OMG I did it......and I feel HORRIBLE

United States
December 23, 2006 6:50pm CST
Omg guys. I did something awful, something that I am always telling people is never right to do it. Last night, I went to the bar with some girlfriends, and got pretty tipsy. We then left the bar and were walking to one of my friends houses for an after party. One of the friends I went out with was my ex's sister. Long story short, I ended up cheating on my fiance!!!!!!OMG, I feel so guilty, and so fuggin horrible. What should I do??? I love him more than anything in this world, right after my daughter, and I want to be his wife...OMG what do I do????
6 people like this
63 responses
@DavidReedy (2411)
• United States
24 Dec 06
Stop drinking. Period. People always do this stupid crap, setting themselves up for their own defeat. Do you think he'll forgive you if he finds out? You should probably tell him. Do you think he cheats on you? He may. Learn that if you Love someone you don't put yourself in the situation to betray them and yourself. Your a parent too. Set the example. Stop drinking. Ditch the friends that would lead you astray as well. That's life. YOU have to sacrifice for Love or you'll keep f-ing up again and again. So tell him, and no matter what the result, be smarter from now on.
• Canada
24 Dec 06
Here here! Drinking just leads to loss of money, memory and the brain cells that would have prevented you from making such a horrible mistake. A lot of people might say that if it was a woman you cheated on your fiance with then it really doesn't count... but I beg to differ. It's a betrayal of trust. I agree with one of the other repsonders. If you are truly sorry and are going to stop drinking to set an example and just live resonsibly then don't tell him. If you want to end your relationship, then do it. I sure wouldn't want to be with my wife if that had happened. It's more an issue of trust than anything.
@gabs8513 (48803)
• United Kingdom
24 Dec 06
I totally agree with that Statement above me and I really hope you have learned from your mistake to
• United States
24 Dec 06
You should be upfront and honest with him. Thats what a good marriage is about. Honesty. if you dont tell him its essentially lying to him and lying is more dihanoest than doing it. You should have known better. You knew very well what you were doing and what it could lead to. Take responsibility for your mistake and own up to it. Heres a question: What would you have him do?
1 person likes this
@not4me (1713)
• United States
24 Dec 06
You are engaged, already have a daughter and you cheated on your fiance? I'm sitting here trying to figure out how to say what I wanna say without being mean or judgmental. I know I don't know you, but you sound young. Did you cheat on him with your Ex or a random guy? As a mother to 4 and 6 year-old girls, I have a personal thing about going out drinking when maybe you should be home with your child. Going out and having fun is fine and makes for a great break but you should try not to put yourself in that kind of a situation. You knew that though I'm sure so 'nuff said, right? :) Looking back at my experience, I have been with my husband for about 8 years now and we have been married for 6. Not recently, but after my 1st daughter was born I had many guys trying to get with me at work but because I loved my hubby so much I had this almost natural instinct to just not care about other guys, something which I still have. My guy fulfills me so much that I don't even drool over celebrities? Like, Brad who?? Please. (seriously) So maybe this was a sign that you haven't found THE perfect guy for you or you are still in love with your ex (if it was with your ex). Anyway, it has been done. I would only tell your fiance if he and your ex have a good chance of running into each other or if you both run in the same circle of friends. If your fiance is a great guy than it might be best not to hurt him and even though this sounds horrible, think of it like you guys aren't actually married yet. Whatever you do now and in the future, make sure you put your daughter's best interest first. Just be a good role model for her. Best of luck!
1 person likes this
@jesi06 (279)
• United States
24 Dec 06
A marriage should NEVER be built on a lie. Sooner or later the truth ALWAYS comes out. Sit your fiance down and tell him the truth. If you don't the guilt you feel now will only worsen if you never tell. Maybe he will forgive you. But I am sure he will not trust you for a while even if he does. You will HAVE to earn that trust back which quite honestly may take a very long time.
@kylesmiles (1916)
• United States
24 Dec 06
Eek! Are you thinking about telling him the truth about what happened? I think you should definitely be honest with him...he DOES deserve to know... But also let him know how much your love him and everything else you mentioned here in this post! :) You also have to realize he may have a hard time trusting you again...
• India
24 Dec 06
Do you think it will help her by telling him what happened in a night when lust and passion took all over her? No it wont help her.Yes I do believe in truth and honesty but I also believe that every truth and every moment of honesty which is not going to make a difference in ones relationship should not be shared if there is single chance of ruining the relationship for all time to come.. The lady in question is very clear she regret it and she loves her man dearly.
• United States
24 Dec 06
so you suggest she lie to her fiance... if she's willing to lie to him...let alone cheat on him she doesnt deserve to marry him. He needs to be told. He deserves to know. What she did was horrible and not telling him is more dishonest than doing it.
• India
24 Dec 06
Oh yes I am suggesting that she should not wreck her life for a folly of one night or madness of lust. It seem all the people at my lot are holy people and ha vent sin in there life and they come up with a suggestion which is very nice in prints or rather straight from Ten Commandments but dear friends we are mortal full of goodness and with a dash of all the trapping of temptation and we got to live the life as best we could without derailing it.I am NO PREACHER I am just give advice according to what LIFE taught me.
@Metallion (2231)
• United States
24 Dec 06
with the amount of drinking you claim your fiance does in one of your other discussions, he will probably forgive you if you tell him. But, if you both do a lot of drinking then maybe you should seek counseling before getting married. Two heavy drinkers married together enable each other, and unfortunately one of the problems is that it's usually not only themselves that people who drink too much to think reasonably while drinking injure, but other innocent bystanders.
• United States
24 Dec 06
I don't drink usually. He knows I don't drink...I go out maybe once a month and party with friends. I don't have a drinking problem!
• United States
24 Dec 06
You need to ask yourself this question.....do you really love your fiance as much as you think you do. There may be some underlying reason for your unfaithfulness.
• United States
24 Dec 06
Mistakes happen I guess, but I tend to agree with you.
@msqtech (15226)
• United States
3 Jan 07
I think you should refrain from drinking and I also think you should becareful who your friends are who let you do this type thing and get some that really like you and help you avoid problems If he finds out he will probably be upset so you should refrain from future acts of this kind
• Romania
30 Dec 06
hy,and happy new year... its a very....hmm...dont know how to call it...its an awful situation!!! why you did it?that was not nice...you dont have to feel bad for this...it happend it happend..thats it ...but you shouldent. you know what can you do now?so you can feel bether? just think like this...i pnly have one fugging life...that it...i did it i did it...maby he did it two...
@taruha (561)
• United States
28 Dec 06
Do not give that much importance to this incident.such incident do happen sometimes and we all have to forget it.perhaps the circumstances after the party made you do it.my sicere advise is just forget it and ensure that this does not happen again in your life.
@djbtol (5501)
• United States
27 Dec 06
Beg for mercy - it's your only recourse. You cheated on him. Do whatever is required for restitution, but make sure he forgives you and the issue is not carried forward.
@chikkadee (373)
• Australia
25 Dec 06
Sometimes things like this happen and there is nothing you can do about it. Mistakes happen. If there is no underlying cause for this (cold feet, having second thoughts, actually dont like him etc) then I dont think you should tell him. It was a once off and as long as you can forgive yourself (you were tipsy, it was a mistake and accident) then I think you shouldn't jeapordise something so wonderful. Saying that he may be the forgiving type and you might be able to tell him if he is reasonable and will forgive you. However the stigma of the cheater may linger :\
@Aali311 (6127)
• United States
25 Dec 06
I think you should be honest with your fiance and tell him what happened, unless you could live with the guilt, I personally couldn't. I hope you can work things out.
• United States
24 Dec 06
It would be better to come right out and tell him. Something like that can not be kept secret for long. He will eventually find out. You will also be living with that guilt the rest of your life. You say you love him more then anything else in the world,except your daughter. Then why would you do something like that? I know you said you were tipsy and all, but stil. Good luck and I hope you learned from your mistakes.
@sylviekitty (2084)
• United States
24 Dec 06
This is a horrible thing.. a mistake, obviously. I'm sorry this happened to you, as obviously you sound quite upset, and feel ashamed for what you did. He might be extremely upset about this, but I personally believe that it's better to tell him. I know I couldn't NOT tell. That's just me.. There's only one way of knowing how he will feel, and how strong your relationship really is, and IMO, that's to be honest and tell him.
@icequeen (2843)
• Canada
24 Dec 06
Well first of all...you can't love your fiance as much as you think you did..because you cheated on him...I honestly don't know what you should do...but starting a relationship on dishonesty and betrayal is not the way to have a lasting marriage...
@Lillith (775)
• United States
24 Dec 06
Well, I do believe you said very recently that you and your fiance' didn't seem to have a very passionate physical life anymore. Or at least you seemed to feel something was missing. And now this on top of feeling that way. Maybe you should really start looking hard at this relationship BEFORE you get married. Could it be that you simply love him as a very good friend, and not as a romantic partner? Either way, this seems that there are problems here that need to be addressed before you put that ring on.
• United States
24 Dec 06
well you made a huge mistake that should of never happened.well you should come clean and be honest with your fiance.after all honesty is a big part in a relationship he is probably going to be mad.but if he finds out from someone else then god only knows what will happen.maybe you can work it out.but,i would come clean with him instead of taking the chance of him finding out some other way.good luck.p.s.that is why we should never get drunk it can lead to things like this.
@xtedaxcvg (3191)
• Philippines
24 Dec 06
i don't get it.. Are you a man or a woman? I'm confused..
@turtle11 (331)
• India
24 Dec 06
I dont understand what r u talking about. Its difficult to understand if you are male/female...