Keep him or finally let it go?

@jesi06 (279)
United States
December 13, 2006 10:56pm CST
Ok,here's the story. I have been dating this guy off and on for 5 years now. Each time we "start up" again everything seems to go good for about the first week or two. Then he starts trying to "control" me telling me I cannot talk to certain people or calls all the time asking where I am/what I am doing. I catch him in lies about his "whereabouts" as well as these dumb little lies that I could care less about....only when I do, he either A.Ignores me or B.Changes the subject. He also seems to have a problem with everything I do (how I raise my kids,how I drive,eat,etc) and this really makes me mad. I know this doesn't make sense, but I love him yet hate him. The problem is....in the 5 years I have known him, we had a child and he takes NO responsibility for this child nor his other one from a prior relationship.In fact this man didn't even call our child for 2 years because he and I were not together. Each time he comes back, he says it will be different and how he is now ready for marriage...problem is, he wants to use my credit for everything and I am just TIRED OF IT! Can someone please let me know how much of a moron I REALLY AM??
9 people like this
97 responses
@unisis (1674)
• Indonesia
14 Dec 06
if he does not have the resposibility for your family and you are not life together,probably you ask him to be a good father and change his way of life ,more over your child need the father,cause of divorce is not good ,if not why you still keep him ,let him go but this is the bad decission,if you still can life together it is better
@vehaileairu (2286)
• Philippines
14 Dec 06
dont be on the darl side forever, its time for the - wake up now and move on
what is wrong with you... whats with that man that you have been too blind and so easily be placed on his pockets... and that made worst for 5 years?... let it go. hes abusive, a very disordered man.. hes using you! not the one worthy for you, thats too muuch love you've given and gets nothing in return. sometimes we are tested in lfe, giving us painful situations almost impossible to solve and get out from it, but we will be tested to our strenght and our self will on how we make it happen, how we stand up again after falling into the ground with bruises and wounds blisters that makes us weak and very fragile... but we can be the person who surpass them all, if we stand up after the fall and make our life back to direction, to the path we wished for, to the dreams and hopes we made for ourselves... its not over for you, nothing in this world will be of no hope. everyone has a hope. do let it go, theres more to life.. someone out there is waiting for you, who will never treat you that way. who will make you happy and love you with all of his heart and soul. wake up now. its time to move on my dear. dont be afraid, its only the beginning to wonderful life ahead without him. good luck.
@crabby1 (304)
• Australia
14 Dec 06
Are you sure you are not blonde. he sure treats you like a dumb a s s
@jesi06 (279)
• United States
14 Dec 06
I'm not blonde, I have just believed in a child having both parents in their lives however I play the part of a "dummy" by allowing myself to stay in this situation. I know it's wrong, that is why I keep walking away. It is the promises of things "going to change" that keeps me coming back. This is why I posted...to get outside advise.
1 person likes this
@Pythonis (233)
• United States
15 Dec 06
He hasn't changed before when he said he would and he will not change now. I think itsbetter to have a single mother who loves you and treats you well than a father who disrespects the mother- kids are observant, and they can see what is happening. For your sake and your kids, get out!
@shirgie (230)
• United States
14 Dec 06
Do you want to live your life this way for the next 40 or 50 years? Doesn't sound too good to me. I think children should have two parents also. However, this guy doesn't sound like a parent to me. Anyone can father a kid. If you care for your child, do what is best for the kiddo. In my opinion that would be to show some self respect for the both of you. You and your child deserve better. I hope you get some counselling to figure out why you would put up with this so long, how to move on and to gain some self confidence and self worth. You don't want your child to end up with low self esteem and I don't see how it can be avoided if you continue on the same path. Children are so precious! Unfortunately we don't get do overs raising them. Blessings to you as you raise your child.
@harsh1985 (595)
• India
14 Dec 06
well if he not intrested to take of you and your family.then simplly leave him..why r u keeping this headache with you all time
1 person likes this
@tambdy (1969)
14 Dec 06
Me and my girlfriend have been the same for the last couple of years accept she never uses my credit we just argue alot. Sometimes i wonder if there is any point in continuing.
1 person likes this
• Singapore
14 Dec 06
wow! you really can stand this kinda treatment from a man? it's obviously that he's in control of you and dont really love you enough!! pls wake up before it's too late..find some close friends and they will probably tell you the same thing again! Good Luck!
1 person likes this
• United States
14 Dec 06
Move on and if you wish just stay friends with him but it seems with his track record he's not worth the time of day... You need to look out for yourself and take care of yourself... Until you are secure with your finances and need not worry about anyone else to help support you stay away from these "Losers"... Get yourself Financially secure so you need not depend on anyone else and then maybe look for someone to share your life with, but remember "Your in Charge of Your Life" no one else is or will they want to be...
@dmanuel (411)
14 Dec 06
let him go.. you're too good for him..
1 person likes this
@nicelyrom (521)
• Philippines
14 Dec 06
can't you see he's just playing around with you? did he commit to you already or simply dating, etc.? well girl, i think you should put him in the trash. he has a rotten personality, especially when he care less for your child (and his child to another woman). you are a very intelligent woman but sometimes you can be such an idiot when it comes to love, albeit a very lovable idiot. hmmmnnn... i wanna whack you in the head so i could knock some sense into you! lolz. you'll find someone better... trust me.
• United States
14 Dec 06
..i agree with you dude! But you know sometimes love really make us dumb, blind and an idiot as well...but love is long suffering but still you should think of the positive sides too, you should always be intelligent enough to analize everything especially when it comes to love... ...Mr./Ms. Right comes at a right time and place...lolz..
@jesi06 (279)
• United States
14 Dec 06
He is trying to pressure me into marriage, but I see the "red flags" and walk away. It is THEN that I start hearing how "wonderful" he was from family that somehow makes me think things would be different if we started over again. I know I am a big dummy. I know better than this....I really do. I think I am in some kind of REALLY BAD pattern. I was in a relationship prior to this to a man who was abusive for 11 years...so I know the signs...I just need the self esteem maybe as well as realize I am not a social worker therefor I can't fix these losers! Usually, I am not a dumb person, but in the relationship department....I am!
• Philippines
14 Dec 06
jesi06, you're not alone... I admit that I, too, am an idiot when it comes to love. Indeed, stupidity and love has a thin line in between. Good luck to our lovelife!
• United States
14 Dec 06
5 yrs is a long tie and you will always have him in your heart..but hun,,its tome to say UNCLE.! its over..you deserve better,he sure in hell doesnt deserve you!! and your children..he will never grow and..and he will never be the stabLE RELATIOSNHIP U AND YOUR KIDS NEED..i KNOW U LOVE HIM ..but..its time to let him go..he will use you for every penny and credited penny u own..please if not for yourself ,..for your children..they dont derserve to go threw this...RUN..AS FAST AS U CAN..you know its the right hthing..please take care and keep me informed??
@jesi06 (279)
• United States
14 Dec 06
Thank you VERY much for your advise. Honestly, I KNOW you are right. Deep down, I know he's a LOSER. You see my family sees him as "Mr. Wonderful" as he portrays himself to them. So everytime I walk away I'M the "BAD GUY" and they tell me I am being mean to him. I needed "outside" advise to confirm that indeed the final goodbye is long overdue. Thank you for not "bashing" me or judging me by my stupidity...it is greatly appreciated. I will be kicking him to the curb HARD this time :)
• United States
14 Dec 06
i know, you know what is right and what is wrong...so please dont abuse yourself, as long as you've done your part and that's it, if he can't appreceiate all the things you've done, then get rid out of him. He doesnt deserve someone like you...actualy you're not the loser, it's he. Dont just stick to someone whom you know doesnt deserve to be there...Think not only for yourself but for your children too...Just let him go and live a happy life with your children without him. Please love yourself too...Dont consume the remaining times that you should be happy but still sad because you just have to focus your attention to him which you know doesnt deserve to be treated as good as what you are doing right now...Just let him go...
@sharksfin (1098)
• Philippines
30 Dec 06
You are not a moron. You just love the person. And you're just hoping that he'll change. Of course, somewhere in your heart you want him to stay with you. And there's nothing wrong with that. But, I guess you already know the situation. And in that 5 years of on and off relationship, he never gave you a reason to continue hoping. He always fails you. I think it's time for you to just let go of him. Because he doesn't value you nor your child. You also mentioned that he didn't take responsibility on his other kids. That only suggests that he is not fit to be a partner. He cannot commit, thus, he has no right to be in a relationship. Give yourself worth girl. You deserve a man who can really support you. Don't waste anymore time on him. "What Oprah says about MEN: If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't, nothing can make him stay."
@olga13 (195)
• Japan
30 Dec 06
Love should be a good feeling and you sound very unhappy. I think this man is just a waist of your time, you've already waisted 5 years of you life on him. I think you know that he is no good for you, I can see it froom your post, but you just need an extra push that will help you finish this bad relationship.
@ngchunyi (130)
• Canada
24 Dec 06
let it go, don't stay for one tree when there's a forest out there
• United States
22 Dec 06
You're not a moron, you want companionship, but you are looking at the wrong guy for it. I say dump him, he sounds pretty abusive. Trust me you won't change him, I've been with my hubby for 16 yrs, and he's changed very little. I find women are more open to change then men. It sounds like you are making all the sacrifices. jmho
@pelya178 (694)
• United States
18 Dec 06
aw ur not a moron! i think ur just holding on to this guy becuz u dont think theres anything betterout there or that maybe u wont find anything better. but u can!! just let him go n ull find someone who treats u right. someone who deserves to be with u. someone who is ur equal n doesnt try to control u. just be strong n try to put him out of ur romantic life. slowly...but surely. ;-)
@rein_rgm (390)
• Philippines
18 Dec 06
Love,,,Love,,,Love,,,when will u be so tired?if u really love him love ueself first...
@tanaclark (570)
• United States
18 Dec 06
GIRL GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT! CUT YOUR LOSSES AND LET HIM BE. HE OBVIOUSLY DONT LOVE YOU LIKE YOU WANT AND NEED HIM TO. YOU LOVE HIM AND HE KNOWS THIS AND HE TEARS YOU DOWN AND LEAVES JUST ENOUGH SO HE CAN SWEETEN YOU UP AGAIN WHEN U BEING IN HIS LIFE IS CONVENIENT AGAIN. DONT DO THAT TO YOUR BABY HONEY. FIND SOMEONE WHO WILL LOVE YOU BOTH AND GIVE YOU THE LOVE AND LIFE YOU DESERVE.
@mirage108 (3403)
• United States
17 Dec 06
well I would say get rid of him also. same comment as one of the other responses here, Taking that is your picture you are an attractive young lady. and there are a lot of fish out there to catch.
• Philippines
15 Dec 06
let it go, the are billions of man out there...