A friend in need

flower - flower in bloom
United States
December 31, 2006 12:02am CST
I have a friend who ex mother in law has been giving her a lot of problems. She has two kids from a previous marriage. The childrens paternal grandparents have taken her to court before and won temporary co guardianship of the children. After a long battle the mother finally was able to get her children back. She had the children for almost eight months with the grandparents getting visitation every other weekend. The mother ended up in the hospital due to depression. She sent the children down to her mothers house so that she could seek treatment. While they were at her mothers house the paternal grandparents asked to see the children for the night and the maternal grandmother let her. The next day the paternal grandmother never showed up with the children and the mother was notified. The mother discarged herself from the treatment center and began looking for her children. When she finally found them, the paternal grandmother had gotten temporary co guardianship of the children again. The mother has had a hard time dealing with this and is due to go back to court in March. The judge stated that the reason he was allowing the grandparents these rights was because the mother is unstable. The paternal grandparents have done nothing but harrass the mother and has always threatened her with taking the children away if she did not do as they told her to. The grandparents got mad when the mother moved four hours away from them and said that she was trying to keep them from seeing there grandchildren. This was not the case though. The mother moved because of a job offer. The grandparents are known to be friends with the judge that precided over this case and the grandfather is a doctor in the town in which they live. If you have any comments or suggestions about this then please feel free to post them. She is looking for any help that anyone might be able to give her.
5 people like this
21 responses
@Tatsuya (1149)
• United States
31 Dec 06
It seems to me that these grandparents should have no say in the matter of the mother. Is the father taking any role in his children's lives at all? Obviously the grandparents are trying to make her crazy (the way I see it anyway) and are using their friends to help them get what they want. I'd tell her to get an attorney (if she can) and have that attorney fight for her. If she has on-going depression then she needs to speak with her doctor and get on a prescription anti-depressent. I'm sure that with a lawyer and anti-depressents, that she should have a better chance at keeping the children. Also, she may be depressed due to the fact that the grandparents are trying to take away her kids. If she can't afford a lawyer, tell her to try and see if there is legal-aid or a pro bono lawyer who would take her case. Normally consultations are free with lawyers. So tell her good luck and keep smiling. It'll all work out in the end.
3 people like this
• United States
31 Dec 06
She already has an attorney and is going to the doctor. Her doctor told her the same thing that you said. She said that she might be having a down fall in depression due to the grandparents always trying to control her life. She said that after she gets the children back then she might move to another state. The childrens father does not help her at all and she has raised these children for most of there lives. The children's father is now living with the grandmother. Thank you for your support.
1 person likes this
@mansha (6301)
• India
31 Dec 06
Can this doctor not testify in court for her that her condition is worstenning because of continuous interference from the grandparents.she can apply for change of judge too. she must gather all her strentghs and fioght them to the end. Give her all the support she needs as a friend. I hate people who take away kids from their mothers whoever they may be but can never love children more than their mother.
@kareng (7980)
• United States
31 Dec 06
I think she needs to get the doctor's advice and help on this. The in-laws are just trying to make things worse and are contributing to her problems. Good luck!
@imakella (669)
• United States
31 Dec 06
i have a freind. when i had an injury on my leg,he stayed one month along with me in the hospital. he dressed up me a lot. he even helped me in a finance issue. he completely educated and trained me for the external exams.
@scorpius (1793)
• India
31 Dec 06
i think that your friend should seek ugent legal help.if she is all;right and sheis the mother the there is no reason why she should ntohave the kids. mean,come on,she is the mother.therefore my advice to you is that she should seek urgent legal help and fight this to reagin her kids.separating a mother form her kids is downright cruel.i hope that she gets her kids back and soon at that.also chl out the legal help links i have posted below.hope it helps! http://www.freeadvice.com/ http://www.vakilbabu.com/Advice/Advice.htm http://www.abanet.org/legalservices/probono/directory.html
2 people like this
• United States
1 Jan 07
Thank you for the advice and the links they were very helpful.
1 person likes this
@scorpius (1793)
• India
1 Jan 07
you sure are most welcome!
1 person likes this
@tammytwo (4303)
• United States
31 Dec 06
Sad to say but in these days if you have money you can get anything done. I hope she gets better and gets those kids back.
2 people like this
• United States
1 Jan 07
She is working toward making her life better for herself and her kids. thank you for commenting and I do believe that you may be right.
@sahergul (774)
• Pakistan
31 Dec 06
well .... hmmm we can pray
2 people like this
• United States
1 Jan 07
If you would pray then I would appreciate it cause she can use all the help that she can get.
@safiuddin (166)
• India
31 Dec 06
The mother should prove that bcoz the judge was a friend and stayed in the same town in which the paternal grandfather is a doctor the case is the favour of the paternal grandparents n that the mother is in perfect stable condition.If the mother is successful in doing this she can again get her children back
• United States
1 Jan 07
They did reasure her that she would get the children back eventually but What happens if the grandmother does this again you know she has already done this before
• India
31 Dec 06
First tell me wht the hell the children father is doing is ge so careless to look after her wife and children. Secondly why the grandparents are getting involved if your freind is capable of earning so much that she can take good care of her as well as choldren then according to law 304 the mother have the full right to keep her children with her, so if she is having a problem then tell her to get in contact with a good advocate and she shld issue a case against the granparent for abducting her chidren and that too in another cort as you said that the judge who gave the judgement was the grandparent freind so its better to tackle them in another cour. Give her my regards and assurance that she will surely win.
2 people like this
• United States
1 Jan 07
I thank you very much for your advice. You are so thoughtfull and I will tell her what you said.
@katyzzz (2902)
• Australia
31 Dec 06
Her children have alot to gain by contact with those grandparents. Unjust as it may all seem get your friend to compromise and stop fighting a battle she can't win. She may also benefit.
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Jan 07
Who want their children to be dragged from place to place because the grandparents want to see them? That is dumb.My childrens grandmother on the dads side tried that with me and I told her to bring it on because she was not going to be getting my children because she said so. I hope this mom fights and prays so her children won't have to suffer from all this maddness the grandparents are giving them.
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Jan 07
My friend is not trying to drag these children from place to place just to keep the grandmother from seeing them. She has actually let the grandmother see them whenever she wanted to but she said that in order to get the grandmother to stop harrassing her and to get her to stop taking her children away or threatning her then she would move.
@jen20619 (1302)
• Ireland
31 Dec 06
I understand that this is a very difficult time for her. I suggest keeping her faith will help.Putting her faith in God will get her through this tough times and I might what a good friend you are.
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Jan 07
Thank you for reminding us that it will all work out as long as we have faith in what we believe in.
• Canada
1 Jan 07
What sort of help she needs at the moment? I read half post of yours by which my thorough understanding of the story is determined. I would love to help her in whatever way possible. I guess at the moment she needs an extensive emotional support so that she can reduce her depression. Please be more specific as to what kind of support she has been expecting.
1 person likes this
@yrteja (651)
• India
1 Jan 07
afriend in need is a friend in deed. the above proverb is absolutely true. nobody exceptfriend will help if we have areal one. in some critical conditions only the canhelp us insuch conditions. i think every one tell their own secrets to their friends only.
@simpleatif (2508)
• China
1 Jan 07
i prayer for her for his better life and his future
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Jan 07
I am so sorry to hear about your friend. It is no wonder that she is suffering from depression or unstable. Maybe they should all leave her alone. It sounds as though the ex inlaws have some power in their community. I wish that I could offer some help. I just wanted to tell you to tell your friend that my thoughts are with her and to keep her chin up, if not for her then for her children. I will keep her in my prayers.
1 person likes this
@foxbrain (204)
• India
31 Dec 06
In my country there is a system that allows people to change the proceeding to another court in another jurisdiction. if there is either a site of harassment of mother (with good support) in court and if not considered by the judge under several proceedings. Also if the father is playing a good part in retaining the child this is a bad and 1 tough case, here the lawyer must collect every data abt further and his supportive role towards child. if there is no such thing as supportive role by the child father clearly put this on court papers if the judge disregards saying not enough substance to accept as evidence give these proceedings (iff allowed) to few judge for case study and go public.
• United States
31 Dec 06
That is a very sad story. I don't think I would necessarily call her unstable if she was wise enough to see she needed treatment and responsibly leave her children with her mother while she got the help she needed. I hope she has a good lawyer, and I do hope she gets her kids back, I can't imagine how tough this must be on her.
@kcbomba (616)
• United States
31 Dec 06
A friend in need........is sure a friend indeed ; like friends .
@1986ankush (1241)
• India
31 Dec 06
I HAD READ YOUR STORY BUT TELL ME SHALL I INTERFARE IN YOUR LIFE OR NOT
1 person likes this
@anne_143god (5390)
• Philippines
31 Dec 06
Maybe she just ignore what her ex parents in law are saying to her. She is still the mother and they dont have nothing to do if she does not want to have them contact her children or sue them that they are harrasing her.
@UcoksBaBa (802)
• Indonesia
31 Dec 06
The problem that was difficult concerning the child's trusteeship, tried to remain in fighting to find again his right as a mother possibly having help that not in the guess if sincere wanted to take care of his child well, that that could suggest because I was in Indonesia. It is hoped the mother got again his sweetheart.
1 person likes this
@goldjay (465)
• United States
31 Dec 06
This is a sad story! It is hard for me to be fair in my judgements here since I don't know the people involved. I feel sad for the mother though because as a mother, I can't imagine not having my kids in my own custody. I wish her a lot of good fortune and will keep her in my prayers.