lets share our jokes on mylot
January 5, 2007 10:28am CST
ok first i start school boy was playing in the park then a lady comes and asks "do you go to school" and the boy replies "no...........i am sent". *********************************************************** teacher:if you have 5 rupees and one egg is for 2.5 rupees how many eggs would you get. student:none teacher:how come student:if i had five rupees i would buy a choclate. teacher:where were you born. student:US teacher:which part student:whole body teacher:can you name 4 animals from cat family student:father cat,mother cat and 2 kittens teacher:do you know deep breathing kills germs? student:yes,but how do you get them to breathe deeply? foolish:person:put water in the garden servent:but, it is raining. foolish person:so,put an umbrella and put water.
4 people like this
5 Jan 07
Accepting The Commandments God offered his tablet of commandments to the world. He first approached the Italians. "What commandments do you offer?" they said. He answered, "Thou shalt not murder." They answered "Sorry, we are not interested." Next he offered it to the Romanians. "What commandments do you offer?" they said. He answered, "Thou shalt not steal." They answered, "Sorry, we are not interested." Next he offered them to the French. "What commandments do you offer?" they asked. "Thou shalt not covet they neighbors wife." "Sorry we are not interested," they answered. Finally he approached the Jews. "How much?" they asked. "It's free," he answered. "We'll take ten!"
• United States
5 Jan 07
Glad to be drunk A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk." Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?" "Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go." Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled."
5 Jan 07
your jokes make me laugh. have a look, this one Consiquences of an ultra modern life: Two wife rushed into house screaming to her husband, "Darling, come quick ! your kids and my kids are beating our kids. This is the modern one.
• Hong Kong
6 Jan 07
oh,let me give one! Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings. "look" said the elder brother,"how nice these paintings are!" "yes",said the younger," but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children,and where is the father?' The elder thought for a moment and explained" obviously,he was painting the pictures!"
6 Jan 07
A young couple was touring southern Florida on their honeymoon and stopped at one of the rattlesnake farms along the road. After seeing the sights, they engaged in small talk with the man that handled the snakes. "Wow!" exclaimed the new bride. "You certainly have a dangerous job. Do you ever get bitten?" "Yes, upon rare occasions," answered the handler. "Well," she continued, "just what do you do when you're bitten by a snake?" "I always carry a razor-sharp knife in my pocket, and as soon as I am bitten, I make deep criss-cross marks across the fang entry and then suck the poison from the wound." "What, uh... what would happen if you were to accidentally sit on a rattler?" persisted the woman. "Ma'am," answered the snake handler, "that will be the day I learn who my real friends are."
6 Jan 07
Little jhony came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner. His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted."mom, i want a bike for my birthday." Little jhony was a bit of a troublemaker.He had gottn into trouble at school and at home. Jhony's mother, being a christian woman, wanted him to reflect on his behaviour over the last year and write a letter to god and tell him why he deserved a bike for his birthday. Little jhony stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter. LETTER 1: Dear God, I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one. your friend, Jhony Jhony knew this wasn't true.He had not been a very good boy this year, so he tore up the letter and started over. LETTER 2: Dear God, this is your friend jhonny. i have been a pretty good boy this year and i would like a red bike for my birthday. Yhank you, Jhony Jhony knew this wasn't true either. he tore up the letter. Jhony ran to church and up to the altar.He looked around to see if anyone was there. He picked up a statue of the Virgin Mary and slipped it under his shirt and ran out of the chruch, down the street,into his house, and up to his room. He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and wrote to god LETTER 4: I'VE GOT YOUR MOM IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN,SEND THE BIKE.
6 Jan 07
Two doctors were discussing a case in a mental ward. The first doctor asked what had triggered such a profound depressive psychosis in the patient. The second one answered, "He's a lawyer. One day at home, he started to think about how much money he'd screwed his partners and clients out of over the last few years. He laughed so hard he defecated in his pants. When he smelled the foul odour he had created, he checked for the source. Finding his trousers full of the stuff, he thought he was leaking. This caused him to go into shock and faint. When he woke up, he found he had fallen on his arm, breaking it." The first doctor asked, "He went mad because he broke an arm?" The second medic answered, "No, he went mad because he couldn't figure out how to sue himself!"
6 Jan 07
Steven Spielberg was busy discussing his new action adventure about famous classical composers. Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger were in the room. "Who do you want to play?" Spielberg asked Bruce Willis. "I've always been a big fan of Chopin," said Bruce. "I'll play him." "And you, Sylvester?" asked Spielberg. "Mozart's the one for me!" said Sly. "And what about you?" Spielberg asked Arnold Schwarzenegger. "I'll be Bach," said Arnie.
• United States
6 Jan 07
Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize! She said it was midwinter... snowing and quite cold...and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City, Utah. It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon. They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte. They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car. They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. In the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she flt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation. Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme cold. Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date's concerns about "what is taking so long" with a reply that indeed, she was "freezing her butt off and in need of some assistance!" He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal! Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender. As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down... or perhaps that should be "pants down." And you thought your first date was embarrassing. Jay Leno's comment .. "This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off. =============