My 20 year old daughter hates me.

Unfortunately it sounds like your ex did a lot of harm to your relationship with your daughter. I first want to commend you on working so hard in school to make things better for yourself. Not many people can pull themselves to do so well in school in a bad situtation. WELL DONE I don't know if your daughter will come around.. I hope so... but I never understood things as well .. even when I was in my 20's. It took many years to get the realationship that my mom and I have.. I was really rebalious when I was a kid.. running away.. sneaking out... I had my own ajenda. I know that you are hurt and I am sorry for that... I hope that in the coming years that you and your daughter can mend the relationship. Don't give up on her... have a nice long talk with her to see exactly why she feels the way she does.. then express to her how you feel. Let her know just how much you love her and hurt you are feeling. I wish you the best.

immature girl she doesnt hate you just be patient and work things out as best you can

I don't know what advise to give you, but I can give you my praise for your acheivement. Being homless is something that can be difficult to overcome. YOU DID IT!!! I don't know for sure, but I bet your daughter will come around. Best wishes.

She's an adult now, and she's going to have to work out her issues on her own. If I had to guess, I'd say she feels(whether she realizes it or not)resentful and maybe feels that you abandoned her. Add to that all the crap her father fed her over the years, and she won't realize or see that he took her, onlyl that you weren't there. You can try talking to her, and tell her all that happened and be honest. It'll take some time, she'll piece everything together that went on and figure it out. I'm 34, and I'm constantly remembering stuff from when I was younger, and realizing all the crap my mother fed to me about my father(it's been going on since I've been old enough to know better). Just gonna take some time, and lots of communication on both your parts. GOod luck!!

Wow im alomst too speechless right now to tell you how to go about changing this situation. All i can say is that it seems that you have fought out of bad situations before so I would imagine you have the strength to make right of this bad sitaution that you are faced with right now.

I have to say that you sound like you have done well for yourself getting yourself through college and back on your feet. Congrats! I also have to say that your daughter is going to have to deal with her own issues. I know that you love her and want a good relationship with her, but right now she is so full of the crap her father has told her and most likely feels some anger toward you (not that you are to blame) for not being with you all those years. You will have to let her come to terms with that and let her know that you are open to communicating with her but that you won't push her. Life is too short for her to waist it with hard feelings toward you and hopefully she will realize that.

Hi there Birthlady! It has taken you such courage to get to where you are today. I can't believe you would end up homeless even though you had disabilities, couldn't social security help you? Anyway, i think its just the age of your daughter. At that age they think they know everything and they don't realise what they say does hurt the parents. Just give her time, she will come around. Hope all you have recovered from all your injuries now. Take care!

First of all, I must congratulate you for the survivor you are. You have been one of the best mothers ever. But from what you have written about you ex, I don't have a very good opinion about him. I'm totally numbed by his indifference to you when you were injured dibilitatingly. As for your daughter, I think her mind has been poisoned against you by the unscrupulousness of your ex-husband.( Sorry if I hurt your feelings! ) You have done all you can for your daughter, it's high time somebody talked some sense into her ( But she wouldn't realise the pain that you are undergoing until the day something similar happens with her... I pray to god that such a day never come in the life of anybody ). I'm with you in this hour of betrayal, insensitiveness, and what not! I'm really sorry if I've touched an irritating nerve anywhere in the post. I hope that you are reunited with your daughter. Good day to you, bye. Regards.

hy.. first i want to tell you that im 22 and im from romania...i want to be your friend,i like to have new friends and i like to talk to ppl more mature and big than me as age. you have a really really sad sroty here.i dont like sad storyes,they make me think more to the future of my life. i want to ask you something. i understand that your husband took your daughter whit him in florida.but i dont understand why she went whit him?whit dident she remain whit you?is your husband telling her bad things about you so she can hate you and dont wana come and stay whit you?why is she talking whit you like that?why dont you just talk to her and tell her that if her father is telling her bad things about you,there are all lies and make her not to bellive him. but..maby she is to lill to understand this things,or maby the power of her father that he has for her is to big so then she is not lisening to you anymore and she dosent want to stay whit you becouse of him.but what can he do to her that she is staying whit him?is he rich ore something that she is staying whit him?is he buying her all she needs and take her in all thhe places she wants so this is the reason she is staying whit him?or..maby who know..she is loveing him more than she loves you. i dont know...in your story you havent sad to much thinks and you havent gived to much detalies so i can understand exactly the situation. i think that you should bring her home whit you in a way,and try to talk to her and ask her to tell you the reason that she dosent want to stay whit you and why is she talking whit you like that.in the first place you are the one that gived birth to her not she to you.so she could just thank you to giving her birth. she is really not acting in the right way.you have to talk to her from a mother to daughter...she has to understand that your her mother.she can not do to you such a thing... holp i helped you whit something...

First thing, i truthfully respect you for striving to get back into normal life from all kinds of difficulties. You are a great mum too, by raising up all your children. I know, your daughter case would be your only concern now. I don't know how bad the relationship with her right now. But i think the most important thing is to let her know what actually happened last time. Besides, you could try ways to get better understanding of her, to ease the improvement of your relationship with more understanding. Get her friends help to understand her more is one of the way (without her knowledge if can). Knowing what she likes to do, what to eat would be easier for you to get closer to ther. Besides, she is still young, and won't understand the difficulties that you had experienced before, or may be she was brain washed by her father. You mentioned about her hating you, you can try to understand why she hates you in more detail before taking further action. Hope this help & good luck :)

hi,am very sorry to hear all of these.i've hated my mother before coz of the foolish things she had done fr the past.but i have soon realized how frail every human is.i think hate is associated w/ love.u cant hate someone u havent loved deeply.that's what i think.i pray that she will soon realize how wrong for her to hate u. i dont consider 20 a matured age either.juz keep on praying & never lose hope =)

tell your daughter how sorry you are, that she suffered. tell her you love her and that you understand her anger. (because she does have reason to be angry whether she should be or not) tell her your forgive her for being angry with you. tell her you love her and hopefully she'll come around. you don't have to say you were wrong just say that your sorry she had a difficult time without her mother. good luck as well with this situation

I can hear your hurt. You are a mother and your life has not been easy. I am a mom to and my son and I suffered a long emotional seperation. Although we were also many miles apart I will say that the hardship both you and your daughter suffered was very severe. After all of your perseverence, suffering and determination to succeed I really want you to know that you did not deserve any of it. Unfortunately these things come to our lives and it seems all we can do is survive. But the good thing is that you have learned much, have great stamina both physically and mentally. If we can clear throught the emotional ashes that have piled onto you, maybe we can begin to figure this out. If you have a spiritual belief at all and even if you don't the first thing you should probably do is to give all your feelings to God. Give your problems to the supreme being who has been with you this far. I am not a religious fanatic. So if you have no firm basis in a faith let me put it this way as another way to do the same thing. Put your hurt aside and know that your daughter loves you. I can assure you unequivicably that this is true. No one hates anyone unless they love them. You must only fear indifference from you daughter. In this way you can give up the hurt feelings which you will replace with strategies and ideas of how to proceed. For some reasons, most of which you have written about, your child has accumulated her own feelings of hurt. We all create scripts in our mind that have nothing to do with reality. You cannot change her. But you can work on yourself, wait for her to come to you. It doesn't matter how things got this way. Don't blame her father or the situation. Start from today and continue to offer your daughter your love, understanding, and sympathy for the life she must have had without her mom nearby. She is at an age where she is evolving and can choose to be happy and give herself the things she feels she was cheated out of in her childhood. She can decide to be happy and have a relationship with you. I am sure she will want that especially if you show her understanding and can express it verbally. Remember she didn't deserve any of this either but it doesn't matter who was at fault so spend no time looking for the reasons why it came about. Just try to move forward. All my best to you. You will be in my thoughts.

As already said by others, the best thing to do first is wait. Give her time to think. Eventually, she will realize what she's doing to you and approach you by herself. But communicating with her can improve your relationship.

That is rough, but I would tell her without hostility that she's older now and you can't make things that happened in the past go away, even though you wish they never happened. Believe me, we all have those feelings about circumstances in our life, but you got to move on, and tell her how much you love her and that you want to maintain a relationship with her, and that it's up to her to learn to forgive you and move on with you in her life. I would stress the love and caring though, and maybe you should share the van incident, sometimes when things don't make sense to people because things weren't known, it puts a better perspective in their hearts when they realize what has happened....Good Luck and you are in my prayers...

i give you props for over coming some odds. you probably use that wisdome/knowledge in your advice on here. She probably feels hurt as well, but who knows what her father has been telling her all this time. have you told her the whole story? that would be my suggestion, try calling her, if you can't then send her a message, tell her EVERYTHING you went through to get your life back. A daughter always loves her mother, even if she says she doesn't. But i think the father did get to her...i hope things turn out okay.

What a great accomplishment, you finished college, while homeless. YOU ARE A GREAT WOMAN/PERSON. I am really happy for you. Your daughter probably hates you for "abandoning" her. I am sorry after all you've been through, you would think you deserved a break for a while. Give her time, or try family counseling. Good luck you are truly an inspiration.

I don't know what advise to give you Sorry it's complicated

I think part of the problem with your situation is age related.In today's society adolescence may be delayed into the early twenties.Remember how you felt about your parents at perhaps a little bit earlier age.The medicine for this may just be time.Your daughter will someday realize the sacrifices you have made for both your family and your education.I'm sure when you suffered your injuries you were just trying to provide a good life for your family.I remember when I was your daughter's age I was not much for advice from my mother or in fact any older family member

congratulations on getting yourself out of that bad situation. living in a van and still earning straight A's is huge!!! i hope your daughter comes around. i bet she is just feeling resentful and hurt. i hope she writes back to you