Children who are abused..do you think they will be abusers?

United States
December 6, 2006 3:03pm CST
Tell me your opinion please..Do you think children who are abused will grow up to abuse their children..if they should marry and have children? Do you think it is possible for someone who has been abused to become something in this world of ours? Help me form some opinions here on child abuse ..short term ..long term effects.thanks Joy
4 people like this
19 responses
• United States
6 Dec 06
I was abused sexually (my first real memory actually) & verbally till I moved out, & physically by 3 family members till I moved out. My son has never been abused. I do yell at him, & he has gotten spanked on his butt cheeks, but I have never called him what I was called, or touched him improperly, or hit him with anything than an open hand on his bottom. You don't HAVE to pass it on, you have to be strong enough to end it. I decided early that I was not going to do what was done to me to anyone. & I never have.
• United States
6 Dec 06
I dont think abused children abuse if they use all the resources at their disposal to better themselves...I know by experience we choose our actions and reactions..we dont have to become that which we dislike.. Many say if you suffer in childhood then the pattern will be passed on..I dont agree with that either.+
2 people like this
• Philippines
7 Dec 06
it is most likely to happen, especially if the crime is left unresolved. The victim has to make ammends, it is a must, to himself/herself and to person who abused him/her. the victim has to go through conselling to remedy the pain and the trauma; for that person to pick up the shattered pieces and put them together again. I guess that would only be the time for that person to really move and become a better person. an unresolved issue or case for that matter will remain a person's baggage and liability in the future.
@koushika (693)
• India
7 Dec 06
well, i think it depends upon the duration and impact that the incidents have on the child's mind...if he suffers a major psychological trauma due to that, and continues to live in the same house hold, then it is always possible that the never forgets what he suffered, he carries the grudge, and worse, he will not have the chance to know that its wrong to abuse a person... so for him to forget everything and know what's right and what's wrong, and also to avoid doing the same mistake which someone has done to him, well, psychological counselling should be given on long term basis, he should live seperate from the earlier household, he also should be allowed to see the world as much as he can, to have healthy relations, and to encourage him to have a good lifestyle, and good habits...these all social factors will help him grow normally, and by the time he grows up, he ll have forgotten everything, except that what he suffered is a bad thing and he shouldn't repeat it in his life ever again...
2 people like this
@msqtech (15226)
• United States
7 Dec 06
I agree and it is possible that they would reject abuse but clinicians tell us the opposite is the usual
@happygal68 (3277)
• United States
7 Dec 06
Yes I do think they can break the chain, and become something great in our world. They may need counseling or taught how to properly treat ppl, but it can be done. I have a friend whose husband grew up in an abusive household, but once he got out of that house he was able to see how wrong it was. He has never ever laid a hand on her or the kids and when his tempers flares up, he locks himself in a room all alone to calm down. So I know they can overcome it and turn out to be a great non-abusive person.
2 people like this
• United States
9 Dec 06
I agree with you ..the chain can be broken..and if they are trained from a tender age..they can learn right from wrong..I know there is good in all..sometimes it takes along time to find it..because of the all the scars that are surfacing.
@Jshean20 (14367)
• Canada
7 Dec 06
While I don't think it's a certainty that the child will end up like his abused parent, I do think that there is a high likelyhood that it will somehow rub off on him/her when they have children (maybe not as severe). This comes naturally without us not even noticing sometimes, we act out and see things according to how we were raised.
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Dec 06
That's a terrible thought to know that one is doomed to a terrible life if one has been abused. I wonder how many children are wounded or abused in this world of ours..there is so many different types of abuse.
@kgwat70 (13396)
• United States
7 Dec 06
In some cases it has been proven or shown that some children do become abusers later on in life but hopefully that will not happen. I do think it is possible for them to grow and not become abusive to their spouse or children but probably need some kind of counseling to help them recover from the abuse that they have received. Yes, I think they can get married and have kids.
• United States
9 Dec 06
Pray for all the wounded children in our world..pray for them and their families..I know from my experience with my niece there are serious side effects from being neglected or abused..They become cold to love or any type of suggestions.
@emeraldisle (13145)
• United States
7 Dec 06
Is it guarenteed they will abuse? No it's not. I think adult children of abuse can be more likely to abuse their children but not neccessarily that they will. Coming from an abusive home as I did I have seen things I hated about my parents come out in me but I have learned to walk away when that is happening. I fight with myself to make sure I don't do what my parents did. It is not easy but some days are better then others.
1 person likes this
• India
7 Dec 06
they can be!
@blanksolid (1632)
• Spain
7 Dec 06
i think that is posible because they has been abused before
1 person likes this
• India
9 Dec 06
I feel that children who are abused have wounds that will never heal. Psychological studies have shown, sadly, that some people try to lessen the wonds of their past by hurting others in a similar way. The majority, though, would not repeat this because they know the pain of being abused. There are no short-term effects for abused victims. The wounds that rip the soul, and the shadows that flit across the mind last a lifetime. The emotional scars can never be healed. However, people can move above their past and make their mark in the world. I know of many beautiful people who have. They can marry and have kids and live quite a normal life - but it all depends on how much they wany to move on and succeed.
• United States
7 Dec 06
I think abused children are more likely to grow up being abusers but it doesn't HAVE to be that way. I've seen and know of those who have broken the cycle.
• India
7 Dec 06
children are easy to handle once they fix anything on their mind they can't change it
• United States
7 Dec 06
Like everything else in life, people respond differently to this type of situation. One person might grow up to become an abuser while another will not. Some people use being abused as a child as an excuse to abuse others themselves. We can all make choices for ourselves and just because a child was abused doesn't mean that the child can't grow up to become a great parent or have a good marriage.
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
7 Dec 06
Yes it is proven that they do but not all the time Most take the attitude well it did not harm me and this is all I know where others will think I will never do this to my Kids so yes it is likely with most
• United States
7 Dec 06
I was mentally and physically abused until I was 16 years old and moved out of the home. I have 2 beautiful children and do not and will not ever spank them. They are my gifts from God, that are to be cherished. None of my siblings spank their children either luckily we all broke the cycle. I personally went to parenting classes while I was pregnant with my first child so I would know how to be a parent. I learned nothing from the parenting skills of my parents. I make mistakes, Lord knows all parents do but none of those mistakes have been spanking them.
• India
7 Dec 06
i think there is a 50-50 chance for what u have said.Some kids might develop such attitude and in future might do the same..But some other kids might become coward.
@emarie (5451)
• United States
7 Dec 06
i think it depends...on the abuse itself and how the child handles it. most of the time if the child is repeatedly abused from a young age where they think this is the norm and didn't get any help for it...then there's a big possibility. but if a child seeks proper help and learns that nothing they did was wrong and the other person did do something wrong, then most likley they would be the ones learning from the mistakes and would be able to break the cycle of abuse.
@beckyomg1 (6758)
• United States
7 Dec 06
I think that i can be changed and that the cycle can be broken, sometimes though it is hard. It takes alot of time and patience to change. you know what i mean.
@shyam4uall (1003)
• India
7 Dec 06
Yes I also think its not mandatory that a child who have been abused will also abuse his child..It depends on the way they have been brought up after the incidents..it they have been provided with love and affection then I think they will break it all that incidents and will be a bad past dream for them...And there will of cousre look forward with of sign of hope....
@msqtech (15226)
• United States
7 Dec 06
I think it is proven that many grow up to repeat what was done to them