Moral Dilema

@chunkers (1050)
United States
December 3, 2006 4:22pm CST
If you knew someone who was/is/always will cheat on his/her spouse would you tell the other? In this scenario, you are good friends with both, the husband and wife. You see each other every day, go on outings with them, and share almost everything. But, you KNOW that one of them is cheating on the other with various individuals on a daily basis. What would you do?
7 people like this
30 responses
@mfrancq (1809)
• United States
15 Dec 06
Been there, done that! I responded to your discussion about men being liars, cheats, and told you the story on that so I won't go through it again. However, you better believe I would tell, and I did. I look at it this way, I don't want to walk around looking like a fool if my husband is cheating on me. I would want to be told. So why in the world, if I want that respect from my friends, would I not do the same for them? I lost a lot of friends for that, but I don't care. They said it wasn't my business, and it probally wasn't...but he deserved to know the truth.
3 people like this
@Asylum (48282)
• Manchester, England
14 Dec 06
This is always a dangerous position to be in, and despite the desire to enlighten your friend of the situation I would be rather reluctant to get involved. If suspicion arises and your friend has reason to open the subject, then you would be well advised to answer honestly. However, volunteering the information could easily make you very unpopular with both parties.
3 people like this
@lonewolfnan (4367)
• Canada
3 Dec 06
IF one of them asked,I would tell them the truth.I would not be friends though with the one doing the cheating.To me,that person would ba an aquaintence more than a friend(and a friend would not put you in that position)
2 people like this
@chunkers (1050)
• United States
3 Dec 06
Ya, that's the same way I feel. I can't look at the "cheater" the same way I once could prior to this knowledge. Thanks for responding.
2 people like this
• United States
24 Dec 06
I agree with this, I would tell the truth if I was asked. I would be upset if my friend but me in this situation.
• United States
20 Jan 07
I couldn't agree more with ya. It's plain out disgusting to me. I'd stop hanging out with them.. and when the one who's unaware asked why, I'd flat out tell them. I wouldn't associate myself with someone like that.
@mamashane (1140)
• United States
23 Dec 06
I couldn't not tell my friend they were being cheated on. I would also talk to the cheater though and let that person know that I was going to rat on them. I would encourage the cheater to speak to the other person first. If someone is being cheated on then they have every right to know, no matter who the information comes from.
• United States
16 Dec 06
Well this has happened to me..and it sucked..I love them both very much..but everytime I saw him..I would get literally sick to my stomach,and i couldnt handle it anymore..so i went to him and said, Look..you either tell her or I will..I love you..but i love her too..and its killing me and i dont think its fair to be expected to keep this from her..and you need to be honest anyways..please..tell her!!!...soo after a week..i gave him..i called and talked to him..and he told her..thank god i didnt want that responsibility to tell u the truth!! and they broke up..which was for the better anyways,,,
@GardenGerty (97947)
• United States
1 Jan 07
Ann Landers used to say that the only reason people do not know their partners are cheating is because they choose not to. I think the general consensus of advice professionals right now is to not tell because then you break down the polite lie that the victim is fooling themselves with. That being said, I might come right out and tell them. I might threaten the cheater that they needed to tell or I will. I might set up a way for them to find out anonymously. that is a really tough question. I might try sometime to bring up the subject as a general discussion while we are all out socially and try to get a feeling for how the situation is perceived morally. This is a really tough question.
@reinydawn (11649)
• United States
31 Dec 06
I was the spouse left at home while my husband ran around. This went on for most of my marriage. I always thought it was happening but never had proof. I finaly got tired of it and divorced him. After the divorce SO MANY of my "friends" told me about how they saw him out with these other women all the time. Yeah, real friends they were. With friends like that who need enemies? Well, I let him have those friends in the divorce - I kept the loyal ones. If it was me, I would tell. I would also tell the cheater that I'm telling. You are going to make one or both angry, and you will lose at least one friend in the deal. But, me, I don't know that I'd want a cheater as a friend. Good Luck!
• China
24 Dec 06
i wolu never forgive her or hin but forgiving is the great thing in this world
1 person likes this
@linepau1 (188)
• Canada
23 Dec 06
Having been on the cheated on side I'd say I'd tell the one being cheated on. My friends didn't tell me until it was made into a big deal and they just wanted to get him into trouble. I could never do that to someone else. I'd confront him or her first about them cheating on their spouse though. They deserve that much.
1 person likes this
@rebeka (364)
• Romania
23 Dec 06
no... cheating will always come to surface
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Dec 06
Definitely NOT! Take this from someone who has gone through it. I had a friend that her husband was a dog. I saw him coming out of a bar with his girlfriend of the hour, hugging, kissing and falling all over each other. When I told her she told me I was a liar and was just trying to cause trouble. End reality was, she knew already and chose to ignore it. My telling her didn't allow her the option to ignore it and that made her angry. If there's cheating going on, chances are the other person has their suspicions and even knows it but isn't ready to face it. No matter if they told you at one time they'd definitely want to know... truth is they don't want to know until they're ready to face the fiddler.
1 person likes this
@srtodd (119)
• United States
23 Dec 06
yes i would tell might hurt them but if was me i would want to know
1 person likes this
@marciascott (25555)
• United States
23 Dec 06
If I couldn't stand the person, Yes I would tell him or her. If she ,or he was close to me I would have to think about it. I would give hints.
1 person likes this
@djbtol (5498)
• United States
23 Dec 06
Yes, it would necessary to blow the whistle on the offending party, especially if you know the offended party. Wrong is wrong and the sooner light is exposed on it, the better for everyone.
@patgalca (14301)
• Orangeville, Ontario
13 Dec 06
I've actually been in this kind of a situation. I caught a co-worker in the arms of another co-worker. I was told that they had HAD an affair but it was over and that he was just consoling her about something. Whatever. Problem is, I was friends with his wife as well. His wife actually phoned me one day, hysterical. She knew there was something wrong. I felt stuck in the middle because I did not want to betray my co-worker's confidence. He was my friend and supervisor. However, I am also a woman and I wouldn't like being cheated on. So what did I do? I had her guess. I asked her what she thought and then I just agreed with her. She took it from there. I didn't get in trouble from my co-worker. If I remember correctly, he was relieved it was out in the open (after all, the affair was over). They got through it. Since I left the company I never kept in contact with my friends there. Those friends no longer work there either. It would be nice to be in contact. I sure hope they are still together. He just didn't seem like the type of guy to cheat so I was surprised. The girl he cheated with? She continued to have relationships with various co-workers (most of them not married). Cheating is definitely not a case of "What they don't know won't hurt them." They need to be told. They will be the last to find out and will foolish for having been duped. Tell them.
1 person likes this
@malsun (1528)
• United States
13 Dec 06
I will tell the one being cheated about the other. I will tell him/her my reasons for believing so and ask him/her to find out more.
1 person likes this
• Netherlands
12 Dec 06
No I would not tell. Sure I would look at the one cheating a bit differently but it all depends on the entire situation. If the person is just out cheating all time because they can then if I knew for sure, and knew where the person was meating up with these people I would arrange to meet the other somewhere near the meeting place so they can see it themselves. If you tell, the victim of the situation may get mad at you. They may make up with their other half and then you will be the bad guy.
1 person likes this
@kiiizu (1901)
• Estonia
10 Dec 06
I would ask the cheater, why he/she is doing so, and suggest him/her to stop. Perhaps I would even threat to tell... But I guess, he/she would not believe me because I never mix myself in other people's life, because I hate it when someone does it with mine. I wouldn't know, what to say, if I'd been asked about... It seems to me, there is a danger also. It couldn't be healthy, when the cheater is cheating "with various individuals on a daily basis"? What about diseases?
@findcutegj (1466)
• India
8 Dec 06
I think i will tell the other partner without delay in such a situation. But i will confirm whats the matter before doing so! This may sound strange, but that's the way i would try to solve this. In life, one thing is certain. No truth can be hidden forever life. Hence, before the situation gets worse going forward, if the other would come to know, its better to tell them beforehand. Thanks.
1 person likes this
• India
21 Jan 07
at Moral Dilema is always we should have to take good desission..........