Is your mother ever hurtful to you?

United States
December 19, 2006 10:04pm CST
Mine is. She seems to deliberatly push my buttons. Bringing up things that she knows bothers me. I bought my daughter that special toy that she has been wanting ...I was very excited to find it and when I told my mom I got it she replied...I already bought it and its wrapped already so I will be giving mine to her. I was pissed. She wants to be the center of attention and when she is not she does something to try and draw attention to herself~ even at my sons birthday party~ she sat in the chair speaking to no one...being smug to my husbands family, not smiling. Everyone is used to her behavior and goes about their conversations at the party...she starts taking her finger and poking at her eye and looking around waiting for someone to ask her what is wrong....no one does so he starts chanting "somethings wrong with my eye" until someone asks her. It seems to me that she will intentionally do something to draw embarrassment or anger out of me. Mentioning things that she knows are sensitive or private about me in front of others or something like that. This behavior and more happens regularly and is really starting to get to me. I have the holidays right here around the corner and if it wasn't for my father ( whom she treats the same way) I would be staying home!Anyone have a simliar relationship with their mom like this? Input would be a plus here!
4 people like this
63 responses
• Pakistan
20 Dec 06
mother can never b hurtful mother is the biggest gift of allah almighty
1 person likes this
• Canada
20 Dec 06
no i do not have that kind of relationship. my mom has been guiding me properly in all respects.
1 person likes this
@savanp (499)
• Japan
20 Dec 06
poihhjjoij
1 person likes this
@sylviekitty (2084)
• United States
20 Dec 06
Your story reminded me of something my mom did once. When my nephew was two, I had plans to take him to the 4th of July parade. It was a huge deal to me.. it's a small town parade, but I really was excited about him seeing the firetrucks for the first time- just the whole experience was something I wanted to share with him. It would be his first time going. So that morning, my mom calls and says she's going to take him. I was really upset, because it's not like I never told people what my plans were. She had to have known. My mother and I are not close at all. I think the last major thing she did was not say a word to me about my being pregnant with my son until the day I went into labor with him. She out of the blue calls me to find out how I'm doing, as I'm in labor. What a coincidence! ARGH. She has done some really screwed up things to me that I just can't forget about, and maybe never forgive her for, either. That's just me.
@crystal8577 (1470)
• United States
20 Dec 06
She can be hurtful. My mom is a very blunt, tell it like it is type of person. I don't think that she ever sets out to hurt anyone's feelings though. I just don't think that she bites her tongue like maybe she should sometimes. I am sorry to hear that you are having these problems with your mom. I am hoping you guys can find a way to get a long better.
1 person likes this
@Kaorin (757)
• Australia
20 Dec 06
My mother directly contributed, and still does, to my eating disorder, and my incredibly poor self esteem, and it's something I'll never forgive her for. She always had me on diets and excessive exercise basically since I was 10 years old. She was always telling me that I was overweight, and that if I 'just lost a few kilos' I'd feel so much better about myself. At one stage, when I was 13, she encouraged me to take laxatives daily. She convinced me that I was fat and ugly, and I was diagnosed and hospitalised for an eating disorder when I was 16. I simply did not eat, at all... Even now (I am 19) she still gripes me about my weight, and it still cuts me to the bone, as I'm still dealing with the remnants of my eating disorder, my completely imploded self-esteem and my lack of any faith in myself.
1 person likes this
@pavan_sry (264)
• India
20 Dec 06
no
1 person likes this
@Stephanie5 (2953)
• United States
20 Dec 06
OH girlie, I feel ya. My mother used to talk down about me and to me all the time. I finally just stopped talking to her completely because I was tired of being the hot topic for her to gossip about. And because it would rip my heart out at some of the comments she would make and I just couldn't take it anymore. I never wanted to call her out in front of anyone out of respect but I really wish I would have now. Maybe that's what she needs is a wake up call! I would try to talk to her about it privately at first and if that didn't work, I would wait till she made a rude comment and blast one right back at her. Maybe if you make her feel like she's made you feel, she might start to understand...being her daughter I'm sure you have some really good "dirt" on her. I know that it sucks to stoop to her level, but if you want to or have to keep having a relationship with her, I think that that's what it will take. Another suggestion if you do not want to try to talk to her face to face is to write her a letter. Maybe seeing it on paper will make her see what she's doing. Maybe give her an ultimatum...tell her that if she continues to treat you that way, you just won't speak to her until she can talk to you with the respect you deserve! I feel for you. I'm sorry. I hope my suggestions help! Happy Holidays!
• United States
20 Dec 06
Yea...been there done that ~ I have blasted her with comments etc and felt absolutely terrible for days for doing so. After all was said and done...nothing changed. We had it out on mothers day ( my first one with my son which needless to say was totally ruined by her) I was driving us all to dinner and she had a freak attack over something and I made a remark back to her....she commented to me that she would of "never spoken to her mother that way" and my reply was "your mother never would of treated you like you treat me!" The end result was Mom got out of the car in a rain storm 25 miles from home and wouldn't get back in...I told her to get back in the car and she walked away....I left her there. It was horrifying for me to do that...but I just couldn't take anymore! My father was in the back seat with my son ( my hubby was working) and dad asked me if I was really leaving her there...I told him yes and I was going to drop him off at home ....the first mothers day with my new son was spent sitting on my porch crying with my 6 mo old eating boxed macaroni and cheese.... I swore that day that NO ONE would ever ruin another day for my child(ren) again....needless to say...its happened over and over again. I am at wits end with her. Both of my brothers are passed away...I am her only child here left on earth...why the hell is she pushing me away...........
1 person likes this
@Akeela (2082)
• Trinidad And Tobago
20 Dec 06
how old is her she proberly reaching the old age
• United States
20 Dec 06
She is 67 , and this has been going on for over 25+ years
@coolcager (497)
• Costa Rica
20 Dec 06
oh my... maybe she likes to be a center of attention and always want to pick on you. maybe you have done something wrong to make her do that or shes already like that? . hmmmm i think you can tell her to stop being like that. embarassing you in fron of many people. thats wasnt too nice.
• United States
20 Dec 06
Ok for the record. I didn't do anything to my mother to make her treat me this way. She left our home for another man and I lived with my dad for 17 years starting when I was a young teen till I got married. I rarely saw her because she was so busy with her new life. I had no problem with her decisions because it was none of my business. After I was married and had children she and my father reconciled and she moved back into the family home. I accpeted their decision with no problem...because again it was none of my business ! my wishes were for them to be happy that is all. She has not always been like this...And numerous times ~ too many to count I have tried to have a conversation about why things are the way they are...and she turns it around to be completely someone elses fault. Like I stated before...I am NOT the only person she treats like this ~ she only treats family members are treated with such hate. She meets new people and they are the best thing since toilet paper. I just don't plain get it.....
@ros3773 (50)
• Philippines
20 Dec 06
you must understand your mother because she love you so much..and if she hurt you just talk to her in a nice way
• Philippines
20 Dec 06
My mother was hurtful when I was young...that is normal for a loving mother I think..
@ssh123 (31104)
• India
20 Dec 06
flowers - Photographed at Mysore Floral Show
Never ever. No mother intentionally hurt her children. She might get angry for the bad behaviour, bad manners, or for doing bad things. She might have given spanking, but it is endeavour of every mother to ensure her children become good citizens and lead their lives happily. Most mothers are selfless and put in their best efforts towards their children.
@juls2me2 (2151)
• United States
20 Dec 06
You're right, most mothers are self-sacrificing for their children and family. I'm sorry you had to be tormented by such a mother. My mother-in-law is slightly overbearing at times. I see why my husband is the way he is at times.
@chiyosan (29389)
• Philippines
21 Dec 06
yes, she is often saying words that is hurtful to me, and my brothers. i know she wanted the best for us but sometimes she just needs to be more careful with what she says and must think of other people's feelings too.
• United States
21 Dec 06
It's amazing, how a mother can want to be the center of attention and thier own grandchild's b-day party! I also have a hurtful mother, so hurtful that she told my siblings terrible things about my hubby, so now noone likes him but my father! And of course I barely speak to my siblings because of all this. I was ticked off at them also for beliving her and my one sister, I told them they should have come to me to find out the truth, that they were just as bad for believing them. They know my mother and sister are like this, but they still belive them anyway! It's sad, I would rather call my ex-mother in law mom then call my own mom, mother!
@Aali311 (6127)
• United States
21 Dec 06
I don't have a mom like that, I hope she doesn't ever get like that either, maybe your mom has a mental issue, she seems like she's got to be the center of attention at all times, that's the way a one year old will act, I think maybe she had a medical problem and you all should look into getting her some help.
@savanp (499)
• Japan
21 Dec 06
no never
@billzrs (46)
• China
21 Dec 06
mother is great no matter what she has did
@doniker (493)
• United States
21 Dec 06
my mother sure is hurtful to me. she kicked me in the nuts yesterday!!
• United States
21 Dec 06
Me and my mom are cool. We argue sometimes, but we always make up at the end. I love my mom
• India
20 Dec 06
hmmmmm