How many years after the death of a child does your heart start to heal?

United States
December 26, 2006 11:59am CST
I lost an infant son about six and half years ago. At first the yearly anniversaries were difficult but then they became easier to bear. However, the last 2 years they have become harder yet again. My heart still is torn apart and my arms still yearn to hold my son after all these years. And this even though I have other children. Will my heart ever start to heal? Any advice to share?
6 responses
@34momma (13918)
• United States
26 Dec 06
I am so sorry to hear about your lost. I have never lost a child but i lost both my parents only 20 days apart. that was back in 94. it is hard to love a loved one, and I could not even dream of losing one of my children. I like you the pain of losing my parents comes and goes. one year it is ok i am getting over this, then the next year my heart is broking all over again. but you know what helps me, i write to them. i just sit and write them letters about there grandchildren, about how i am doing or just funny stories i know they would like to hear. it may be silly but it helps with the pain. good luck
• United States
27 Dec 06
It's so nice to know that there is someone that struggles with this grief just like I do. I thought there was something wrong with me, where it would come and go. It didn't make sense. And I never thought of writing to the person. I've written my own thoughts and feelings but I've never written my son letters. That is something I will have to try. Thank you so much for the suggestion and your response!
@34momma (13918)
• United States
28 Dec 06
you are most welcomed. try it and i really hope it works for you. good luck
@aimee750 (1117)
• United States
27 Dec 06
I lost my first son 9 years ago. The first three years were so hard. Since then I have had 2 other children and it has gotten easier mostly because I don't have as much time to think about him. The anniversaries are the worst. I am sure that I will never get over the loss. My condolensces go out to every parent that has lost a child.
• United States
27 Dec 06
Definitely the anniversaries are the worst. That and certain milestones like kindergarten and such. Losing a child is something I would never wish on anyone. Thank you for your response and your words. It's nice to know I'm not alone. My condolences to you and others out there.
@ilvrshn (463)
• United States
26 Dec 06
Well first I would like to say that God is good all the time and we may not understand why things happen but things happen for a reason. You will never forget your son but you still have to face tommorrow. If you haven't sought therapy maybe you should. If money is an issue then you can go there your local state or county health department. There are some grants out there too. Please don't let yourself go and give up. You have your other children that ARE LOOKING AT YOU and are DEPENDING ON YOU. They lost a brother/sister also. They maybe dealing with it differently than you are, but you as the woman in the household have to maintain that backbone for your family. I will pray for you and may God Continue to Bless!
• United States
26 Dec 06
I don't think it ever completely heals. It is just something you need you learn to live with and deal with. It just takes time and that sucks!
• United States
27 Dec 06
Time is always the answer and yeah it does suck. Thank you for your response and you are definitely right. Time.
@webduck (238)
• United States
26 Jan 07
I have never lost a child, so I wouldn't attempt to say I completely understand. It must be something primal in women to miss a child that was only with us for such a short time. I do care about your heart and your healing Madame. My sympathies to you, even all these years later.
@soldenski (2504)
• United States
10 Jan 07
Thankfully, I have never lost a child. I would be devasted and probably never heal. I recently thought we had lost my mother in law (we were told, she would not make it through the night, it's been about 2 weeks) and it broke my heart, and she is a grown woman. Everyone say's time will heal your heart, but I don't believe that is true, I think we will alway's have a missing piece in our heart. Good luck.