single moms...how do you manage?

United States
December 24, 2006 3:14am CST
I am a newly single mom (22) of a 2 month old baby boy and its every hard. I am pursuing my BS in Education and trying to provide for us, granted my parents have been a great help because without their help I don't know where I'd be. I currently reside with them but I am trying to move out ASAP because I need my own space. There are times when I get discouraged and cry myself to sleep because I never thought I'd be in this situation but I love my son dearly. How do you deal with the stress of being a single mom? Also any tips and advice would be greatly appreciated.
4 people like this
27 responses
@SageMother (2277)
• United States
24 Dec 06
I raised my twin sons on my own for most of their childhood and teen years. YOu omight find that once you get away from your parents, things will be easier, psychologially speaking. The stress will still be there but youwon'thave that added problem of feeling reduced to childhood status yourself. It makes a big difference! Be sure you set strict schedules and stick too them. Shun those with unsolicited advice. Avoid unnecessary expenses..I know that I did not encourage things like Santa, the Easter bunny or any of that. It creates financial stress, it disrupts schedules, and anticipation can be very destructive when you are the sole parent. Be sure your little one always understands that you are THE parent. He doesn't need a male / father figure. there are lots of organizations where he can be around men for constructive periods of time. Do not share power in your household. Maintain your status of authority /head of household, regardless of pleas from those who think they are helping you. Things that sound harsh now will make things work smoother in the long run. Don't let anyone convince you that you should soften your approach. Trust me!
• United States
25 Dec 06
That is some of the best advice I have read yet! I can't say that I was a single mother, but when my children were younger I did not have help from their father and I always felt like I was doing everything! (At one point I even worked two jobs) It made things worse in the long run. I had often wished I had raised them being single as they may have been around better values. It can be just as difficult raising children when you are married to an unsupportive spouse.
• United States
25 Dec 06
Thank you so much for your advice! Sorry it took me so long to respond but I keep reading this over and over again because its like you have actually walked in MY shoes!
@killj0y (618)
• United States
24 Dec 06
First off my heart goes out to you and i know you can make it. I'd suggest a roommate to help split the costs of living with, but with a child you need to be extra careful with how you let in your home...do a background check. also maybe just get a prepaid cell instead of a landline? Apply for foodstamps. also its amazing how little incomes like mylot help in the big picture. I know of a few other websites you might want to think of joining for a little extra money, you can message me if not it's okay. Good luck with everything!
• United States
25 Dec 06
Thank you, I will keep that in mind when I move out. If I do get a roommate it will be someone that I know because I have a child and you just can't trust everybody these days...peoplre are harming kids left and right.
@killj0y (618)
• United States
24 Dec 06
oh and I don't know if this is something you might want to consider during really hard times, but when you are using air conditioning or heat block the vents to rooms your not using and block underneath the doors so that all the heat stays where you need it. also lets not forget that the sun can be a godsend for your electricity bill (open windows instead of turning on lights)
• United States
24 Dec 06
Don't give up! You will get throught it. Just take it day by day and one day it get easier and easier, on some aspects. I have 3 kids and although I am not a single mom, I do feel like it sometimes, when my husband works a lot. Now they are in school and it has become a lot easier to take time for myself. Good luck!
• United States
25 Dec 06
How spaced out are your children? With 3 I can only imagine with your husband working all the time. Thanks so much for your kind words.
• United States
24 Dec 06
Although I am not a single mom, per se, my husband does travel a lot which requires me to act as single parent to my three kids for a week or so at a time. It is exhausting, and I thank my lucky stars it's not ALL the time. The advice I can give to you is to accept help wherever and whenever you can get it. Don't try to do everything by yourself or you will definitely become overwhelmed. With a 2-month-old baby, you are at one of the most difficult stages. Surging hormones, lack of sleep, feeding round the clock . . . it's a lot. Don't give up on your degree (take it from someone who did . . . twice! in education and nursing). I wouldn't be in such a hurry to move out from your parents' house either, unless they are making you feel unwelcome. They want you to succeed, I am sure, and are probably willing to help you out with quite a bit should you ask. Wait until your son is a little older, when the both of you have an established routine. And call on your friends A LOT! Find a support group for moms. Meet other people like you. Good luck!!
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Dec 06
Majority of my friends live back in my hometown or they're still pursuing their degree so its impossible to ask them to be always there when I know they're trying to get their degree. Plus only one or two have children and if they do, they're married. My parents are not making me feel unwelcomed its the fact that I don't like clutter and me and my son are sharing the same room with my queen sized bed, dresser, chester of drawers,night stand, his crib,a million and one other things.... go figure! You have a degree in education and nursing, you go girl!
@cmone97 (47)
• United States
25 Dec 06
msnadia, don't worry, everything will be fine. Remeber, that a baby is a blessing that God has put in your life. Some tips that may help...1) make sure you sleep when he sleeps, if you can. That way you won't be as tired. 2) do not let him sleep after 6:30. Try to keep him up as long as possible after that so he will sleep longer at night. 3) this may offend some, but put a little cereal in his last bottle before you put him to sleep. This will also make him sleep longer b/c he will be full longer. 4) Play with your son and love him dearly, but do not spoil him to where he can't stay with anyone when you need him to the most. 5)Also, thank your parents. Those that help you should know that they are greatly appreciated and not just thought of as an advantage. 6) once a week, if you can, take some time to yourself if only for an hour. This is w/o books, baby, or job(if you work). Take that time to just refresh, relax, and take a breather. 7)Lastly, keep your faith and your prayers. God is not going to put anymore on you than you can bare and the situation woll only make you stronger. I commend you for making a better person of yourself for you and your son, b/c most would give up. It's alright to cry sometimes. I once was a single mother of one and now I am no longer with my husband so I am a single mother of four. It is going to get hard, but the love you and your child have for each other will go against ALL negativity. I will keep you in my prayers.
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Dec 06
That was some heartfelt advice that I greatly appreciate! Well I do allow him to sleep after 6:30 but he's taking cat naps and he sleeps from 1a-9a without any cereal in his bottle. I'm trying to hold off until somewhere between 4-6mo to introduce him to cereal.
@muralimn (534)
• United Arab Emirates
24 Dec 06
i can understand your situation. it is good that your parents are supportive. now since you are a mom you should understand that nobody else can understand your problem than your own parents. so try to be with them as long as possible so that your child gets more love and attention since you have to work hard for living. now the prefernce should be your baby. so you have to make some compromise on your needs like having your own space. when everything goes well and u feel that you can handle everything all alone without your parents support, then u think of moving out. babies are really innocent and they need your full love and support. so think before you take any decision because you have to consider your baby first. my best wishes for you and your baby.
• United States
24 Dec 06
I handle everything on my own, its just I am residing with my parents. Everything I do, I do it on my own. They will get him for 30 minutes to give me a break or what not but when they have him they're still calling me to get something or do something so I don't really see where they are really helping me out except for giving me the luxury of living in their household.
• United States
24 Dec 06
well i kinda know what you are going threw,although i have lived on my own since i was 16,I finally got pregnant at age 29,I had alot of help from family and friends on clothing,cribs and everything material i needed..thank god..but I will tell you..I would have done anything to get extra help when he was first born..hell even the forst 6 mths!! It was soo very hard,and being a single mom is hell at times,and hun things happen you need to take advantage of this situation and look at it like a blessing that your getting help,,I know its sems hopless now..and it also sounds like your suffering from Post PARDOM DEPRESSION sweety..i strongly advise you to see your doc ASAP!my son had APHNEa the forst 3 mths of his birth and he stopped breathing alot..and i had to perform CPR on him alot..but we got over that..and hes 4 now..and its still hard..but it gets better as you know what your doing lol..but plz talk to your doc soon..take care hun!
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Dec 06
I value your opinion but I do not think I am suffering from PPD. I say this because I'm only sad because I know the things I want to accomplish in life and when I want to have those thing accomplished. I have to put a couple of my goals on the backburner so I can provide for my child although everything I want to accomplish will benefit him in teh log run.
@mansha (6298)
• India
25 Dec 06
I know what situation you are in, I also stayed with my mom when my first one was born. She was a big help I don't know how i would have managed without her. Two month old kid is too soon tro move out. You have harder days ahead so just count your blessings and stay put. I raised him alone till he was four and he turnmed out to be so good. actually my mom expired when he was 1 and a hlf year old and my hubby also was away on duty.I am now raising my second one and alos doing software programming, onbly last sem is left. I am not lucky as you are to have parents to lean on. My hubby is now with me, but he is of little help due to his timings, only that he takes care of my elder one. I often do not get to eat peacefully with this one. SO just hang in their and enjoy your time with your baby, you are in a better situation than most others, with bay parents are a better help than husbands. with husbands you often end up taking care of two kids(one your underaged kid hubby ) so its better that you are with your parents.
• United States
25 Dec 06
Thanks for the advice! May I ask why he does not help out with the younger one?
• United States
24 Dec 06
You need to make some time for yourself whenever you can just to get a break from the stress. I would also say to take your time and give yourself a break once in awhile because it is one heck of a job to do on your own.
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Dec 06
I find it impossible to take time out to myself except for the early mornings 2a-5a but then I'm working my at home job. If I'm not dealing with my son I'm washing bottles, preparing bottles, doing laundry and cleaning.
• United States
24 Dec 06
I use to be a single mom of two girls.so i know what you are talking about.I know things may be difficult but they do get better.I use to be like you and think like you.The way i use to deal with the stress is try and relax and be patient things will get better.your son needs you and if you are stressed your son will be also if you ever feel like your to stressed ask for help.it is also alot easier when you have the support of your family.just remember the most important thing is your baby.things wont always be like this they will get better.it just takes time and patience good luck.
• United States
24 Dec 06
I never allow the stress to get to me until the end of the day when he's asleep and I really have a few hours to myself and just think about how I want our life to be! I am trying to be patient but its really killing me. I don't really like to ask people to help me out because they always seem to be busy and I don't want to impose!
@simplegal (123)
• Philippines
25 Dec 06
Being a single mom is hard I know it because I am not a single mom I have a husband but still its difficult to raise a child. Just thinking how her future may be and where will you get the things she need. Just be strong and have faith in God always pray for his guidance. No one can help you more than him. Ask for strength too.
• United States
25 Dec 06
God helps me out so much when I need guidance, without him where would I be? Every day I look a my son and I'm thinking I really hope his father not being in his life will not affect him. I don't know what his fathers intentins are when he's out of jail but I really hope he steps up to the plate!
@sanorita (58)
• India
24 Dec 06
hmmmm i kno its soo difficult to handle thgs all alone... but i thnk thts life.. ul have to build up strength fr ur son.. n work hard fr his future.. dont give up.. gods testing ur patience.. jus keep goin.. even if its slow.. it wil get btr latr... n take care of ur health..
• United States
25 Dec 06
Thanks for the advice!
@babs6219 (153)
• United States
25 Dec 06
Have you read the book" The complete Single Mother"? It's wonderful, lots of advice and tips. I have found, as a single mom ( I'm 31, my daughter is 14), that a schedule is important. That way, she always knows what's happening when, and how. 6:30 PM on Wednesday, it's Gymnastics class. Find a support system..online or offline, there are many wonderful support groups...with women just like you, who are raising their children alone. It's really great to be able to speak with women who understand. This will get easier...I promise! I have the most amazing relationship with my daughter, she's one of my best friends. Good luck, you can and you will do this well..the fact that you're asking already means that you're an awesome mom!
• United States
25 Dec 06
Thanks! Sometimes I don't feel so awesome but when others tell you that brightens up your day. I don't know of any support groups with moms around my age group they're always much older. Do you know where I can look? Glad you and your daughter are doing great, I hope me and my son will be that way and not resent me for his father not being there.
• United States
25 Dec 06
Who is the author of that book?
@jen20619 (1300)
• Ireland
24 Dec 06
Hi I too am a single mom and although it might not seem like it right now it does get easier much easier.At the age your son is at now It is a difficult time ,so much hard work and your also in Education.I think your a great girl.
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Dec 06
Thank you! Sometimes we just need a little motivation to give us that extra boost! I know as he gets older it will get easier because he won't be as dependent on me as he is now!
@ash6666 (819)
• India
24 Dec 06
Its a hell being single mom.you have atleast care of your parents and its great aid to your bright future.All the best .But being a single is always heartening thing that too with a child.Hope you will get your mr.right soon.
• United States
25 Dec 06
Thanks, I hope he comes soon!
@ssgucluck (107)
• India
24 Dec 06
yah now a days there r many single mom , its all about her , how she manages her daily life.
@nhtpscd (1416)
• Australia
24 Dec 06
well she has to manage daily life to make a life for her baby.
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
25 Dec 06
do not be discouraged. you are 22 already, and is a single mom. think of life your son will have if you won't be strong for him. your parents are helpful to you, be grateful they are on your side. just stay strong and hold on. everything will be alright.
• India
24 Dec 06
Yes its tough task but i am man..But i understand their feelings.Doing studies and looking after a child is tough task.We have to concentrate in both the things studies as well as the child
• United States
25 Dec 06
thank you
• Philippines
25 Dec 06
My mom is also a single mom and she told me that the stress would go away if she sees me happy... You should work hard in order to give the baby the care they need...
• Philippines
24 Dec 06
i am a single mom myself and you know what? all you need is right there in your arms. when i come home from work and i see my baby every pain and stress quickly goes away. take it easy, take everything one at a time and never rush into a decision. everyone says that parenting is hard, and it is even harder when you are the only one raising your child. so just take things slowly because things come to each one of us because we can handle it. just keep in mind that you are strong and that little baby in your arms loves you so much, you can do it!
• United States
24 Dec 06
Thank you so much for the advice, I will remember this when times get hard!