Lesbians and adoption..NO NO

Australia
December 31, 2006 7:09pm CST
I'm a lesbian but definitely do NOT believe in lesbian or gays having children. I think it is selfish on their part to adopt and they have little consideration for the child. Yes, they may be a lot of love for the child, but I really feel the child has a right to both a father and mother.........what do others think?
7 people like this
56 responses
@foxbrain (204)
• India
1 Jan 07
Well i c u have a good point in saying a child needs mother and father. But have u ever sensed that there are many child who could at least get a mother if they get adopted? And in case of lesbian pairs the child gets 2 mothers. Though it may reflect later on child we can be sure the child will grow rite than by learning the hard way of being a orphan and missing a mother's care.
• United States
1 Jan 07
As long as the child is going into a loving and caring home, who cares if the couple is gay/lesbien/straight or whatever. People get wrapped up in who's what and don't realize that there are tons of kids out there that need decent and caring homes. If I was a child in foster care, I'd much rather have 2 moms or 2 days then no parents at all.
2 people like this
• Australia
1 Jan 07
As a Lesbian and Adoptee I feel very strongly about this but can see your point of view. For me, I was so glad I had a father even if he wasn't the best one in the world
@Pigglies (9339)
• United States
1 Jan 07
I would have rather had two nice parents than the two homophobes I ended up with. Sure, I like having a mom and a dad, but I would have also liked having two moms or two dads. And more accepting parents would have been nice for when I came out of the closet.
1 person likes this
@gifana (4836)
• Portugal
1 Jan 07
Soul, I couldn't agree with you more. A "male" model is essential if the adopted child is a boy.
1 person likes this
@puma_nz (1001)
• New Zealand
1 Jan 07
You have a valid point but there are some Children who "NEED" more love than who its coming from (If ya know what I mean) I think some Gay & Lesbian couples make better parents than Straight people to be honest :) Well the one's I have met anyway.
2 people like this
@Ravenladyj (22937)
• United States
1 Jan 07
I agree! Children growing up in nuturing, loving alternative style homes are more accepting to the diversity in the world, they are more open and well rounded I've found...My kids are a great example of course my beign their mother thats natural for me to say but if you ask anyone that knows my kids whether its their grandmother (my husbands mum), their aunts and uncles, cousins or their teachers and the parents of their friends, they will agree...
1 person likes this
@not4me (1713)
• United States
1 Jan 07
I both agree and disagree with you. If I was in a lesbian relationship I would have to think very carefully about the child's emotional welfare before I went ahead and adopted - like looking towards the future. But then on the flip side, so many babies need a good loving household that it shouldn't matter who the adopted parents are as long as they can unconditionally love the kid and make sure he is brought up in a stable and safe environment.
2 people like this
• United States
1 Jan 07
i dont know much about it, but if u r thinking of adopting a child, u should not only think about ur future, but ur child's future also. his/her friends' may insult him/her or tease him/her by saying that ur mothers r lesbian. just think about that. ll ur child love u any more? i m not saying that u should not adopt a child. i can understand ur feeling to have a child. but just think about what i said. u must treat ur child so that he/she should not feel insulted in future because u r lesbian. take care. n bye. :-). happy mylotting.
1 person likes this
• Australia
1 Jan 07
Well said Taj. I think a lot of the responses to this post seem to be dealing with their own desires and not really that of the child. As I stated earlier in this discussion, I am adopted and a lesbian and I know it's hard enough at times to have this orientation let alone being adopted as well. I didn't want children myself until my brother and his wife had their first child. I did have the opportunity to adopt a child many years ago. When the time came to make a final decision, I just knew I couldn't go ahead with it because I felt very strongly that any child deserved a chance to have a mother and father. I paid a high price with that decision but it is one that I am proud of. That child was eventually adopted by a wonderful heterosexual couple and he is very happy and content.
@Pigglies (9339)
• United States
2 Jan 07
I think most people responding do have the interest of the child in mind. When you were adopted, how old were you? Did you live in a group home before? Kids get teased for anything.
@tigrashadow (1086)
• Australia
1 Jan 07
yanno what, i had this convo with a lesbian i know, the other day...i have always been one to stand behind lesbians and gays when they get put down and believe they should have as much choice as anyone else but the person i was talking to said if she had her life over shed not have had a child whilst living the lesbian lifestyle. but it is true, kids do still cop a lot of flack when their parents are gay....it is more widely accepted now but there is still a huge stigma placed on it....which often comes from the parents of the bullies but kids can be so cruel and a child may not understand why they are getting flack for their loving 2 mums etc... it is a tough question...it would make some kids more open minded and stronger but there are always the ones who will take it badly... but that can happen with any teasing or school problems a child has..not just because their parents are gay...
1 person likes this
@Pigglies (9339)
• United States
1 Jan 07
Like you said at the end though, kids can get teased for all sorts of things. I have amblyopia and as a kid, had to wear a patch on my eye sometimes. Other kids had to wear it more than I did (I kind of just gave up on that). Now that was a lot worse teasing than having two mommies. Besides, it's not like all the other kids would even know. People almost never saw my dad at school. For all they knew, I might have had two mommies.
1 person likes this
• Australia
1 Jan 07
as i said we are faced with teasing and issues no matter what our parents are...does that mean we should deny these loving people a child for fear of more teasing given to the child??? do we have that right when that may be the only thing the child has to deal with as opposed to others who may have drunk parents, criminal parents, deformities or disabilities, different religions and backgrounds....anything..?
• United States
2 Jan 07
How strong of you to say what you've said. Youv'e not only gone against what other gays say is their majority speaking but you've even spoken up and taken a side with people that I'm sure have been against you and your lifestyle. I agree that it's often a problem when gays and lesbians adopt, but more so because those children grow up being ostricized by others. Kids can be very cruel, although we would all love to think our own darlings would never. I hate to see them being singled out, laughed at and made fun of. If do believe they are better of with 2 parents, mother father, but I have to say as a divorced parent that it can work otherwise also. If the one parent isn't in the picture the child does still have a chance at a decent childhood and normal life. Although a perfect situation is definitely 2 parents, mother father.
1 person likes this
• Australia
2 Jan 07
Thank you for your intelligent and kind comment. I agree with everything you say and of course I realise, that for various reasons, children are often reared by only one parent and turn out just fine. Yes, children can be very cruel. I was laughed at and singled out as a child just because I was adopted. I would have hated to have had the extra burden of being laughed at because I had 2 mothers or 2 fathers. I know things have changed in the 'permissive society' we now live in, but I don't necessarily see those changes are for the best................and kids are still kids, they can still be very cruel. I may be a lesbian (not by choice) but that doesn't mean that I need to push for 'so-called' gay and lesbian rights. I really think some of them do themselves a dis-service by pushing for the right to have children, parading themselves garishly on their Gay Pride marches etc
@aelyus (634)
• Romania
1 Jan 07
Categorical NO to this adoption! Kids need a mother and father to grow up, they need modesl. They need to know to be strong and honest from father, to be delicate like mothers. every kids need a normal life, so they might stay in a normal family.
@Pigglies (9339)
• United States
2 Jan 07
Let me tell you, there are many parents I've met that are by no means good role models! If lesbians are going through the adoption process, at least you know that if they passed, they're good parents. It's much more rare for bad parents to be able to adopt.
• United States
2 Jan 07
I believe the child is best raised in a husban/wife envirement I believe the old school way if men were ment to be with men they could have childdren together and if women were ment to be with women they could have kids together but they can't so in my eyes its wrong altogether :P
1 person likes this
@krizz420 (4388)
• Canada
1 Jan 07
I agree. I dont think a child should be put into a situation like having 2 mothers or fathers and have to live with it and explain it to other kids. Your right a child has a right to a mother and father not 2 of the same.
1 person likes this
@wahmoftwo (1298)
• United States
1 Jan 07
I agree with you completely!
1 person likes this
1 Jan 07
I believe that children have the rigth to have a father in their life. Not saying that a couple of lesbians cant take care of kids or so. Just saying that has the "homosexual" community isnt total accepted by the society. This means that the kid would later on have problems... at school per exemple. This is all because of the society values.
@sylviekitty (2083)
• United States
1 Jan 07
Whether one agrees with a child having two mothers or two fathers, at least those circumstances allow a child to have a complete family- two parents. More and more children in this world are not as blessed. Think of how many single mothers there are in this world, because they are widowed, or because the dads were jerks who took off on their kids.
@pvleroux (607)
1 Jan 07
I do not agree in being a lesbian and think it is wrong but for this discussion you wrote, I have great respect for your view and agree with you. Thank you for being open and truthful.
1 person likes this
@classy56 (2883)
• United States
1 Jan 07
i agree with you completly a child needs both parents.im not against lesb. an gay relatesonship but leave a child out of it.
@Melizzy (1381)
• United States
1 Jan 07
Obviously you have never been an orphaned child. Do you really think that a kid cares if it has two mommies or daddies? How about just having a loving home? Yes, a two parent, "traditional" home would be better, however, if your choice is foster care through your entire childhood or a stable home, which would you pick?
• Australia
1 Jan 07
I have been orphaned as you would know if you had read the my first post correctly................and a "kid" as you put it does care about having a real mother and real father.........below is a comment I posted to taj_nijjar2002 Well said Taj. I think a lot of the responses to this post seem to be dealing with their own desires and not really that of the child. As I stated earlier in this discussion, I am adopted and a lesbian and I know it's hard enough at times to have this orientation let alone being adopted as well. I didn't want children myself until my brother and his wife had their first child. I did have the opportunity to adopt a child many years ago. When the time came to make a final decision, I just knew I couldn't go ahead with it because I felt very strongly that any child deserved a chance to have a mother and father. I paid a high price with that decision but it is one that I am proud of. That child was eventually adopted by a wonderful heterosexual couple and he is very happy and content.
@Pigglies (9339)
• United States
2 Jan 07
Bluejay, how long were you in foster care though? If at all?
@april444 (1341)
• United States
2 Jan 07
I agree I think a child needs a father and a mother. I have a stepdaughter and her mom decided she wanted to be gay and the poor girl is so confused she is only 10 yrs old.
@Pigglies (9339)
• United States
2 Jan 07
Maybe the girl is confused because it hasn't been explained to her. Maybe you should educate yourself and help her. It doesn't make it a bad thing just because many people in society still do not understand.
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
1 Jan 07
I see your point. I know a woman who is a lesbian. She has the same values, a child deserves a mother and father. She has a long time male friend, she wanted a child, they married, they adopted a little girl. They live as a family, mom, dad, daughter. The woman has her lover discretely and the daughter is no wiser.
@Pigglies (9339)
• United States
2 Jan 07
So basically, the whole thing is a scam put on just for the daughter? That sounds ridiculous to me! Great values... teaching the child that it's perfectly okay to be in the closet and pull off a lie!
@marrry (341)
• Romania
1 Jan 07
2 women -  women
i don't think and i don't agree,,to adopt a child if it isn't a normal couple..that child can have problems because of that..plus in any family exists litlle conflicts..or they can brake up,,and then what about the child ..i totally desagree
@Pigglies (9339)
• United States
2 Jan 07
Straight people can break up too, that's definitely not limited to gay couples! Nice photo. ;)
@ash6666 (819)
• India
1 Jan 07
I have gone throught many people views here.Before giving my opinion ,i would like to appreciate the one who raised a valid point which should be kept in mind by many people who are part of various communities.I think that the "mother love" and the "father love",both are necessary for a child to grew up with having any setback to his views and thoughts.I agree only to some extent to some peoples views that there is no problem in being a child to lesbians or gays.But without discussing about the advantages and disadvantages of that i would like to ask one straight question........ AS THEY HAVE GONE AGAINST THE NATURE BY BECOMING LESBIANS AND GAYS,WHY DOES THEY ADOPT A CHILDREN WHO ARE THE PART OF NATURES CREATION.
@Pigglies (9339)
• United States
2 Jan 07
Homosexuals are also a part of nature's creation. We're here, aren't we?