Is there a real risk of my kid feeling lonely?

India
December 16, 2006 9:43am CST
I have got a son of 4 years . A student of Maria Montessori House of Children , he is normal in all respects . My income is just enough to support a family of three if education of the kid is well prioritised . Some of my friends advice me to go for the next issue . For some of them,having two children is merely a minimum social norm which I outrightly reject . But the others insist that kids feel badly the need of a sibling after a certain age and also that it is necessary for kids' psychological development . I also feel it . But since I feel that providing good education to two children is a difficult proposition for me given the estimated flow of income in future, I am against the idea of having two children .If somehow the next issue, if I have to go for it in any case, happens to be a twin , it will be hell for me . As a substitute, I thing of regularly visiting the children's park so that my kid gets some opportunity to meet other children on a regular basis . But it is also not possible always . Is there some real risk of my kid feeling lonely if he doesn't have a sibling?
7 people like this
45 responses
@angelicEmu (1311)
16 Dec 06
It depends on the child and how easily they socialise. Feeling lonely can happen whether a child has siblings or not - that's a risk in life in general, and no-one can ever be completely protected from that feeling. I think that if your child has problems socialising there is a risk of loneliness, but this would be a solveable problem, and you'd be able to tell if your child was feeling lonely - as long as he knows he can talk to you, he'll probably tell you if he is! At his age, it should be easy to get him to communicate with you, so I don't think you should worry too much about this. As long as your child is loved, supported and happy, that's all that matters!
1 person likes this
• India
16 Dec 06
I also think so . many factors may have their roles in a child's psychology and everything is not under one's control . Then why should I go for something which is sure to create inconvenience not for me only but for the kid s themsleves . Because , finacial aspect is a real thing to manage with .
20 Dec 06
Indeed - children are apparently very expensive, and if you're worried about being able to provide for another one too, then that's a serious consideration. It sounds like you're a caring and responsible mother, judging by your question, so your son has got the best possible start in life, whether or not he has siblings!
21 Dec 06
Sorry - I've just realised I assumed you're the mother, but you could of course be the father. I didn't intend to cause any offense if this is the case. The point still stands, but I ought to have typed "parent" rather than "mother".
@gabs8513 (48764)
• United Kingdom
16 Dec 06
There is and there isn't First of all you only havd Children if you want them and how many you want no one has the right to influenze you on more then that Also you should not look at the Financial side of things you will always manage I did In your Heart ask yourself what you want if you do not want another Child then you don't if you do but you are thinking just of Financial then don't that is not important to a child as long as the Child is loved and looked after
1 person likes this
• India
16 Dec 06
Thanks for responding . But how can the financial aspect be ignored ? You are sure how much your income is going to be . The picture of the educational cost also is clear to you . However , it is also true that love is the most important thing .
@198112 (336)
• United States
16 Dec 06
friends - a child having a playmate, friends
I think allowing your child to at least have a sibling will be a great help. Your son will learn responsibility. My biggest thing with having one child is that I think they are more spoiled and selfish and hate the fact of sharing. Also they become more obsessive and jealous. Maybe a mommy boy because all the attention was always focus on them. Knowing a woman who is married to a man who is the only child. Maybe it is just her experience, but she have complain about her husband having all them qualities, that I just mention. Maybe you can decide on adoption. I think many adoption agencies pay for the living costs of children who is temporary living in your home. That can give you a chance to get extra money and also a playmate for your child
16 Dec 06
I do believe in the need for kids to have siblings in order to be able to share and play with. As for education... well, if they are good, they should be able get sponsors and scholarships... if they have no interest in studies, perhaps they need to learn a skill. How much can we earn and be sure that it is enough? How much is enough anyway? Well, having children is a joyful process, no matter how many... Don't worry about financing their studies in the future because if they are able, things will fall into place... I have two kids and I come from a family with 4 siblings... yes, I intend to have more children, maybe not now but I will probably have at least one more before I am done... Education, well, me and my siblings work for ourselves... with minimal support at least up to secondary or degree. If we want to study abroad, it is up to ourselves... I managed to get myself to the UK on a scholarship. Not immediately... but I am here now. So, nothing is impossible. More importantly, I am thankful I have siblings and family to share with throughout my growing up years... something I would trade nothing for.
• Ireland
17 Dec 06
If you feel you can only manage one child then it is best that the one child should grow up happy and well provided for. Your son will mix with other children at school and when older he will probably join sports clubs etc. You can also invite other children to your home to play with your son. There is absolutely no reason why your child should feel lonely.
@cloud9 (176)
• Philippines
17 Dec 06
I've known people who are the only child in the family and they didn't seem lonely to me. What's great about it is that they have great social skills and realy mingle with other people. I guess there's always a possibility for your child to be lonely but it would still be the same even if he has siblings. I have siblings and I do get lonely sometimes. As long as you show him that you're there whether he needs you or not, he'll be fine. Spend time with him, play and educate him so he would know that he is loved and is not alone.
• India
17 Dec 06
YA there is a risk .
@isha900 (1460)
• India
17 Dec 06
this is right
@deebomb (15323)
• United States
20 Dec 06
Haveing a sibling will not guarentee that your son will not ever get lonely. One can be in a ceowd and still be lonely. oOne can come from a large family and still be lonely. One can be totaly alone and not feel lonely.
• Pakistan
20 Dec 06
its not necessary tht kid feels lonely...but siblings are very important for ones life...i don hav any sister n when my mother passed away i badl;y felt the need of having a sister...u must atleast have one more sibling for ur kid...
• United States
19 Dec 06
Hi, At the age that your kid is right now the only thing that is necessary for them is to provide a loving and fun environment and going to the park is just one more added entertainment. Right now they are not really at risk of feeling lonely unless you consistently leave them by themselves, but you create games and family activites he or she shouldn't be affected at all. But be on your guard once they reach puberty because you will have to feel in those gaps because the youth need different or should I say more stimulation from family at that time. Having them participate in school activities, and family outings, movies,making new friends and don't forget the good old fashions family reunions, that will certainly help a lot to keep them away from feeling lonely.
• United States
19 Dec 06
Hi, I don't think your child will be at risk of being lonely if you provide for him or her and fun and loving environment. You play games in do a lot of interaction with them. Going to the park will be just one added addition to the whole equation. Once they get other though you will definately have to fill the gap because the needs of child will change. Once they reach puberty you will no doubt have to provide some other stimuli like, pen pals, visting relatives often, and amusement parks etc. And most of all a lot of prayers (smile).
• Italy
17 Dec 06
i have 2 sisters and for me was a HELL there is no risk for ur kid
@foosje (41)
• Belgium
17 Dec 06
Off course there's a risk of your child feeling lonely, but if he has a lot of friends, it won't make any differences if he has a sibling or not. I have a brother and a sister, and the only thing I ever did with them was argue. I don't think you should have another child if you don't want to. My cousing has no siblings, and he's perfectly happy. Only thing you have to do is make sure he gets the chance to play with other children, then I think there's nothing to worry about.
• India
17 Dec 06
don't feel risky your son was not alone.
@shyam4uall (1003)
• India
17 Dec 06
I don't think being lonely matters much or causes any change in the physocological thinkings... I myself being a single child of my parents never felt lonely because my parents have acted like me friends and they have never felt me that I am their only child..they have spend as much time as possible with me..supported me in sphere of my life..But yeah sometimes its not possible for the aging parents to be with me..and that like I feel the need of someone on whom I can depend being a sister a brother or a friend... So on behalf of u try to spend as much time as possible and keep them motivating and supporting in every sphere of their life !!
• India
17 Dec 06
I feel that they shouldhave a sibling. Visiting a park is ok for a while but in the long run its only the blood relations that stay togethrr. So i feel if u dont have severe economic constraints go for another baby.
@ocean126 (15)
• China
17 Dec 06
making decision according your situation.
• Canada
17 Dec 06
Your priority should be to run a family you are capable motionally, physically and financially support. The importance of care and love should be the first and foremost things to show your only child. These two things are really a case of showing over telling. So to teach someone to care you must show that you care. Same thing for love. Then the next most important thing is going to be friendship and responsibility. Seem funny how I put those last two in the same sentence? It shouldn't. The old adage that to make a friend you must be a friend is true and that implies a commitment. The ability to keep a commitment is trait found in people that are responsible. For a child this is most easily explained by showing care and love and then explaining the importance of a child to show him or her self caring and love at the earliest opportunity when he or she will understand (but try to do it before age 7 which is when most professionals agree a child's values will be mostly 'locked in').
@isha900 (1460)
• India
17 Dec 06
yes
@binodkari (174)
• India
17 Dec 06
Yes there are some chances of the kid feeling lonely. People should understand this that the children have tendency to play. When they play with other children they are more happy then they are lonely.
@beverly1 (1130)
• United States
17 Dec 06
dont worry about it everly thing be ok you are a good mom