A Christmas Funny for You--Hold On To Your Seat
By wenfri
@wenfri (1185)
Canada
December 14, 2006 3:40pm CST
CHRISTMAS WITH LOUISE
As a joke, my brother used to hang a pair of panty hose over his
fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill
them. What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true
because every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings were
overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty.
One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and
went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those things at Wal-Mart. I had to
go to an adult bookstore downtown. If you've never been in an X-rated
store, don't go. You'll only confuse yourself. I was there an hour saying
things like, "What does this do?" "You're kidding me!" "Who would buy that?"
Finally, I made it to the inflatable doll section. I wanted to buy a
standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger
in my truck so I could use the car pool lane during rush hour. Finding what I
wanted was difficult. Love dolls come in many different models. The top
of the line, according to the side of the box, could do things I'd only
seen in a book on animal husbandry. I settled for "Lovable Louise." She was at
the bottom of the price scale. To call Louise a "doll" took a huge leap of imagination.
On Christmas Eve, with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise came to life. My
sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours, long
after Santa had come and gone. I filled the dangling pantyhose with Louise's
pliant legs and bottom. I also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of
milk on a nearby tray. I went home, and giggled for a couple of hours. The
next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to his house and
left a present that had made him VERY happy but had left the dog confused. She
would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more.
We all agreed that Louise should remain in her panty hose so the rest of the
family could admire her when they came over for the traditional Christmas
dinner. My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the door.
"What the hell is that?" she asked. My brother quickly explained, "It's
a doll." "Who would play with something like that?" Granny snapped. I
had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut. "Where are her
clothes?", Granny continued. "Boy, that turkey sure smells nice,
Gran," Jay said, trying to steer her into the dining room. But Granny was
relentless. "Why doesn't she have any teeth?" Again, I could have
answered, but why would I? It was Christmas and no one wanted to ride in
the back of the ambulance saying, "Hang on Granny, Hang on!"
My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled
up to me and said," Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?" I told him
she was Jay's friend. A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa by the mantel,
talking to Louise. Not just talking, but actually flirting. It was then
that we realized this might be Grandpa's last Christmas at home.
The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had
died, who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise made
a noise that sounded a lot like my father in the bathroom in the morning.
Then she lurched from the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and
fell in a heap in front of the sofa. The cat screamed. I passed cranberry
sauce through my nose, and Grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and
began administering mouth to mouth resuscitation. My brother fell back
over his chair and wet his pants and Granny threw down her napkin, stomped
out of the room, and sat in the car.
It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember. Later in my brother's garage,
we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of Louise's collapse.
We discovered that Louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh.
Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her
to perfect health. Louise went on to star in several bachelor party movies.
I think Grandpa still calls her whenever he can get out of the house.
Have great evening LOL
Wendy
1 person likes this
2 responses
@fairly4458 (842)
• United States
14 Dec 06
That is great! I copied this to send it to a freind in email!
Thanks for the giggle!!
1 person likes this