dec 06
I know this is not a lot of comfort but as time passes it will get easier please believe me And something you should remember your Dad and Brother have not left you they are with you all the time watching over you You can not see them but they are there and yes I agree listen to your Dads Voice as that is him letting you know he is around and that he wants you to carry on making him proud I hope this helps a little bit and you are in my thoughts with your Pain
1 person likes this
@ru88en (2997)
• Philippines
3 Dec 06
Time is your friend here. According to the books I read about this topic, people naturally cope this tragic event within 1 to 2 years. Give your self a time. You will soon recover. God bless you.
1 person likes this
• Indonesia
3 Dec 06
I enjoy live with my father
1 person likes this