Ever hear of the saying, "Blood is thicker than water..."

United States
December 26, 2006 11:24am CST
Who ever came up with this saying obviously lived a sheltered life! To me, it seems like family members take advantage of other family members more than they would a friend or even a complete stranger! I was raised with good morals and values. My mom's and dad's family always celebrated every holiday together and we all got along. None of this backstabbing, stealing, cheating, and lying that goes on today. When I got married the first time I was about to get a reality check. My ex has a rather large family and they way they treat each other is absolutely horrific! People were stealing from each other--and I mean like stealing cars and money! One cousin has been in and out of jail for as long as I can remember. Another one broke into her own aunt's house and stole DVD's and other things to pawn for money. I even got caught up in the drama--I used to have immaculate credit and one of my ex's cousins wanted to get her husband a wedding ring. I was always willing to help so I offered her to use my credit at a store to get some rings. The ywere good on the payments for 3 months and then stopped. I didn't even know until I got a call from the creditor that no payment had been made in 3 months. I write some legal contracts and they finally made good on the repayment, but I swore never again...and these people, still take advantage of other family members! I have to give some blame on the family because they know how these people are and only because they are "family" continue to help them. They do not realize that they are only adding fuel to the fire. How many other people have been burned or are being burned by family members?
7 people like this
54 responses
@GardenGerty (99193)
• United States
27 Dec 06
We have a family member that is noted for that. We try not to enable her. Her poor management even caused my daughter in law to lose her job. She does not care. If I had the money I would have paid the debt, to keep the daughter in laws job. Knowing that I would never get it back. I have ruined my own credit though, and had nothing to spare. We had another one that stole money from his great grandma's purse at a family gathering. So sad and hurtful. But I have had trusted "friends" defraud me as well.
• United States
27 Dec 06
I know how you feel--but it hurts more when family members are the ones doing the hurting over friends. I've also been burned by friends, but it never seems to hust as much as when family hurts me. I've come to realize that I am not going to allow these destructive family members to hurt me or my children in this way. I've had to put my foot down and that is the sad part :-(
1 person likes this
@Ashida (1370)
• United States
26 Dec 06
It's sad that many people have a tendency to hurt the ones closest to them. How's that saying go -- you can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family?
2 people like this
• United States
26 Dec 06
Now that saying is so true! Thank you for taking the time to post :-)
1 person likes this
@Ashida (1370)
• United States
26 Dec 06
thank you for taking the time to post an interesting topic!
1 person likes this
@kaniam (582)
• India
27 Dec 06
yes
@kawillow74 (1417)
• United States
27 Dec 06
I will concider myself lucky I have a very close famly and almost all would help ona another, I have never be burned by a family memeber or would I do taht to a family memeber, you are lucky he is your ex never know what could happen.
2 people like this
• United States
27 Dec 06
Yes I am lucky that was my ex's family, but unfortunately my husband's family on his dad's side is just as horrible if not worse. We just stay away from all of that stuff and leave them out of our business and don't get involved with theirs. Thank you for taking the time to post a reply :-)
1 person likes this
@mcrowl (1050)
• New Zealand
28 Dec 06
Though our family has had some arguments, overall we love each other very much, and miss each other when we don't see each other. And I think that in times of difficulty we could all rely on each other. If I didn't have my family, I'm not sure which friends I could completely rely on.
• Philippines
27 Dec 06
true for in times when all your friends leaves you and you need someone to lean on its your family who will be there... ispite of the indifferences you may have. also it always says you cannot chose your parents/siblings but you can chose your children/spouse soon
2 people like this
• United States
27 Dec 06
That is very true! Thank you for taking the time to post :-)
1 person likes this
• Canada
27 Dec 06
You know what KJ? I remember one of my inlaws telling my husband, "if you can't rely on your family when you need money, then who can you rely on?" At the time, I thought that was true to a point... your family should always be ready to help you in a time of need. But there's a HUGE difference between being needy and being greedy. In addition to the check situation I was telling you about in another discussion, we also have a second problem. When my husband had to move to be with me, we decided that he would leave behind his vehicle, rather than going to the trouble to import it here (there are many fees and inspections and all that jazz and we really didn't want the additional expenses at that time). So, he tried and tried to sell it but didn't have any takers. Finally, one of his parents said that they would buy it (along with their spouse, his step-parent). Well, that was almost 4 years ago and, up until now, we have been paid less than half of the agreed-upon selling price :( They pushed and pushed for my husband to mail them the title for the vehicle so that they could get the tags on it and start driving it... and he made the ultimate mistake of letting them have the title before they had finished paying on it. He trusted them, being his PARENTS and all, and they have never come through with the rest of the money. His parent keeps saying "I know I owe you money" or "I haven't forgotten what I owe you"... but his step-parent just doesn't want to pay it (because they need the money "more" than we do!!) and there have been no attempts to pay the balance. We even offered to take installments as if they were paying on a loan. We said $20 or $50 per month. If they would have just done that, it would be almost paid off by now! I'm really fed up of dealing with what you very wisely call "the drama." I swear I will never... and I do mean NEVER... lend money to family again -- no matter WHAT their story! Yeeeeeeeeeesh!
2 people like this
• United States
27 Dec 06
Amen to that! Godh I bet we could swap stories for a solid week about how are "families" srew us over. I am raising my kids better than that...and wiser so that hopefully they will never have to deal with "the drama."
@jennifer611 (2502)
• United States
27 Dec 06
I so think that the blood is thicker than water thing is just so false. I used to believe it though.. but in the last couple years I have been through so much that just lets me know, it doesnt matter who it is, people are always going to mess you over.. I'm not going to say what my situation was, but it let me know that I cant trust anyone on this earth, friend or family..my family member the the ultimate betryal. I have to forgive this person and move on but it just sucks how a family member can be so cruel sometimes and they are supposed to be the ones u can turn to when others burn you.. Honestly, I think there is no one u can turn to and no one u can trus but God..
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Dec 06
I can just feel your anger and disappointment. I feel for you and whatever your situation was, know that you are not alone. There is so much that I have been through I have not even gotten off the first page of a novel... You are a bigger person for forgiving. I have a difficult time forgiving and I never forget when I've been hurt. It's not that I'm full of pride wither, it's just that there is only so much crap one person can take before you have to draw the line.
@irisheyes (4373)
• United States
27 Dec 06
I could not agree with you more...I think the person who coined the expression"Blood is thicker than water" was probably the leach in his or her own family. Those who believe that old cliche most are those who benefit most from it.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Dec 06
You know---I agree with you on that, well said! Thanks for taking the time to post :-)
@198112 (336)
• United States
27 Dec 06
I use to believe that blood was thicker than water. But I recieved help more from people that had no relationship with me and was complete strangers than I had with my own blood. My small family have been there for me for the most. But there have been times when I really needed them and they just turned their back and noses up to me. It crushed my heart. But I still do value family and I just learned how to deal with my family from another angle. I love them but some things I can't depend on them for.
• United States
27 Dec 06
I know how you feel. There was a time I really needed my family and I never asked for any money, only for someone to come and help me while I was trying to heal---and no one came :-( Thank you for taking the time to share that!
@CleveRed (43)
• United States
27 Dec 06
'Blood is thicker than water' doesn't give license to take advantage, use or enable family members. Unfortunately some actually do think that is the definition. I come from a large family and some get wrapped up in the drama and some stay out of it. Lending money to family and/or friends is NEVER a good idea. There are other ways to help someone in need without jeopardizing your credit or hardwork. You can't put all the blame on family. You know the old saying 'Someone can only take advantage of you when you let them'.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Dec 06
You are right! Unfortunately, some of us have to learn this lesson the hard way. Thank you for taking the time to post :-)
• United States
27 Dec 06
There are bad eggs in every family, I consider money loaned money gone and if its paid back YEAH for me. Friends come and go family is there forever good or bad.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Dec 06
That is true, and I tell my kids that friends come and go and family is forever so that they will always treat each other with respect.
@sbeauty (5871)
• United States
27 Dec 06
We discovered the hard way this year that our son-in-law is a thief. We built a new house using him as our general contractor, and he stole us blind. I'm talking thousands and thousands of dollars here. He was both the plumbing and electrical subcontractor. The bank said he charged us twice the going rate for both jobs. The plumbing isn't done, and my husband did most of the electrical himself. It has caused a lot of hard feelings in the family, and we seldom get to see our grandchildren. We don't understand how our daughter can defend the guy who has done this to her parents, and I'm not sure who we'll be able to trust in the future. We blindly trust this guy as "family", and we made a big mistake.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Dec 06
Oh my heart really does go out to you. I absolutely feel horrible. Just reading about some of the things other people have experienced from their own family members does not make me feel like I am the only one this happens to all the time. Be glad that you raised your daughter better than that---have you considered court or contacting the BBB? I think you need to do that as that's the only way that might help them so that their children do not grow up to do that. You know, once a parent, always a parent--when your daughter realizes who he really is, where is the first place she will go...
@sylviekitty (2083)
• United States
27 Dec 06
Man oh man- family is the worst! That's why you usually will hear that you should (for starters) NEVER go into business with other family. Because in the end, somebody gets screwed over, and it causes problems. Somebody ends up paying financially for somebody else's irresponsibility, and I think when you are in business (even in a joint purchase like with the ring situation you mentioned)- it's like they assume because they're family, it's not a huge deal if they skip a payment, or are late or whatever. Because they've probably heard the same thing you have- that blood is "thicker" than water.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Dec 06
That is so true!! Business and family simple do not mix--period. Thank you for taking the time to post that :-)
@jen20619 (1302)
• Ireland
27 Dec 06
Yes you should stay clear of ever giving or leading money to your people like this.They obviously can not be trusted.I think you were brought up a nice way and it shows by the type of close connection you have with your family,no backstabbing,no stealing,cheating or lying.I have had inlaws that would get in me and my husbands business all the time .Although they werent robbers it wasnt nice that every discision we made they would stick there nose in.But I guess thats inlaws for you.
• United States
27 Dec 06
In-laws always know how to mess it up... My ex mother-in-law is who I would blame for the destruction of my first marriage. Because of her it never had a chance to heal or blossom. My ex's family was always in everyone else's business but their own and to this day, they all have issues. Even my new hubby, his dad, brother and sister are all horrible---we stay clear of them all. His adopted mother though, she is a saint among people. Beautiful person inside and out and I would do anything for that woman!
• India
27 Dec 06
Whoever has said this hasn't even tried the qualities of the so-called "Water" in this journey called Life. I personally advocate the principle of "Friends can be chosen, relatives are an acquired genetic defect !". Although this may not be true at all times, we see this being portrayed in every individual's life whether he/she values family, traditions and the like. How many times have we found friends coming "in" when family has already gone "out" ? I do not say that friends are more important than family since one cannot replace the other, each having a place of its own. But I would rather ask GOD to change his production technique to include the clause of being able to choose relatives and friends both !
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Dec 06
AMEN!! I love how you worded everything! I have had friends that have been with me through good times and bad times when family members have been selective and only help when it's either convenient for them or they get something out of it.
@yorb24 (2181)
• United States
27 Dec 06
Yeah I agree with you. If you're family sometimes they do feel that they can take advantage and you won't be offended because you're related. It should be the complete opposite! Fortunately I've never been burned by relatives.
• United States
27 Dec 06
YOu are a lucky person---feel blessed that you have a good family :-)
@tba123 (457)
• United States
27 Dec 06
Great topic. I believe blood should be thicker than water but it seems now days that's the exception instead of the rule. Sad to say but it's often family & friends(the ones you're closes to) will be the ones to hurt you first.
• United States
27 Dec 06
First ones to hurt you and when they do it hurts the most!
• Philippines
27 Dec 06
I also agree with that. In our neighborhood we are actually having the same blood, each and everyone on our compound are relatives. But still we can't make them believe that blood should be thicker than water. They always want our family down, they always envy everything that we have and they don't have. They always want to get those things even though they don't even stand a single right to get those from us. Their GREED already devour the true value of our family and they all wanted to be something above and greater over us. I can't understand why they want the worst of us. Isn't better if they just want us to be happy and for them to be also happy with our happiness. We own our land and they are insisting that we don't have the right to have it. We already have the land title and they keep on saying that it is fake because they are the owners. How stupid they are! Come to think of it, they can't even show a little proof that they own our land. If we have the fake one, then they must have the true one. If they can't even show a fake copy then who do you think is telling the truth? These days they really must learn. Or else I don't know how they would live when the time comes that we must let go of them. Thank you for reading my post!
• United States
27 Dec 06
Jealousy is very ugly and it really can bring out that ugliness in family members. Thank you for taking the time to post :-)
@swasti (1157)
• India
27 Dec 06
well i think wat u r saying is true in many cases....but not all families r like that .. actually if u see...a wife in most of the cases will not allow her husband to spend too much for his family in many families...and most of teh peopel consider the woman as a heartless woman. but in some cases it hink it is better to follow the wife's advice cuz she tells her hubby so inorder to protect her family from getting ruined. there are really good help from relatives also tehse r the disadvantages..after all tehre r 2 sides to a coin. if we r able to get soem benefit there is also a problem attached to it. but i think mostly people do not go beyond their limit to help others.
• United States
27 Dec 06
Thank you for taking the time to post and share your thoughts!
• United States
27 Dec 06
I think it's a true saying. Face it, most people will let their brother, sister, mother, etc. do something wrong or illegal and let them get away with it longer than they would a 'friend' or acquaintance. I can call my brother a moron, but you do it and I'll kick your butt! Most people really do feel this way and in most cases family will always win over, even in marriages. Extended family is a slightly different story, cousins, aunts, etc. but it can sometimes run that deep. I'm not saying all families and I'm not saying you never walk away from family but there is a tie there that is much stronger than with friends usually.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Dec 06
You are right! There are things I will tolerate from my brother and sister that I would never let a friend do. There is a tie--and when it is a strong bond, nothing will break it---but when there are people that feel that friends come before family, then the problems begin.
• United States
27 Dec 06
i heard this saying before but its not true i dont believe it
1 person likes this