How do you make them STOP????

Why I would quit my addiction. - These are a few of my kids, Joshua, Blake, Caleb, and Olivia.  My precious babies.
United States
December 10, 2006 12:14am CST
My mother called me tonight. She told me that she hasn't had a job in months and that they (her and my little brother, he's 15) have had no electricity for weeks. There will be no Christmas for my brother.....yet she was DRUNK!!!!!!!!! Both my parents are alcoholics. Well my father was until he passed away from it on October 31st, 2006. We couldn't convince him to stop and now it's too late. My mother is headed right down the same path he did (they weren't still together) and still, she won't stop, or even slow down. My step-mother is too, just to try to get rid of her sadness about my father, I mean, she's always been a drinker, but it's worst than normal now. And my sister is so strung out on drugs, she's been missing for about 2 months now. I just don't understand why they won't stop. Why can't they stop? Other people do, why can't they?? Oh, I know cause they don't want to, well why don't they want to?? What so horrible could of happened in their life that they can't even try. Can't even try for their kids, for their grandkids. I am the only sibling that does not have a drinking or drug problem. We all had very rough lives and I've been a "mommy" since age 5 and now have 5 kids of my own, and 4 step-kids. Maybe that's what "saved" me, being too busy. I don't know... I know that if I did have an addiction ...I would stop in a heartbeat for my kids...My kids are the reason I don't have an addiction! Can you tell me why? Why can't they stop?
39 responses
@lucy02 (5017)
• United States
10 Dec 06
Those are 4 beautiful reasons not to have an addiction. I don't really know why some people have a harder time than others. Of course genetics play a part in addiction, but you're a part of the same gene pool. All you can do is pray for them. I don't see any way you can make them stop. I do worry about the 15 y/o that is still at home. Have you thought about contacting social services?
1 person likes this
• India
10 Dec 06
y should u go for social services ......u dnt even have time for them
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Dec 06
Well, when I got that phone call my brother did ask to come live with me. But my mother made it clear that he could not come without her, and I just can't allow her to move into my house. I already have a housefull!!! We have 6 out of 9 kids here constantly, and 3 more every couple of weekends, there's no way I could handle my mother being here, she's no help at all. But my little brother is welcome anytime! We will make room for him! As far as calling social services...I think I'm going to have to think about that...you're probably right that I should, but it's very hard. I don't know what will happen to him. And that scares me. He can pretty much take care of himself...like I said, we've been dealing with this since birth! I don't know what to do anymore... Thanks for the response! Have a great day!
@lucy02 (5017)
• United States
10 Dec 06
I don't think I would let mom move in either. She might be a bad influence on your children.
1 person likes this
@vinaykant (814)
• India
11 Dec 06
i am not understadin your problem so sorry to say that but what are you doing? if you want good life in future do some work.
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Dec 06
Why did you answer this question if you don't understand??? She already works to raise her kids... If you think that's not work, please take over and do her job...
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Dec 06
OHHHHHHHH Let me tell you about this guy!!! He had a posted an "Am I cheating with my wife" topic the other day...he's the one sleeping with both his wife and his wife's sister!!!!!!!!!! And I posted about 5 NOT NICE responses to his STUPIDDDDDD QUESTIONS. Listen, I wouldn't take advice from you if you were the last person on earth!! You need to worry about your own problems at home and quit sleeping with your wife's sister! You just make me so mad..."If you want good in life in future do some work".....This coming from a guy that is committing adultry and is soooooo stupid that you think your wife is going to let you have both her and her sister....Yeah, You are an idiot! I'd appreciate it if you didn't respond to my posts at all, your just taking up good space for someone else.
• United States
11 Dec 06
That response if for VINAY not aspen! Thank you aspen for sticking up for me. I really appreciate it...this guy is a moron! Have a great day!
@cuddiluk (1523)
• Philippines
10 Dec 06
They will never stop their addiction unless you would send to Pscyhologist for serious consultation. Or call 911 to bring them to rehabilitation center. This is the only way to help them to break off their insane obsession.
• United States
10 Dec 06
Yeah right, that don't work either...My mother has been to every rehab available...and one that cost $90,000. She's been in and out of jail and none of this has made her any better.... They won't quit until THEY want to quit...and I don't think that time is going to come...EVER. Thanks for your response.
• Germany
11 Dec 06
sorry, it is impossible!! if they want to get helped, if they know, there is no other way, then..it is possible. human with an addiction have an other way to think... others can't follow this thinking.
1 person likes this
@beverly1 (1130)
• United States
11 Dec 06
sorry about that. she need to get some kind of help even if she have to go into one of those aa places were they help i hope you try to do what you can i will pray for you for everly thing get better
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Dec 06
Why would you type like you did with a long run on sentence??? You did go to school didn't you???
1 person likes this
@usmcsgtwife (4997)
• United States
10 Dec 06
no fees where i live
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Dec 06
sorry i responded to the wrng post
1 person likes this
@daggi1712 (158)
• Germany
10 Dec 06
they can stop it, if they really want to do it for herselves. i know what i say, cause i have had the same problems and stopped it 10 years ago. but, i did it for myself, not to my family, not in cause of money, the only reason has been: i wanted to live!!!
1 person likes this
@ss2007 (151)
• India
10 Dec 06
just go to pray
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Dec 06
We should all pray for her also
1 person likes this
@soldenski (2504)
• United States
11 Dec 06
Love - What do you love
Does your 15 year old brother, have a problem too? If not, then why not buy him a Christmas gift. It does not have to be expensive. Or better yet, why not bring him to live with you, since you say your mother is a drunk. I would take him away from that lifestyle and maybe he wont get involved also. Good luck
1 person likes this
@malsun (1528)
• United States
11 Dec 06
I am sorry to hear about your family.. and i can understand how difficult it must be for you to see them waste their lives like this. but all you can do is counsel them or get some professional help. In such matters, only the person who have a WILL to stop will stop.. Just keep yourself so strong willed that you never give in to this temptation. I am proud of you..
@treblem (316)
• Philippines
11 Dec 06
just pray for them. it's really hard to get out when they're hooked on it. all you can do is to show your love for them and wait till they come to their senses. may ur prayers be granted.
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Dec 06
Have you tried an intervention? I have seen that work before. You should get your brother to come live with you and just let your mom hit rock bottom. Sometimes that is what has to happen for them to realize and seek help.
1 person likes this
• Australia
11 Dec 06
It sounds like they have no reason to stop, or at least feel as though they have no reason. When the hope has gone, people feel as though everything they do is justified as it makes them feel better - I'd say counselling is the way to go to find the underlying problems, but even then , they won't do that unless they really want help.
1 person likes this
@gknott (936)
• United States
11 Dec 06
You can't make them stop, but you should absolutly help your brother. Please go to social services for him, see what they can help with. Maybe they would put your mom in a program.
1 person likes this
• Indonesia
11 Dec 06
just go to pray
1 person likes this
• India
10 Dec 06
i cant stop my addiction
1 person likes this
@CDonohue (379)
• United States
10 Dec 06
Seen these situations before and living through them, one thing to remember about addiction is that the individuals thoughts aren't focused on anything but that addiction. It isn't until they are totally taken away from it and start to sober that they think straight
1 person likes this
@Goranimal (315)
• United States
10 Dec 06
Hoenstly living without power in a house with a child is not only a bad thing its bad parenting regardless of her addiction. her moving in is a bad, bad idea, letting your brother move in is fine i think since he is only a victim in this...
1 person likes this
@nidahali (446)
• Pakistan
10 Dec 06
Hey it's really heart-breaking to know what you're going through in life. I think you should help make you mom feel loved and try to keep her happy as much as possible. Maybe all your mom needs is reassurance that there are people who love her and for whom she has to live her life to the fullest. I just hope that it gets better for you. My prayers are with you. TC Cheers
1 person likes this
@emeraldisle (13145)
• United States
10 Dec 06
First I feel for you in this situation. You have some tough choices to make. You are not responsible for your mother in this situation. If you take her in she will continue to drink and cause you problems. Taking her in would get her off the hook so she doesn't have to be responsible for bills or anything else. You don't want to do that. However your brother is another story. If they have been without electricity for weeks then he is not in a good situation at all. You need to do one of two things, either call DCF (or whatever child services is called there) or get an attorney and have your mother declared unfit and get custody of your brother. If you go through DCF they will most likely place him with you. They'd rather put a child with a family member instead of trying to find a foster home for him. It's a lot easier on them and a lot less work over all. If you go into their office, more so then call, you'll get things done faster and smoother. They will see that you are really serious about the situation. If you go with a lawyer it could take longer and it would cost money to do so. However it would keep the state agency out of your life. Which ever route you do go I would suggest once you have custody of your brother you get a restraining order against your mother. That way she cannot continue to harass you or your family afterwards. Either way you need to get your brother out of there as soon as possible. This is not a situation you want him to be in. Perhaps once your mother has hit rock bottom she will seek help to stop drinking but that has to be her choice. You cannot force it upon her. It won't be easy but far too often things we have to do aren't.
• United States
10 Dec 06
((hug)) Im sorry whats going on. The problem is they don't see they have a problems and they need to also see it then want to stop. If its hurting you i would suggest since you tried everything else. Cut your mom out of your life till she feels the need to clean up her act and get help. Sometimes tuff love is the only thing that helps. As or your 15 year old brother he is being abused maybe not physically but in this situation. She cannot possibly take care of him and he getting the idea that drinking is ok. Not having food is huge as well. Do you think you can take him in your house? Things might be tight but maybe he can become like you and stay that way. Not that he isn't but you know what i mean. He doesn't need to see that stuff while growing up and if you can prevent it and also give tuff love to your mom. Maybe there is a chance?