A Question about Western Parents

@sweetie88 (4560)
Pakistan
December 10, 2006 11:26pm CST
East and West both have their own culture and tradations. I want to disucss a topic here that what do Western Parents feel when their 18 years old children leave them???? Western Parents like Eastern Parents look after their children and provide them their all basic needs of life but y do western children leave their Parents after age of 18??? I am an Asain gal and its my common observation that plenty of children live with their Parents after getting married too. What do Western Parents feel when their children leave them in age of 18??? Y do children keep on living their own Parents and do job after becoming 18 years old too in the West???
30 responses
@ossie16d (11834)
• Australia
11 Dec 06
In Australia when a person reaches 18 they are considered an adult plus generally around that age they finish their high school education. At that time they will either go to University or start work and in the case of country kids, they will often have to leave their home town for either of these options. Our son left home at 18 for university, although he did come back home regularly. Then he returned home for work but after a while got a better position, which meant a move. We bring our children up to be independant, responsible adults and generally by the age of 18 they are mature enough not to feel the necessity to live with their parents if their circumstances are such that they can live alone. Again, our son is very independant and so it was never a problem for us although we did see him regularly. I was neither sad nor happy when he left home, because I felt that it he could stand on his own two feet and look after himself, then we had done a good job in raising him. Now at aged 30, our son has been overseas a lot in the past few years, but when he is home here in Australia we are generally together as a family. He is also still single, but if and when he marries, then we would expect that he and his wife live in their own place. We think it would be better that way, as that way his wife would have her own place, and not be living with her in-laws. This just means that we will live a couple of hours away from them, even if that means relocating for that to happen. Just different cultures and countries have different ideas.
1 person likes this
@sweetie88 (4560)
• Pakistan
11 Dec 06
But do u n't miss ur son for whom u did n't take care of own health but see that whether urs son is feeling well or n't. U did n't sleep bcuz urs son came ill and needed Love of Mom. Parents have to tolerate a lot of things for their children but i am sure that either ir is East or West, every Parents love their children and live forever with their children.
@ossie16d (11834)
• Australia
12 Dec 06
Yes sweetie88, we did go through all of those things. We do love and care for him, even though he is an adult. When he is overseas, I talk to him on MSM most weeks plus also send him a text message just to say "love you always" every so often plus we also speak to him on the phone about once a fortnight. Either he phones us or we call him. His age does not affect how we feel about him, but we do realise that he is an adult and can make his own decisions. The same will apply if and when he marries but we will 'step back' then because his wife and family should be his priority at all times, except of course if his father or I are very ill.
@ossie16d (11834)
• Australia
20 Dec 06
Just to update you on this one sweetie88, our son arrived back home in Australia some 10 days ago. He got home on the Saturday and then started work on the following Tuesday, so he didn't have much time to relax. Now we are spoiling him because that is what parents do as well. :)
• United States
11 Dec 06
It's not a "rule" that they must leave or anything, it's just usually when they've completed their basic schooling and can move on to college (university as you call it), therefore usually moving away to go to the college. If the 18 year old doesn't go to college they do often stay with the parents, but it depends on the family and the closeness of that family. In the US a person who reaches 18 is legally considered an adult also. That means if the person does something wrong they have to pay the price of their wrong doing. Before the age of 18 the parent can often be held accountable for the child. After 18 the parent has nothing to do with what the child does because he's then and adult. I think the law helps make it 'acceptable' for those who turn 18 to feel as though it's time to move out on their own. I personally want my kids to stay with me as long as they can. If they want to live with me until they're ready to have a family, that's fine with me. Some parents don't feel that way though. I respect your culture's way and actually would like if we felt the same here in the U.S.!
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@sweetie88 (4560)
• Pakistan
11 Dec 06
Thx. and yeah, an alone person cann't enjoy the real happiness of life but a faimly can enjoy together. I feel proud on me that i belong to such a culture where if parents look after their children in their childhood then children too give good response to their Parents in their old age.
1 person likes this
@estherlou (5026)
• United States
11 Dec 06
That is a sad happening here in the US. People get so separated from other members of their families and when the parents get old, many times they are put into nursing homes and forgotten. And jobs and other things keep families separate also. My son moved after the birth of his 1st daughter to live close to his wife's parents, so it is sometimes more difficult to keep all of the family and children and grandchildren close to each other. We don't get to see our grandchildren very often because of the great distance seperating us. It has been about 3 years now since I've seen them.
@sweetie88 (4560)
• Pakistan
12 Dec 06
Alas! There is no benefit of such progress of an area where Parents cann't meet often their children. Alas!!!
1 person likes this
@humaaaa (1392)
• Pakistan
11 Dec 06
well first of all parents are not for leaving them alone we always have to live along with our parents. they served us when we were kids, we are walking today because our dad let us learn how to walk, we talk because when we were babys our mother taught us the little words which were build up later to form sentences. I can't explain what sacrifies parents do for their children, mothers don't sleep while the child is sick but still in deep sleep. We have to serve our parents when they get old and can't do their own work by them selves. I know we can't even do 1% of what they did for us but atleast we can try to decrease their worries and boost their happness to some extent. In westren world there is a different concept, some parents them selves want to quit living with their children when they get older so they want them to be independent so this might be the reason why most of the children get seprate with their parents in western world and like to live and independent life, but still i won't appriciate this behaviour of western children.
1 person likes this
@sweetie88 (4560)
• Pakistan
12 Dec 06
I am too with u on this issue.
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@paki143 (793)
• Pakistan
30 Jan 07
ya me too with both of u
@meme0907 (3481)
• United States
11 Dec 06
I keep praying that my son won't leave home until he finishes college but who's to say-I left home @ 17. I do notice that Asian families here in SC,USA are very close sometimes there are 3 generations living in the same house.
@sweetie88 (4560)
• Pakistan
12 Dec 06
Yeah but remember that small house too becomes large when there is Love in heart and if someone takes care of another.
1 person likes this
• India
11 Dec 06
Western Parents are very practical. Life in west is very busy and everybody wants to be independent as soon as possible. When Ash went to Opra Winphrey Show... she asked her if she still lives with her parents at the age of 30.People there are surprised when they see us living with our parents till we got married or throughout our lives. Children there earn and study at the same time. And it reduces the burden on there parents as studies there is costly as compared to the Asian countries. Here people still live with their culture which i am really proud of and why to leave our parents when they need us the most, i mean in their old age.
1 person likes this
@sweetie88 (4560)
• Pakistan
12 Dec 06
Yeah, i am glad to know urs choice but listen! adults lesses the financial burden of their western Parents after leaving them but increase their spiritual burden, their soul's burden.
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@yorb24 (2181)
• United States
11 Dec 06
This is a very interesting discussion. Like the poster above 18 is considered the age of an adult here and many young people go off to college and eventually start their own lives It probably has more to do with the fact that I believe Americans have a thinking that they should be self sufficent and sometimes people need to have experiences on their own. To see if they can stand on their own two legs without the help of family. Another reason is, I believe that sometimes adult children and their parents don't always get along well. Adult children (while it is probably different in your country) sometimes will speak their own minds and it might not agree with their parents. I think americans are more independent in their thinking when it comes to that and it's probably the reason why they feel they need to be on their own.
@sweetie88 (4560)
• Pakistan
11 Dec 06
U r right but do u think that, that woman, who bring up a child for 9 months in her womb and a Dad, Who goes for work daily either he is ill or n't just for making money for his children can think about disadvantages of his/her children. We people too disagree with our Parents and then who accpets the decisions of Parents enjoy a good life and the person, who does n't obey his/her Parents does n't succeed in any work.
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@taruha (561)
• United States
11 Dec 06
it is really unfortunate that western parents are left alone as their children run away. this is perhaps dur to the culture and society which is towards selfishness and self centered.i am sure that they must be feeling terrible pain in their hearts due to this.
• United States
11 Dec 06
Maybe the kids don't run away. Maybe the parents try to "push them out of the nest". A lot of parents don't want their kids around once they've become adults. They feel that they're adults now and can live on their own. Not all children want to leave home at 18.
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@sweetie88 (4560)
• Pakistan
12 Dec 06
taruha! u told a bitter truth about western culture. desertdarlene!! May b u r too right but mostly adult too do n't want to live with their Parents.
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Dec 06
I actually didn't mind living with my parents. But, my parents didn't want me to live there. They thought I was too old and it was time for me to live on my own. I still keep in touch with my parents, it's just that I don't live with them. We all still love and do things for each other. My cultural background is English and they tend to believe that when you are considered an adult, it is time for you to leave and start your own family and life. It has nothing to do with selfishness on the adult child's part. Though there are a children that do want to move out, most probably wouldn't mind staying if they could, especially while they are young adults.
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@exotika6 (301)
• Romania
11 Dec 06
yes western parents are more carefull about their children
@sweetie88 (4560)
• Pakistan
12 Dec 06
Urs answer is n't exact answer of mine question.
@Kylalynn (1773)
• South Africa
11 Dec 06
It's not a culture or anything, it just happens in a lot of families. Usually at 18 they have finished school and will be going on to university or to work. My son left home when he was 23 and went to live overseas. We see him once a year and everything is fine. Yet my daughters married. One daughter lives in the same country as us and my other daughter and her 2 children live with us. So it is quite varied. I think a lot depends on circumstances.
@sweetie88 (4560)
• Pakistan
12 Dec 06
I agree with u.
• United States
11 Dec 06
When I was growing up, it was clearly made known that when you are 18 you are an adult and have to move out as soon as you are able. This goes for girls as well as boys. It was considered unhealthy to still be living with your parents beyond a certain age. That doesn't mean that the kids actually get thrown out. Most parents will continue to help and support their children until they are financially independent. But, when I turned 18 it meant getting a job and moving out. However, since I was going to school and working at the same time, I was allowed to live at home, rent free, until I was 23. After that, I paid rent until I was able to move out. Even before that, I had to pay for as many of my expenses as I could.
@sweetie88 (4560)
• Pakistan
12 Dec 06
Urs practical experience is quite a new thing for me.
@tomjonz (60)
• United States
11 Dec 06
I don't think it has much to do with culture, when people become adults they want to go thier own way and explore life. Some are more prone to stay home than others, some are timid and some are doing it for economical reasons and some to take care of thier parents.
@sweetie88 (4560)
• Pakistan
12 Dec 06
But y should we leave our Parents when they become old and need us????
@sunrisekn (1468)
• United States
11 Dec 06
Most children at 18 go off to college. I think 18 is just a starting point. My brother still lives only 7 minutes for my parents although I live 2 hours. I think most parents just think it's time for children to make their own way, warn their own money and take on some responsibility at 18. Children are coming into their adulthood and they sopmetimes need to find their own way.
@sweetie88 (4560)
• Pakistan
12 Dec 06
I think that its bad to leave Parents in their old age.
@emarie (5455)
• United States
11 Dec 06
i left after high school i was only 17 at the time and i wanted to move where there were more opportunities. i know what you mean about living with your parents. some parents want their children out so they can gain independace and learn to live on their own. i'm also asian...my sister still lives with my mother at the age 26, she just hasn't decided where to really go in her life, so she's staying with my mother and saving up for her own place. some of my friends growing up (also asian) had their grandmother or grandfathers living with them...this is also acceptable to since the grandparents can help with the children specially if both parents work. i know thats just how it is. i personally think parents just want their children to grow, and the children want time away from their parents, they want to become their own person without being babied by their parents.
@sweetie88 (4560)
• Pakistan
12 Dec 06
But there r many people, whoi want to live forever.
• India
11 Dec 06
it's matter of difference in their own culture
@sweetie88 (4560)
• Pakistan
12 Dec 06
U r right but i think that its n't a good tradation in the West.
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
11 Dec 06
Sad. It is very sad for my children to be far away. Culturally accepted as "normal", western culture does criticise those who stay with their parents after age 18. However, people in the USA who still live by their ethnic traditions, often stay home with parents through university years, and early in marriage. Many people of Latino, Asian, Indian, Eastern European, and other extended - family -centered - traditional ethnic cultures still live with their parents, or take their parents in to live with them, in old age.
@sweetie88 (4560)
• Pakistan
12 Dec 06
And i like this culture. We should give reward to our Parents, which look after us when we r unable to talk and walk.
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Dec 06
i tend to agree with eastern cultures more.
@sweetie88 (4560)
• Pakistan
12 Dec 06
But y?????????
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@Kaorin (757)
• Australia
11 Dec 06
There's not really a rule saying that a child must leave at 18. However, people are classified in the laws eyes as an adult when they are 18 years old in most western countries, and many of them like to go out and celebrate being an independent adult. However more and more people are living with their parents until they are a lot older now. I am 19 and still iving with my parents. I don't intend to move out until I've at least finished my studies at university and I have gone out and found myself a stable job in the workplace. When I feel that I am financially able to support myself, I'll move out. I believe my parents have done enough for me, and I don't want them to have to look after me any longer than they need to.
@sweetie88 (4560)
• Pakistan
11 Dec 06
U said that When I feel that I am financially able to support myself, I'll move out but will u n't like to support ur Parents at that time which'll be made u that u would able to support urself financially.
1 person likes this
• Ireland
11 Dec 06
I felt very sad when my son and daughter left as I didn't feel they were ready to take care of themselves. I eventually came to terms with it and I helped them in every way that was possible. They are now both happily married and I love having the house all to myself. No more cleaning up or laundering for them. It is a really great feeling.
@sweetie88 (4560)
• Pakistan
11 Dec 06
Ohhhhhh but were that day n't good when urs children take care of u when u came ill and u look after them when they came ill.
@chukwudi (1100)
• Nigeria
12 Dec 06
yes,the govt takes over to care and provide jod for the children who the said are adult already it poverty that makes the eastern child to stick to the parents
@JBD189 (346)
• India
12 Dec 06
That's a good question. But I guess, western parents like their children to be independent and the country allows this by way of facilities. In Asian countries, though the trend is only just picking up, it's our culture, i guess.