Is physical contact important in your marriage?

December 6, 2006 2:37pm CST
I been try to decide: when you are married for a few years and your partner RARELY touches you, give a “nice” kiss or he(she) looking for dates just once a month or every 2 months, sometimes goes for 3 months… even if you tried the best you can do and marriage counsels by church to change this situation, but he(she) still has problems to get close to you, even when both go for bed and doesn’t have no touch and talk at all (hugs or kiss good night, or anything that make you feel special) What to do? After a while whatever feelings you had for that person were already gone...do you get a divorce or do you try to keep the marriage just for the kids?
21 people like this
217 responses
@Jshean20 (14373)
• Canada
6 Dec 06
Physical contact would be important in a marriage I think, especially if it's something that one partner is craving from the other. I presume that when you were dating you were intimate with eachother? Well things aren't really supposed to changed drastically when you get married, they are supposed to get better. I would suggest maybe getting marriage counseling before jumping into a divorce.
3 people like this
6 Dec 06
My beautiful Santa Claus - My son having a great time been a Santa in 2004!
Thanks for your concern, but we really did already this couseling marriage for almost a year, but things looks like doesn't change. We also talked about this many times, but I think I lost my expectations and even love or passion doesn't exist anymore in my side. He still loves me but in his way; that for me doesn't work. I just got the point that one day I'll find somebody and he’ll be my partner, lover and best friend!
3 people like this
6 Dec 06
Sorry... the picture went by mistake...
2 people like this
• United States
7 Dec 06
I think you should talk first before anything. If that doesnt work sometimes you just have to move on. Now in some cases if the two people can be civil towards each other maybe they can work it out where they seperate but maybe still live in the same house for the sake of the child, but if that is not possible then i would say go ahead and get a divorce. I dont believe people should just stay together "just for the kids".
2 people like this
@jzcb87 (1801)
• United States
6 Dec 06
I think it's important. With any close relationship humans communicate alot more physically, then if they were say, some stranger on the street. And without physical contact from someone close, that person may feel shut out or ignored. So yea, I think it's important.
2 people like this
• United States
7 Dec 06
I am in the same situation you are. I think that physical contact is important in a marriage. There is none at my house. My wife just does not want to do anything and makes up many excuses for not even wanteing to kiss. I think you should try and stay in the marriage for the kids but I know it will be hard. Thats what I am doing
• Netherlands
7 Dec 06
Do you think your kids are happy with this situation? Don't they 'know' something is wrong. There must be tensions in the house which can be picked up by kids easily. Are they acting the same way as before or are they more difficult to handle? This is no healthy situation for any of you. Take care!
1 person likes this
7 Dec 06
How long are you in this situation? I'm already in this for about 3 years just because my son 4y old loves him! My son came from other father (we didn't married and he rejected my baby in the time). I know what is working hard, because I grow up in the big family and I know what is a loveble family... It's very frustating for me been that I don't have the same thing that my parents and my 3 brothes and sisters! Believe me I try greetings, be a sexy girl, dinner out and in the house just for us,walk together and the more important I tried many times to talk about this with him. But I believe also that God works different in each life, because that go and do wherever you can to restorer your marriage! Thanks to share!
@3m1l1a (262)
• Indonesia
7 Dec 06
of course this is important, give him at least a kiss good night when going to sleep, or just hug him once a day.
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Dec 06
I think you shuld try something different with your man. Like dance for him, cook his favorite meal, or put love notes in his pockets. He married you for a reason don't give up.
@Krysha (48)
• United States
7 Dec 06
I'd have to say not to give up either. You married for a reason. Have you tried being the instagater? (sp?) Go to him- ask for a hug every day - start the hug every day - kiss hime every day - send him little notes - email him - call him at work just to hear his voice. Because your married doesn't meant the (courtship) ends. Divorce shuoldn't be an option.
1 person likes this
@dienutza (450)
• Romania
7 Dec 06
you should try to talk to your husband..and see what's the problem..probably that will help you a lot..without any concerns and fears...probably he's passing throught a hard time and has a lot of worries..or has a problem to solve without scarring you too..but probably he doesn't cares for you as he cared when you got married...i'm not supposing to tell you this thing not to make you feel sad..i'm sorry for that..but i think this can be a problem too...and about the children...don't worry..follow your heart..
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Dec 06
This is a great subject.... I am married with 3 kids. I have been with hubby for 11 years and married for 7 of them.... I am 28 yrs old... YES! YES! YES! YES! Physical contact isn't everything in a marriage but it is an important part. We have gone through cycles where there isn't alot of contact. But, it has been just a phase and not for that long of a period. Physical contact is the one way to really show your love. I always tell my hubby, " I Love You" but, those words never seem to say how I truly feel.. My love for him is deeper than those words.. So physical contact is the one way to show the other how much they mean to you and how deep your love is for them.... Me personally... Staying married for the kids is not a good thing.. The problems are never going to change and the kids will always feel the tension.. As the saying goes.. If mama ain't happy ain't nobody happy is sooo true... Your kids can learn from your household that they can marry a spouse and feel unloved and unwanted.... and that its okay and its not... Everyone deserves be loved the way they want and need to be... I hope all goes well for you and your family....
@vimal9 (214)
• India
7 Dec 06
yes i think physical contact is the best medicine to make humans close.. they feel very haappy if we hug or kiss them.. the touch makes our nerves shake a while.
1 person likes this
• India
7 Dec 06
i prefer you stay with marriage life since you have to take care of your childrens and you always have more chances to make physical contacts but i prefer you gotta make your spouse understand your feeling in such a way that he/she never repeats the same again . Prefer to talk freely knw wats the problem and for every problem there would be a solution search for it and there you GO !!!!!!!! You will feel the happiness after that (like hugs or kiss good night, or anything that make you feel special )..
• Netherlands
7 Dec 06
It's no good situation if there isn't even talking anymore. I understand church counsels didn't help. That's a bad thing. However, I don't think it's good to stay together for the kids: they feel something's wrong (they really do!) and that's not good for them. It's not that I'm saying to give up quickly, but if you've tried all the best and it didn't work at all, then you have to decide what to do. What's best for your kids? Stay together with them feeling something's wrong or get a divorce and hope things get better for the kids. I think that's a very tough decision and wish you all the best.
• United States
7 Dec 06
yes
1 person likes this
• India
7 Dec 06
physical contact is one part of life is just 10% of life,if the life partner feels its life then its not good for life
1 person likes this
• India
7 Dec 06
i think it is imp and at the same time, it is not. thats because the issue of physical contact depend on the comfort level of the spouses. the amount of understanding and trust also matters. sometimes people fall in love ( or they think they do an the basis of a strong infatuation as seen in the movies ) and get married but then when they have to stay together, reality dawns and if they are not prepared to face real life, they go into their shells and become distant, the very things that they once found attractive in their spouse, now irritates them to no end. it should be a conscious effort from both the partners. kids help in binding the family together. they came into this world because you brought them and its now your duty to nourish them. dont stay together hiding behind the pretence of "doing it for the kids" the kids too want you to be happy and sometimes when things dotn work out well, they suffer more than what you can ever imagine. so the decisions differs from situation to situation. love is a very beautiful thing and its great to discover the new aspects of love.
1 person likes this
@rsrait (567)
• India
7 Dec 06
Physical contact is importand in marriage but we take things for granted and forget our duties we have to proform ,usual other things take over marriage .
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Dec 06
though I am not experienced but I think you should talk to your partner & make him feel that how concerned you are about this....and try to understand his situation as well....the problem may seem to be big but the solution can be very simple...give your partner quality time....and start the discussion....
1 person likes this
• Serbia And Montenegro
7 Dec 06
I'm not in marriage, but for me physical contact is one of the most important things. Why? Because I just want to show that I care for her, and that I love her.
1 person likes this
@j27366 (294)
• Philippines
7 Dec 06
physical contact is very important in marriage because it is a better way how much you love and care for each other. try to talk to your hubby about it. both of you should be open to each other in all matters. find out also if he is already cheating on you. usually the reason why a husband is so unattached is because he is already seeing someone else. but don't tell him yet your suspicions. investigate first. if you can hire a detective, do it. if it turns out positive, i guess that's the answer. tell him then about what you found out. both of you should decide on this. if you tried everything to win him back and still nothing happens, then maybe it's time to get a divorce - even if you have kids.
1 person likes this
@bhaby14 (17)
• Philippines
7 Dec 06
if you are not happy anymore try to move on....Acceptance is a way to find the way...
1 person likes this
• India
7 Dec 06
Yes, I think physical contact is an important factor in marriage. It's just another way of expressing your love towards your spouse. but, mark my words for that, it must be remembered that physical contact is just an important feature and not the only feature in marriage.
@ankeeet (23)
• India
7 Dec 06
NOT REALLY!!!! FEELINGS MATTERS ACCORING TO ME
1 person likes this