How is your relationship with your father?

@sharone74 (4839)
United States
December 7, 2006 1:08pm CST
My parents broke up and divorced when I was 8 years old I have not since seen my father I am now 32 yrs old and have not seen him in 24 years have not spoken to him in at least ten years with 5 year and 3 year gaps between conversations as a teen. Suffice it to say our relationship is not good it is non-existent
11 people like this
107 responses
• Canada
7 Dec 06
My relationship with my father is rocky. My parents split up when i was 12 because my father had another women in his life. So it was hard to deal with. He is still living with the woman he left my mother for, so if i want to see him i have to face her. I have forgiven my father but still have such an uncomfortable feeling when i am around him. He has affected the way that i view men and changed my trust factor completely.
@sharone74 (4839)
• United States
8 Dec 06
I can completely understand the trust issues. There can often be other issues such as abandonment issues, seeking older men as a father figure, and others, be watchful and wary should these feelings crop up on you.
2 people like this
• China
8 Dec 06
yes
1 person likes this
@sharone74 (4839)
• United States
10 Dec 06
Do you have problems in your relationships with men due to the trust issue factor from your father? He is only human and he did what he did. At least the relationship that he moved on to is lasting he didn't just up and run over some momentary fancy. Have you talked to him about how you felt when he left and how you feel about his girlfriend. Like she broke up your parents marriage. He may have some other things to say about that relationship with your mom.
@babs0818 (1191)
• United States
7 Dec 06
I never had a relationship with my father..he abondonded me as a baby...so did my mom....that resulted in my grandparents raised me...I am 39 years old now..and seen my father maybe 3 times in my entire life.
2 people like this
@sharone74 (4839)
• United States
8 Dec 06
I am sorry to hear that, you sound angry about it, how are you coping? Methods like ignoring the issue, hating him/them,indifference, acceptance,etc.
2 people like this
@peizli (1000)
• Australia
8 Dec 06
Same here and I am forever grateful for having loving grandparents. Could be worse. I do now speak to both of my parents. Get on really well with my dad, my mums still in denial about the whole thing, remarried other children, don't think she accepts me as her daughter. Her loss.
1 person likes this
@sharone74 (4839)
• United States
8 Dec 06
that is a very healthy attitude and I commend you on it!
• United States
7 Dec 06
My father and I are very very close. My mom left for 17 years and I stayed with him. I tell him everything and he totally understands my feelings. He is my hero, mentor and rock when I need help. I grew up as daddy's lil girl and that holds true still today. I can honestly say it saddens me to see so many people not have a father figure like I have had in their life.
@sharone74 (4839)
• United States
8 Dec 06
Thank you for your response. I am glad that someone likes and knows their dad.
1 person likes this
• India
7 Dec 06
my relation with my father is very good....both of us love each other a bit too much....he understands my needs even if i don't say anything about it....he is my mentor....my idol....a person whom i admire the most and respect too.
@sharone74 (4839)
• United States
8 Dec 06
Ypu are fortunate that it is so.
1 person likes this
@DRoddy77 (1778)
• United States
7 Dec 06
My father saw me when I was 3 weeks old, took one look and then turned around and walked away. He didnt think I was his child. Im now 29 years old and would like to find him some day and talk to him, but Im a bit scared to do it, too.
2 people like this
@sharone74 (4839)
• United States
8 Dec 06
What are you scared of, that he will reject you again? Even if he did so what, he is the one who has missed out on sharing the life of a fabulous human being and his grandchildren and he is made poorer by that not you. Hold your head high as the party in the moral right if you ever do get to meet him. Most importantly let him know who you are, how you felt about his abandonment, and what relationship you are willing to have with him if any. Abandonment issues are heavy baggage sometimes and equally difficul to carry around or put down.
2 people like this
@vincent72 (1634)
• Australia
8 Dec 06
i dont speka to my father, my parents are split up , and hope i never see him again
1 person likes this
@sharone74 (4839)
• United States
8 Dec 06
Again I sense anger here. Don't let hatred eat you up inside give your father room to human first and the man that made you second.
1 person likes this
@Ohara_1983 (4120)
• Kuwait
8 Dec 06
since my father leave us when i was an eight yrs. old, untill now i never had a relationship to him. but we miss him so much and we are not losing our hope to saw him again.:) God bless...
@sharone74 (4839)
• United States
13 Dec 06
and to you. There are several people here who's father opted out after 8 yrs. Tell me how long were your parents married?
• Kuwait
17 Dec 06
13 yrs. it's so sad to me because im 23 untill now we don't have a communication to him although a letter prove that he is ok are nothing. but sometime i dreaming of him that he is smilling to me and embracing me and i don't know what is it mean. oh...im so sorry maybe i disturb you already. Godbless and more power:)
@the_life (10)
• Nepal
8 Dec 06
my relation wid my father is good but sumtime sometime the bond between us decreases....but itz ok
@unaware (129)
• India
9 Dec 06
i think its not the decrease in the affection of ur dad towards u but its jus d time which parents cant give as they r busy in earning n making there childs life..wat do u say??
@sharone74 (4839)
• United States
24 Dec 06
Keep working at it, not all relationships are peaches and cream but keep trying that is what is important!
• India
8 Dec 06
it's good
• India
8 Dec 06
Too good wonderful...
@sharone74 (4839)
• United States
13 Dec 06
great
• Canada
8 Dec 06
me and my father have a relationship but its not as good as others. we talk and he lives with us but im still trying to trust him from when he left me before. its getting better but weill never be full again
@sharone74 (4839)
• United States
10 Dec 06
never say never,old hurts heal given time trust is born and nurtured and who knows you two might get it back. Although abandonmevt issues are tough to get over.
@sharone74 (4839)
• United States
10 Dec 06
never say never,old hurts heal given time trust is born and nurtured and who knows you two might get it back. Although abandonmevt issues are tough to get over.
@adnan82 (673)
• Pakistan
12 Dec 06
i have a good relationship with my dad. no prb with him ..some times . ya . do have arguments but thats common in any relationshIP....but over all....healthy relationship. thATs y i dont like DivORCe... husband n wife live happily....the one who suffers are only childs
@sharone74 (4839)
• United States
26 Dec 06
sometimes divorce is warranted and it is the only way for one or both parents to break free of the other parents tyranny. I am not bitter about the divorce I am embittered by the way that he just cut us off aftereward like we weren't even his children.
@Devinarun (387)
• United States
12 Dec 06
well i always shared a good relation with my father and it will always bee like that coz i love him so much and so does he.its always good to ahve your father around to support you when evr you need him.
@sharone74 (4839)
• United States
25 Dec 06
you are not only right you are lucky. Thank you for your response.
@crazy_me (588)
• Philippines
12 Dec 06
I'm very close to my dad. We talk alot and joke around. I'm lucky to have a loving and responsible father.
@sharone74 (4839)
• United States
25 Dec 06
The loving and responsible dad is all that we who don't have the same could wish for. You are very fortunate to have that relationship with him.
@domenyag (1273)
• Philippines
10 Dec 06
Ive had a bad relationship with my father too. Haven't seen him for 20 yrs now. There is no big deal anyway.
@sharone74 (4839)
• United States
25 Dec 06
You don't wish that your relationship was closer?
• India
9 Dec 06
my relationship with my father is very good we are understand each other and love . i think parents in our life is our guidence they tell me whats the right way of you r life and make our future best.
@sharone74 (4839)
• United States
24 Dec 06
that is what they are supposed to be not what they neccessarily are. You are fortunate.
@pusiket (1759)
• Philippines
9 Dec 06
I understand how you feel. But I do have a great relationship with my father.
@sharone74 (4839)
• United States
24 Dec 06
that's great!
• Anguilla
8 Dec 06
My relationship with my father is not all that good. I just try to deal with him and our differences on a day to day term.
@sharone74 (4839)
• United States
24 Dec 06
But you keep on trying and that is what is good.
• United States
8 Dec 06
I think that regardless of the fact that your parents are together or split up, we tend to identify and cling more to one parent over the other. That doesn't mean that we don't love both of our parents, it just means that one has a personality that is more closely related to your own or is easier to talk to. My father isn't the easy to talk to one in my family and therefore I feel closer to my mother. My father's attitude about things and his personality make me have a more standoffish relationship with him. I love my father, we just don't see eye to eye and that creates problems. So even if a parent has been involved in your life in an active way, it doesn't mean that you will have a close relationship with them.
@sharone74 (4839)
• United States
24 Dec 06
Thank you for that insight. We tend to romanticize the relationships that we don't have twhen the truth is you jsut never know what could have become of it if you did have that relationship with them.
@leilani47 (780)
• United States
8 Dec 06
I have a great relationship with my father.
@sharone74 (4839)
• United States
24 Dec 06
That uis great and thank you for adding your voice to this discussion!
@sj_chaudhry (1537)
• Canada
8 Dec 06
my father is not alive. but in his life we have very friendly relations. my father was a very kind, humble, ambitious and religious man. he is my inspiration. i love him and May Allah bless him with HIS best ameen.