How do you adopt without the huge expense?

United States
December 23, 2006 3:25pm CST
Hi everyone....let me explain our situation a little bit. I am married to the love of my life, we have been together for almost 17 years, and married almost 12 of those 17 years. I am 31 and a stay at home mother of 1, he will be 7 in June. I tried for almost 2 1/2 years to get pregnant with our son. I became pregnant, but we lost our angel when I was 6 months pregnant.....but then we became blessed several months later...and now have the light of our lives, our 6 year old son. Since then we have been trying for about 5 years now to have another child.....to make a long story short.....it is very difficult for me to get pregnant....and I have just recently been diagnosed with MS.....we would love to be blessed with another child...but I feel my clock ticking....and since the diagnosis....doctors are hesitant for me to wait to go through fertility. I have always loved the thought of adoption, and our son has been begging us for years now for a brother or sister! So our problem is...We are a military family, do not have a huge savings, and do not want to put our son through the pain of foster care, with the child being taken away. So how do you adopt without a huge expense???? How do you know the child will be able to stay....and not taken away? Any thoughts, or help would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!
4 people like this
19 responses
@mjgarcia (725)
• United States
24 Dec 06
You may have trouble with an adoption agency because of the MS. They usually have strict rules. My sisters friend couldn't adopt because she was in her 30's and her husband was in his 50's. they felt that he was too old. Your best bet is to find someone who is pregnant and do a private adoption. that is your cheapest way. But there are problems with that also. A pregnant woman can ask for medical and living expenses for while she is pregnant. And even if you have her sign a paper that she intends to give you the child and even if you pay for those expenses - she still has the option of backing out once that baby is born. Also, it varies from state to state, but where I live either parent can come back before the baby is one year old and ask for it back. So its also important that the father signs off his rights. Otherwise he could say that he didn't know and was denied his rights as a father. Good luck.
• United States
24 Dec 06
My friend that adopted from China is totally blind and ha alot of kidney trouble. I'm sure you can fing an agency that will overlook the MS and see your love for a child in need.
@mjgarcia (725)
• United States
24 Dec 06
A lot depends on what country you are in and the laws of the individual states.
@tanaclark (570)
• United States
23 Dec 06
I really dont know or understand the adoption process. I think if two people are willing to give a child the love and attention it needs and a home and they are monitored then I think they should be able to adopt the child but unfortunately thats not how it works. I wish you the best of luck. Have you ever thought of trying to find a surrogate mother? Or a teenage mother who wants to give her child up.
• United States
24 Dec 06
I agree completly! Thank you for the good luck wishes! As far as surrogate....dont think it would work as well as we would hope since I do have a problem getting pregnant...and not too sure if they would be able to use my eggs for the invetro....and invetro costs I believe 10 grand....as far as finding a teenager....so scared too, have heard so many horror stories. Thanks again!
• United States
24 Dec 06
alot of times there are foster kids that you can adopt and it is alot easier to do then regular adoptions are i would call a foster care agency and see if their are any foster kids that can be adopted and go from there.im sorry about your ms my aunt was diagnoses at 21 she is now in her 40 and in a wheelchair.and they told her if she got pregnant it could make her ms better but it could make it worse so i think adopting would be better for you.please do not take offense to this im not trying to be rude.
@albs00 (36)
• United States
24 Dec 06
I agree. There are lots of children in the foster care system whose parents have given up their rights. So they are adoptable. They just need the right loving family. Alot of them are 2 or more siblings that want to be adopted together. Good Luck.
• United States
24 Dec 06
My heart goes out to you. I can not imagine how it must feel to not be able to get pregnant, be diagnosed with life changing news, and have a child asking for a sibling. I could not agree with you more that your child would have a hard time with a foster child leaving your home. It is real and it does happen. They come in and usually have to leave after you have created a bond with that child or children. It is hard for us as adults to accept that fact, much less a child. Adoption fees are high. Very high. I would feel more confident adopting internationally rather than here in USA. I know of people who have adopted from China and their children are with them for life. They will never be taken away. Could you do a fundraiser for the costs? Do you go to a church that could help sponsor you? Is there anything you know how to make that you could see for the cost of the adoption? I think the huge cost of adoption is always going to be a factor, so I think it is more of a how can we come up with this money at this point. I wish you the very very best of luck in whaterver you choose!
• United States
26 Dec 06
Hi Laura.... I want to thank you so very much for your kind and thoughtful response! As for a church...my husband is military and we just moved here recently, so we are not affliated to one just yet....hope to be soon though. Since he is military....the military does help with some of the costs, but from what I have read and looked into it is more of a reimbursment, rather than them fronting the cost...... When I started this thread I had no idea of all the different kinds of answers, I really do truly appreciate yours for its honesty....and touching the basis of what I had truly asked! Thank you very much for the good luck wishes. I will try to update this when we find out some news. Take care!
@harsh1985 (595)
• India
24 Dec 06
i don't know the adoption fees..better you enquire to appropriate person..i think if you really think that if you are not able to look after the secound adopted child...better you don't go on this track...because by this way you are exploding the life of both!! and if you pregant after adoption will you able to love equally to your own children and adopted child!! think twice and then take decision!!!
• United States
24 Dec 06
Thank you for your comment....There was really no reference as to not being able to care for any child....and any child that I have through pregnancy, or adoption is my child and will definately be loved equally. Thanks again!
@shyam4uall (1003)
• India
24 Dec 06
If you always like to do an adoption then I should suggest you to go ahead.As per the question you asked that whether the child will live with you or not,I think it all depends on the manner how u mange to brought up him,the environment he lives.If he is not satisfied with the envionment then naturally a hatred feeling rises in his heart and there is the possibility that he will leave you..So as per your dream and your child's part I think you should go ahead and do a adoption..Rest is all on God, only we can hope the best
• United States
24 Dec 06
Hi there.....I am a little confused as to what you thought my question may have been? as you stated....wheter the child will live with me or not? What I was stating...is I do not think I can handle doing foster care....one reason is I do not think it would be fair to my son since with foster care there is a time that the child I would be fostering would leave...... As for adoption....by the child being taken away....what I meant is I know there is a period where in some adoption cases there is a time frame for finalization.....during that time frame the birth parents do have a right to change their minds....that is what I meant by the child being taken back. Any child that I may have the blessing of being able to adopt would have a great home, and strong family values. Thank you for your comments though.
@sharon613 (2323)
• United States
24 Dec 06
I heard it's alot cheaper to adopt from a poor country over seas.
• United States
24 Dec 06
I have some what heard the same thing....I do know the process takes forever...just had a good friend, that her brother just finished the process from russia, cost about 25, to 30 grand. Thanks though!
@pendragon (3352)
• United States
23 Dec 06
i don't know the answer to this question yet, but i do intend on finding out, because my gf and I would definitely like to have a baby, and we both believe in adoption, and neither of us are rich.
• United States
24 Dec 06
thanks for your response....good luck to you and your gf! if you do find out something please share your findings though!
@gabs8513 (48714)
• United Kingdom
23 Dec 06
I really do not know about the Adoption fees I think you need to make enquiries about that with Adoption Agencies and I am so sorry you have had all these Problems and I am even more sorry to hear what you have been Diagnosed with I am sorry I can't help more on this but also trying searching on the Internet you will more then likely find some Information on here I hope your Wish and dream will come true
• United States
24 Dec 06
Thank you so much for your kind words. I have searched on some websites.....do not get me wrong....I have NO problem with adopting a child that has some medical needs....but so far I have found the most extreme cases.....still looking though! Thanks again!
• India
24 Dec 06
Hi, I understand what you guys are going thru. My suggestion is to approach any third world countries or a developing country. There you would find lot of orphanages who would be more than happy to let the foreingers adopt children from their ophanage. I am not sure whether they charge any thing or not. However you would need to visit the country once and do the necessary paper work and take the child with you. This would be the most inexpensive way to adopt a child. I am from India and I am aware that such thing is prevelant in india. If you want to know more about it, pl. respond to this. Best Regards,
@lulylove (1561)
• Brazil
24 Dec 06
I and my boyfriend we desire to have a son in the future, however I do not know as to answer its question. I believe that the adoption is a good thing and that it functions perfectly today in the World. I know that many difficulties exist to adopt, but if really it will have this desire you will go to obtain
• India
24 Dec 06
i am sorry but thats something I really don't know about much..because the rules in ur country may be very different than it is in urs..howver there has to be some similarity and that is the biggest thing that someone can give to the child is love and care..and i am sure the adoption agency officials would consider that..i don't whether it would make much sense to u that there can be some business u can do from ur home and supplement the family's income..but also keep in mind that raising a kid is a big responsibilty and i am sure u know it..so go for a second child only if u think u would be able to provide support to both ur kids..the rest is upto u to decide..
@rubypatson (1842)
• India
24 Dec 06
I am sorry to hear about your story, IF god willing you will have an another child be patient, check with the doctors, nowdays science has really advanced they can help you, but the prime think is finances if you cannot handle another childs expenditure then you must either get a better job that pays well or postpone till you get, anyway i have great trust in god trust in him to help you out
• India
24 Dec 06
well this is the critical matter but i think u love ur child and u have taken a small but a good care and so he won't taken away.
• India
24 Dec 06
Do they have any fees for adaption,The welfare organisations dont ask many fees for that,If they do then they are not a service orient company
• United States
24 Dec 06
I know a few people that have considered adoption. One thing that can be done is to find a local lawyer who specializes in adoptions to get some leads possibly. There are different fees for different countries with adoption so some can be very expensive. Another idea is to really start saving or looking for a way to save up the money over time
@Bunny2 (2102)
• Australia
24 Dec 06
I'm sorry you have had such a difficult time, and I do understand your need for a family. I had the same need. After years of fertility programmes, we decded to adopt. Here in Australia the genetic parents of the adopted children have so many rights, that we decided to adopt an overseas child. As it happens we were about to go to the next level when I became pregnant and had a son, followed two years later by twin sons, so we didn't pursue it - though would have if we'd only had one child. Would yu be prepared to adopt an overseas child? That might be a course for you to consider. I have a friend in New Zealand who has adopted two Russian girls. Another in Australia has adopted an African boy. Good luck.
@beverly1 (1130)
• United States
24 Dec 06
i dont know im sorry. im married almost three year now and we want to have a child too. we been trying and nothing yet. my friends said when you not pect it it will happen i hope so i hope you get to adopt good luck
@mkirby624 (1599)
• United States
24 Dec 06
If you adopt, there should be no taking away to put in a foster home. When you adopt, they are yours. When the mother/father of the child signs the papers and hands the baby over, I don't see why they would be taken away from you. If you become a foster parent, then yeah, the kid may leave, because, in that situation, you don't have custody of the child, the child is not YOURS, you are just taking care of it.