Cheating and Marriage

United States
January 5, 2007 10:59pm CST
I noticed this is a very common topic of discussion. I myself am in a situation where I am married but seperated due to circumstances I had no control over. My husband has been seeing a girl he works with and has asked him to marry her. Now with this in consideration, please understand that neither he nor I have filed for either a legal seperation or a divorce and I won't. I am still deeply inlove with this man and yes, I know this may cause me to look pathetic but I would appreciate the thougths from others on how to politely get rid of thos girl so my husband and I can resume a healthy marriage. Thank you all in advance for your thoughts and prayers.
5 people like this
46 responses
@lifeis2good (1183)
• United States
6 Jan 07
Well that is so sad to hear - although it seems to be very common in this day & age. I would think that your best bet would be for your husband to 1st of all stop seeing that other woman, figure out whether he can get another job where they won't be working together anymore and whether he can be true to you - the woman he is married to!!! Hopefully he would be open to going to marriage counseling with you so that way you both could find out what the real issues are between you and see if you can understand why he's cheating - what's the real reason behind it - with men there may not always be a reason but there usually is. I wish you well and hope that since you really want to be married to him that somehow you can find each other again and be able to openly discuss any issues to see what you both can do to reconnect back to a healthy marriage. And since he's been cheating - I sure hope he was Man enough to use protection every single time - because you sure don't deserve to be hurt further!!!!
• United States
6 Jan 07
I agree and I love him enough that I forgave him when I first found out. I've been told winners never quit and quitters never win. It's been very hard emotionally but I can't give up. I get very sick physically when I have tried. Plus add on top of that the fact I'm an empath so even when it comes to him getting physically hurt on the job, I feel his pain and it affects me. Imagine being fine and then you start limping for no reason. I found out later that he had tripped and hurt his knee and this was why I had been limping. I still feel his touch, I still close my eyes and see his face...I breath the air and I smell his scent. I sure hope there's alot out there praying for us cause I do in believe in miracles. Blessings to you dearheart and again...Thank you
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Jan 07
Wow sounds like you are so in sync and or in tune to him!!! Have you been married long?? I can't imagine how that must feel - to have such strong empathy for him - even after what he's done but there has to be such a strong desire from you to continue such a loving connection on your part!!! And now after reading your last comment - I am just sitting here wondering OK now what in the world is wrong with this man that he would do that to such a Beautiful Person such as yourself!!!! You totally deserve all that is special, kind and Tenderhearted to be yours with that sweet soul I can hear inside of you.
• United States
6 Jan 07
Even now, I would lay my life on the line to save his. I don't know how familiar you are with soulmates, be he is mine as well s my lifemate. I've been told I could have most any man I wanted but even though my husband isn't a handsome prince, he's my prince. I used to date primarily the tall classicly handsome men, but when I looked into my husband's eyes I was lost as I saw forever in his eyes and that's saying something because he's 5'9" and a robust man...I'm guessing around the 400 lb mark now but the weight was never an issue with me for I saw the heart and the soul of the man and felt home where I belonged...and still feel I belong even now...
1 person likes this
@baylvr (25)
• United States
6 Jan 07
What a kind spirit you are! The sad thing is you are allowing this to happen. We teach people how to treat us. If you're allowing him to come and spend time with you with a blatant knowledge he's seeing another woman... YOU are sending the message to him that he can "have his cake and eat it too". I know that sounds like a slam against you, but it's certainly not meant to! If you turn your back on him and say, "I will NOT see you until you end your affair" This sends the message to him that you're a strong woman who will not tolerate this type of action from him now or in the future. I'm NOT saying divorce him... but tell him this is not something you will live with. Tell him EXACTLY what you want... then have absolutely NO contact with him until he comes and PROVES to you it's over and he wants you back! If he still loves you, he'll be back... if not, do you really want to spend the rest of your life with unrequitted love? That's harder on you emotionally that not having someone at all. I pray peace for your heart and mind.
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Jan 07
i totally agree.
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Jan 07
I promised him teh rest of my life and I intend to keep that promise...there will be no other men...as for being intimate with him, I never said we were presently intimate and before he and I will ever be intimate again, he will have to be tested as I don't want to catch something she may give him...
@baylvr (25)
• United States
15 Jan 07
I'm not saying sleep with other men. I'm saying completely turn your back on him until he proves he's worthy of you. You're still giving him all your love and support... yet at the same time sending him a message that this is a situation you will tolerate. Turning your back on him says, "You will NOT do this to me and have my participation." You're stronger than you think.
1 person likes this
@20021985 (109)
• India
6 Jan 07
Thats really bad....i can understand yoou must be hurt but then you sould keep your spirits high...all the good wishes to you
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Jan 07
thank you dearheart and many blessings be with you
• United States
6 Jan 07
thank you dearheart and many blessings be with you
@ahsan15 (334)
• India
6 Jan 07
this man doesn't love u ....he'z a playboy ..so go ahead nd' leave him...nd' look for a one who can keep you happy
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Jan 07
please allow me to put this plainly so you do not misunderstand me...I AM NOT GOING TO DIVORCE MY HUSBAND!!!! I am inlove with my husband and I DO NOT WANT ANOTHER MAN UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES!!!!!!!!!!!!
@nuttmeg (441)
• United States
6 Jan 07
First of all, I'm very sorry that you're having to go through this, I know how unbearable it is to suddenly have another woman in your life, making a mess of what you've built on. I can't really tell you how to get rid of her, only your husband can really do that if has any thought of doing so. But what confuses me is they're constantly fighting over the fact he won't leave you, but he's still with her? It sounds more like you really need to sit down and focus on him and what he needs to do. I know you want to get rid of this girl and resume a healthy marriage, but is he does he want to stop with the other women? Maybe I'm making the wrong assumptions about how all of this started or how long it's been going on, but it sounds like he's sitting on the fence. Hopefully you can sit him down and talk to him, and figure out what he wants out of all this and what he's going to do about it. I do hope that it works out for you. Hang in there and big hugs.
1 person likes this
@vicky19810 (1601)
• China
6 Jan 07
i think he would come back to you if he truly love you,so i advise you should wait for choosing,if he belongs to you,he will be back.
1 person likes this
@pvraju (37)
• India
6 Jan 07
ya thats right hope he ll come back to u,
1 person likes this
@palina77 (1178)
• United States
6 Jan 07
Hmmm, a girl is enemy of a girl. Your hubby is such a guy that he is adicted to another lady for marriage and lying with you same time. So it need a deep thought whether your conjugal life will be happy if you drive that lady from your husband's life. You meet and talk with that girl and tell her that you you will die if your husband leave you.
• United States
6 Jan 07
I would never use deceit but I will say this...there will never be another man should he and I for some reason divorce for I will not allow it. I promised my husband to love him til my last breath and that is a promise and vow I intend to uphold be it together or apart. Tes, I am a woman very determined and very deeply inlove...
• India
6 Jan 07
i feel sorry for u. i know how it feels i have also gone the same situation. give ur husband maximum time. try to fill romance in ur life. go out for candle light dinners. try to get close to him. i am sure he loves u. u r in his life for a long time the other girls love is just infactuation. make him realise that..ok all the best
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Jan 07
TYhank you dearheart...doin my best and takin it day by day...step by step
• India
6 Jan 07
ya i too find some cases like that. it happens in a lots of arranged marriages and even in some love marriages. remedy in case of arranged marriages: first:the parents should enquire very keenly on that person second:parents should not force their childrens in case of marriages; remedy in case of love marriages: when any one proposes their feelings on opponent love ,the opponent should have a great talk with the person with who has proposed,then only they can have good understanding .
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Jan 07
I really don't understand arranged marriages but I "think" I understand what you're sayin...
@bugbaby (1788)
• Indonesia
6 Jan 07
Before you married whether you did not investigate your couple before?? I myself in developing a relations will investigate before who my couple before I took a step to the marriage. I was not happy the person of the loser, very much to three times was the loser then would forever he was the loser.
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Jan 07
Why would I investigate my HUSBAND before we married? That seems like a very harsh way to begin a marriage. I married for love, not for "things" I could live in a tent on the beach that has more holes than a sponge and simply being in his arms is enough for that is home...it's not a building, it's not nice things, it's the heart and soul that can never be bought...
@dejiflow (128)
• Nigeria
8 Jan 07
It is not so easy to just pick up the pieces and start all over as if nothing happened. Are you sure he will not soon find another girl and go off again...
• India
7 Jan 07
You say that you are separated from your's husband under the circumstances on which you didnt have any control and yours husband is having a relationship with another woman who works with him and he has proposed her for marriage and you want to shoo away the girl, so that you can resume yours healthy marriage .Done!First thing its a one side story, its you who want to make your's marriage work so you got to talk to the husband of your's and got to find out if there some heat is left on which the lost passion and love can be retrieved. If he dosent love you any more then I dont think you talking to that girl will do any good, its you only who will suffer much more humiliation and pain. You want to fight it out then you got to talk people who are close to your husband, who might influence his thought and drill the sanctity of marriage in his brain and heart. Why he turn away from you no ones knows except you so its you got to go back and try to fish out the reason which made him loose the charm of marriage and you.
• United States
7 Jan 07
I do not know what your cicumstances are but,your husband is having a affair.and i do not think you can just get rid of this women he would have to be the one who should do this.you may still be deeply in love with your husband but he is being unfaithful to you.and sometimes love is just not enough.I know if i was in your shoes i would not want him back even if i loved him because he broke your marriage vows by cheating so i would not be able to take him back and move on with the marriage because i couldnt trust him again.
@magnel (2263)
• India
7 Jan 07
As per me you should talk to this female who is working with your husband and make her understand about the situation you are going through and pray to God so that she understands your feelings. All the best... God bless you...
1 person likes this
@amish2222 (235)
• United States
7 Jan 07
It is difficult to get over with life when you have lost you love to somebody else. It would take some time to come over it. My advice to you, have faith in words 'Time Heals!'
@Marie2473 (8519)
• Sweden
7 Jan 07
I am so sorry for your sake but if he has asked another girl to marry him I am not sure that there is much you can do about it. Obviously he is in a totally different place than you are and he has moved on with his life without you! I realise that this is probably not the answer you want but sometimes the best thing to do is to just let go!
1 person likes this
@icequeen (2842)
• Canada
7 Jan 07
This is hard...The fact that he is seeing someone else and wants to marry her would indicate that his feelings for you are gone. Does he know how you feel? I don't think that you can get rid of this woman...unless he admits to still being in love with you...if not then it sounds like you may need to give him the divorce and let him go....
1 person likes this
• Netherlands
6 Jan 07
I feel for you, I really do. I don't mean to sound cold but honestly, it isn't up to you to "get rid of her" as that isn't something you could possibly do. There is nothing that you could say to remove her from your husband's life. HE has to do this himself and by himself. It is so sad and I sympathise but it is out of your hands. Maybe you should talk with him and show him what he is missing. He already asked her to marry him? Maybe he is using her in the wrong way as a rebound and hopefully then talking will make him think again about what he is doing. Unfortunatly that is the only thing you can do. You should not approach the women because that will make you look bad to him.
1 person likes this
@emarie (5451)
• United States
6 Jan 07
well, its hard if he doesn't feel the same way. if he doesn't want to work things out then things won't work out and it will just cause more heartache for you. do you 2 have children together? because if you did it would make things even more harder because you would still have to keep a relationship with him. my sister was engaged once. she got pregnant before the wedding and lost the baby 3 months into it. that took a toll on her relationship and they decided to take some 'time off'. well in this time off my sister fiance started dating a co-worker and he ended up getting her pregnant. the wedding was called off and on the day the wedding was supposed to happen he came to her saying that he was going to marry this other girl because she's pregnant. well, my sister was crushed. but eventually dealed with it. she did love him, but my sister knew it wasn't worth the pain of her trying to go after him. she kept some relations with the family (they like her more then the other girl) but now my sister found another man and married him and they have a child together. and from what i heard from my sister...her ex fiance's marriage to the other girl ended in divorce because he didn't really love her, but was forced to marry by the girls mother. he has a baby girl who's name resembles my sisters name (i find that extreemly funny) and probably regrets a little of the things he did. ..well, what my whole long story is trying to say is that sometimes you just have to let go. maybe things weren't meant to be, and you alone can not make things work out.
1 person likes this
@Reviver (339)
• Romania
6 Jan 07
well, i think an open discussion between you, the woman and your husband to talk about this issue is very important... since the three of you are all matured adults, i think this matter can be settled through an open, honest and blunt communication between the three of you to reach an agreement... hope it will work out well... good luck...
1 person likes this