Is it advisable to STAY FRIENDS with our EX's

Philippines
December 13, 2006 12:01am CST
Would you try to be friends with your Ex lovers of spouses? Is it advisable to stay friends with them. Would you rather not see them anymore? Would you totally want to erase them in your lives? Would you ever want to see him or her?
3 people like this
18 responses
@hmike_d (1529)
• Philippines
21 Feb 07
For me, i dont think it is necessary to be friends with him/her, unless i have business with and we need to friends at all. If not so, i would rather wanna see them anymore and i want them outta my life.
• Philippines
22 Feb 07
It is true that if you don't have any other business with your ex it is better not to see them anymore. It is part of moving on and having a new love of your life. It is hard to move on especially if you see your ex a lot. Thank you for responding to the discussion. Have a nice day!
• Australia
21 Feb 07
Well, I think for me, I well rather not see them ever. I don't want to be friends with them anymore. I am a jealous person that is why. I don't want my future husband and his x gf of course to be seeing each other again. So I'd rather not be friends with them so there's no reason for us to meet them again. I don't want to sound negative but this is my opinion.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
22 Feb 07
I also share the same feeling that I wold not want to see my ex partners anymore. I might also get jealous if I see them with someone else. Although it is none of my business but I know that I would feel that way. Thank you for responding to my discussion.
• United States
20 Feb 07
This one is kind of complicated, as it depends on what is at stake, the reasons behind the break-up, among other things.Back about maybe 25 years ago, if the break-up was because maybe one was relocating to an en entirely different area, it was expensive & slow to keep in touch, with high costs of long-distance phone calls, & the slowness of mailing a letter. Nowadays, if both have computers, they can stay in touch via IM & email. If the break-up was because of abuse, then they probably should not stay friends, & probably will not happen. At times, if there are children involved, & both do care about them, then that common ground - the welfare of those children - would be a good reason to try to stay friends.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
21 Feb 07
Well I think that it is best just to stay acquaintances than friends. Yes kids may be a common ground but when you say that he or she is a friend, it is a different thing. It means that you are close to that person still. Just being baygons must be enough, in my opinion. Thank you for your response.
@SimplyJo (1694)
• India
2 Feb 07
Nooooo.. coz you know that person IS an ex - well, for a reason ! Someone would have to do something really wicked to get 'rid' of me :) so well, i wouldn't wanna talk to anyone who treats me like a doormat. I hate my exes coz they have all hurt me in some way or the other.. i would never wanna even talk to them, let alone be friends.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
21 Feb 07
It would really be very advisabe not to stay friends nor see your exes especially in your situation wherein they treated you like a doormat. In some cases they even treat you like an atm machine. I would rather be a doormat than an atm machine! Thank you for sharing your experiences with us.
@merkava (1226)
• Philippines
2 Feb 07
Weather you like it or not you'll always be friends UNLESS you seperated on a bad note.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
21 Feb 07
Most break-ups usually separate on a bad note. Sometimes they even do it with just a small note on a post-it! Now that's really harsh. Anyway, I do believe that most break-ups end usually in bad situations and conversations. So I guess it would be better not to see each other anymore and move on to another. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us.
@akumei1269 (1750)
• India
2 Feb 07
I think it depends on the state of mind of both the persons prevailing currently . The seperation might have been a result of some understanding of the limitations . When they finds that the situation has changed and they feel like loving each other , what is the wrong in being close again ?
1 person likes this
• Philippines
21 Feb 07
So for you it is okay to stay friends with an ex-lover. For some of us we would think otherwise. It is very hard to move on and find new and greener pastures. Thank you for responding to the discussion.
@carmat (2850)
• Canada
2 Feb 07
For me it would be easier I think to leave the past in the past and move on with your life. When dealing with a spouse and children are involved then thats different and should find a way to stay friends and work through things for the children. You will always have a connection.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
21 Feb 07
I do agree with you that it is a lot different and more complicated if you had kids in the middle of the relationship. That would include them in both of your decision, not unless if the other party does not care about them. But it is surely a lot more simpler if there were no kids involved. You would just have to ask yourself if you can take the pain of losing that person.
• India
21 Feb 07
It depends on what you are now.. I mean if you had breoken up for some silly reason & u still love them & u have no one else in ur life who had taken their place after them then, it is advisable to stay friends with them.. You couls possibly forget the break up & make up your relations ship again.. But if u have someone else in your life now.. then i dont think its correct to stay friends with themm It can hurt your new life..
1 person likes this
• Singapore
13 Dec 06
if it's on a mutual decision to break up..it's ok to still keep in touch and be close friends. but if it's a very messy breakup, i think it's better to have a distance in between and never contact each other again.
• Philippines
13 Dec 06
Thank you very much for your response to my post. Well as for me I would rather to keep my distance with my ex-lovers. You usually would remeber his or her faults or shortcomings in your past relationship. And I don't I would be comfortable seeing my Ex lovers with someone else. Would you be?
• Singapore
13 Dec 06
i'm kinda comfortable...hehe..when i can come to term that the relationship has ended..gone are my love for them as well...so i can be their close friends.
• Philippines
13 Dec 06
Thank you for the response. I don't think I can be a close friend with my X. Maybe we can be friends but not that close. I might just fall in love with him again and might ruin any current relationship, don't you think so?
@xtinelee (3379)
• Singapore
13 Dec 06
It would depend on why we broke up. If we broke up because he cheated on me, sorry, I won't be friends with him. If we broke up because of mutual drift apart, we could still stay as friends, but it's a matter of whether we continue to stay in touch or not.
• Philippines
13 Dec 06
Thank you for your response to my post. I would actually think that its not healthy to be friends with our past lovers. Sometimes when we see them with someone else we often feel jelous even if you had broken up for years now. I would not like to be in that situation.
@gianena (256)
• Philippines
28 Feb 07
Hi!!! In my case, I'm friends with most of my ex BFs. But before that happened, I really hated some of them cause they cheated on me and I can vividly remember that I told myself that I'll never ever forgive them but it turned out the other way. I'm not really close to them after the break-ups but at least we're okay and civil with each other everytime we meet. You wouldn't believe it but one of my ex BFs whom I was with for 8 years is my officemate now.;) Everything is okay with us now. Today, I have no problem with him even if we parted in a bad way. But before we became friends, there were a lot of rude encounters with him and her present gf. They kinda cheated on me. But that was a long time ago, I've already forgiven them. Honestly, it really depends on you if you still want to be friends with your ex partners/spouses. Being friends with them doesn't necessarily mean that you have to see each other everyday. In my case, I feel good about the idea that I'm friends with most of my ex BFs. But I'm not friends with my last BF cause he doesn't want to. I respect his decision and I can't do anything about that. Erasing them in my life???? Naaaahhhhh!!!! I think that's impossible cause in one way or another, I've learned something from them. We also have shared good times (memories) together so why focus on the bad side, right?;)
@jeanvill (654)
• Philippines
23 Feb 07
for me,i want to stay friends if we broke up in good terms but if not...its better for me to keep on distance to him.
@Pigglies (9340)
• United States
22 Feb 07
I think it really depends. If you had a bad breakup or really weren't even close to being meant for each other, I doubt it could work. But I think it could work if you were more meant to be friends than lovers or something.
@bindishah (2063)
• India
22 Feb 07
I think you should stay friends with your exes. Thing is a lot of time goes into building a relationship. Even after one part of it breaks it is difficult to totally sever ties on all aspects.
@kgwat70 (13398)
• United States
22 Feb 07
I do not see anything wrong with being friends with your ex as I am friends still with my ex-girlfriend. Me and her keep in touch from time to time. We get along great but just did not have that chemistry for something more serious. I certainly would love to see her again but it is not likely since she lives further away and is married and has a child. I would not ever want to forget about her or erase her from my life.
@jilcruz (373)
• Philippines
22 Feb 07
It depends upon why we broke up if he cheated me..NO WAY!i dont wanna see you anymore. But for me better not to be friends..
• Philippines
22 Feb 07
it's situational. if they do departed in a nice way, i mean with no hurt feelings, i think it's okay for them to remain friends. i see nothing wrong with it. but when when they separated very badly with all those angers and blaming to each other, it would be better if they totally stay away from each other. as for me, my ex's are my friends cause i see to it that when the relationship is over, it would be over to the situation that we discussed our mistakes and we make sure that we learned from it and that we wishes each other the best of luck
• United States
21 Feb 07
It would depend on the relationship. Did it end badly? Are there unresolved feelings? Its best not to be friends with ex's for a while after the breakup.