adoption

@maryannemax (12170)
Sweden
December 18, 2006 4:02pm CST
my friend wants to adopt the baby of another friend. i've been telling her not to take the baby since she can't afford to raise one. my friend is just a regular employee in a cellphone store. she earns just the minimum wage enough just for herself. she even sometimes run to me when she needs to borrow extra cash. just lately, i've learned that she went on with the adoption. and now, she's been bothering me every now and then about lending her money and she makes me feel guilty about helping her with the baby. should i help even if i don't even earn enough, too?
2 people like this
34 responses
• Pakistan
19 Dec 06
i dont think there is any wrong with adopting a child it will add colour and purpose to the life of your friend to raise a child is demanding but one can achieve equal satisfaction by seeing his grown up achieving the goals which you dreams so my advice FACILITATE your friend
@maryannemax (12170)
• Sweden
19 Dec 06
but i don't think the child will have a better future since my friend is financially incapable of financially supporting the baby
• Pakistan
19 Dec 06
No doubt your friend will have to take responsiblity to find new sources of income after all low income people are still living in this world and with proper planning and guidance living better and happpy.After all income is not only thing emotion s also have a place
@maryannemax (12170)
• Sweden
19 Dec 06
i hope she has enough will to look for another way to earn something more instead of going to her friends and beg for help all the time.
@chanfrado (1166)
• Portugal
19 Dec 06
It is veru nice and a very beautiful thing we can make, but we sure need to have the right conditios to created an adopted kid. Your friend should wait more until until she has enough money and the right to conditions to raise a little kid. If she really wants do to that anyway, try to help as much as possible. That's what I would do, I would help my friend as much as possible.
@maryannemax (12170)
• Sweden
19 Dec 06
yep. i've always been of support to my friend. but i think getting another child that she can't support will make things harder for her. i don't want to see my friend stressed. because i get stressed, too.
@chanfrado (1166)
• Portugal
19 Dec 06
Well, beg to her to don't do it! Tell her you are really worried about what can happen to her and to the rest of her family in the future. Make sure she understands your point of view about this situation.
@maryannemax (12170)
• Sweden
19 Dec 06
well, she already did it. that's why she bothers me all the time in making me feel guilty about helping her. she asked for an advice from me at first but she never listened.
@soldenski (2504)
• United States
19 Dec 06
This is a hard one. I am sure, that you as a friend, you want to be as supportive as you can with your friend. If she want's to adopt this baby, support her, even if you don't agree with her. But, you are under no obligation to give her, or lend her money. Explain to her that your finances are also limited and you need your money for yourself. Good luck
@maryannemax (12170)
• Sweden
19 Dec 06
since it's not a legal adoption, i am scared that one day the real mother will take back the baby since it's not really legal (what my friend did). and that everything my friend spent for the baby will just go to waste. she'll be surely hurt.
@Chiriac (287)
• Romania
19 Dec 06
I dont know if it`s legal or not, but maybe it`s better for the child.Many children are placed for adoption because their biological parents decide that they are unable to adequately care for them. Maybe, with the new family, the child gone start a new life.
@maryannemax (12170)
• Sweden
19 Dec 06
yep. the biological mother isn't interested in raising her own baby that's why my friend have the baby adopted. but i think she should have looked for someone to adopt the baby legally instead of volunteering to take care of the baby.
@shiboleth (270)
• Canada
19 Dec 06
Your friend needs to be able to provide for a child before she should adopt one. She needs to be serious about her obligation. What about her husband, does he have enough money to support a child? A couple needs to work hard and be serious-minded to fulfil their obligations to a family.
@maryannemax (12170)
• Sweden
19 Dec 06
she's actually single. but i still think what she did was wrong. she should be financially stable first before adopting a child.
• United States
19 Dec 06
i also agree with that when u have a kid you need to be able to support that kid no matter what even if that means you go hungary so they can eat!
@maryannemax (12170)
• Sweden
19 Dec 06
that's why before getting a kid of your own, or adopt one, you should first think if you're financially stable to support the child.
• Portugal
18 Dec 06
For start, you are absolutely right, your friend has no conditions at all for being the adoptive mother of a child. On my own opinion, she is not even mature enough to consider the possibility of being a mother. A baby brings work and responsability. She must think on that. She may not act by impulse. The baby will need her for the next years, not only for a couple of days or months. Right now, it seems to me that your friend is not thinking. She only consider the possiblity of keep the child, is not thinking on the money a child's needs to her development, and on the work that a child's brings either. The adoption of a child it is not like the adoption of a pet. She may not turn back to the shop, and say that she does not want the child for no longer. However, you should not be too upset with this. Before the adoption, there will be a psychological avaliation of your friends, just as a completely observation through the social security, and I may not believe that they will consider to give her the child.
@maryannemax (12170)
• Sweden
19 Dec 06
right. that's why i find her stupid sometimes. i mean, why adopt a baby when you can't even fit in your own salary?
@Jestin (560)
• Philippines
19 Dec 06
I agree. Getting a baby is additional responsibility and it would mean more expenses. If her salary can't even support her fully, why get another person to feed. I don't mean to sound antagonistic but if she wants to help her friend, instead of adopting the baby, she can just help take care of the baby. During her free time, she can babysit for free. That way, she helps her friend and the baby too without putting more responsibility on herself.
@maryannemax (12170)
• Sweden
19 Dec 06
thanks. i agree with you. i told her that, too. but she won't listen. and now she's bugging me about helping her. and i don't wanna feel responsible for what she chose of doing.
• India
19 Dec 06
hmmmmmmmmmm these are the common problems faced by any one, but i am surprised to see the people of US also striving for money...... i think you should help her and find more ways to earn....
@maryannemax (12170)
• Sweden
19 Dec 06
i am helping her in any way i can. but i cannot help her all the time. i am not rich and i need to take care of my parents, too.
@isha900 (1459)
• India
19 Dec 06
yes this is commen problenm
@Foxxee (3653)
• United States
19 Dec 06
In adoption the state looks at income and everything that will involve the baby. They wouldn't have let her adopt the baby if she didn't make enough to take care of the baby. Is the adoption legalized now? If so and when she does get the baby, if she still asks for help, then don't give her to much. Maybe only give to the child. I mean it's not the child's fault the adopted parent can't manage. I hope she really thinks long and hard about this. I mean it's not your responsablities to raise the child. You told her not to go through with it. Maybe she will change once she actually has the baby with her.
@maryannemax (12170)
• Sweden
19 Dec 06
the sad thing is, she did not legally adopted the baby. she skipped paper works because it's expensive and needs time. and she has the baby now.that is why i feel bad towards her.
@mkup30 (494)
• United States
19 Dec 06
how can an adoption agency give a baby to an unfit mother? Seems crazy and so wrong.
@maryannemax (12170)
• Sweden
19 Dec 06
because she illegally adopted the baby. no paper works. no attorney. that's why im more annoyed.
• India
19 Dec 06
ADOPTION - ADOPTION
Adoption is a legal process that creates a new, permanent parent-child relationship where one didn't exist before. The adoption proceedings take place in court before a Judge. Adoption bestows on the adoptive parents all the rights and responsibilities of a legal parent, and gives the child being adopted all the social, emotional, and legal rights and responsibilities of a family member. Sometimes, court language will include the words "as if born to" to describe the new parent-child relationship. Adoption is a permanent proposition that requires a lifelong commitment by everyone involved. It is extremely important that you adopt for the right reasons.Adoption is for forever. And it's also not the best option for every family. As you seek your own answers to the question "is adoption right for your friend?", it's equally important to explore the other side of the question: "Your friend is right for adoption?" Anyone who plans to adopt must also be prepared to properly deal with the financial, time, and other significant lifestyle commitments that will be necessary in order for parenting to be a success.
@maryannemax (12170)
• Sweden
19 Dec 06
right. i agree. my friend should realize that she's now committed to give the baby a better future. and she should start looking for a better paying job.
@vipul20044 (5798)
• India
19 Dec 06
See having a passion or sharing or caring someone is good but then you should be sensible enough If you think that you wont be able to feed up someone, love cannot be enough for survival no Well just ask her you are willing to lend money but till how long she can live like this?
@maryannemax (12170)
• Sweden
19 Dec 06
yep.its good to care for someone. and it's a blessing to have a baby. but i hope she thought of it first. how can she take care of a baby when her salary is not even enough for her needs?
@siva12 (800)
• India
19 Dec 06
Your friend wants to adopt a baby from another friend or from anyone else. I found you are helping person to her. I believe that your friend taking the correct decision.
@maryannemax (12170)
• Sweden
19 Dec 06
she's adopting a baby of her friend. i am trying to help her. but i cannot be there all the time for her.
@my2babes (88)
• United States
19 Dec 06
If you are so concerned about the well being of the baby, which I can't blame you at all! I would call Children Services and turn in the mother and the "adoptive" mother. The baby will get a good home with stable parents who are able to take care of the child.
@maryannemax (12170)
• Sweden
19 Dec 06
i will tell my friend about your suggestion. but i don't think she's willing to give up the baby. but atleast, it's good if i try your suggestion.
• United States
19 Dec 06
No you should not help because you can't. She decided to adopt the baby which was a bad idea. Instead refer her to programs in your area that help low inclome single mothers. Here we have WIC which helps with formula, food, and diapers. Also we have CalWorks which is aid to families in the welfare system. Bottom line she made a bad decision and there is nothing you can do about it.
@maryannemax (12170)
• Sweden
19 Dec 06
yes. you're right. great idea. i will tell her to seek for organizations that might help her through. thanks.
@LoYaL132 (335)
• Netherlands
19 Dec 06
I don't think its smart to help if you even do not earn so much urself
@maryannemax (12170)
• Sweden
19 Dec 06
i know. but my guilty feeling makes me help her. it does not feel good to snob her everytime she comes to me for help.
@scorpius (1793)
• India
19 Dec 06
adoption - adoption
therers no reason why you should not help her.after all it is for the baby.a baby needs a warm and loving enviorment.if your friend can proviude all this then you shoiuld help her out.but at the same time please make her realise that the responsibilities of having the baby as well as the costs are going to grow and she has top realise this and get a better job asap.i have given some links below which i hope helps your friewwnd realise what adoption is aall about! http://www.cara.nic.in/ http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adoption http://www.ichild.org/
@maryannemax (12170)
• Sweden
19 Dec 06
i do help her sometimes. but i can't lend her money all the time. i have a life to live, too.
19 Dec 06
dont lend her any more money ..she got herself into this mess. she cant expect you to help her out.
@maryannemax (12170)
• Sweden
19 Dec 06
well, she always make me feel like i should be able to help her out. i try not to lend her money all the time. she gets upset though. but i can't her everything she needs from me.
@Marie2473 (8519)
• Sweden
19 Dec 06
i would feel guilty as well, not for not lending HER money, but for not helping the innocent child. She should have never adopted a kid. i think you should be financially stabil before you even consider adopting, or having a child. Children are innocent and they deserve to be brought up with safety. both emotionally and financially. I do not know what you should do, my mail instinct tells me to let her handle this herself, but then my softer side takes over and tells me that u should keep helping her... Oh I really donĀ“t know what i would do!
@maryannemax (12170)
• Sweden
19 Dec 06
true. sometimes when she comes to me for help, there's this side of me that doesn't want to help. but my conscience tells me to help. really annoying!
@rituja (217)
• India
19 Dec 06
No,do not help.She is responsible for her own actions and feelings.If she has decided to raise the baby then let she herself does it, you have not adopted the baby. DOnt feel guilt, you were not party to that unhwise decision.
@maryannemax (12170)
• Sweden
19 Dec 06
i always try not to help just to make her learn her lesson. however, i do feel guilty afterwards. and still,i end up helping her.
• Singapore
19 Dec 06
you are right! she should not adopt a baby when she cant even afford to support herself! i'm confused...i dont know whether to ask you to help her or not...one part is saying 'dont help! she should learn her lesson the hard way' but another part of me is thinking that 'if she's broke, the baby will suffer too', maybe you can help by buying a big bottle of milk powder so that you can be sure that they baby is well fed?
@maryannemax (12170)
• Sweden
19 Dec 06
i am thinking of doing that, too. however, if i get to start doing it, she will be dependent on me already. what if one day i can't buy the baby a can of milk? she'll surely feel bad about it. sometimes, i just don't think of helping her. but i feel guilty afterwards. i still end up helping her.
@motubhai (235)
• India
19 Dec 06
In India, we thought that when a child born he born with his on luck & fate, so I feels if u yoursrlf feels that she is in need but you cannot help her, you should not worry & feel guilty but if you feel you can help her you should as a friend & let her adopt.
@maryannemax (12170)
• Sweden
19 Dec 06
yep. but i just worry about her situation. she cannot even have enough money for herself. and now she's adopted one baby.