Does it matter about whether you have two parents in a relationship or not?

January 7, 2007 9:18am CST
Do you think it matters whether your parents are split up or divorced? I think to a certain extent a child gets upset and uptight about their parents getting split up and this is why I think it is important to have two parents who are at least in a relationship, not necessarily married. My parents are not split up so this is why I am wondering. I hope they do not get split up as it would affect out lives dramatically. I do know several people who have become quite depressed at their parents getting split up and others that are not bothered in the slightest. So what do you think? Is it important to have parents who are in a relationship or not?
4 people like this
34 responses
@Kscott (634)
• United States
8 Jan 07
I think it matters a lot. My parents divorced by the time I was one year, my father got custody, and he remarried by the time I was two. I never still to this day really "know" my real mother very well, I see her like once a year on Christmas, any other time I dont hear from her, see her, etc. It has made me be a different mother for my children, Im close with all my kids, maybe too protective!, and I want them to be close and interested in what is going on in each others lives, I wont always be around, so they need to rely and like each other! It would have helped if my parents would or could have remained really cival towards each other, so important events in my life didn't get missed by them because they couldn't get along. Also the tention of not being a family anymore is horrible....you always feel like something's missing or you As a kid, it was cool, two birthday parties, christmas was craaaazzzy! and now that I'm older, have my own children, well, I see what both sides have missed so much, and I have vowed to never let that happen with my family I teach my kids to ...be friends first, respect each other, laugh together, love always, divorce never! Luckily I was picky about my man, and got a pretty good one with very few complaints and a happy life!
• United States
7 Jan 07
Well, it's natural for children to be upset about divorces. It's upsetting to them, sure. But I don't think they should dwell the rest of their lives on it. And if their parents begin dating other people, yes, that will upset them. Some children think that no one on earth is right for each other than their mom and dad. It does take a while, I imagine, for children to get over a divorce. But they do. Eventually. And sometimes they feel angry with their parents. But they're still a family.
1 person likes this
@magikrose (5429)
• United States
8 Jan 07
It does not matter at all. As long as both parents love you who cares if they are together or not. My parents divorced when I was 12 and it was for the better. I lived with my mother and had regular visits with my father. Also it is better for the parents to seperate if 1 is abusive to the other. I have a very good friend who was married and her husband beat her. Honestly that is NOT right at all. She divorced him and her 3 kids currently live with her and they are all better off. Now the kids dont have to see or hear "daddy" beat on mommy and they can all live happier healthier lives. Parents living together is not always the best thing for the kids. Sometimes it is best for the parents to seperate for the safety of everyone.
8 Jan 07
I think it entirely depends on the situation. If the children are extremely young or well into high school they can probably deal with it more than 5-13 year olds. It also depends on the living situation, ability of the parents to get along and not drag the kids into the situation, and attitude of the kids. Some kids are naturally passive or more interested in soccer than their parents love lives, while others cannot deal with rejection or even use one parent against the other to get their way. I think it is always best to be true to yourself but if you do chose to split from your partner, make sure you love and support your children as well.
@kawillow74 (1416)
• United States
8 Jan 07
well it depends on the situation because my father was a cheater it would not be fair for her to have to be with a dog or if someone is abusive. But it does hurt allot of people my brother and I where very hurt. And I do my speak to my father he has hurt allot of people.
• United States
8 Jan 07
I understand what you're staying. My belief is that cheating is a form of abuse. And no abuse is right. If it can't be helped through therapy, no one should stay in an abusive, in any form, relationship.
@serene2 (278)
• New Zealand
8 Jan 07
Yes,it does matter. I mean,gingoes theres enough stress on our young people without having split parents. And then having to deal with the idea that Dad or Mum has a new partner. 2 is better then one.
@chileman (967)
• Australia
8 Jan 07
Children need security and normality, when parents split up or divorce it is always going to have an effect on the little ones right up to teenagers. We are all made differently so it effects some kids more than others but the scars can be there forever.
• Philippines
3 Feb 07
In my own opinion it would help if the parents are in a relationship. It would give confidence to their children to know that they have two parents who are there for them. I have many friends who are in a broken family and most of them were not doing good and is not confident with the world.
@meljessxena (2315)
• Australia
8 Jan 07
some children adapt really good, others do get a bit upset and affected, but if the parents arent happy together, well they shouldnt be together. other wise that would affect the children more
@sahergul (774)
• Pakistan
8 Jan 07
well it does matters.. thanks God they are togetha
@nuffsed (1271)
8 Jan 07
The ideal is to have two happy parents who have time and love for you and each other. If one parent lacks time or love for you, you become aware of that and suffer. If you have one parent who has time and love for you, you do not miss the other parent if you have not had that situation of two loving parents. Children are much more resilient than we give them credit for. Many orphans have gone on to be great achievers, and family people. Let us not rush to generalise what is tollerable.
@usman400 (1587)
• Pakistan
8 Jan 07
It really matters , specially in the younger ages, children do get their personality in accordance with what they see in their lives, divorced parents is not a suitable ground to grow up for a child
@nuttmeg (440)
• United States
8 Jan 07
I think it really depends on the situation. Obviously, it would be nice if the parents could work things out for the better, but that's not always the case. I think any situation will be hard for a kid when it comes to their parents not getting along, possibly divorcing or actually divorcing, but I have also seen friends whose parents stayed together because they thought it was the right thing to do for their kids, when all it seemed to do for the kid was place them in an unhealthy, unhappy environment, leaving them bad memories of all the nights or mornings of arguements, screaming matches, sometimes even affairs, which still affects them today, years after being an adult. It can suck, but sometimes it might just be for the best if the divorce is handled properly.
@jobinbabu (151)
• India
8 Jan 07
My parents are not split up,and i definitly donot want them to split up.I want them to love each other through out their life as they are doing now
@droik123 (74)
• India
8 Jan 07
Your parents set up examples for you. And when you see your parents break up sub consciously you have a feeling that its not good and thats what depresses you but the actual psychological thing is that you should make a example of it and it should help you understand what mistakes you should not make in the Future. People break up for various reasons .. So it is wise to make example of it rather that getting depressed. Just a Suggestion and its something like the bitter truth of life
@ahsan15 (334)
• India
8 Jan 07
I guesss it matters but donno how...coz i don't have two parents...lolz
@neon2000 (2756)
• Philippines
8 Jan 07
In some aspect, it really matters. But if you are open minded, you will not mind about it. Some children can't accept that their parents have splitted up and this destroys their lives and some who treated them as normal for fighting parents found it as a better option than being together fighting forever.
@alchemistrx (2547)
• Philippines
8 Jan 07
It is still important because we have to put on values to our children. How can we do that if we are not setting a good example for them.
• India
8 Jan 07
Yes it means a lot having both parents in relationship....Father and Mother have different role in bringing up kids and absence of anyone of them definitely creates a gap in the life of their kids
@zaratoga (83)
• Indonesia
8 Jan 07
it's better to have the complete parents than divorsed because anyhow it will not the good learning for the children. Mostly the split parents is happened due to un-happy with the couple or facing big family problem. Perhaps the children must create the good relationship with both (parent) to keep the good continues relationship
@yommie (16)
• Nigeria
8 Jan 07
i think that it is very important that parents should be married to each other this is a more healthier relationship and gives the children a standard to look up to and to follow after. i feel that families with separated parents raise up more troubled children than those who are still together in a healthy relationship.
@kylerrhys (164)
• Philippines
8 Jan 07
Yes it does matter. Children look up to their parents. They mirror what they see and believe that it is right. I have seen a reality show where they hire a nanny because the children are very unruly, it showed that the real problem are the parents because they do not show the love and care for each other so their children also follows them.