Need Advice on long term relationship

India
December 4, 2006 8:40am CST
I have been dating this girl for the past 7 years and we were about to get married. I went out of town of 3 months, during this time she met some new friends who showed her life in a different perspective. Now my girlfriend has changed completely, and wants to call it off, but i still really like her. My question is do i let her go and do her own thing, or fight for her ? Its really tough to give up someone that you have spent 7 years of your life.
8 people like this
65 responses
@ausnikki (4055)
• Brisbane, Australia
4 Dec 06
Really liking someone is a bit different to loving someone.I really don't know what advise to give you.On one hand it is a long term relationship and if you love her then you should try to make it work.On the other hand if she is saying she wants to call it off you need to respect her wishes and let her go and do what she feels she needs to do.You may find that after doing her own thing for a while she might decide it is you she wants.If not then I'm sorry but you will have to let her go.
• United States
5 Dec 06
I definitely agree!! I was dating my husband fr 5 years before we got married, and before we got married he was in bootcamp for 9 months, when i saw him and he saw me it felt like we had met again for the first time!! but when we kissed it was the most invigorating experience, we were still in love like the first time!! you should never marry if you have any doubt.... love and like are completely different!! sometimes people grow apart, especially when they're maturing, ask her what she thinks about the relationship!! Sometimes we even people mistake comfort for love, don't fear new expeiences!!
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
5 Dec 06
I totally agree with aussienikki and I think you should take the good advise There is a big difference between liking and loving
• India
5 Dec 06
FEMALES! BAH! u cant live wit em, cant live witout em... hey ive been in ur kinda situation....not as many as 7 yrs, but long eoungh ;) newas...put urself in her shoes...wat wud u have done, if, sum friends of urs came around n opened up a whole new world to you...?? its only human to want more..but then to err is human rite! ;) so give it some time.. but first decide for urself, whether u really want this 100%.. use ur head, and follow ur heart.. try bein wat you used to be wen u guys jus met...she fell for u then, n if the last seven years were netin to go by, thers a good chance she'll fall for u all over again! ur jus gonna havta WIN her back ya..but dont rush it.. that way ur givin urself a chance to find out if her hearts' jus astray, or totally off the track. all the best!
• United Arab Emirates
5 Dec 06
Look buddy, first of all. remember this, when you make a girl feel that you are in NEED of her, you will lose her. Need will kill the attraction. You need to make her like you again. what has happened here is that she has just gotten into a new company and things are different over there, probably, more exciting. Now once people see a change, they wanna go for it because it looks much better. When she was with you she probably had the same old pattern again and again and maybe, she got fed up of it and needed a change. make her DIG you. she must feel that SHE wants YOU. Not that YOU want or need HER. Ofcourse its been 7 years but now to bring her back, you must fight, but in a different way. She might even date someone else, but then you have to tolerate that for some time. Things will work out, if they don't, or she goes away too quick, then you better let her go or she will create problems after the two of you are married.
@gentolet (150)
• Indonesia
5 Dec 06
Never give up,please.I'm sure both of you can led it together. Right now,let her do like her wants.Perhaps,she need the time to think all alone.Take the good time to discuss with her, but please don't touch conversation about your conversation.Take a joke discussion.But please don't put serious discussion. If you want to meet her,please try to take a few time to see her condition and just to know what her do(her activity) without you on her side.Just to be her friend. Please be patient to be a man.I'm sure you are the best for her. I know my advise is less than other.But I hope it can help you. To keep is more difficult than build a long term relationship
1 person likes this
@pendragon (3352)
• United States
4 Dec 06
Whst exactly did they show her, that didnt involve you in the picture? Could this be a case of seven year itch? Which I have found to be an actual reality, and not theory.
1 person likes this
@tanujarneja (2833)
• India
4 Dec 06
Let her go right now.....if she realises her mistake she would come back to you. It is well sais in love.....If you love someone let it go.......If it comes back to you its yours if it doesnt it never was
1 person likes this
@Ynefz0r (834)
• Finland
5 Dec 06
I think what she did is just totally stupid. I wouldn't want to be with someone that makes me so much pain just out from the blue. I think you should at least try to do your own thing and forget about her.
@BrendaA (365)
• United States
5 Dec 06
You have ivested alot of time and feelings and I am sorry for your problem. I am ending a 6 year relationship even though I love him very much. He just cant commit and his mother is very controling. Sometimes you just need to cut your loses and leave. If you are meant to be together it will happen.
@katskie (128)
• Philippines
5 Dec 06
If you love someone.. set her free.. when she comes back then your meant to be.. 7 years is no guarantee that love never fades. what took you guys so long to realize its about time to settle down??? you have no choice but to let go. take it positively because maybe she really didnt love you the way you have loved her. i know it hurts but its useless getting married and end it up for divorced later. you need a woman who will stand by you all through your life. you dont need someone who change ones mind that easily. look over the past... and learn from it. treasure the moments u had together but move on!!!this is part of growing and be the right person for the right partner.
• India
5 Dec 06
ask her what she wants....n try to show her ur carieng ur love.
@mfrancq (1808)
• United States
5 Dec 06
Been there, done this! I was with "the guy of my dreams" for several years and thought that nothing would ever go wrong between us. He was just to "perfect". you know? We went to the same church, hung out with the same people. Then one day out of no where, he decides to change churches, hang out with new friends. And where did that leave me?? No where in his life that was for sure. He dropped me faster then I had time to realize what happened. I'm all about fighting for what you want, I'm very stubborn and get what I want. However, a very wise person once told me a little something that I am going to share with you, and anyone else reading. What they said is, "Love is always worth fighting for, but if you have to fight for it is it worth it?" The point is, do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone knowing that they really don't want to be there? You have to let her figure it out on her own. If she leaves she will have time to sort things out in her head. This way she can realize how much she really does care for you and come back, or she can realize there's something else she wants. I know it is scary, but that is just the way it is. If you don't let go now, it will come to bite you in the butt later...like it did me. You know what? It took me four years to get over that guy. He was my first love...however, I met my husband five years after that and I am happier then I ever could have been with the first. Life has a funny way of working out better then what you plan.
@Ravenladyj (22937)
• United States
5 Dec 06
7 years is a long time to be with someone but if she has had this change of heart it really is time to re-evaluate your situation in my opinion....maybe takign a break from each other so yu can sort out what you each want is the best route to go....I definately wouldnt advise fighting her on it though, if (IF) she really wants to call it off permanently then fightin her on it could drive her away for good which I'm sure you dont want....
@Lindalinda (4112)
• Canada
5 Dec 06
You got many different answers. From your description you still like her. Liking is not good enough for a permanent relationsship. I have the feeling your relationship with this person has run its course. It is time to move on . Do not persue it any further even though it it is tough right now. If you do not let go and plan to get married to this person surely you will head for a life of mutual misery or to the divorce court at a later date. See this as an opportunity to meet new and exiting people.
@binodkari (174)
• India
5 Dec 06
Tell her that you are going to live with her till the end . the Silly friends are not going to help her till the end. Do not let her go. You have spent seven years with her. tell her to compare the seven years and the three months.
@alchemistrx (2569)
• Philippines
5 Dec 06
Fight for the one who love and not the one you like. It's up to you if you want to let her go. Have you affirm your love for her? The girl could be thinking that maybe your just friends.
@loveboy (671)
• India
5 Dec 06
the 5 yearsget married but friend long ago
• United States
5 Dec 06
i don't think that she really loves you.. in just 3 months of being away? you should move on and let her go.. it's a good thing that you knew her real attitude in times like this.
@Sukhmeen (396)
• India
5 Dec 06
Actually i may not say it but i think ur girl friend is not mature enough to be ur life partner its better u let her go think of a situation if after u marry her she gets a same type of feeling would u be in position to let her go tell me if yes then only u think of fighting for her and if anybody can chage her then im sorry to say she may cheat u in future
@emiflor (10)
• Philippines
5 Dec 06
yes you should let her go and find some other girls dont fight for her because if you do that you make yourself pity set her free.
@emiflor (10)
• Philippines
5 Dec 06
yes you should let her go and find some other girls dont fight for her because if you do that you make yourself pity set her free.
• India
5 Dec 06
well i personally prefer arrange marriage or don't like the affairs. sorry but i do.