Is it worth it, anymore, getting married I mean?
December 20, 2006 1:40am CST
When I was younger I was very much under the spell of the sanctity of marriage. Now, that I'm almost thirty, more sexually experienced than I probably should be (by some people's standards anyway), and very aware of the relationships around me. I see too many people that treat each other like crap, cheat on each other, and then divorce--ultimately one person (in my experience usually the Lady comes out on top here) takes the other for everything they got. My question is this? Do you truly believe it's worth it to marry? And if so, how on Earth do you find someone who's going to be true and faithful for life?
4 Jul 07
I would say it's been well worth it. I've been married 12 years and with my husband for 15. I don't believe that there's "one" person out there for everyone (I'm sure there are many who would make great partners), but my husband and I got very lucky in terms of our compatibility. I've heard people say that marriages take effort, and ours never has. We really enjoy being with one another and spend most of our life together laughing. I always wondered if we'd be challenged by major life events (you never know how you're life is going to be affected as a couple by things like trying to have children, the illnesses and deaths of parents, moves and career changes etc.), however we both found that these events just brought us even closer. I'm sorry to rave on and on about how great things have worked out for me, when you're struggling. I just think that when a potentially right woman comes along, it will feel natural to want to get married after a period of time, and you won't find yourself second-guessing or being worried about infidelity.
30 Jun 07
I really agree with it. How do you find that love is real anyway? sometimes maybe two people start marriage without having experience with each other enough. Love and passion is not the same thing eventhough is related to each other. I think that it always start with passion and then love. There's no right answer for love, I think. You can easily see from the action of the person toward things that he or she love you or not. When you are in difficulties together you will see the real thing from the person you've been with. You can really know who loves you or not. Just don't let love blinds you. Anyway, in my experience, I was fooled by love everytime and even I really knew that the relationship was not going to work but I still keep moving on until it broke. Because I thought that I loved him and I would stay until the end. Maybe I should set my own standard for the one whom I am going to love and see the result but love just came to me accidentally and I got married. So...I have no problem with heartbroken thing anymore. I'm definitely sure that I did not make the wrong decision marrying with this guy. I wish you will meet someone who is right and just come for you. It will come..I believe it. Good luck in love!
• United States
3 Jul 07
Thanks for your thoughts. It always seems to me thought opportunities that are about as close as it gets for "true Love" always come when we are blinded by something else or at inopportune time. Thanks for you comment and thanks for the positive reassurance. My girlfriend and I just broke up (long after I began this post) and I have to wonder if I'll ever even find a relationship again. If it weren't for hormones I don't think I'd have any inclinations. dr...
• United States
30 Jun 07
I agree with you... but is Love real? Does it stay strong? (Certainly not on its own.)So what if she's unsure? What if you're unsure? What if you were sure, then her lack of certainty and commitment broke your heart, and then she wants to come back and be committed, but by then you've been crushed and don't feel as much? Then what?
1 Jul 07
If you really agree with me then you also believe that love is real. Yes, for me love is real. I wouldn't get married to someone if I'm unsure or if he is unsure. For your question...I guess this is from your personal experience?? If she wants to come back and be committed again, then, it totally depends to you. If you don't really feel anything for her anymore...then move on. Its up to you if you would give her another chance or not.
• United States
7 Aug 07
yes, I believe in marriage. I got married at 31 - old enough to have experienced true heartbreak, and old enough to know better. I also didn't walk into it assuming it would end. There is nothing more destructive to a union that assuming it will fail. Does anyone start a business thinking it should eventually fail? That'll kill any venture. So, no, I can't guarantee that my husband will never cheat on me. But I can take my vows seriously and know I meant them and that I won't cheat. I know he takes them seriously, too. On top of that, marriage is also a legal, financial contract, and it is binding. It offers us protections we can't get otherwise. My husband is currently on my health care insurance at work. he wouldn't be if we weren't married. We have legal protections regarding our money, our home, and our health. if I got in a car accident - he can come see me, he can take money out of my bank account to cover health care costs, and he can talk to doctors about my care if I can't do that for myself. If we weren't married, there would be a TON of red tape to cut through to make those things happen, even WITH proper legal documentation. The lady often comes out on top during divorce proceedings IF THERE ARE children involved, becuase she most likely put her career on hold to have and raise the children. it means she lost some of her earning power, and may continue to do so while she still has children to care for. I'm not saying the system is equal. What I am saying is that if you are this cynical - then don't get married. You've sabotaged it from the start if you assume you'll get divorced, and assume you'll get screwed in the end. Your potential wife deserves better than that.
• United States
8 Aug 07
Whoa. I think you're a little hard on me here. I'm not being cynical, I'm being realistic. Take, for example, Jeff Gordon of racing fame's recent divorce. Before him she was nothing but a trophy bimbo. She gets married to him, and upon divorcing she's entitled to millions of dollars, and a living style equitable to being able to afford servants and a rolls royce... My own brother is another example. No kids at all, but she got whatever she wanted--she took is motorcycle, not because she'd use it, but because she knows he Loved it--she then sold it. See, I'd like a pre-nup to keep a sweet-acting opportunist from taking me to the cleaners--if I had anything to take in the first place, but then I run the risk of offending a would-be loyal wife. So, you say cynical--I say realistic. I'd Love to get married. I just wish it wasn't so easy for women to be opportunistic hoochies.