January 5, 2007 4:37pm CST
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die." "Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores, as he probably had a hard day. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. And most importantly...make love with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely." On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?" "You're going to die," she replied.
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15 Feb 07
Things Children Have Learned No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats. When your Mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair. If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person. Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato. You can't trust dogs to watch your food. Reading what people write on desks can teach you a lot. Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair. Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic-tac. Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time. School lunches stick to the wall. You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts. The best place to be when you are sad is in Grandma's lap.
13 Feb 07
Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well and in fact beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work. "Boss", he said, "The pill actually worked!" "That's all fine" said the boss, "But where were you yesterday?"
13 Feb 07
There was a middle-aged couple that had two stunningly beautiful teen-aged daughters. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. After months of trying, the wife became pregnant and sure enough, nine months later delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He took one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever seen. He went to his wife and said that there was no way that he could be the father of that child. "Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered." Then he gave her a stern look and asked, "Have you been fooling around on me?" The wife smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time".
29 Jan 07
Gifts One day The Lord spoke to Aadam. "I've got some good news and some bad news," The Lord said. Aadam looked at The Lord and replied, "Well, give me the good news first." Smiling, The Lord explained, "I've got two new oragans for you, one is called a brain. It will allow you to create new things, solve problems, and have intelligent conversations with Eave. oamThe other organ I have for you is called a paenis. It will give you great physical pleasure and allow you to reproduce your now intelligent life form and 2007 populate this planet. Eve will be very happy that you now have this organ to feb give her children." Adam, very excited, exclaimed, "These are great gifts you have given to me. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?" The Lord looked upon hum Adam and said with great sorrow, "You will never be able to use these two gifts at the same time." ** Small Compensation A drunk in a bar pukes all over his own 005 shirt, which was brand new before he came in. “Damn,” he says. “I puked on 22 my shirt again. If the wife 21 finds out, she’s gonna kill me.” “Not to worry,” says the ba07 rtender as he sticks a $20 bill in the drunk’s pocket. “Just tell her someone puked on you and gave you some cash to cover the cleaning bill.” So the drunk goes home and tells his ok wife feb jan about the guy who puked on him. She reaches into his pocket and finds tjawo twenties. “Why are there two twenties?” she asks. The drunk replies, “Oh, yea nh, he crapped in my pants, too.”
8 Jan 07
Jokes To Refresh Everyone's Mind 1.Sardarji opens his lunch box in the middle of the road... why? Just to confirm whether he is going to or coming back from the Office. 2.A Sardarni had 8 sons all named Karan. On asking how she managed to call one in particular. She replied: That's easy. I call them by their surname!