When a friend uses you.

@silkkat (231)
Canada
December 3, 2006 7:05pm CST
I have a friend that only calls when she needs something yet never answers the phone if I try calling her. She then asks if I don't like her. I don't want to be rude and say that I don't. The other problem is my husband is her husbands best friend so there are certain commitments I need to show up for. What would you do in this situation?
3 people like this
22 responses
@Aexcomp (121)
• Romania
4 Dec 06
When a frien uses you try to use him back and then ignore him untill he/she discovers that what he/she is doing is not good.
2 people like this
• Indonesia
4 Dec 06
I agree. Try to ignore if she calls you to make them realise if she wanted to be appresiate, please appresiate others.
@Darkwing (21588)
4 Dec 06
Friends - Two girls, best friends, walking with their arms about each other.
Well, do you like this friend? If you do, and you really want the friendship to work out, regardless of the friendship between your husband and hers, then it's perhaps best to be open about your feelings. Tell her that you don't mind helping her out, but friendship is a two-way thing, and if she doesn't make an effort to respond to your calls, then the friendship isn't going to last. Make your point and see what her reaction is. I'm sure you can sort things out between you and mutually agree that sharing, honesty and trust are three of the most important things in a friendship or relationship. As for your husband, he should understand that just because he's the other husband's friend, doesn't necessarily mean that a friendship between you two girls will work. Make him aware of your efforts to calm stormy waters but if this doesn't work with your friend, it never will. I'm sure he will support you in your efforts. Good luck... I hope this helps you some.:-)
@silkkat (231)
• Canada
4 Dec 06
I did enjoy her company but I got tired of it. I'm very picky on who is and isn't a friend, my husband says too picky. He does totally understand. I just believe that I want to be treated the way I treat my friends and I will do anything for a friend.
1 person likes this
@JoyfulOne (6242)
• United States
4 Dec 06
It's no fun when somebody who proclaims to be a friend treats you like that. I don't think you have a 'picky' attitude at all. Maybe this would work... The next time she calls, be friendly, but have it in your mind that you have something else that you should be doing. ie: "Gee, I'd love to talk some more but I've got to run, or I was just on my way out the door... (to the post office, the store, or whatever.)" Or if you have caller ID, just don't answer the phone yourself the next few times when you see it's her number. I've had a couple of friends who were like that over the years, it's not worth it to ever drop yourself to their level because of the husbands being friends and all, but you do have to be true to yourself and your own sake of sanity. If she asks you to do something for her, let her explain it all to you, then cheerfully, and sincerely, say: "gee, I'd love to but I'm sorry I can't help you out this time." If she presses you why, just say you have prior commitments you have to tend to. You don't have to be a doormat for her just because she expects you to be, imho. You're a nice lady, she should treat you better if she expects to be considered a friend. Good luck with however you decide to handle it!
• United States
4 Dec 06
IF IT WAS ME I WOULD OF JUST CAME OUT AND TOLD HER THE TRUTH THEY ONLY TIME I'M YOUR FRIEND IS WHEN YOUR NEED OF SOMETHING FRIENDS SHOULD BE JUST MORE THEN THIS. TALK OVER WITH YOUR HUSBAND AND HEAR WHAT HE HAS TO SAY ON THE WHOLE SITUATION.
1 person likes this
@sierdij (853)
• Philippines
4 Dec 06
If you can't tell her it straight what you're feeling for her then it is much better to tell your husband bout what is happening and about the situation. Explain to him what you wanna tell his best friend. For me, he can better approach the girl because he is the best friend, he knew how to tell her without offending her what you want to say.
@caramello (4382)
• Australia
4 Dec 06
It is a hard situation when your husband is involved in the relationship as well through his friend, just be yourself and treat her how you would like to, a friendship is a two-way thing!
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Dec 06
You might consider this in a different way? Maybe she doesn't answer the phone because of bill collectors? They can be very cruel and obnocious people.
@qquser (56)
• China
4 Dec 06
yea,i agree with him. try to take she as your good friend,u also can ask her why she didn't answer,maybe there is some misunderstanding between you.
@littoe (41)
• United States
4 Dec 06
lol
• United States
4 Dec 06
You have to say to her what you really feel about her, selfish people are not to be tolerated
@paul8675 (750)
• Australia
4 Dec 06
If a friend uses you, then they are not a true friend.
• India
4 Dec 06
really??? then how could you call her as your friend..... never try for her..... just give it back to her.....
@khysnews (743)
• Indonesia
4 Dec 06
I'm not sure ...
• United States
4 Dec 06
You need to be rude if it comes down to it or at least tell her that you think she is being a fair weather friend. The longer you keep it bottled up the more it is going to upset you and you don't want to just go off on her one day over something stupid because you are finally fed up with dealing with her using you. Friendship works both ways and if she wants you to be there for her she needs to be there for you because you deserve a friend that is better than that.
@rikpallav (1242)
• India
4 Dec 06
I would advice to test your friend by seeking a help from him and if she help you out with the issue then do not feel that you have been used... she may be like that... and if she does not.... then try to keep your hands in safe distance from her...she might get you trouble
@tanujarneja (2834)
• India
4 Dec 06
stop entertaining her phone calls
@valmiki9 (1171)
• India
4 Dec 06
you tell her the truth that she never answers your calls. You tell the same to your husband and ask him to call her when you want to speak to her (if he is present at home). Slowly he will come round and understand and would not mind if you dont talk to her.
• United States
4 Dec 06
i would show up for the commitments but other than that we couldnt be friends especially when i am being used by someone i thought was my friend
@nooreldin (471)
• Kuwait
4 Dec 06
friends - friendship
this is not friendship, its only an obligation, and your husband must know that,being a close friend of her husband's doesn't make you the same! you can deal with her in a compromised manner,I mean you don't have to take her as a friend,just nice responses and acceptance to obligations when you get together as families..and in the mean time you can try to show her your point, maybe she's really keen about your friendship but can't see the problem!
• Singapore
4 Dec 06
hmm...if i'm in your position, i will try to help only when i can, but it seems as if she's taking you for granted ..and i dont really like friends like that. help if you want to help, dont help because you feel obligated to help!
@Meljep (1668)
• United States
4 Dec 06
A diplomatic approach will have to be used in this situation. Some people don't understand that being a friend is more than just calling when you need something.