4 those who likes jokes.... put yours here...
December 11, 2006 7:42am CST
Rajiv and Mona are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary. Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!" Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island. An hour later Rajiv turns to his wife and asks, "Mona, did we pay our Rs 5 lakh deposit cheque yet to ICICI Bank?" "No, sweetheart," she responds. Rajiv, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, "Mona, did we pay our ICICI Bank Master card yet?" "Oh no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the cheque," she says. "One last thing, Mona. Did you remember to send cheques for the auto loan to them too this month?" he asks. "Oh, forgive me, Rajiv," begged Mona. "I didn't send that one, either." Rajiv grabs her and gives her the biggest hug in 40 years. Mona pulls away and asks him, "So, why did you hug me?" Rajiv answers, "They'll find us!"
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11 Dec 06
On a flight James bond was sitting next to a Telugu guy. Telugu Guy: "Hello, May I know your name please?" James Bond: "My name is Bond" Continuing in his inimitable style, "......James Bond." Then Bond asks: "And you?" Telugu Guy: "My name is Rao... Siva Rao... Samba Siva Rao... Venkata Samba Siva Rao... Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao... Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao... Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao... Vijayawada Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao..." Since then when anyone asks Bond his name he simply says "James Bond"
11 Dec 06
KFC: Our Daily Chicken A salesman from KFC walked up to the Pope and offers him a million dollars if he would change "The Lord's Prayer" from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken." The Pope refused his offer. Two weeks later, the man offered the pope 10 million dollars to change it from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken" and again the Pope refused the man's generous offer. Another week later, the man offered the Pope 20 million dollars and finally the Pope accepted. The following day, the Pope said to all his officials, "I have some good news and some bad news. 'The good news is, that we have just received a check for 20 million dollars. The bad news is, we lost the Wonder Bread account!'''
11 Dec 06
Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources person asked a young engineer fresh out of MIT what kind of a salary he was looking for. "In the neighborhood of $140,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years...say, a red Corvette?" "Wow! Are you kidding?" "Yeah, but you started it."
1 Jan 07
Tom and Brad have been promoted from privates to sergeants. Not long after, they`re out for a walk and Tom says, "Hey, Brad, there`s the Officer`s Club. Let`s you and me stop in." "But we`re privates," protests Brad. "We`re sergeants now," says Tom, pulling him inside. "Now, Brad, I`m gonna sit down and have me a drink." So they have their drink, and pretty soon a hooker comes up to Tom. "Your cute," she says, "and I`d like to screw you, but I`ve got a bad case of gonorrhea." Tom pulls his friend to the side and whispers, "Brad, go look in the dictionary and see what `gonorrhea` means. If it`s okay, give me the okay sign." So Brad goes to look it up, comes back, and gives Tom the big okay sign. Three weeks later Tom is laid up in the infirmary with a terrible case of gonorrhea. "Brad," he says, "Why`d you give me the okay?" "Well, Tom, in the dictionary, it say gonorrhea affects only the privates." He points to his stripes. "But we`re sergeants now."
29 Dec 06
One day an old lady was sitting at her old home with her old dog. A fairy suddenly pops up next to her. It tells her, "You have lived a good life. I will now grant you three magic wishes." The old women thinks for a minute, and then makes up her mind. She says, "My first wish is that I will be young and beautiful again." POOF! She is. "My second wish is that I am very rich and live in a mansion." POOF! Her tattered, old house becomes a magnificent mansion, and she is the richest person in the world. "My third wish is that my old dog will become a handsome young man and will be deeply in love with me." POOF! The old, mangy dog becomes what she wishes,a handsome man, with a beautiful face, and tender longing eyes. He then leans over and whispers into her ear, "Honey, aren't you sad you got me fixed?"
12 Dec 06
Poetry contest live on television. Final round, two contestants - a priest and a shepherd, each one of them had to make a quatrain including the word Timbuktu (african city). Priest comes first: I've been a Father all my life, I had no children, had no wife, I read the Bible through and through, On my way to Timbuktu. Audience is satisfied, ready to award him when finally the sheperd rises and... : When Tim and i to Brisbane went, We found two ladies cheap to rent; They were three and we were two, So i booked one and Tim booked to.
12 Dec 06
He....you have shared an excellent joke yaar...no doubt in that..let me also share what i have in my collection.. 1.Practice makes perfect..... But nobody's perfect...... So why practice? 2.The more you learn, the more you know, The more you know, the more you forget The more you forget, the less you know So............. why learn. how are these? 2.
12 Dec 06
MBA Vs BE Student This particular joke won an award for the best joke in a competition organized in Britain and this joke was sent by an Indian...... A MBA and a BE go on a camping trip, set up their tent,and fell asleep. Some hours later, the BE wakes his MBA friend. " look up at the sky and tell me what you see." The MBA replies, "I see millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" The MBA ponders for a minute. "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?" The BE is silent for a moment, then speaks. "Practically...Someone has stolen our tent".
12 Dec 06
A passerby saw another man who was glued to a wall, trying to listen something. The passerby asked him: “What are you trying to listen”. He answered: “Listen it yourself”. He did so. Half an hour passed. He got away from way the wall and yelled at the first person: “What the hell! I can’t listen to anything at all”. The first one replied calmly: “Be patient dear! I have been trying for three hours and still I am unable to listen, what do you think is it that easy?”
11 Dec 06
An american soldier a russian soldier and an asian soldier are stranded on an island. The american says "Ok ill take care of the defence, the russian take care of scouting and the asian you take care of the supplies" A few hours pass and the american built a defence and the russian have scouted the island, but the asian is no whare to be found so they start looking for him. Then all of a sudden the asian jumps out of the bushes screaming "supplies!!!"
• United States
11 Dec 06
After drafting a will for an elderly client, the lawyer announced a fee of $100. The client gave the lawyer a $100 bill. After the client left, the lawyer saw that the client had in fact paid $200, as two of the client's $100 bills had stuck together. Looking at the $100 overpayment, an ethical question arose in the lawyer's mind: "Do I tell my partner?"