Should fathers have a choice in whether or not the woman aborts the child?

@emagyne (665)
United States
December 15, 2006 2:52pm CST
Someone posted this to one of my posts. Thats a sticky subject. I myself feel that if you are not married and just dating or it was a one night stand, then no, he shouldnt have a choice. Its her body. If you are married then it should be a joint decision. The woman is the one who has to carry the child and most likely end up raising it on her own if the father is not present. As far as the whole subject is concerned, I have saw pictures on the web of what it looks like and its enough to bring tears to your eye. What do you think?
3 people like this
16 responses
@cyntrow (8524)
• United States
27 Aug 07
Sorry, but no, he has no choice. Until the day comes when men gestate and deliver, they have no choice.
3 people like this
• United States
16 Dec 06
That's a tough question. It depends on the situation. If it is a rape, NO!!! If it is a one night stand, maybe. If it is a relationship, yes. But the whole thing really is up to the women, as it is her body, and will have to go through the birthing and raising it most likely. I would not want to be in that situation, as I don't believe in abortion.
2 people like this
@kawillow74 (1417)
• United States
16 Dec 06
NO I really don't thik they have a right to make the choice it it her body that has to go though it. And what if she it total pro choice well if they make it a father choice then what I don't think it would ever come to that. Then can never experence what it is like for a little body to grow into a woman you become attact to the baby.
2 people like this
@Lillith (775)
• United States
16 Dec 06
I suppose, for the most part, I would be considerd Pro Choice. But I do not condone abortion as a means of birth control. However, as stated, it is the woman's body that is used for incubation and giving birth. The man has no changes to his life physically. He does not have to go through 24 hour morning sickness, watch his body distort, lose sleep, have aches and pains, etc. Most of the time, his life does not change afterwards either. He still gets to keep his job, doesn't have to get up in the middle of the night for feedings, can hand the baby back to the mother when he wants to, etc. Now I am not saying ALL fathers are this way. But a large majority of them are. They feel that it is the mother's job to take care of the infant, yet they want to be able to brag about their new son or daughter, like THEY actually did anything except the fun part to get that baby into the world. Having said all of that, I do feel there are instances where it should/needs to be a joint decision. However, when it comes down to the bottom line, the woman should be able to make the decision.
• United States
27 Aug 07
I think it depends on the situation. It may be her body, but it would be his child too. I don't think that a one night stand with someone she barely knows merits any sort of rights. Men have feelings just as we do. I've never had an abortion, but I have had 2 miscarriages. The feelings are similar with the built up guilt. I would think abortion affects a woman more so though. From what I've heard from someone who has had an abortion, she says she can never get over what she did. A man can feel the same way thinking he didn't do enough to stop the woman from aborting his child. It doesn't matter if they're not married. My beliefs are different when it comes to a married couple. There should only be a couple reasons why the wife should abort. I would think rape, a very abusive relationship, or a woman in bad physical shape, or something along those lines would be reasons for aborting.
@cyntrow (8524)
• United States
1 Sep 07
"As a woman who has had children, most women do not look at an unborn child as a thing, embryo or fetus" So because you have had children, you can speak for "most women?" I think not. I have 5 kids and in the first trimester, it's not a baby. Even so, I do not claim to speak for "most women." It's a cluster of cells and tissue dividing and expanding so that it could become a baby if the circumstances are right. If a woman does not want to carry a pregnancy to term, the responsible thing to do is to abort before it grows into a living thing.
2 people like this
@cyntrow (8524)
• United States
1 Sep 07
Oh and no one attacked your reply, they responded to your reply. That's what a discussion site is about.
2 people like this
• United States
4 Sep 07
I knew I shouldn't get myself involved in this topic to begin with as it's a very controversial topic that could end up being deleted if it gets out of hand. I'm sorry if I offended anyone. This is supposed to be a discussion, not a debate. I think I'll leave it with that in respect of the original poster. Have a great day! :-)
@mandaj17 (19)
• United States
16 Dec 06
I think the guy definately should have a say. Honestly, without him there would be no baby to discuss in the first place, and if the father wants the baby, which is half his, to be born he should have that option. Even if it was a one night stand or something, if the woman did not want to get pregnant she could have used protection and/or birth control. In the end, if the father leaves, the mother is still not forced to care for the baby, she can always give it up for adoption.
1 person likes this
@emagyne (665)
• United States
16 Dec 06
Your first point is right, without him there would be no baby but it takes two. And also, why do men always say well she should have used protection. He could have too you know.
2 people like this
• United States
16 Dec 06
your right, if a man doesn't want a baby he should use protection, even if the woman does not. i was only singling out the woman because of the nature of the question, since your question assumes that the man wants the child and thus would have felt no need for protection.
1 person likes this
@cyntrow (8524)
• United States
28 Aug 07
Damn straight!! Men don't have to go through the hell of pregnancy. They have absolutely NO say. Labor and delivery are torture; I've had 5 of them. If I chose to abort my first, which I didn't, my boyfriend at the time would have had no say. He doesn't carry it or birth it, he has no thought in my decision. I chose to let the fetus grow into a baby, he still had nothing to do with it. I married him and divorced him and raised my son on my own. He had no say in that either.
2 people like this
@MakDomMom (1474)
• United States
16 Dec 06
The dad should have a say in the matter. It doesn't matter if the father is the lady's husband, boyfriend, accaintance... The guy has feelings too. The woman may not want the child but whos to say, other than the dad, if he wants the baby. There are a lot of single dads out there and they care for the kids just as much, if not more in some cases.
@emagyne (665)
• United States
17 Dec 06
That is true but rare. Its a real sticky issue but I think it counts more when you are married. Because alot of times, relationships arent really that serious and the decision usually ends up laying on the woman.
1 person likes this
@Hemant83 (1282)
• India
16 Dec 06
yes definitelly. Father should take decision to abort child or not. After all he is father of child. he better know about the future problems. So father should take the decision. you take care and have a nice day.
1 person likes this
@cyntrow (8524)
• United States
28 Aug 07
So are you saying that a man should tell a woman whether or not she has to have a baby?? I could almost understand people thinking that the father should have a say even though I disagree. But NO MAN should be able to tell a woman to have a baby or to abort, period.
2 people like this
@abhisree (521)
• India
16 Dec 06
i think a father has a right to say especially if the couple is married. more than his contribution it is the emotional attachment that counts.
@emagyne (665)
• United States
17 Dec 06
I agree, especially in marriage.
1 person likes this
@jewel76 (2305)
• Canada
16 Dec 06
FIrst of all, I say abortion sould be banned from everywhere, it shouldn't even exist! It is murder, it is killing an unborn child. ANyways, I will still comment on the subject of the post; if the father says he doesn't want her to abort and she wants to abort, then he should sign papers saying he will be the only legal guardian of the child from the moment of the child's birth. If the man wants the woman to abort and SHE doesn't want, well then he can just take off!
1 person likes this
@eden32 (3976)
• United States
4 Sep 07
OK- let's pretend that actually became the law. Men are allowed final say in terminating a pregnancy, if they are willing to take on all responsibilities for the child. Now for the next 40 weeks, does he get to decide the woman's diet- so as to make sure his child is being properly nourished? Does he get to decide what 'risky' behaviors are OK & which are not- for example decide if the woman should wear a seatbelt (seatbelts can be risky during some pregnancies). Does he choose which doc & hospital the woman should see? Does he decide how many hours she should work in a week, if any? Should he decide what birthing options the woman uses (Section, epidural, natural, etc)? And by the same token, if he feels she shouldn't continue the pregnancy & his arguments are more "valid" does he have final say in making her abort?
1 person likes this
• Philippines
15 Dec 06
Its his child too... you'll never know he could be the best dad... cause choosing to abort a child is really not a good thing to do (no offence, Im pro life)
1 person likes this
@emagyne (665)
• United States
15 Dec 06
I am too. But this is something that happens in this country and this is something that happened to a friend of mine. They were dating and she got pregnant and she has health problems real bad. She didnt want to have the baby for fear of her health and the babies health because it would probably be premature. He on the other hand, did not want an abortion and felt he had a right in the situation but her argument was 1.her and the babies health and 2. they werent married. I stayed out of it although my advice and input was asked for. I did encourage her though to give the baby a chance and herself because she didnt know gods plan for her or that child but it didnt work unfortunately.
1 person likes this
@theprogamer (10539)
• United States
28 Dec 07
I think there should be equal choice in the matter of parenting choide. If she does not want to keep it, she can legally opt out. Likewise if he does not want to be a father, he should be able to opt out (note I did not say abort). Currently the laws are unconstitutional in this matter (14th Amendment - Equal Protection Clause). Also think of the situation carefully. Women can either keep or disown the baby through the topic way or another method(abandonment, "safe haven", adoption). Men do not have this right in any way, shape or form, just responsibility. In terms of abortion however its going to be her choice. But again one person gets a choice while the other gets the responsibility of a certain choice. This won't be changed anytime soon, but there is still the aspect of one person having a choice while another person has no choice (again, 14th amendment). I do think there should be more responsibility on the part of BOTH genders, not just one. Children benefit from having a mother and a father. However, in plenty of cases there are mothers who do acts but end up not wanting the child (having full legal ability to destroy it or give it up, absolving themselves of the responsibility). The same does not occur for men. And I can already hear the shaming language from over here, just forget it, it won't work. I think both genders should show more responsibility in this matter instead of asking for ways out. Mothers should own-up to what happened and Fathers should face what happened. Unfortunately, people are sovereign, having varying ethics, needs and wants. Not everyone will follow this. Also mentioned is what's the case of this in marriage? It should be a joint decision, but not only that, things like this need to be talked about before and in marriage to clarify. But what should the law be there? Joint decision on abortion or joint decision on the ultimate fate of the child(abortion, safe haven)? Again, I don't think he should have control of her and her body, but there should be some sort of reason or compromise in this matter between the two of them. Another instance of sovereignty among the individuals/couple. They have to work it out, it shouldn't be breached on further by any outside party. There are also other situations to consider though. What if one or both parents are completely irresponsible, immature, abusive, (some sort of vice that would prove destructive or fatal to a child)...should a child be born to that? I wouldn't want it that way, it'd be hell for the child. And isn't that what alot of the arguments revolve around "the good of the child"? Just some thoughts I had on the matter.
1 person likes this
@kids91911 (4366)
• United States
17 Dec 06
Yes believe both parents should have a choice in the matter.
1 person likes this
@raghwagh (1528)
• India
16 Dec 06
Abortion Percentages - Abortion Percentages
Yes I think father should have choice to decide about abortion as that chile is because of both the father and mother, and no one singly can take the decision.Also same is the law in India.
1 person likes this
@KrauseHome (36103)
• United States
28 Aug 07
To me, my answer would be, and always will be 100 YES!! A man should have a choice in whether a child is ever aborted in this lifetime. He deserves the chance to know he could have been a Father, and does he want to know some woman killed his Child just because of a careless mistake on their part? And if the man does not care one way or the other to me, he would not be a right man to be with anyway. The only time I feel the woman should have 100% say in the matter is when it is a case of incest, or Rape or when the womans life could be in danger if she chooses to carry the baby full term.
@eden32 (3976)
• United States
28 Aug 07
Then should a man be allowed to force a woman to terminate if she doesn't wish to but his reasons are more valid? If men were given the right to over-rule the woman's choice to end a pregnancy it's only logical that they would also have a right to end the pregnancy too.
1 person likes this
@eden32 (3976)
• United States
28 Aug 07
S.Clam- off to see if my library has that book now:) But I have to disagree that men should ever have final say over what happens in a woman's body. Although it's getting harder to do so, many men walk away never to be heard from or tracked down for child support. And I want to believe that very few women choose to have children for those reasons (although I am sure it does happen). Child support orders are based on the father's income (or at least where I live they are) so a man paying $1000 in child support is earning around $4500 a month, not exactly living in poverty himself. The child support system is far from perfect, but it seems like as close as any government can come to a reasonable set of guidelines to protect children.
1 person likes this
@cyntrow (8524)
• United States
28 Aug 07
The bottom line is that if and when a man pushes a baby out through his pen*s, then he can choose. Until then, the woman has to carry the child, it's her choice. Krause, it is not a baby until late in the second trimester. Women who abort do not kill children. They rid themselves of an unwanted pregnancy. I had a miscarraige and the cluster of tissue that was in my toilet was not a baby. My stillbirth at six months was a baby, but I wanted him and planned for him. You need to learn the difference between a baby and a clump of tissue.
2 people like this
• United States
13 Dec 07
"I have saw pictures on the web of what it looks like and its enough to bring tears to your eye." I laugh. The photos are fake. They are doctored. They are PhotoShopped. My favorite is the 6-8 week old "fetus" that has his fully formed body around a quarter. His tiny little fingers are grasping the quarter. The quarter shpws the size of the "lost soul." No 6 week old fetus looks like a play doll. Anyway, getting back to the subject at hand. The father of the fetus can say what he wants and can beg and plead for the woman not to abort, but it's her choice. It's her body, not his. He has no right to force a woman to carry a pregnancy she doesn't want to carry. That's slavery any way you paint it.
• United States
13 Dec 07
It is true. I baby has a heart beat at 40 days after conception. You get an abortion you stop the heart and kill the baby. I do not believe in abortion. It is just not a cluster if cells. Its a living baby with a heart beat.
• United States
13 Dec 07
Then I suggest you don't get one. Meanwhile, if I get pregnant, to hell with that beating heart. It's stopping. And a heartbeat does not = life. It has no brain, no brain function, no feelings or pain sensors.