Should I have my gay best friends child?

baby - A picture of a new born baby
@jen20619 (1302)
Ireland
December 25, 2006 8:17am CST
My best friend and I having been best friends since as long as I can remember.Hes always been there for me like a brother.He came out when he was 18 that he was gay.This was no surprise to me as I kinda always new.I mean we got on well he always said he thinks Im preitty but never made a move .So it didnt come as a great shock.Hes now settled in a long term relationship for the last 4 years.Hes now 34 and hes desparate to have his own child.He has come to me and asked if I would have his child for him.We wouldnt be doing it natural way of course as both of us are in relationships.I love him dearly and Ive always felt I would do anything for him.Part of me wants to do but another part doesnt.I dont want him down .What should I do?
13 people like this
62 responses
@kgwat70 (13396)
• United States
25 Dec 06
I think it is up to you and how you feel about having his child and also how do the people that you two are having relationships feel about that. I think it could cause damage in your relationship with who you are seeing and the person that he is seeing. Have you two discussed that as well? You have to think about everyone involved. That is great that you two get along so great like that.
• Saint Lucia
25 Dec 06
that's either insane or this discussion is fake!!!!!!!
@babs6219 (153)
• United States
26 Dec 06
Why would it be insane? Gay men frequently have children, either through adoption or surrogacy. Many surrogates ( either traditional or gestational) are friends or family members.
@GinFin (59)
• Belgium
26 Dec 06
we will never know this conversation is fake or not... So i am also waiting for a reason why you should post such a private situation all open on the net...
@emisle (3823)
• Ireland
25 Dec 06
i think an important thing to consider is, if you have the child, would you want to have a relationship with it, and if so, would both of your partners be 100% happy with that. And if not, would you really be able to stay at a distance?
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Dec 06
That is a very personal question and I think that you and you alone should be the only one to make such a monumental decision. If I read you correctly he and his partner would be the ones to raise the child, would you want joint custody, who would pay your medical bills, etc. etc. etc. Please think it over very carefully.
1 person likes this
@Mommamea (1215)
• United States
25 Dec 06
I would seriously think long and hard about doing this. What effect would this have on the child? Not that gay relationships are wrong but isn't this part of being gay? Knowing the concept of never having children. What is this child going to think of you? Wouldn't you still be this childs Mother? This life that is going to grow inside of you for nine months. You are going to get emotionally attached. How are you going to feel when this child asks you why you didn't have him or her for yourself? I feel for the person wanting a child. I don't know what I would do without my children. What does your partner think of this? Good luck in your decision.
@turtle11 (331)
• India
25 Dec 06
Well its really tough thing to do so please think it as many times as you can before u take any decision. Its gonna be tough for you in the future.
1 person likes this
@Sm00tH (2040)
• Belgium
25 Dec 06
it's great that you have this kind of friendship, but u also have your partner, so talk to him about this and see what he has to say. then you might find out that you have to chose between having it and getting an angry partner or not having it let you friend down... it's all up to you and if u didn't have a partner i'd say do it, but now...
1 person likes this
• Ireland
25 Dec 06
That is something that you need to think about. I can't advice you as it is a very important decicion that needs to be made, and one that will impact the rest of your life. How would you feel about having his child? Would he expect you to give the child up when its born, or would the child be living with you? Are you ready to be a mother? Have you talked it through with your partner? Think about it, take your time and do what you feel is right for YOU! Wishing you the best of luck!
1 person likes this
• Saint Lucia
25 Dec 06
i definitely do not recommend doing this. i t is considered as pure evil to me. why would someone want to do that? you cannot do this. you should be thinking more of th e child than the feelings of your best friend, i mean c'mon were're talking about another human being here!!!!
@babs6219 (153)
• United States
26 Dec 06
Why would that be evil? Controversial, yes...diffficult decision to make, yes....but giving a child life and two great parents? NEVER evil. Don't judge!
@ilvrshn (463)
• United States
26 Dec 06
For one thing as a friend he shouldn't had asked you rather seek advice from you but since he did asked you might consider the long term effects on this. You will have an emotional attachment to this baby that is no longer your and that you will often see. Do you want to put yourself through that? Then of course, I hope all this will be done through legal document because if he decides to back out at the last minute then you are left taking care of a baby you didn't intend to have. Think about that one.
@neeyor (147)
• India
26 Dec 06
Its something u should think nicley!!! if u really like him and he is ur best friend then there is no harm doing it!!! this is a faver he wil never forget in his life!!! He asked do have his baby only because he trust u n don't want to take some other woman!!! Just think nicely before doing..........
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
26 Dec 06
What kind of relationship will you have to the child? Talk it out, think of every what if situation, and then decide. Don't let your love for your friend manipulate your choice. How would your current relationship be if you did this? It's alot to consider. I'm guessing you have no children.
• Ireland
26 Dec 06
i dont think its a good idea, especially as you are so close to the person, i think surrogate mothers should be somone unknown to the person like adoption, i think it could be hard to carry a child for somone u are so close to
• United States
26 Dec 06
I think this is a very difficult decision and a very selfless one. I assume you discussed it with the person you are in a relationship with. Do you have other children? How do you feel about giving up your child only to see him/her all the time (that may bother you in the future). Would you be a part of the childs life as an auntie, friend, or mother figure. I think it is a huge decision and it seems the easy part is the 9 months you are pregnant. Melissa
• Canada
26 Dec 06
If you do, I'm affraid you will live to regret this very poor decision for the rest of your life. Take your feelings for your "best friend" out of the mix. THINK OF THE CHILD, PLEASE!
• Australia
26 Dec 06
this is insane. He has to choose. Be your husband and your child's father or not and no child for him. He has to be legally responsible for your child and you should too. Think about it. THis world is insane.
@steerforth (1802)
• Italy
26 Dec 06
I don't think that gay can have children because a baby must have a dad and a mother at home.
@rockslide (689)
• United States
26 Dec 06
sure why not! society is all ready so screwed up anyway. Hidee Ho neighboreeno
@sunshinecup (7881)
26 Dec 06
Do you ever have problems with non-gay people? Just wondering cause "gay" seems to be part of everyone of your discussions. With this many of problems, maybe you should try to find new freinds.
@bimmer999 (1160)
• Philippines
26 Dec 06
wow thats a major commitement..to bear your friend's child. your current partner could see this negatively and could potentially cause problems on your relationship. you'll have to think this over again and again and again. and who knows when the kid grows up, other complications might happen with you as mom and him as dad.
@198112 (336)
• United States
26 Dec 06
If this is your friend I think that you should be supportive with his wants. But I dont think you should have his child maybe he should consider surrogate with someone else. But if this is not a problem with you and your partner and you want to help him. Then go ahead. I dont support gay men raising children like this, because I think it brainwashes the child with what is right. But again don't risk it if your partner is not ok with this descsion.