For those of you who have to share your kids?????

@coolcatzz (1588)
Canada
December 25, 2006 4:25pm CST
Will I ever get use to this??? This is my third Christmas where I see my kids leave on Christmas Day at 4pm and go to their Dad's for a few days. It is so hard to see them go. They've been gone just over an hour and I'm already posting about it. My son who is 18 embraced me really tight (unusual for him) and thanked me for a great Christmas. Everytime I think of it I cry. That hug made my whole Christmas. I guess I'm just feeling a little sorry for myself. I have never been so lonely before.
4 people like this
21 responses
@reinydawn (11649)
• United States
26 Dec 06
Even before my parents were divorced, we had to go to different houses on Christmas Day. I remember when we were little, we woke up on Christmas morning at my one Grandparents, then had to hurry and leave all our stuff to go to my other Grandparents house, then had to pack all that stuff (and it stayed packed for the rest of the trip) and go back to the first Grandparents. I hated it as a kid, all we did was run around all day long. It doesn't help that it is also my birthday and that had to get squeezed in there too. When I got divorced my kids were about 8 and 10. Since it was also my birthday, I got to choose how we would handle the whole splitting up of Christmas. Although I wanted my kids with me, I knew how much I hated being dragged all over the place and not enjoying Christmas. I did not want to have to hurry them (or me) through openning presents only to leave them behind for the rest of the day. I chose to have the kids at one parents house until 8pm on Chrstmas Eve, then the other parents house until December 26th. The next year we would switch and the other parent would have the kids for the whole day. It was hard, but I think that was the best solution for the kids (and really for the families because it was easier to plan). After a few years, my ex moved a couple blocks away from us in the same neighborhood so the kids just walked back and forth from house to house. Best Wishes to you!
@coolcatzz (1588)
• Canada
26 Dec 06
Best wishes to you too. That is what it comes to what is the best for the kids. My 9 year old just looks at it as having 2 Christmas. Can you blame her??? My 18 year old knows how much I love and miss him and he sympathizes with me but my daughter is different. Oh well live and learn I guess.
@mansha (6301)
• India
26 Dec 06
I can only imagine what to share your kids would be like. I feel terrible reading all the responses too. I just cant stay without my kids even for few hours. When they are at school too, I keep worrying about them. I keep looking at the watch and imagine what they must be doing. I dare not imagine sharing them with someone for days. I guess may be becase they are so young thats why I feel that way. I think you are a very strong person to accept sharing them and parting with them like that. Even others who have written , it takes courage especially for mothers to share their kids. I jsut want to know how do you make peace with such an arrangement. If ever that happened with me, I think I will be throwing tantrums like a kid myself or may be will run away to someplace with my kids. I don't know, but the very thought is so scary to me. I am so sorry to babble like that so much, really, sorry if I hurt you.
@coolcatzz (1588)
• Canada
26 Dec 06
Well I never dreamed I'd be in this situation but I am. You are very lucky you aren't but I tell ya I was surprised to see the responses to this post. It made me realize there are so many out there that are going through the same thing as me. I guess more kids then not come from broken homes. It's sad but it is a reality.
@icequeen (2843)
• Canada
26 Dec 06
It sounds like there is a lot of love there..which is great. For a teenager to hug you...it's a big deal....lol. I know I have a teeange son too...I understand how you feel...maybe you could express this to your kids and your ex..and maybe work out something in the future where they would not be gone for quite so long...however this holiday just try to keep busy and keep your mind off it..and hopefully the time will pass quickly for you....don't feel lonely...you have friends here....
@coolcatzz (1588)
• Canada
26 Dec 06
Yes the hug was a big deal. Meant more to me then anything. I kept thinking about it all day and it kept bringing tears to my eyes. My 18 year old doesn't get to spend much time with his dad because he has a girlfriend and a parttime job and school so his life is pretty busy. He just texted messaged me that he is having a good time with his dad so that makes me happy.
• United States
26 Dec 06
I always think of it as a positive thing to have more people in their lives that want to spend time with them on holidays. It can be hardest on the parent I think but if the kids are getting attention and the chance to celebrate, it can be a good thing. Consider the alternative of kids who do not have a parent that wants to see them or celebrate holidays with them
@coolcatzz (1588)
• Canada
26 Dec 06
Nope you are right the more people that love my kids and want to spend time with them the better. I can't be selfish about this it's just that I get so darn emotional.
@LovingIt (5398)
• United States
26 Dec 06
My grandkids have to leave at noon on Christmas Day and don't get to come home until the day before school starts at 5PM, which in this case will be on the 3rd of Jan. My daughter has been crying all day long. They are only 6 and 8 yrs. old and don't even get time to enjoy what Santa brings before they have to leave. This is their 3rd Christmas to go through this as well.
@coolcatzz (1588)
• Canada
26 Dec 06
My heart goes out to your daughter cause I certainly know how she feels. You always feel like your missing out on the things in life they will always remember.
• United States
26 Dec 06
I share my three kids with my ex. We have a pretty good understanding about the kids--but I know exactly how you feel. He took them on vacation over the summer to California and a few days gone I was already missing them. My kids are with me and my husband every day except Saturday and then their dad keeps them over night every other week. Since I stay home I have them in the mornings and evenings on his weeks and he only lives 4 miles away. The only thing I hate is living in New Mexico. I am so ready to leave here, but their father will not let me take them out of the state. I don't think it will ever get any easier--even when they are all grown and have their own life. My husband's mother was upset today because she has made some mistakes in her life and she's feeling very guilty for her past. It's always a good idea to put your feelings into words and I hope that somehow you find some solace that you are not alone :-)
@coolcatzz (1588)
• Canada
26 Dec 06
Yes that does make it difficult if and when you want to move. I feel the same way. He would never let me more any farther away. I can see his point though but it does limit you.
@re08dz (1941)
• Australia
26 Dec 06
For as long as my ex and I have been divorced I've always had my kids Christmas Eve and through until after lunch on Christmas Day. He picks them up in the afternoon and they then spend the rest of the day with him and his family and then for a few days after they stay with him. It might not be something you'll ever get used to, but I guess at least they get to spend time with both of you.
@coolcatzz (1588)
• Canada
26 Dec 06
No you are right I will never get use to it. I remember all the good years with my inlaws (who have passed away) and our big Christmas' together.
@armywifey (883)
• United States
26 Dec 06
I have to share my two oldest kids with my ex husband. I don't have a problem with it though. My girls are alwasy with me on Christmas eve and christmas morning, then they go to their dad's a couple of days. We have the advantage of only living abut 15 miles from each other so that makes it easier. Children need to spend the holidays with both parents.
@coolcatzz (1588)
• Canada
26 Dec 06
Yes we are fortunate too that we don't live too far apart. That certainly makes things easier. I think I always worry to that my ex and his girlfriend can buy them more. I know to some it may sound petty. My son who is 18 understands but my daughter who is 9 is still impressionable. I don't want her to think it's a case of them loving her more then I do.
@aimee750 (1117)
• United States
26 Dec 06
I have to share my two kids. We rotate holidays, so this Christmas was not mine. So we celebrated a day early. I don't like it but my kids are 7 & 4 so I have a long time to deal with it yet. So I cleaned out my kitchen cupboards today and spent several hours online. Then they came home at 8pm. That was the best part of my day.
@coolcatzz (1588)
• Canada
26 Dec 06
Yes you are right keeping busy is the key thing. Just getting yourself through these 3 days and then you'll be ok. I think the embrace from my son and him holding me so tight really brought all the emotions to the surface.
@linda345 (2661)
• Canada
26 Dec 06
Well one thing I could suggest is every second year you get to have the kids for a full Christmas Day. You have them one year and then he gets them the next. That way you get to open presents, have turkey dinner (or whatever you would cook) and maybe the year he has them you could get the kids back for boxing day. I am sending you lots of big hugs and know your friends are thinking about you. My granddaughter just left and this is really her first Christmas, it feels weird in the house now because she was making lots of noise playing with her toys. So I can only imagine the pain you are feeling. I don't know but maybe if you have a hobby like bingo maybe you and one of your friends can go tomorrow night. lol
@coolcatzz (1588)
• Canada
26 Dec 06
Thats a good idea switching it around although I think my ex thinks he is doing good by at least giving me Christmas morning. To me that is just the best part. I guess what is hard for me is I was married 18 years and we always had a huge Christmas dinner with his family and now that is all gone.
@remaster74 (4066)
• Greece
26 Dec 06
I have to share by kid with my parents. Can you realise that? Last week me and my father had an extreme fight and he said words that I can't accept. Then he said that I had to leave the house but he wants my son to stay with them in order to get older and me to be free to find a job and work in order to provide for my son. I was looking for job for the last 5 months and I couldn't find aything. If he was so igger for me to find a job he could have said it better. I moved out and I saw my son for Christmas Day and now I will see him in New Year's eve. I am completely devostated and no one seems to realise it. Greece has difficult times with jobs and I don't seem to be able to find no where job.
@vipul20044 (5799)
• India
26 Dec 06
Well be happy for the moments the time when he hugged you You indeed have been gifted with an amazing gift no? A hug that is the most precious gift you could get
@jen20619 (1302)
• Ireland
26 Dec 06
kids visiting there Dad - visiting there Dad
Yes I too share my kids.It is difficult having to do that sometimes.I know what you mean about wanting them with you on Christmas day as I too missed my child terrible when she was visiting her dads Christmas night.But I suppose it is good to still have there Dad in there lifes.
• United States
26 Dec 06
What's importate here is that your children had a fun and happy time with you. That is what they will remember, despite having to share them with your ex. If there was bickering or fighting over christmas then the kids probably wouldn't spend time with either one of you. Feel blessed that they are happy and enjoyed their holiday with you. When they are gone it's the perfect time to do something just for yourself. Take the time to do something that you do not normally get to do and make it a tradition.
• India
26 Dec 06
yes it's very tough for childeren to understand what feelings their parents have for them.
@milagre (1272)
• Portugal
26 Dec 06
I have to share my daughter with her father (she spends the 25 dec. with him) and every other year i can have my step-daughter with me. I know its hard for all of us, as it is probably hard to the other parent, i dont like it, but that's the way it is and its only once a year.... However i always have my youngest with me (till now i dont have to share him :))
@Jahnya (142)
• United States
26 Dec 06
Sadly my two girls have different father and I am divorced from both. You'll never get used to it. I have to juggle both kids paternal families, my family, and sometime my current husband's (but his are out of state). I am usually driving around so much I can't enjoy the holiday. I keep hoping when they are grown it won't be so hard.
@grnzel (4)
• United States
26 Dec 06
I don't think you ever get used to it. I have two kids with my ex and Christmas Day is hectic for us. He gets them Christmas Eve, I get them in the morning for a few hours, he gets them in the afternoon and I get them back in the evening, until the next evening when he gets them for the rest of the holiday (Whew!) It's been like that since they were 3 and 1 so I guess I'm just used to things being that way but it's hard to see them go the next day for a whole week.
@nhtpscd (1418)
• Australia
26 Dec 06
Yp I know exactly how you feel mine get picked up at 5pm and don't return till new years day. This is bu court order. The judge won't change it either. Mine that go are 8 and 6
@harsh1985 (595)
• India
26 Dec 06
it is better you think abut the greatest moment that you had enjoyed with them neither for those moments that makes you painful.. it is true that you have faced with most tragic moment.. in life you have to sacrifice for some good moments..so chear up!!!