Do you value your work or your relationship more?

@megs85 (3145)
Australia
December 18, 2006 11:46pm CST
I think my partner cares more about his job, then he does me and our son- his family. He's always at work, and never here with us. I feel like I'm doing it all on my own.
3 people like this
15 responses
• United States
19 Dec 06
Megs, I really feel for you. I've seen that this is at least the second post pertaining to your relationship with your husband. I understand that it is hard, but you will make it through. Let me tell you about my situation. I am a husband and a father of two boys, one 2 year old and one 7 month old. My work begins at 10am and ends at 9pm, with an hour commute each way, but I only work 4 days a week. I go to college and train myself for certifications that I need for work in my field. I am lucky to have 30 min with my kids in the mornings on my work days and that is it. I see my wife for about 2 hours at night on work days. During the weekends, we all go out to a mall or to a park, just to get out of the house. I do what I can around the house, but I know it's not nearly as much as my wife needs me to do. It is really difficult trying to stabilize myself in my new career and try to spend as much time as I can with my family. At times, my wife and I feel isolated because we don't get to see each other much, except on the weekends, and we haven't made many friends where we live, since we just moved. It can be difficult when your spouse doesn't help out or when he keeps to himself. I don't think that pretending to leave or yelling at him is going to do much good. I would suggest finding a circle of friends that you can trust. My wife keeps in contact with a group of ladies in her area through a message board like this one. There may be something like that in your area. Do whatever you can to keep connected because the more you isolate yourself, the worse it is going to be. You might find some playgroups in your area or find similar groups connected with a religious organization. It will be tough to find these kinds of help, but the search will be worth it. I wish you luck.
@SViswan (12071)
• India
21 Dec 06
My husband wants me to handle everything on my own without help of any sort. He's kept his family away from me. So, I'm totally on my own (not out of choice). frankly, I am quite capable of doing things on my own. But there are some days when I just want some sort of support, a kind word or a 'I understand what you are going through'. And I don't get that from him even when I ask. What help can I get?
@merkava (1225)
• Philippines
4 Feb 07
I think he's doing that for your welfare. He needs to work in order to support you. If you feel that you've been neglected why don't you have a talk with him and tell him how you feel. My girlfriend taught I was neglecting her because we had no communication for almost 2 months. I was very busy with work and it would be unprofessional of me if I were to prioritize my loved ones more by spending time with them when my fellow employees are sacrificing the same.
• India
3 Feb 07
worklife - Working is more interesting. It also gives money for our working
Something is better than nothing. so love the job then only you can have some interest on the job. Job gives out our earning.
@camar_lyn (1028)
• Singapore
3 Feb 07
Is he the breadwinner of the family? Or do you work as well?
@angelface23 (2498)
• United States
29 Jan 07
My husband didn't work for 5 months when the baby was born. Now he just got a great job as a general manager at a pizza place. The problem is he has to be there all the time. He works from 3-1:30 AM. We barely see him anymore. He was just telling me that he is trying to change the schedule but it will be hard. I know how you feel, like you do everything. It's like he's not even there. What does your husband do? COuld he work a differnt shift??
@edigital (2710)
• United States
3 Jan 07
Work is doing by anyone to maintain self, family and kids and to keep all happy, relationships cannot happy in ildle family. So preferring work should have similar preference for relationship. In Islam religion God said that sleep of a married man is better than to worship for whole night by a unmarried man. God love whome who spend their major income for their family and who maintain their family relationship happy. So emphasizing work than family relationship is not desireable.
@mimpi1911 (25479)
• India
21 Dec 06
personally i value relationship more than work or money. however, a perfect balance between the two would have been more desirable. it's very hard though and only a few cud actually strike a balance. i agree with you totally that the stay-at-home moms do the whole household chores 24x7x365 withot any recognition of their effort. and to top it all when the partners donot assist it gets very sad physically and more so emotionally. some are like that, while some are too interfering and critical about everything going on around home. having said this, u shud give benefit of doubt to your husband for it's quite possible he is working hard to secure your future!! all u can do is convince him to stay and spend quality time with you, may be a full day a week. i am sure he will understand, or else engage urself to something you love doing. u have to work things out according to your emotional benefit, trust me, only a few take care of that. all the best
@nhtpscd (1418)
• Australia
21 Dec 06
I am not in a relationship right now nor am I working so I am answering from my past. There should be both. There has to be a happy medium because if theres not one side always suffers. Either the family will eventually fall apart or wor performance suffers
@SViswan (12071)
• India
21 Dec 06
I value my relationship more. But my husband is always at work and never there when I need him. He's too tired when he is home that even my small requests get brushed off and it frustrates me. I feel there should be a balance. When I was working earlier, I would never compromise my relationship or family for the sake of work. Family was first priority. But when I was at work, I was totally committed to my work. But there were times when I had to choose between work and home and I would choose home by making other arrangements at work.
@imadriscoll (2230)
• United States
21 Dec 06
I have sometimes felt this way with my husband as he works a lot. We have three very young children and on more then one time I have thought that I was a single parent. My husband works very hard to provide for our family and has to work so many hours to provide for our family. Though I have it tough at home, I know that he too has a rough time. He misses out on many milestones that I witness. Try to look at things from both sides ... I know it's not easy and most of the time I need to take my own advice.
• Singapore
21 Dec 06
though both are equally important, i will still value my relationship more. my bf used to be the same, treating his work as the most important of all and we argued a lot and i even let him think about this issue seriously...he came to me the other day and told me that he thought it over, and he has been very selfish by working so much and 'neglecting' me, so nowadays, he differentiate work time and 'our' time...
@Lydia1901 (16354)
• United States
20 Dec 06
Sorry you feel that way. But, I think you should talk to him about this. Try to resolve this somehow.
@pratew3y (1894)
• India
19 Dec 06
goofy - goofy
both r entirely different and need to balance both to lead a happy life
@manu224 (1143)
• Italy
19 Dec 06
The values are various,one is material the other is sentimental
@kpfingaz (1028)
• Saint Vincent And The Grenadines
19 Dec 06
It depends. I would not want to lose my girl for anything in this world. I have to say that I value my relationship more. As someone who is trying to start a family and build a future I am constantly working and I just hope my girl understands that. I try to reassure her that when I am working and it seems like I am not studying her its because I am thinking about our future. Even so I always try to make time for her. Not to busy to have a relationship - that is top priority.