Should parents HIT their kids?

United States
January 4, 2007 9:03pm CST
I used to live in a rather scary place (even Hawaii has its ghettos) know as KPT, which the locals jokingly still refer to as Kill People Tonight. Walking home to school (age 9-17) I'd get stopped by Somoans and Filipinos who wanted money. It's very common to hear people around Hawaii say "Eh, you get quartah?" ("Excuse me, whould you happen to have a quarter?" Let's just say I never said "No." And let us also say that they never really ONLY want a quarter. Sheesh. What disturbed me most, however, was the constant crying I'd wake up to in the mornings. Of babies, toddlers, teens, even adults. The kids got me the most -- their crying while being hit over and over again while thier parents yelled things in a language that I didn't understand. And these are big people...I mean HUGE. Samoans were once warriors, and it shows in their genes. As you can probably tell, I'm not a fan of such violence toward our youth. Inhumane parents the world over always defend themselves with verses from (of all things) The Bible, one of the most violent books of all time, with wars and death and everything imaginable. I always hear: "Spare the rod, spoil the child." Like it's somekind of "Yes, you may abuse your child" card. What they don't seem to get is that the phrase means "Put away the rod, and YES spoil your child." Or maybe they don't want to see. Because it is easier to lash out with fists, like some dumb cave person with no rational thought whatsoever. And these same parents teach their "loved" ones, mind you, that fighting is bad. It is WRONG to hit a child, let alone a fellow human, or ANIMAL for that matter. How big are you to strike something smaller than yourself? And people wonder why their kids hit back. Earlier, here on myLot, I responded to a discussion about Hating People. In it, I wrote that to hate is the way of the stupid and frustrated and weak. But if I could hate anyone, or oe type of person... But nay. I shall turn into what disgusts me. Nor ever hit a child. Let alone my own. Peace. Love. ^_^
6 people like this
36 responses
5 Jan 07
Its a sketchy topic. Extreme hitting no. I was hit when i was a child. I was hit by my mother and father with a wooden spoon, quite hard. However i love my parents and i am grateful for the punishment, it taught me respect and discipline. I dont think i would do it to my kids though. Wouldnt have the heart. In the UK it is now illeal neways and now we have tonnes of television shows about out of control children and spoilt brats, lol. awh well.
• United States
5 Jan 07
It is illegal in the UK? Interesting. I wonder if this is true in other countries. Sounds like a good idea to me.
1 person likes this
@mkirby624 (1599)
• United States
5 Jan 07
I'm not a fan of the "no spanking" law. I live in the US, so obviously it's not in affect, but who is the government to try to tell you how to raise your child? I mean, if a parent is going to be abusive, they are going to hit their child whether it is legal or not. I mean, obviously they have no problem with breaking the law in the first place since they are abusing their child. But spanking isn't abusing. I was spanked all throughout childhood, and I, like you, thank my parents for teaching me that bad behavior had consequences. I think I would be pretty messed up if they hadn't taught me that. I don't think the government should stick their noses in how to raise a child because if you don't intend on abusing your child, you won't. Spanking doesn't lead to abuse. You have to want to abuse your child in the first place.
@Hayzat (68)
• Malaysia
6 Jan 07
i was hit also when i was stil a child. Honestly speaking, i adit that, it was gud for me, n my future,. Because of what my praents did to me, i learn what is right n what is wrong. Dunt get me wrong, i m not suggesting hitting n yelling is the only mean to teach child, but sumtimes, it s the effective way particularly when things that they want to teach us is very2 important-like dunt cheat-dunt steal-they show us their anger n seriousness so that it will be crytal clear for us that. those acts are seriously WRONG, so dunt ever do that. it s effective on me. BUT i m totally against, violance n abuse towards child, it s totally different from the one that i talked bout before. Violence can be quoted as -excessive use of force, UNNECESSARILY n MALICIOUSLY. so, to hit for the purpose to me is no wrong provided, the message is clearly delivered to the child
@emarie (5451)
• United States
5 Jan 07
out of all my life living in hawaii i never really experienced anything like that...but then again i grew up in kahala, so as my husband would say, i've lived a very shelterd life. -first of i want to say you should stereo-type samoans, yeah they have a quick temper sometimes, but over all they are among the sweets people (i have some samoan family..thats all). ...now to your initial question. there is a very fine line between abuse and dicipline. i never believed in hitting or spanking a child, but now as a parent my ideas have changed, but only slightly. i never "hit" my children, but i have spanked them on the arm, but or leg. in not all cases while the child is scream, the parent is abusing them. i've had my children scream bloody murder and i'm just sitting there telling them no. i agree that abusing a child is wrong and i also believe that spanking should only be used as a last resort. and of course you should never use an object to spank a child. some children, i admit, need to be spanked if other ways of punishment can't be taught. like i said, there's a differance between spanking and hitting. i have spanked my children, but my children will not pick fights with others, they are actually very loving children. i've had a cop come to my door because my child was crying for 2 hours straight (because he was teething), they looked over my son checking him for marks saw he was fine and just said a neighbor called in. sometimes, you can't really jump to conclusions just because you hear crying...that really offended me and scared me as well.
1 person likes this
@mkirby624 (1599)
• United States
5 Jan 07
Wow, that would have really offended me as well. I mean, yay for your neighbor being cautious, but shouldn't she have come over to visit herself first and just tried to check things out before jumping to conclusion? that's probably what I would have done. I mean, babies cry, babies teeth which makes them cry. Babies cry for MANY MANY reasons, you can't just jump straight to child abuse.
1 person likes this
@emarie (5451)
• United States
6 Jan 07
well, i'm never going to know the exact reason for the call. there are 2 possibilities i have in my mind. one was the abuse, and the other was just worrying about me. i'm alone with my children most of the day and maybe they thought that something happend to me...dunno just a guess.
@copeland (72)
• United States
5 Jan 07
spanking, yes.. striking and hitting elsewhere, not such a good idea. Not spanking at all, bad idea. Every parent that has a no spanking policy gets walked all over by their kids and they make poor choices in life. Spanking = discipline.
@mkirby624 (1599)
• United States
5 Jan 07
I was spanked and am a firm believer in it; however, I don't think it should be the first thing you go to. I have many friends whose parents could give them a mean look and they would jump into shape right then and there. That works on a lot of kids. The more defiant ones...like I was...need a swift lick in the booty to get things across. Words didn't affect kids like me.
@mkirby624 (1599)
• United States
5 Jan 07
I think you have misinterpreted the spare the rod spoil the child. it DOESN'T mean you should spoil your child, no does it mean you should beat your child with a rod. It means discipline your children in an appropriate manner or your child will be spoiled, which we all know is true. Kids who aren't disciplined are usually either wild children who run amock doing what they please, or spoiled brats who have never been told no. Some kids are just more stubborn than others. Some kids can be fully disciplined using a "naughty chair" or sitting in a corner. Some kids, that doesn't work on. I was one of those kids. I laughed at the naughty chair. I was a naturally defiant child. The only thing that caught my attention and made me realize I better behave was a leather belt on my rear end. I was NEVER abused by my parents; I was disciplined. The situation you are speaking of with the Samoans, that is a different story. It is a sad truth that some races use more corporal punishment than others. I've found that Native Americans, IN GENERAL, use harsher physical punishment. However, when I say IN GENERAL, I mean that not all of them do that. I don't want to box anyone in a category, but from what I have witnessed and seen, the percentage is higher among that race. The same goes with African Americans. SOME, NOT ALL, tend to treat their children in a harsher manner. Once again, NOT ALL. I've seen plenty that don't, but the percentage that I have seen who down outweigh that. Then again, I do live in the south where corporal punishment is more accepted. Spanking your children is a punishment almost every parent uses. My parents tried other means of punishment with me, but, what can I say, I was defiant. So yeah, on the first note, the phrase you mentioned doesn't mean beat your child, it simply means discipline them properly or they will be spoiled. Spoiling your child just so you don't have to hear them complain or cry about not getting exactly what they want is not a good idea.
• United States
5 Jan 07
I'm not for hitting a child, but an occational spanking is needed sometimes.
1 person likes this
@nuffsed (1274)
5 Jan 07
Nice comment.. yes the sound of crying is too much to bear. I was brought up in a particularly scary part of South London in the 50's but it doesn't beat your experience by the sound of it. I have no sympathy for bullies of any type.
1 person likes this
• China
5 Jan 07
parents should not hit their child... Hiting or hard punish to their child will do nothing good to their child... but in China, it is common for parents to hit or punish their Child,especially in village... the main reason is from tradition..In China, there is an old saying "Hard punishment fosters a strong nature of a man"... but nowadays, it is very seldom to see parents hit their child in cities of China, but in village, it exsits
1 person likes this
@flickz (626)
• Malaysia
5 Jan 07
good discussion.. for me all people do false so they must be punishment... don't care u son,teeneger or somebody people.. it's because to teach him to be a good person.. so with this... your son can follow a good habit.. but do't be extra punishment it can be tension for u son... just a little punishment but good for him and they remember this do a bad habits
1 person likes this
• Canada
5 Jan 07
We were given the ability to communicate with words, so we would not have to raise our hands and fists in anger.
1 person likes this
@34momma (13895)
• United States
5 Jan 07
I think we should really understand the differences between hitting, beating and being abusive. as a mother of three children i have no problem with hitting my older children when they forget who i am or who i raised them to be. I am not using spoons or sticks or anything like that. i will hit them with my hand. and trust me I have big boys i am not hurting anyone. but spanking or hitting if done for the right reason is not about hurting. it is about who is boss, or Queen in my case. I would never hurt one of my children. but i will knock the ish out of them if they act like they don't know. my little one who is two she only get's a time out. at the stage she is way to young, and is still understand that i am the queen and she is just the princess. what you need to do is learn how to make the face. the face that tells them without having to say a word that play time is over and mommy is not in the mood for the nonsense. i am selling the face on my website for $5. LOL LOL
@dawn5679 (266)
• United States
5 Jan 07
I have 3 kids and 3 stepkids and i would never beat or hit my child! Now they will get time outs ( depending on age) or things taken away from like TV video games etc. But never once have i ever laid a finger on them..
1 person likes this
@ritchel (890)
• Philippines
5 Jan 07
It should be held on moderation, not to the extent that the child will be suffering from an injury. Just light, a mere discipline.
1 person likes this
@yoleis27 (557)
• Israel
5 Jan 07
I would never ever hit my own children.. Sometimes on snap is o.k to shock them more then to heart them, but hitting is just a crime! I just don;t get it how people can hit their own beloved child! When a parent gives birth to a child he takes full responsibilty on his health and happiness!
@simran1430 (1793)
• India
5 Jan 07
whatever you have said it rue to the core , i m comppletely against parents hitting the small chidren , there are many incidents in india that are in papers like a school eacher beats up innocent chidren , they all take over their harassment over children , there should be a law to ban it completely .. and the recent news about a korean maid servant beating up a small kid when baby sitting , the child turned hostile , oh god ,
1 person likes this
@riskey58 (248)
• United States
6 Jan 07
I do not believe in hitting kids. There are so many other ways too show them right from wrong. But I do believe that there is a great deal of differance between beating them and just giving them a pat on the but.
• United States
8 Jan 07
I completely agree. If your children have a hard time understanding that you're not happy with something they did, or can't take you seriously, it might be beneficial for you to have a "spank" as the next step in a method of punishment. You can tell them what they did was wrong, use the "hot seat" or "alone time" as punishment, ground them, etc. If these things don't instill an understanding or make them feel bad about their actions that were wrong, you can use the final method of a "spanking." But, don't make it hard enough to hurt them. The simple act of having this as a dramatic last resort and punishment will let me know how serious you are.
• United States
8 Jan 07
I think there's a fine line between abuse and simply punishing and teaching your kids right from wrong. I don't really think that hitting should be necessary if your children respect you and understand you. Of course, there are exceptions when the children are completely out of hand and the parents have lost control. I was hit as a child, probably what most would consider abuse. In my situation, I think it was wrong, because it was always done in anger, spur of the moment and because my parents were so stressed out and upset that they took it out on my bottom. It didn't really instill any right/wrong morals in me, all it did was make me fear my parents when they got upset. If you want to use physical force as a means of punishment, it should be well thought out, not hard enough to do any damage, and done when you are calm, collected and aware of what you're doing.
• United States
6 Jan 07
a parent should never hit their child it does not teach them anything but to be violent.their are other forms of discilpine to use rather than hitting a kid.raising your hand to a child is wrong and is not necessary.i have kids and i would never think of ever hitting them it is wrong their are other ways to discipline your child.if you hit a child it doesn't teach them anything but violence and a parents job is to teach a child from right from wrong.
• United States
6 Jan 07
I believe that some children need a little slap on the behind when they are misbehaving. But I do not believe in hitting a child hard where you will actually hurt them. I am very blessed, because my daughter has always been a very well-behaved child and I think there was only one time I can remember when I had to give her a slap on her behind.
• India
5 Jan 07
as a kid i used to be spanked for some serious mischieves every now and then....it kind of kept a check on me. made me mingle with the right kind of friends along with so many right choices in life, just because i knew that there was a spanking coming if i did something bad. for kids like me and around me, just stern words from the parents had litle or no effect. And i guess i turned out right.... Also, justify why today's youth is going wilder by the day...is it because the parents are afraid to use the rod, or are even afraid that their children may sue them. Well, if it keeps me outa prison, let them do as they please....just don't burn the house down.
@Chiriac (287)
• Romania
5 Jan 07
Parents need to discipline there kids the right way..if you discipline them the right way well there is no reason for parents to hit their child..Kids only act the way the parents raised them or what they seen all there child life..So in my opinion NO.