loneliness

United States
December 12, 2006 10:40am CST
My grandmother has been pretty lonely since my grandfather died. She has always been the type that likes to take care of people. Well, after he died unexpectedly, I guess she felt that she wouldn't have anyone to take care of. She has a daycare and takes really good care of her daycare kids, but wanted someone to be there with her after they left for the day. My 10 year old son saw the loneliness in her and stays with her mostly every night because he doesn't want her by herself. She refuses to live with anybody else and is in pretty good health. She looks forward to him being there with her like has has been for about a year now. Sometimes I think she gets upset when he comes home or is gone to long. She gets him ready for school each day he stays with her and she loves him as her own child. I am thinking about moving away soon. I love my grandmother dearly, but she knows that I plan on taking my child with me wherever I go. I don't want to leave him behind after all, I am his mother. I worry sometimes that if I take him away from her, she may die of loneliness. How do I help her deal with loneliness? What are some suggestions, as my son is also attached to her and gets worried about her?
35 responses
@trish32 (1471)
• United States
12 Dec 06
I understand how difficult this situation must be for you. I wouldn't leave my child behind, either. Perhaps you should sit down and discuss the upcoming move with your grandmother. Explain to her that since you're going to be moving away and taking your son with you that you're concerned for her happiness. Perhaps you could get her involved in the conversation in such a manner that you can get her to make suggestions as to how she could ease your mind, then she wouldn't feel you were trying to "do for her" or "control her life". There are many options, it's just a matter of finding the ones she will be receptive to. Hosting a foreign exchange student, live in companion (room mate her age, not caretaker), her moving with you, senior communities (independent living, not nursing home), etc. are just some possibilities. These situations would all probably make your son feel better about her situation, too. Take care!
• United States
12 Dec 06
Thanks. I'm not going to take him completely away from her. I love my grandmother dearly. If I move away, I'll only be an hour away. I'll allow my son to spend the night with her on some weekends and holidays. I know he still loves me and knows I'm his mother. I just don't want to be away from my son.
• Portugal
12 Dec 06
For me you have to let your son with her, life it´s to short, and I remember when I was your son age that I want to spend time with my grandparents, and sometimes I thought that if they gone I will miss them a lot. Kids feel that theirs grandparents won´t last forever so they feel that have to be there beside. I´m 32, and only lost one of my beloved grandparents, don´t have much time now to be with them, and I miss them. So let´s him with her, if it´s good for her let she smile again.
@hdyggs (685)
• United States
12 Dec 06
I would have to agree with him our parents will not be around for ever,I lost my grandmother at a early age 76 but now my mother fills that spot,cause I have 2 kids of my own,An now my mother fills two spots she is also a great grand-mother,my daughter maid me a grand-father 3 times over an I'm only 46. But I'm happy.So let him stay with her, it makes her still fill needed an he wont have to look for new friends so soon. You could proble work out summers an holidays.
• India
13 Dec 06
there are times when u need to take decision and u should try to take a decision which would make more people happy then dissappointing..the one suggestion i would like giving is to take ur grandmother along with if u are planning to move..but that in turn depends a lot of other factors..like the grandmother's desire to leave..ur financials and so on..all i would say is that make a decision which takes care of most of the people involved..
@zarden (107)
• Philippines
13 Dec 06
one of the greatest situation that is hard to face is loneliness, loneliness because of literal meaning of it, loneliness because you went to other country to work to support your family, loneliness because you have left by your love ones or partner in life, but whenever you feel this, i believe that the strongest person you can lean on is god, we just have to call him and expect that you will feel his presence anytime you need him.
• India
13 Dec 06
y dont u bring her to ur home and keep her with u.. so that she may feel that she is not alone and ur son also will be with u.. suppose if she feels that she would be a burden for u.. try to take home near by to ur home and keep her there so that no and offen u can go and be with her..
• India
13 Dec 06
The best way to begin to understand loneliness is to examine some of the ways ... Research suggests that college students who think of loneliness as a ...
@sonix007 (275)
• Indonesia
13 Dec 06
i think your grandmother must be do some activity.
@sierdij (853)
• Philippines
13 Dec 06
I want to be alone if im not in the mood talking with other people.When i want to think about something and need some space.
@lilaclady (28270)
• Australia
13 Dec 06
What a good boy you have there it is son nice that he cares so much. It is very sad when someone loses a long time partner it must be like losing a part of yourself..I hope does ok.
@sac_d2000 (155)
• Finland
13 Dec 06
I belive if your son is doing well in company your Grandmother you should let him stay with her. You can always drop in at weekends at their residence if it is unavoidable for you to stay apart. I personally feel that you should convince your grand mother to comeup and stay with you and share her warmth of love to all family members in the house.
@ram_18y (276)
• India
13 Dec 06
she is gr8.
@blueman (16516)
• India
13 Dec 06
thats what most people have to undergo when they get of age, but i think your grandmom is not alone, she has you and your family to take care of her, i've seen worse cases where grandparents are just left by themselves.
@anup12 (4182)
• India
13 Dec 06
It depends
@lucy02 (5017)
• United States
13 Dec 06
I think you're grandmother will be okay. She has a daycare so she won't be isolated. Is there any other family in town that can visit her regularly and check on her? Letting him stay with her some on the weekends is a good idea too.
• United States
13 Dec 06
well i have known people(elderly)like this im sure she knows that you will be taking your son he is your son she just likes the company.many older people that have lost a loved one and who feel lonely usally get a cat they say if they get a pet they dont feel lonely and they live alot longer.im sure your son is attached to her.i would sit down and talk to her maybe she needs some extra activities to do so she will not get so lonely.
@GardenGerty (90075)
• Marion, Kansas
13 Dec 06
Of course your son will go with you, your grandmother has set you a wonderful example of caring. She needs to look into becoming a foster parent. She has a lot to give still. Why are you thinking about moving away? Do you have better prospects somewhere else? Your son may really benefit from having another interested caring adult in his life. If you move away without this resolved, he may feel guilty,even though he is not responsible for her happiness.
@telulas (459)
• Indonesia
13 Dec 06
may be you can get some home near with your grandma, you can protect grandma
@froogle (776)
13 Dec 06
You can feel lonely: when you are alone and have no choice in this when you do not feel part of a group or event when there is no one with whom to share your feelings and experiences when you feel disconnected and alienated from your surroundings when there is no-one to know how miserable and isolated you feel. Loneliness can make you feel: unloved and unwanted socially inadequate convinced that there is something wrong with you self-conscious and ill at ease with others angry and critical of others.
• United States
12 Dec 06
This a very difficult position to be in. And I see many resonable answers. Ask your son what he wants, See what would make him happy. Talk to your grandmother, and see what she would say. You might be surprised. Tell her your plans of moving and ask her advice. It doesn't mean you have to take it, it more then anything gives her a heads up of what is to come. And maybe as the time passes she will become more reasonable and more active in taking charge of her own loneliness. She might surprise you =o)
@bluuyze (68)
• United States
12 Dec 06
Partners - Everybody needs somebody sometimes.....
If your son wants to stay, let him. She might not be around too much longer, and I'm sure he would feel very satisfied knowing he made an old woman happy in her last days.