Are we scarred for life?

First of all, congratulations for what you have gained so far! There are people who simply sink into the deepest to never come out again. As for your question, I think that some events in life mark us forever. But it is only our way of facing life and its problems what makes a permanent mark a painful scar or a "useful" one. By useful I mean that whenever something touches that scar (in your heart)it can provoke some good reaction (or action) on your part. People who were marked by being abandoned can find real company in helping others who suffered the same...women who have been raped can help other women in the same situation and find healing in the process...If the scar that you have is still painful, you might need some time yet or you might need to find something which can make this empty feeling diminish...The important thing is that you never give up, and keep on searching.

I think these things as youngsters really affect us for good but we can definitely still be mentally functional and stable and by the way congrats on all you've achieved! you should be very proud of yourself and Im sure when you have kids one day you will be a wonderful father to them

I dont think if someone abuses you, no matter what age, it ever leaves you completely. I was in an adult abusive relationship, and I still am affected by it. I am stronger, but it never really goes away.

I had a rough childhood and blamed myself for things and I still feel like I missed out on certain things and wish things had happened differently. I still get depressed and I think it is truly hard to fully forget these things but we have to live with it and learn to move on and make our own decisions to make things right and live as contently as we can the rest of our life ahead.

Please don't think about some bad things in the past,you just look forward to ur future,tomorrow is the important thing and sth is nice waiting for you.I hope you can live better and better.Darkness is the history,please cherish today,forget yesterday and look forward to tomorrow!ok?May u best

You will probably carry this with you for the rest of you life I still think about something bad (which was not so bad) from when I was 5 years old and it has stayed with me untill now (well now I am .. my age).

feralcat, I am not sure we ever get over things that happened in our childhood, but sometimes just push it as deep down as we possibly can. Mine was all bought to a head when my first marriage broke down and I had counselling but since have learnt that life is too short for someone to ruin it for you any further. Moving on and making your life worthwhile is the most important thing you can do for yourself.

First I want to thank you for finding recovery. As for permanent scars...we are the sum of our experiences. The scars we carry are the evidence of the experiences we had. Without those scars you would not be who you are today, without them you would not have had the growth you have nor the growth yet to come. Coping skills are things you have learned and are still learning. You have discovered some aren't the coping skills that benefit you the best. While abuse of any kind is not good, the abuse you suffered, your addiction which was not a coping skill that worked, have taught you things you can use for the rest of your life, things you can share with others in the present and the future. These things may make of you a better person than you might have been otherwise. Scars aren't always a bad thing...they can be badges of honor and courage.

u will get over it . when u grOw older...man . Any one can come. n make u feel comfortable....but in the end.its the time.. that makes u forget every thing.. :)

I have a deep sympathy for you and I must say you are not alone in this matter. As for me, I have a problem with my mother. She didn't actually beat me up, but everytime I'm around her I feel a negative energy flowing towards me that comes from her. She always disapprove whatever I do. She never let me do things my way. When I say something, she always has something negative to condemn my saying, no matter what the topic is. As time passes by I become angrier because I can never tell her that I hate her doing this to me. I kept it inside me and it made me suffer with chronic depression. Now even small things make me make a pattern of thinking, just like you are having. Well, I can't forget what she had done because she still does it to me until now. The only way I use is avoiding her. When she's not around I feel relieved, but now I've turned into a person with very low self-esteem. I am in a phobia when a person criticize me or make a joke on me. But I know I have to deal with my emotions and I am trying to control it.

I don't think it's something that has to enslave us for life. I haven't grown up in the best family situations, but it doesn't really bug me when I see kids having fun with their dads or stepdads. My way of getting around it, was prayer.

I have, but it took a long time and I had to learn to be loving towards myself.

i'm sorry to hear about your father being an alcholic. i think yes you are scarred for life if you have had a bad childhood, i think the fondest memories you have is when you are young, and if you had a bad childhood, then it is hard to get that memory out of your head. i personally have had a good chikdhood, i had a loving family, my father does drink abit, but has never beaten me or abused me in any way ever, and if he did i would have no hesitation to contact the police, even it was years later.

I think it always be with you, but fromt he sounds of it your dealing with it well. It will never be earased and you will never forget about it but it also made you the person you are today.

I not really same with u but I also got a father and a mother that love gambling. All of the money they earn is used up with gmbling. Now, they 2 have divorce and only left me and my brother staying with my grandmother. But i didnt feel anything happen to me beside of abit poor only. So i think i, u should try to be like me. Dont thing to much about scary or pity childhood u have already passed. See forward, try making alot of money and become a good father in the future.

well you will probably carry this memories for the rest of your life but you will eventually learn to deal with them and learn not to pass these anxieties to your children (when you have your own one day)

No I have been lucky not to be scared of life, and what you have here as your discussion I wish that I could have more children to help them so that they would not have to grow up like you have it is dreadful when people have to go through abuse by their parents, My husband was a great father to my children and always looked forward to spending quality time with our children.

Congradulations on overcoming that, it must have been hard. But yes i think we can overcome it although there will always be that faint memory of what happend in the past.

sometimes we got scarred :P

No, no one ever does. The fact is, for every tear you or I cry someone else has been through much worse. I know it's not much comfot, but it's the truth. We needn't be selfish about our hurt. If we must cry, then we must, and then we must move on! Just remember you are not alone!