Boot Camp for kids
December 21, 2006 9:41am CST
I really wish that there was such a thing as boot camp for kids. My kids seem to think they run things and no matter what I do I can't get any respect from them, especially lately. My 11 year old wants to talk on the phone all the time and whenever I ask her to pick up after herself, let alone do something like vacuum or a load of dishes, it turns into a fight. My 9 year old is just as bad, but she takes it a step further and has tantrums. I am a firm believer in spanking, and I've also taken away toys, television priveleges, phone priveleges, etc, and nothing seems to work. They might cry for 2 seconds after a spanking but I take away toys or priveleges....my 11 year old actually told me she didnt care because she would get new stuff from grandma or her friends, and that I couldn't guard the tv or the phone forever. My 9 year old told me that I'm not allowed to spank them because thats abuse and she'll tell on me! She got spanked for that one, just on principle, and I had a conversation with her teacher. My son....well lets just say him being the 'baby' and teh only boy, his daddy doesnt think he can do anything wrong. I am at my wits end here, but maybe you can see why I wish there was a boot camp for kids. Any thoughts?
25 Dec 06
Initially I had a laugh at this one twistedvanilla but decided I would take a couple of days to think about this one before responding. Firstly you and your husband have to agree on how you will approach the issue of discipline as well as what the children can and cannot do. You must present a united front and if for some reason your husband will not talk about the problems, then maybe you need a bit of time by yourself away from home while he looks after the children. Even a day out shopping or visiting a friend will help you and perhaps highlight to your husband what is going on. Tell grandma that no more presents unless they are for a specific event, i.e. birthday and Christmas and you want to limit what she buys or the amount she spends. If she spends more, then she can put the additional amount into a trust account for the child when she goes on the University or whatever as a mature adult. Remember that now you have an 11 year old but another just 2 years behind in age. So if the 11 year old is using the phone continually now, you will have no chance of using it yourself in 2 years when you will have 2 of them fighting over the use of it. So, suggest that the 11 year old can make say 2 phone calls of 10 minutes each per day between certain times (5.00 - 6.00 p.m.). Talk to the parents of the children she phones and ask for them to support you on this matter. Television, no television until after all homework has been done. Television is only turned on between say 6 - 8.00 p.m. and then they go to bed. They can read a book till it is time to put the light out. You don't need to buard the TV, but instead unplug it at the wall and remove the remote control or at least don't leave it around where they can find it. When the 9 year old has tantrums, take a video of her doing so, if you have a video camera that is. If not, see if you can borrow one. Then show the video during the family television hour and see what happens. Check their diet, know who their friends are and what they are like. You set down some rules yourself. They have certain things to do every day, i.e. make their bed, clean their rooms, uniforms to the laundry or whatever. They get a point for doing every time they do it properly without arguing, throwing a tantrum or anything like. Set up a chart and tick each item off every day in their presence and for everything that they do every day without any drama means that they get a bonus at the end of the week. These points can be converted to pocket money, a special treat or whatever but you decide what it is worth and not the children. If you cannot sort out these issues now, they will lead you a real merry dance in a couple of years as they go through puberty. Be strong and don't let the children get you down as you are the adult and they are the children not the other way around. If you try some of these and stick with them, you will actually have your own boot camp at home. Good luck. :)
• United States
26 Dec 06
Thanks for the input, I guess I didn't make myself very clear. I spank, I take away priveleges and I stick to it, I have done everything 'by the book' exactly the way I should, and my girls don't care! Chore charts, allowance, groundings, etc etc etc - nothing seems to work for me. They behave beautifully for other people. Just with me, they fight me tooth and nail.
28 Dec 06
You are the adult and they are the children twistedvanilla so you make the rules and stick with them. Persevere, eventhough at times you will feel like giving in just for some peace but that way you don't gain anything. Friends of ours have a saying "as long as the adults win" and this was when their children would attempt something when we were looking after them. :)
• Manchester, England
1 Jan 07
This is a very common problem nowadays, mainly because the governments have had the audacity to remove the rights from a parent to chastise their children properly. It may sound like the babblings of an old man, but when I was a child I would be in very serious trouble if I misbehaved, and I would never have dared to answer my parents back. This was sufficient to make me behave until I was mature enough to make my own decisions, and of course by then my upbringing had taught me right from wrong. We do not require boot camps, just governments that realise that parents have the right to bring up their children. It becomes even more infuriating when someone turns to crime and you hear "I blame the parents".
• United States
28 Dec 06
Create your own boot camp, set up chores and consequence and carry them out, without fail, YOU are the adult not they, THEY are dependent on YOU. Tell grandparents of the plans if they don't get on board, gracefully tell them to BUTT out. Cancel the home phone get a cell for the adults in the house. YOU do control the tv blaock all but the news channel or whatever the adults watch. Sure they will throw a fit but it won't last long. Why inflict the little darlings on a boot camp if you won;'t control them, mind you eventually society will control them, you know judges/jail and such.
• United States
13 Jan 07
We actually sent our son to a boot camp for misbehaving teens in the wilds of Utah. If the kids tried to run away, they wouldn't get very far as the camp was in the middle of nowhere and surrounded by mountains. The nearest town was an hour by car. He shaped up some, but is still a lazy slug at times. The only downside, it cost 20 grand and we had to go out there for family week.
• United States
22 Jul 10
Twistedvanilla, Oh how I wish I could give you advice. Truth is I am going through the same thing with my 10 year old daughter (she is the eldest of 3 girls and 2 boys). I have read your story as well as all the inputs. I too have tried them all to no aveil. That is how I ran across your story, I was looking for a boot camp to send her to. As you well know there are no boot camps for that age. So what do you do? Now my other 4 children are starting to act out as she does. When I punish them they ask me why since the eldest does the same thing. What do you say to that question? I have been very presistant with my children, though I will admit that I have been "sliding" with my eldest. Why? Because she has been acting like this since she was three years old, and to be honest I have got to the point that I feel like if I spank her NOW, I will end up hurting her. I feel it is better to just try to get my husband to handle it. When she does things she should not do, or not do things she is supose to do I ask her why. She responce by telling me "I wanted to" or "I didn't want to" WHAT? She knows she will be punished for misbehavor, but she tells me she just doesn't care. She told me "I don't care about being in trouble, I just want to do what I want to do" UGH! My nerves are fried, and I feel like I am doing nothing more then banging my head agaist the wall. What does she do you ask? Well, she hits on her brothers and sister (ages 8-1 year) refuses to clean her room, slacks off in school, will NOT do any chores (when she does them she "half-tails" them)She opens the front door without asking who it is, or telling me that the is someone there. She telling the smaller children bed words and phrases. She lies to EVERYONE. She even told her teacher that she wears short sleves in the winter because I will not buy her any other clothes or a jacket; she has a way of being able to "snowball" people (I alway my kids to dress them selves) The teacher in return bought her 200.00 worth of clothes and call DFAC (Department of Family and Children) then she told them "my mom bashed me against a wall" and endless other things. I had DFAC in my house every other day for 2 years! Everytime they would close a case due to having "no findings of abuse" she would make something else up and they would be right back. She finds fun in scaring the other children (ie telling them our house is hunted or that mom has ran away or something to that effect)I had five case workers tell me "off the record, the only thing she needs is a good old fashion spanking" Others told me that they thought she needed counsling, so I was order to take her to a shirk. He ended up talking to ME more then her. The finding were that I was the one with a problem rather then her. He said "she is a very charming and delightful child, and I can not see as to where she would ever case the problems stated here" I am at the brink of insanity. I have no where to turn and no one to help. My parents say that I am "just looking for fault, she is a very well behaved child..." They never treat the kids fairly (ie the eldest will get things and the other will not, they invite her to stay over but never the others, and they always give her more at Bdays and Chirstmas then the rest) My duaghter will tell me that she does not have to do anything that she does not want to because she is (states her name) Even my husband treats her differently (though he does not see it) I know this is not helping you with your problem, I guess I am just writing in hopes that maybe you have figured out how to stop the misbehavor PLEASE. Thanks for your time.