How to help an old lady?

December 27, 2006 6:37pm CST
There is a lady who lives on our street. She is 81 years old and lives alone. She doesnt have any children and never married. She lives in a small apartment by herself. I saw her always alone and befriended her if I can call it that as she is almost 50 years my senior. I mean I went out with her to the park a few times /she likes to go out/, I go to see her to see if she is ok and invited her to my home. This lady is lovely /character/, but I doubt I ever saw anyone so dirty. Her coat is black /used to be blue/, her blouse is grey instead of white, her skirt is so torn. I did make two skirts for her hoping she will wear them but she never did prefers her old skirt. I told her I can help her with washing her stuff, I said sheets as an example as I was worried to upset her /if she'd think I;m suggesting she wears dirty clothes/ and hoped after washing them more things will follow. She declined and said 'I'm ok, thank you!' I mean se is such a sweety and a character too, she amuses me with her stories from the old days, so how do I tell her she looks and smell awfull? Now that's tricky.
13 people like this
96 responses
@aizavel (558)
• Philippines
28 Dec 06
Maybe tell her honestly in a sweet manner or you can buy newer clothes that looks like what she's wearing, maybe her clothes has sentimental value that's why she doesnt take them off :)
3 people like this
• India
28 Dec 06
well u'r really a sweet women ........i love all the humanbeing who help old persons or say anyone..u'r doing a great job ...keep it up ......see old person wan't to do their work on their own .....but due to their body constraints they r unable to do so .....so help her in her work if u can do go to her home and help washing her cloth she will feel good a nd happy.....
3 people like this
• United States
28 Dec 06
why dont you tell her that you are going to take her somewhere special, but that she must dress up. and that you will prepare her new clothes for her... she may then feel ans see the diff between her now as opposed to before. tell her in a joking way that you demand she wear new clothes if she shall go with you. this is nice of you to spend time with an older lady, we will all get old if we are lucky.
2 people like this
28 Dec 06
Maybe buy her some new clothes and say it is a gift or something, say you think of her as a grandmother and that it is a late christmas gifts?
2 people like this
@craftwave (1339)
• United States
28 Dec 06
Why not just accept her as she is. You have obviously looked beyond the dirt and smell to see someone worth knowing. Keep it that way. Just be her friend for now. There may be a time when you can help in the other areas that bother you but don't force it. You made the offer to help once and she gave you her answer, accept it. Some people are too proud to accept help or are ashamed of their circumstances.
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Dec 06
I agree, I think you should just appreciate her for who she is, not try to change her. IF she refused your offer once then there is a reason.
1 person likes this
@mansha (6301)
• India
28 Dec 06
you know my grndma also has a peculiar smell around her, I feel that comes from beingf that old. some peole do have an odour. I liked the idea of giving gifts to her of scented lotions and bath powder. christmas and new year are here why not. there is an occasion why not make use of it. I feel some old people do not use new cloths, like my grandma she says she does not want any new clothes as she may die soon and then who wiill wear them. It will go waste, we buy her so many things but she prefers her old worn out dress (saree) only. On my brother's wedding we litreally fought with her to wear a new dress. I think may be thjats the reason she didn't wear your skirts. just ask her why she didn't wear them.
@safiuddin (166)
• India
28 Dec 06
if u r so close to her, then its better u dont hide anything 4m her. be frank to her n say wht ever u feel in a pleasing manner. buy a reasonable deodrant for her n if u really like her then ask her to use them regularly as they keep her health in gud condition. in these ways u cud pretend her to be gud n i hope even she cud understand u n make her self neat n tidy all time.
28 Dec 06
you should have brought her new clothes as a christmas present that might have got you out of that one. but the best way is to be honest with her... tell her
@ndraj_2006 (1422)
• India
28 Dec 06
I think you should tell her that people were talking that she looks dirty & people were looking her like she was a mentally upset due to her dirty clothes. try to convince her.
1 person likes this
• Canada
28 Dec 06
I think this approach will hurt her feelings, and is not the most sensitive way to go about this. Insulting her is not going to help her, and if she is your friend you want to be very delicate about this issue. I agree that giving her a gift of bath salts or something like that is a subtle way to hint to her, or taking her somewhere that she needs to dress up - maybe a nice dinner.
• United States
28 Dec 06
I once lived next to a very elderly lady who was very sick... Her granduaghter lived with her but was very mean to her.. Id walk to the store to get her bread and cut her grass for her... hmmm... That is tricky... Something I notice about elderly people is that they want you to be Frank with them so maybe just come out and say it...
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Dec 06
Love her the ways she is....and give the gifts to her anway she might use them eventually and she also may never...
@bimmer999 (1160)
• Philippines
28 Dec 06
hmm..just tell her that you want her to smell good all the time when you visit.. and just say that you really want to help her with her laundry.. oh and i have to say you are such a sweet person.. kudos to you!
1 person likes this
• India
28 Dec 06
when u think of helping her u can definitely tell her that how she is to others .there is nothing wrong.as she is good at character u can say her to b good at dressing too.actually she is alone so may b she dont cares of herself.u can tell her to b so.
1 person likes this
@lilmissy (481)
• United States
28 Dec 06
its like a child with thier favorite blanket some old people kind of revert back to a childlike state and so thier insecurities get locked up into cetain things that sooth them i am actually the same way as a child i had a favorite blanky that i dragged around with me everyhere it stank ,was dirty but it felt so god and made me comfortable ,now i have a old nightgown i have worn foreer and same it is worn out ,as long as no one but my family sees it i wear it but if friends come over i wear a new one. maybe she just cant be without her comfort zone around her
1 person likes this
• Philippines
28 Dec 06
Oh, that's very sweet and kind of you. Maybe you can make her change those clothes away by asking her if she want to go somewhere that she'd really like to go then tell her that before you can go there she must take a bath first or atleast change her clothes so she can look presentable. Or maybe offer clothes that you think she'll like that'll make her wear it. Ask her favorite color things like that. Or you can tell her that you are going to a friend's house and you want to bring her with you but before you both go there you must change your clothes because its a costume party or she needs to wears clothes like this or that, just to make her take off those dirty clothes. Or maybe you can just change her clothes while she's sleeping, if you think that is possible.
1 person likes this
@runsgame (2034)
• India
28 Dec 06
Nice topic. Helping tendency is arising from the root basis of LOVe. again the tendency of love is reflecting the attutude of MInd. again the mind reflects your intelectual thoughts which in turn reflects your feelings. If U are by intelectual , whole heartedly thinking to help an old lady, (forget about the other material matters like - not married , no child, very poor etc.,) ., then out of your perfection of love you will be attraced towards her and you can show her your loveness by way of physical/financial and social help. Keeping away all other factors start pouring love over that old lady , and u will find day by day her attraction will fall on your side and she will accept your helps .
• United States
28 Dec 06
is that true what you say here? how do you know?
@pendragon (3354)
• United States
28 Dec 06
Perhaps putting her dignity to the test is not what part of your friendship should be about?If she has said no to your various offers of what you want for her,perhaps she finds it intrusive or embarrasing.It's been your choice to hang out with her,you can stop if you find her distressing.You've offered,she's answered.You can keep offering without being insulting.
@ronnique (35)
• United States
28 Dec 06
REMAIN THIS ELDERLY LADY FRIEND CON'T TO OFFER HER HELP IN ANY WAY YOU CAN , THEN OFFER TO TAKE HER OUT TO LUNCH AND TELL HER SHE HAS TO DRESS FOR IT,MENTION THAT SHE REMINDS YOU OF YOUR FAVORITE AUNT ETC. THIS MIGHT GET HER ATTENTION, THEN OFFER TO HELP HER DO HER HAIR ETC . SHE SOUND LIKE SHE WANTS TO BE INDEPENDENT AND SHE ALSO MAY HAVE PROBLEMS GETTING IN AND OUT OF THE BATH TUB AS WELL SO SHE JUST OMIT IT ALTOGETHER AT ANY RATE TRY TO REMAIN HER FRIEND AS SHE MAY NEED YOU KEEP THE DOOR OPEN SHOULD SHE HAPPEN TO NEED YOU FOR ANY REASON
@taruha (561)
• United States
28 Dec 06
It is good that you have shown an inclination to help old lady.You surely can help her in many ways, give her company for couple of hours daily, read her somenews papers with discussions on current topics.you acn suply her the food from your house and surely help her in her daily routine.igive you full credit and appreciate your gesture.
@taruha (561)
• United States
28 Dec 06
You can certainly help her in many ways.one is to give her regular company for couple of hours daily.second is try and read some news papers etc before her discussing many current issues inbetween.Washing her clothes etc is also a good gesture,what is she doing for her food?you can certainly try to give some prepared food from your house to her,in short, try to keepher in high spirits as much as possible.i really appreciate your gesture to help her at this age.
@Khangura (924)
• Canada
28 Dec 06
Okay so I played this session at MCC, and I was so upset when I went home that I felt like crying like a #####. I'm not sure what made me so upset, but I honestly did not want to play again for a while. Game is 5-10 at MCC. Some players are extremely loose and will chase or bet with nothing. Some are tight and trapping and craving action. 1)UTG who is a 70 year old lady who pwned me this night limps. She plays very well, but sometimes not at all. I raise with A A . Two players call behind me. She calls. The flop is 9 5 8 . She bets. I raise. The other two guys fold. She just calls. Turn is the Ace . She checks. I bet. She raises. I call. River is 2 . She bets. I call. Results: She had KclubJclub 2) A bad, chasing player limps. I had A K UTG+1. I raise. Two players call. She calls out of the small or big blind. The flop comes A 6::6:. She checks, the bad player checks, I bet, two players fold, she calls, the bad player calls. The turn is the J . She checks, the bad player checks, I bet, she raises, the bad player cold calls, I fold, quipping "Bet your own hand, lady". The river is A . She bets, the bad player folds, she shows a six, and asks me, "Did you have an Ace?" "I didnt have anything. Go back to Ohio," I reply. 3)I had K Q in UTG+2. I raise. Three people call. If I had limped, the whole table would have called. The flop comes Q 4 5 . I bet, asian player raises, others players fold. I reraise. He calls and says "do you have two pair?". The turn is A . I bet, he raises, I usually would fold, but have no reason to think he has anything more than a pair with a flush draw. The river is a 7 . I check, he bets, I call. He shows: AdQd 4)Old lady who pwns me limps, bad player limps. I raise with J J in the cutoff. Old man reraises out of the small blind. Everyone calls. I call. The flop comes A 3 4 . Old man bets, old lady folds, bad player calls, I call. Turn is 9 . Old man checks, bad player checks, I check. River is jack . Old man bets, bad player folds, I raise, old man reraises, I call. Old man shows old man shows AsAd 5)I am in the big blind with Q 7 . 4-5 mostly loose bad players limp. I check. Flop comes Q 7 8 . I check. Old man in EP bets. everyone calls. I raise. Old man re-raises. Everyone calls. I call. Turn is Ace . I check, old man bets, two players call. I call. River is Ace . I check, old man bets, other players fold, I call. He shows: AhQs He asks the dealer to show my hand, saying, "I wanna see what he was raising on." The dealer looks at me and I quip, "Go ahead, show him how lucky he got."6)Old lady limps, bad player limps. I raise with A A . Player cold calls behind me in the blind. Old lady and bad player call. Flop is K J 6 . BB checks, old lady bets, bad player folds, I raise, BB calls. Old lady calls. Turn is Q . BB checks, old lady checks, I bet, BB raises, old lady folds. I call. River is a 9 . BB bets, I know I'm beat, but call anyways. He shows AhTd Old lady tells him, "Good hand."7)I have A K UTG. I raise. 4 players call from various positions. Flop is T 5 2 . I bet, everyone calls. Turn is a J . I check, player bets, everyone folds, I call. River is a K . I check, he bets, I call. He shows: 3c7c and smirks. 8)I raise in late position with A Q . One player calls in the cutoff and the BB calls. Flop is K T 5 . The BB bets, I call, the player behind me folds. The turn is Q . BB bets, I call. River is K . BB bets, I call. He shows He shows AcJc Well, am I a complete idiot? I dont know if I wasnt concentrating, or if the mix of tight trapping players and ultra loose fish gave me difficulty. I was so upset, mostly at this old lady, because of how she plays. I seriously decided I would never play with her in the game again.
@BittyBiddy (2905)
• Ireland
28 Dec 06
I don't think there's anything else you can do. You've given her two new skirts and yet still she wears the same things. Maybe she's just happy the way she is. Well done you for befriending her and being so nice to her.
@koustubh (62)
• India
28 Dec 06
ya i would help her by ensuring her her that not to worry i will heip u ,u shouldn't loose hope,i will b trustworthy with u
@BigBenas (945)
• Lithuania
28 Dec 06
hmm... i never was in that kind of situacion but i can say that you need to say that in some kind of way . In your place i tell her when you go with her to the park :)