When do you have "the talk"?

@patgalca (13962)
Orangeville, Ontario
January 8, 2007 11:07pm CST
When do you tell your children about the birds and the bees? As a child this was never talked about in my family so I am uncomfortable talking about it with my own children. I gave my oldest daughter a book and told her to ask me if she had any questions. My husband was the one who actually went through the book with her and talked to her about it. Now my youngest is 10 years old and neither of us have approached her with this subject, mainly because she just isn't very mature. My older daughter matured faster so she learned at around 10 years old. But this girl, she just doesn't seem to be ready to talk to about this stuff. She thinks bare butts are funny and laughs at the word underwear. I just think she would start using these new words in jokes. I can't bring myself to discuss it with her. What do you think? Have you been uncomfortable talking about this with your children?
1 person likes this
11 responses
@sellj75 (208)
• United States
10 Jan 07
I once heard it said that when a child is old enough to ask questins, they are old enough to get the answers. How detailed the questions show how detailed the answers should be. My daughter is 9, and very mature for her age (in some ways). When she asked me how girls get pregnant, I awsnered her, and we had "the talk". That was when she was 8. I only went over basic stuff, but when she would ask a question, I answered her. On the other hand, my oldest son (8), has no thoughts on any of it yet, so we haven't said much to him. It was uncomfortable at first, but it was not as bad as I thought once we got the conversation going.
1 person likes this
@zaratoga (83)
• Indonesia
10 Jan 07
Actually the age is not the only one reason to know something for stuff because they smart enough to learn something from TV, the internet and the school. Now, Parent just needs to guide them once they ask for a few questions even sometimes they will not enough satisfied for the anwers. 10 years is enough time to tell her everything with the nice words and do forget to try to be honest.
@tammyr (5969)
• Etowah, Tennessee
9 Jan 07
You should talk to her when you feel that she wants to kno, or needs to know things. My daughter is 10 and very imbarrased by any 'adult' conversations but things have happened to make it neccasary to discuss some things. Don't be evasive, don't belittle her or act as if any ? is stupid. Do listen and try to be as detailed as she needs you to be without going overboard. And if you do not know. SAY SO. and try to help her find the answer.
1 person likes this
@sarkar1 (336)
• India
9 Jan 07
I dont think there is any need to talk about it. Children somehow learn by themselves. Even if they dont it is being in most schools in a biological viewpoint. I feel, that there are much better things to talk about.
@puma_nz (1002)
• New Zealand
9 Jan 07
WHAT! Hell NO! Thats how I had to find out and it got me bloomin depressed! Kids NEED to know these things from their parents.. If nothing is said to your kids from you as a parent, They will NEVER come to you when they're in doubt. Thats part of the whole process in building a good relationship with your kids.. They need to know that they can TRUST you.. You are meant to be there to Nurture and Guide them through life the BEST way you know how..
1 person likes this
@patgalca (13962)
• Orangeville, Ontario
9 Jan 07
Well put, puma_nz!
@sarkar1 (336)
• India
9 Jan 07
I dont think there is any need to talk about it. Children somehow learn by themselves. Even if they dont it is being in most schools in a biological viewpoint. I feel, that there are much better things to talk about.
@patgalca (13962)
• Orangeville, Ontario
9 Jan 07
I have to disagree with you there. Better we educate our children than them hearing it incorrectly from their friends.
@shomomo (850)
• Israel
9 Jan 07
As a child I have to tell you I've never had "the talk" with my parents, I learned everything I needed to learn from school, TV, the internet.. especially the internet, great resource (although it needs to be protected from predators seeking to abuse your child).
@patgalca (13962)
• Orangeville, Ontario
9 Jan 07
I know they are being taught at school, not exactly sure to what extent. My girls are not permitted on the internet. My 13yo would not fess up about something she had been up to online and was denied access until she told the truth. That was 2 years ago. My 10yo goes on to play on children's television show websites.
@kulanuwun (1405)
• Indonesia
13 Jan 07
Wow, I dont have married yet, but it is important for me bout this information, thanks guys
• United States
10 Jan 07
With my boys it was a continual age appropriate conversation, beginning from the time they were potty trained. It was hard enough for me growing up with a mother who hid the facts untill I was in the 6th grade and had the embarrasing "moment" in class and had to go to the nurses office. I talked to them about other people who wanted to hurt them at each stage. So that by puberty we were well on track and could talk openly about the changes going on in thier bodies and how to handle them.
• United States
9 Jan 07
I dont think there is a right or wrong age. I am starting now with my two year old in appropriate ways. He knows he has privates that nobody else should see or touch-unless hes at the doc or in the bath. Answer your daughters questions as they come. She may not be ready to hear it now and that is okay. She will eventually. Try to be open and honest even if you are a bit uncomfortable. If parents dont educate their kids, someone else surely will-and it may not be what you wanted them to know.
• United States
9 Jan 07
i have birds at my home and my kids younger than yours watch them daily i think so important to feed curiousity of children by answering their quistions according to their ages
@coolcatzz (1589)
• Canada
9 Jan 07
I don't think there is a specific age I think it would go more by maturity level and also if they are asking questions. My daughter is going on 10 and I know she knows some stuff (actually most stuff) but that has just been from her asking questions. I have never lied to her and always take the time to answer her and explain things. But seriously I would go by their maturity level. Give your daughter another year and see where she is at then. As far as being uncomfortable I was worse with my son who is now 18. He was at his cousins one day and they are younger and he saw two animals doing it. So he had a million questions when he got home and we had no choice but to have the talk. I felt more uneasy with him. Maybe because he was my first. But as far as my daughter I'm ready for anything she asks me.