A lying child

United States
December 22, 2006 12:16pm CST
Hello, I'm a single mom with just one son. My son has being going through some behavioral issues, but as he get older, the issues change. Where we have put a stop the the old, out comes the new. Lately my son has been lying about everything under the son. I believe he feels that he will be punished for what he has done, so instead of telling me what really happened he lies about it. In the long run, I'm finding out that he is lying about things I would simply just talk to him about. I explain to him over and over, that he gets himself into more trouble becuase he had told a lie opposed to if he had just told the truth. I've tried talking to him, making him scrub the floors, writting punishments, nothing is working. I welcome any suggestions, on how I can get through to him.
5 people like this
41 responses
• India
23 Dec 06
when i was in my 4th grade i used to steal from home and spend it on my friends.My dad came to know about this but he didnt react(he told me later much later when i got big) to this issue immediately.Instead he started to spend more time with me, we became best friends and to this date he knows all my secrets.I dont have a child so dont know anything about raising one. But if you can try and be his friend by taking him into confidence then i guess half of the problem will be solved.
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Dec 06
You had a wonderful dad. I wish my son had the same. In fact, I believe that he were he learn to lie from.
@patgalca (15132)
• Orangeville, Ontario
22 Dec 06
My daughter went through a lying stage. I played reverse psychology. When she told the truth I told her I didn't believe her. How am I supposed to believe her when she lies so much. Tell your son that if he keeps lying, pretty soon no one will ever believe anything he says, even when he is telling the truth. Perhaps read him the story of the boy who cried wolf. My two daughters are constantly saying, "No, I didn't. She did." Who am I supposed to believe? I just punish them both (send them to their rooms) or don't listen to them at all. They get really riled if I take sides (and who could blame them), so I them I don't know who to believe so (depending on the circumstances and the lie) they both get punished or I just don't do anything at all. If you ignore him (again, depending on what the seriousness of the lie is), perhaps he will start telling the truth.
• United States
22 Dec 06
This is a great idea. I read to my son all the time, I will try this and see what happens. He's an only child so the sibling thing doesnt factor in here.
@Wachied (123)
• Indonesia
22 Dec 06
why just punish to dicipline your child haaa....???? why you not growth him with your welfare with your love...not punishem thje answer of all your problem exactly with your son...they just growing up you don't want your son be a immature because you are growth him in just your home....
• United States
22 Dec 06
sorry, I don't understand what you are trying to say here.
1 person likes this
@kris55 (853)
• Canada
22 Dec 06
my son is also 5 years old. He went through a lying stage. Also went through a stage where he would "pocket" toys from other peoples houses, and then later tell me they said he could have it or borrow it. You just have to be really stern with him. Take something away from him that is really important to him. With my son I took away the tv privelages and video games. He quickly reverted, so that tactic worked for him.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Dec 06
I believe my son was going through this as well. I quickly nip that one, by telling he is not to have anything that myself or family has given him. Unless that childs parent has expalined to me that he can have such things.
@noob123 (129)
• Canada
22 Dec 06
forgive and forget, and pray.
1 person likes this
@emmet18 (1116)
• Romania
23 Dec 06
That is also what I think.
@Ashida (1370)
• United States
22 Dec 06
How old is your son? My oldest son went through this from about ages 6-8. We did many of the same things you have done -- especially the "you get in more trouble for lying" argument. What seemed to work for us was taking away a toy for every lie. And then emphasizing that if he tells the truth there will be little or no punishment for whatever it is he's lying about. For example, when my son broke a window in our basement, he lied about it and was punished for the lie. The next time he did something and fessed up to it, I didn't punish him. Now obviously he can't go around breaking windows and such and expect to go unpunished. But for us,teaching him to tell the truth was the most important thing. Also, have you tried rewarding him when he tells the truth? We spent a lot of time punishing the lies, but when we switched to rewarding the truth, the lies pretty much stopped.
• United States
22 Dec 06
my son is 8 years old. He doesnt really play with toys at this point. However I tried the taking things away from him bit, that didnt work either. I tried rewarding him, that only worked for a short period of time. I need a long term effect.
1 person likes this
@april444 (1341)
• United States
23 Dec 06
Maybe he is seeking a male role model can you sign him up for big brothers program? Is he involved with his real dad? Alot of issues stem from the fact that they dont have the same gender role model parent. good luck and godbless ;)
1 person likes this
@brujj1 (228)
• Canada
22 Dec 06
why don't you get books on child psychology and study the steps a child goes through in her/his life. and see if your kid went throught them and at what stage your kid is. There you can also learn how to treat him and why they act the way they act.
1 person likes this
@grace1045 (115)
22 Dec 06
take something away which he loves as a punishment. it is more effective than a stern talk or if you shout at him
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Dec 06
Keep consistant, and keep praying. Keep explaining, and then set by example proof that lying isn't good.
1 person likes this
@uvacerba (427)
• Italy
22 Dec 06
task that the better thing after all what it has made is fargli to understand that it it is however close without too many questions then automatically will understand of usual works
@openedone (240)
• France
22 Dec 06
so it's a bad habit
1 person likes this
@Zhanec (1652)
• Malaysia
23 Dec 06
what i did was telling him that a monster will grab and pull his tooth if he lied again.I wonder if this work on ur son.It does work on my scary lil nephew..He rarely lied eversince i told him so.lol.arent kids r just plain innocent and cute?haha
• United States
25 Dec 06
that's a riot, lol, gotta try that one.ROTFLMAO
@SplitZip (1490)
• Portugal
23 Dec 06
You make your 8 year-old scrub the floors? :| "I don't wanna work on Maggie's farm no more!" Sorry, but that's terrible. I'd keep trying to talk some sense into him, but do 8 year-olds actually listen to what you say? Most kids zip back and forth so fast, they can't possibly be listening. If that isn't working, try a visit to a child therapist, maybe you can get some help.
• United States
23 Dec 06
Yes I do, and it works. He has only had to do it twice. Not only that, his doctor sugggested giving him a not so lovable household chore. And this was on his list of suggestions right next to scrubbing the walls. This way he remembers not only what he did wrong but the results of it at the same time. To this day he speaks on the day I made him scrub the floor, it made quite an impact and completely did away with the issue. Further more, he has only had to scrub the floor twice. I think that's a lot better than hitting him. I don't have him do that for this, because I do understand that it just something he's going through. The last time he scrubbed the floor was when he tried to forge my name.
@remaster74 (4065)
• Greece
22 Dec 06
All children have this reaction. Don't worry much. But I have to say only this one: I would make him tell the truth when something has just happened. If this isn't possible, then find out why he is keeping asking so badly for your attention. Something is behind all this behaviour.
• United States
22 Dec 06
I have alway taught my son to be honest, and he used to be. If he did something wrong and someone wanted to tell on him, I would have him give me the story first. I dont' understand what happened really.
@gotcho0O (1258)
• United States
23 Dec 06
Well, first of all, what you've done is right. But still it's not working, try to reverse psychology everthing. Or you may also want to try that once he lied to you, don't make it hard too much it to him by not giving punishment, let him understand that whenever he lied on to something, you won't get mad because you're happy the way he tells the truth. You know, kids intend to lie because they knew that if you find out the truth you'll get mad, if he lied, there's chances of gett'n away with it or be caught which is somewhat likely with if he got caught.
@nandans (1161)
• India
23 Dec 06
Try make him understand without scolding... Teach him in a playing manner, that will help a lot. Thanks
• India
23 Dec 06
u know children r like soft sand, u can turn them into marble structures or just floors. i would just recokmend that u spend more time with ur child as a friend rather than a mother. writing punishments or cleaning floors won't help u either. when he commits a mistake help him feel the responsibilty rather than punishing him. its better u do a mistake & help him understand whats wrong & write. i hope u got the point.
• Philippines
23 Dec 06
How about telling him the story of The Boy Who Cried Wolf? Ask him too, what he would suggest should be done if he were the mother and you are the son who habitually lies? This way you engage him in your problem and it might just help to make him think. Always give him your reassurance that you love him very much so you are helping him to grow up to be good. Your son might be just craving for attention. Good luck!
@scorpius (1793)
• India
23 Dec 06
i used to nbe that boy.so my mum did the same things that u did then when that did not work she started to tell me lies .this was to make me realise what it feels to be on the other end of a lie and it worked.maybe u should try that out!