No Rythm Lost in the Salsa A plea for help by the Average White Guy
January 9, 2007 8:06pm CST
Will taking Salsa lessons help with my ability to dance with women? I've never taken any formal dance classes. It probably shows. I'm a very sensual person, and most of my ex girlfriends are still friends. They say that I'm adventurous and caring when it comes to the bedroom. You may be asking what this has to do with dancing. Well, I'll tell you. It has a great deal to do with it, especially when you see that underneath my shyness lurks the heart of lover and a beast. I'm just extoling my virtues, so that you can see that my problem is not that of virginity, or being inexperienced, but that of not picking up on the right signals. I hope nobody near here reads this; that would be so embarrassing. Anyway, here's my dilema: I'm basically, a nice guy who can't help but want to have fun doing the down and dirty grind with an attractive girl in one of these clubs. Everywhere I turn, there are people making out, girls bending over, girls on girls...probably to tease the guys...I don't know, and lots and lots of rubbing, caressing, kissing and slow close dancing. I see it all over and the underlying forces of attraction really mystify me, girls. I'm speaking mostly to you because, one, you can't see me, and two, you probably know your own minds better than the fellas out there. Am I right? Of course I am. Now, there isn't a thing physically wrong with me. I am strong, young, relatively good looking, and can move with ease and grace. Yet somehow, I feel out of my element. If I were to talk to you, we could speak on just about anything. I can be deep, superficial, witty, make you laugh with my keen insight and absurd jokes. All these things, though, don't mean anything when I can't even seem to get close, and if by chance, I do manage to get close enough to have a conversation with you, it seems that my mind goes on a sabatical! I freeze up, say stupid things, repeat myself, reference events in such a way that you have no idea of what I'm talking about. Maybe I'll stutter. I'll definitely get a little shaky and my eyes might not meet yours. My whole body language is un-natural. What makes it so hard, is that I can feel all this, while also being keenly aware of any tell-tale reactions that you may be experiencing at the time. How do I get over this? My idea is to become so comfortable dancing with you, that I have no problem closing that space between us, when I want to get a little more personal. For the longest time, back in High School, I would go through the crowded halls without ever touching a single person. You ask how this could happen. You say how strange. What you don't realize, and those kids didn't either, was that I had a history of moving from home to home, school to school, as an only child, and never grew up being close to anyone. It was so difficult for me to even try to fit in with what was normal; not to mention the super clicky crowds. There wasn't a snowball's chance in hell of that happening. Years later, I still deal with this, but since there was no one who could school me in the finer art of, "Making friends and Influencing People", I went to many a dance alone. I remember not even wanting to show up at the prom, because I knew it would just show me how alone and undesirable I was. I know this not to be true, now, but back then, it was so hard to see a life past High School. That was all there was, and people's opinions of me, or ignorance of my existence ruled my universe. You might see me as the guy who seems to have no fear. I'm the one who will do anything for a laugh or to get a few nods of approval. I think I threw my back out once while trying to do some easy seeming flip. What actually happened, was I went home rubbing my butt bone the whole way and muttering what a jerk I must have seemed like. I like to do dance contests. The flashier, the better. Not because I'm that great, but I really enjoy the feel of letting go, and I can't help but admire the truly good dancers. The problem is that I'm really shy. Sometimes it's even hard for me to simply talk to a girl. Maybe it seems like I'm distant or arrogant, gay, whatever. I've heard them all. The truth is, I have a lot to offer. Yeah, I have a dirty mind, but we all do. I've actually been complimented on my dance moves, yet when I get close to a girl who wants to give it a go; (you'll probably appreciate this girls) I often get the, "Oh, I'll be right back, I'm just going to get a drink." That's a nice one. How come I've heard that particular line half a dozen times, now? You know, the first time I heard it, I said to myself, "Great. She'll be right back. Right on man. Congratulations!", mentally patting myself on the back. I must have looked a little more than dumb as I stood there with no one around me, a grin pasted ear to ear on my face. After a while the smile became a little more strained; a sort of manequine smile that you can tell is so fake. Then a thought starts to percolate in my fuzzy brain. Maybe she isn't coming back. So, here I am starting to dance a little, again, trying not to stand out so much, while craning my neck this way and that, looking for that special girl. Later, I'll see her; she'll look my way, but look right through me. Maybe she won't look at me. Once I made the mistake of thinking she had just forgotten, so I asked her what the deal was. Whiny baby alert! Here comes the clueless guy and he looks desperate. Quick, move away! So, lips move between she and another girl, and the next thing I know, the other one is grabbing the object of my affection's arm, and steering her in the opposite direction. I've got my ideas on why it's the other girl who takes action, but I'll keep quiet for a while. So here's the assumption I've made. Something in the way that I dance turns the girl off. It doesn't happen right away, but I can almost sense when it's about to happen. The only thing I can come up with, and I'm a pretty smart guy, here, ladies-is that my rythm and hers just doesn't mesh. What am I doing wrong here?