Attractive Women and Men.

@chrisie (207)
United States
December 9, 2006 1:26pm CST
This is something that has annoyed me for some time now. I'm an attractive person. I am intelligent, thoughtful, genuine and caring. I love to read and to expand my knowledge in various ways. I love to laugh, and I am very, very sarcastic, crass, and sometimes overly crude. I think overall that I am a pretty well rounded individual. I have good manners, I am respectful of other people and their opinions and choices in life, and I try not to be judgemental or too critical of others. I am very personable and very outgoing, but I scare the quiet/nice ones away! Now, what bothers me is this... I intimidate men. I only seem to attract the ones that want to treat me horribly, and I never attract the nice ones that seem to have their lives together... why is this? Is this the same for men?
1 person likes this
45 responses
• United States
10 Dec 06
Unfortunately, Chrisie, that is a fact of life. Smart women intimidate most men, especially strong smart women. Do not let your heart overrule your head. Love yourself more than that. A GOOD man is worth the wait. Bad men may come and go, all the while tearing down your self-esteem and love for yourself. Do NOT let that happen. You a very obviously a strong, smart and PRETTY girl. Tolerate no mistreatment of yourself from ANYONE. Hang in there, kiddo. The right one is out there somewhere. You're young yet, there's no need to worry about it today. Set your standards. Avoid the jobless no matter how cute they are. Avoid the partiers no matter how fun they are. Neither is going to be a productive personality in your life. You may also want to avoid jocks, a lot of them tend to smack their wives around later in life. Not ALL of them, but there have been studies that aggressive young men turn into abusive grown men. Remember, believe in what your mind tells you, your heart can get blinded by infatuation.
@medooley (1874)
• United States
10 Dec 06
You have some good advise here.. I advise you to remember this! Good post!
@chrisie (207)
• United States
11 Dec 06
This is quite possibly the best post I have ever read. Thank you! This IS really good advice, and I think you've hit the mark exactly. I appreciate it, I need all the "support" and advice I can get!
@Chapman15 (1501)
• United States
14 Dec 06
Hmmm, I think she intimidates men or scares them away... Personally, I think beautiful women are more intimidating than smart ones, simply because when you say something smart or witty and you're not sure if they really understood you... I really don't like the generalizations she made about my gender, towards jocks, partiers, and the jobless... I may only be one of them (partier), but find it somewhat disheartening that I can be lumped into a group without a true chance at representing myself. If must just be human nature, to judge a book by its cover... I guess it's a double standard though, because I won't date a girl smarter than me, no just kidding!
• United States
11 Dec 06
You should just move to Ohio. Come hang out with me in the snow! I'm a year younger than you though-- I hope that isn't a turn-off... ;) Seriously though, you've got a genuine point. Although I don't know first hand exactly what you mean, I can sort of relate. I find myself to be generally well-put-together and a little smarter than most. I'm not ugly, but I'm not Fabio either. Anyway, I'm friends with a girl who I was completely infatuated with for a few weeks. She's incredibly smart and attarctive, comes from a good family, athletic etc etc etc I mean really this girl has potential growing out her ears... I used to think about how refreshing it would be to be with a girl like her, but also so damn intimidating. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I was intimidated because I thought she was smarter than me and perhaps may be more successful in life. It sounds dumb as a write it, but I guess most guys just want to be the better-half at those things. My advice, if it's worth anything, is to show humility above all else. I'm not asking that you "dumb yourself down" or anything... but maybe watch the "crass"ness and being crude. I know, that's common sense. I'm sure you're generally very polite and we can't all be saints all the time. Plus, I love sarcasm ;) I like the other comments people have made that you just haven't found a nice guy yet. For advice on this, please refer to my first comment haha -cheers
@chrisie (207)
• United States
15 Dec 06
Hey. To each his own, yeah? :)
• United States
16 Dec 06
haha yeah :) So it's off topic, but what is L.A. like? I've never been to cali...
@acosjo (1904)
• Canada
9 Dec 06
One more thing. I remember when I was 22, I was king of an idiot. Not saying this about every guy who is 22 but if you're finding guys that are young, early 20's, chances are they may not be as mature as you want them to be. Just something to think about.
@chrisie (207)
• United States
9 Dec 06
Yeah.. I dated someone that was 7 years older than myself just recently for about a year, he has turned out to be THE worst guy I've dated yet. So, I'm not a believer in the age difference.. older doesnt not mean wiser.
@chrisie (207)
• United States
9 Dec 06
haha.. way to go Chrisie.. I didn't mean "older doesnt not mean wiser".. but, older does not mean wiser. :)
@acosjo (1904)
• Canada
10 Dec 06
True. I think you become "wiser" with "experience". I've been through some things that most importantly, I have learned from. That is the key, learning from past experiences. Things are great right now and I awe some credit to my learning experiences.
• United States
10 Dec 06
Well I'm thinkin its the sarcastic,crass and overly crude part. No man wants to date/marry a woman who acts like that I don't care how attractive u are. Just my opinion, but I know that I wouldn't be with a woman who was like that, I have nothing against scarcaism at times but to be that way constantly is a big turn off.
@chrisie (207)
• United States
10 Dec 06
Good god. You people are taking the sarcasm and crude thing too far. I'm not a susie-homemaker type. FORGET IT! Hahaha, jeeeez. I wish people could be more open minded.. thank goodness the other 90 percent that have been reading my posts are! I think its people like YOU that I have a hard time dating.
• United States
11 Dec 06
Well no one said you had to be the susie homemaker type, but no guy wants to date a B**ch either, and from how you first described yourself thats how you came across. I'm also not the one on here complaining I can't find anyone that accepts me and treats me well. If the other 90% agree with you thats fine. I'm not here to kiss your a$$ I'm here to be honest. You asked why I told you my opinion. Plain and simple.
@chrisie (207)
• United States
15 Dec 06
Mmmm... Easy killa. I wasn't complaining about it, I was looking for opinions that stemmed from a more positive and less judgemental state of mind though. High five for being closed minded though! :)
@medooley (1874)
• United States
10 Dec 06
lol, I dont even know where to begin on this one. I have no idea why you only attract ones that want to treat you horribly... where are you finding these fellas? Perhaps the nice ones are intimidate by you because you are an attractive woman, that can be a very intimidating thing to us fellas.
@chrisie (207)
• United States
10 Dec 06
You don't know what a relief it is to see your face on this... a few posts up some woman tried to tell me that sarcasm and crass are not attractive and what in the worrrrld makes me think otherwise? I wish I had an auto-zapper or something for people who are prudes. Sheesh! I attract a broad range I think, because of my personality. I think I just tend to gravitate to the ones that can handle me.. because the nice guys tend to let me walk all over them, and I HATE that. I need a guy to keep my SASS in line.. and not too many nice guys can do that. Hmm... man, I think I just have issues!! Haha. AAH!
@medooley (1874)
• United States
10 Dec 06
I don't know you but I might be incline to agree with you... you do have issues. LOL
@chrisie (207)
• United States
15 Dec 06
Awwwww... haha, thanks.
@nishanity (1651)
• India
9 Dec 06
mayb they feel scared wen they see u... most men dont lik gals who r smart and popular.. they get intimidated by such characters.... i guess u are a type of gal tht makes guys inconfortable and lose their confidence.... being wid a smart gals makes them kinda look silly.... thts y
@chrisie (207)
• United States
9 Dec 06
But I look for people that are equally as intelligent, if not more! So I dont understand the concern for looking silly. Besides, I'm ALWAYS saying things that dont make sense, putting my foot in my mouth, and having blank moments... I just dont get it. Boo!
@acosjo (1904)
• Canada
9 Dec 06
Chrisie is not a girl that will make a guy lose their confidence. After what she wrote about herself, I would definitely ask her out and try to get to know her. She has to find someone on the same level as she!
@acosjo (1904)
• Canada
9 Dec 06
Ok, I posted my comment at the same time you did. I found it interesting how you said you are "looking for someone as intelligent if not more", and I posted you need to "find someone at the same level". Cool hey?!
@pagli84 (1850)
• Netherlands
9 Dec 06
you know, i totally understand how you feel...and i feel the same way. i think im an attractive person, but i only seem to attract the guys who treat me like crap. i really dont understand what's going on with that, but i guess you just have to keep hope that a good guy will come your way someday.
@chrisie (207)
• United States
9 Dec 06
It's so frustrating! How do I go about breaking the cycle?! I'm a very outgoing person and have been told that I'm easy to talk to and whatnot. But I'm way too trusting and I get burned time after time. It makes me hate the dating scene.. what do I do to not scare off the nice ones?! Haha.. aaah!
@pagli84 (1850)
• Netherlands
9 Dec 06
maybe its a matter of change of scenario. do you seem to be meeting the same types of guys at the same places? you know, the thing is..i always feel like i turn away the nice ones before getting to know how nice they really are. so maybe give people a chance who you wouldnt necessarily consider at first. i know i should follow my own advice, but i seem to be much better at giving it than following it!
@chrisie (207)
• United States
9 Dec 06
Haha, I totally know what you mean! My friends are always saying, "wow, you make so much sense!" and then I cant apply it to my own life if it killed me! I think that I have such a strong personality and that I'm used to dating guys that are jerks, because they're the only ones that have shown they can put up with it. Nice guys tend to get quiet around me because I really am opinionated, strong, outgoing, and I dont hold back on my true feelings of anything. I'm a very honest person.. and some people find that hard to swallow. I dont know.. it seems to be a double edged sword!
@1986ankush (1241)
• India
10 Dec 06
MEN ARE ALWAYS ATTRACTIVE & MORE BEAUTIFUL THEN LADIES OR GIRLS IN NATURAL WAY IF LADIES DO NOT USE MAKEUP THEY ARE NOT BEAUTIFUL
@chrisie (207)
• United States
10 Dec 06
Wow, if I could slap you right now, I would. That was probably the most MALE comment anyone has ever made. You're fired.
@Furrukh (701)
• Pakistan
10 Dec 06
well most of the ladies use make up but i have seen many women that are even more beautiful without make up
• India
10 Dec 06
its just your feeling and i dont think mens are like you
@chrisie (207)
• United States
11 Dec 06
... what? Men don't like me?
• India
10 Dec 06
hi there..that just goes to prove what many nice guys wonder abt all the times..why do the best of girls always get involved with the crappiest of guys..i guess its becoz girls many a times prefer to date or attracted more towards a guy with shades of grey rather than a goody goody one.. not that i want to brag abt myself...but i am a pretty nice guy..good looking, honest, gr8 sense of humor, smart , hardworking, committed but having said all that i am still single becoz almost all the girls i know say that oh!!! whichever girl marries u will be very very lucky...i would be the guy they would take home to meet their parents but would still prefer a rowdier, brattier person as a boyfriend..god knows why..i agree i am a shy person and i dont open up with everyone i know..some people would think of me as this guy hardly ever speaks..but the ones i am free with will vow that i am one of the naughtiest and funniest guys they've ever met..but i am not a person who will just walk into a party and start jabbering at the top of my voice and attract everybody's attention..you will normally find me either in a corner alone enjoying whats happening around me or in a group of 4-5 friends having a gala time.. i know i need a little bit more on my personality but hey gals..dont just look for excitement when u look for a guy..give some importance to stability and maturity and trust me you will also come across a treasure of excitement in that guy just waiting to be discovered..
@chrisie (207)
• United States
10 Dec 06
Well, I like the nice and quiet guys! HOWEVER.. I ALSO like.. a masculine guy, a loving guy, a humorous guy, an affectionate guy, a laborous guy.. lots of things. I'm a lot to handle, and I need someone in my life to keep me in line, to accent my life, and to help guide me through unneccesary things in my life. I DO approach guys and they always look scared out of their wits! I'm at a loss.
@mkup30 (494)
• United States
10 Dec 06
yes ive heard many girls complain about this. Just make sure you are not hanging around the wrong guys, and therefore attracting the wrong ones. Make sure to hang out with guys that DO have thier lives together and make sure you dont turn away from them -w/o realizing it!
@chrisie (207)
• United States
10 Dec 06
Yeah, thank you for your more realistic comment than the others before you. I'm sick of reading closed minded peoples comments! However, I think youre right in saying that I may be turning away the good ones.. I have recently realized that I AM in fact doing that! Geh.
• United States
10 Dec 06
I'm the same way!! I have had bad men my whole life.. except my husband. He's one of the few. Knowing him.. the only thing I can think of is the good men are shy. I only suspect this because my husband is.. and the only reason he was able to talk to me is because he was a lot older than me.. so he grew out of a lot of stuff from when he was younger. Good luck to you!
@chrisie (207)
• United States
10 Dec 06
I think there are a lot of good men, and a lot of the "bad one" just don't know how to be the sweet, loving, and understand man they desire to be. SOME of them anyways.
• Philippines
10 Dec 06
i feel the same way like you, i feel like i'm intimidating the nice guys but not those aggressive ones. hehe My point of views on this is men goes for women who treat them like they are strong and "macho". Guys do have the characteristic of being superior. They do not like to be under of whoever especially girls. =) And i think these are some of the reasons why some men are not attracted to superwomens. In short, they are afraid that they cannot handle the powers of such ladies. Sometimes, I am also bothered. i feel like I am not existing to the eyes of guys, and It makes me feel horrible. hehe So what i did (still struggling)is to mellow down my powers, to be soft and gentle when dealing with men. But I am thankful that being demure comes out naturally from me, and this makes me attractive to some of the guys in our midst. Just be sweet, guys will fall for you.
@chrisie (207)
• United States
10 Dec 06
No.. see. I AM sweet. That's the problem. I meet a guy that intimidates ME, I end up falling for him hard. I'm myself.. through and through, sweet, caring, loving, yadda yadda yadda, and I end up getting treated like a doormat. I really just need to find a good balance.
• United States
10 Dec 06
If you only attract men who treat you like trash, that means that you're not as confident as you think you are. Men read you better than you read yourself. YOU are attracting the bad ones. Maybe you're trying too hard to attract the nice ones. Oh, there are NICE ONES????
• United States
10 Dec 06
Men are like dresses. You have to try on a great many before you find the right fit.
@zarden (107)
• Philippines
10 Dec 06
for me i am so attractive to superman or brandon routh, if i were his girlfriend i wont really let him go away from me coz i know a lot of people especially girls my steel him from me and i dont want that to happen, but of course its just a dream and i just keep on dreamin till my heartaches end.
@chrisie (207)
• United States
10 Dec 06
Whaat? Haha, I'm sorry but your response has completely thrown me...
@meljessxena (2317)
• Australia
10 Dec 06
i think it is the same for men, because i know a few men in that situation, and they wonder why cant they get a caring girlfriend etc. i dont know why really, and well not sure of how to fix the cycle, but i think reallyneed to broaden the type of men you look at
@chrisie (207)
• United States
10 Dec 06
I agree... I just think it's like breaking a bad habit. ya know? I think I need to be super conscious of it and aware of what kind of qualities I'm going after when I'm actually dating. Otherwise, I think I'll be in the same pattern.. fooorrever.
@ruby222 (4848)
15 Jun 08
I think that one day the ideal man will come along for you...maybe its just that you havent met anyone who is right for you as yet...as soon as the right one comes along you will instantly know!!
• United States
15 Jun 08
The type of man that you hang out with is usually dependent on a father role. What was your father like? You will often seek out the same kind of person that fills his shoes in life. If you got along great with your father, a warm loving man, your mate will be the same. If it was hell and fighting, a rude relationship, you will tend to find men like that. It's a 'comfort level' that puts you in the norm. You didn't mention 'attract men' as ones that come onto you, or ones you date and have continued relationships with. My comment applies to the latter.
@Chapman15 (1501)
• United States
14 Dec 06
I'm not intimidated by smart women, hell, I wouldn't mind finding a sugar momma so I could pursue what I really enjoy doing! Maybe being in college I got used to being around goal/career oriented women, which in turn made me realize that it is good to meet a girl with a solid base of knowledge... I think it's important for you to remember that people in LA suck! There are far too many fake people around! Everyone steps on everyone else here, so I really have to wish you luck in these parts. I've met alot of guys and girls here and it seems like most of them only care about the stupidest material things... I feel that your intimidation factor may just be in your head, did you ever think that the guy might think that you're not his type of chick? Is there a certain common point in any of your relationships that they changed to being mean (or were they always the bad boy)? Did they purpose to you or something to scare you off? lol... Even the ones you've dated, was it all the guys fault or did he see flaws in you as well? I'm sure your personable and have many great qualities that men would love, but relationships rarely work out... It's like Taoism, "just be" and things will fall into place! I've never had a successful relationship if success is based on me still being with them, because I'm single right now... I know nobody's perfect, but one thing I've noticed the more relationships that I've been in, the pickier I get... It's like I want to find a woman that cooks the way Liz did, laughs with me like Sophie did, Likes sports as much as Andrea did, I'll hold off on the physical ones cause you get the point...
• Brazil
12 Dec 06
Heck, omen sem to get scard when I talk about stuff that flies over their head, and yes, when I shave, Im quite attractive. ;-P