Pregnant at Nineteen!

@ljcapps (1926)
United States
January 9, 2007 9:40pm CST
My wife and I have a couple of pretty good friends, that they're nineteen. No, that's not the thing. They just told us they're pregnant. And my wife and i wasn't sure whether to congratulate them, or cry for them. What do you think?
1 person likes this
24 responses
• United States
10 Jan 07
I met my husband at 18. By 19 we were married and expecting our first child who was born when I was 20 (our, now 15 1/2 month old son). A few months later we found out I was pregnant again (at 20) and she was born a couple of weeks before I turned 21 (she's now 5 months old, but her adjusted age is 3 months because she was born prematurely). Yet again, a few months later I found out I was pregnant again! I'm 21 & I'll still be 21 when this baby's born. My husband and I live on our own, in a 3bedroom/2bathroom apartment. We do very well in providing for our children. Our son is the picture of health. And our daughter (who was born with complications) is getting well and actually has the development of a 5 month old, except in her legs and interest in a bottle. So she is getting physical therapy & occupational therapy (learning to use the bottle). So having been in a been there/done that instance of having kids young. I would suggest congradulate them (it help with the stress to have support) but be there in case they have questions, or need help understanding the pregnancy mood swings. It's amazing how much people are capable of handling when it is just laid on their shoulders so to speak.
1 person likes this
@ljcapps (1926)
• United States
10 Jan 07
I think people can handle what they're faced with if they're strong enough. and I hope these two are strong enough. Lack of support, love or lending shoulders won't be a problem. That baby will probably be spoiled rotten even without their help! But how long did you know your husband before you got married? How long did you live together? These two, who are wonderful people, have known each other seven months, and only been living together less than that before they find they're expecting a bundle..my wish for them is not that they weren't pregnant..but rather they'd had more time to become accustomed to each other, i guess is what i'm trying to say. To have more time of each other.
@ljcapps (1926)
• United States
10 Jan 07
i think it's wonderful you found someone that you felt so very secure and protected, and obviously loved by. Especially after both of you having had such bad experiences. I commend you on, well, doing such a good job with your lives, and loving your children as much as you do, and having the strength to bear what you've been through. I hope you have a good support system, and are always well loved. Which is the exact same thing that i hope for our friends, also. Them of course being stuck with us. Part of my angst i guess, in this, is that they're both in college, and both only work part time at a job that doesn't pay much, without very good benefits, and a small one bedroom apartment. Now, i know both families will be willing to help, i just wish they'd both been able to get steadier feet under themselves before this. My wife's parents were very young in a similiar situation when they were pregnant with her brother, and i know how difficult things can be. And i want more than difficult for them. But. with good friends and good families, it should be.
• United States
10 Jan 07
Friends and family can make ALL the differnce in the world. Without them I don't know how we would be able to make the trip to see our daughter in the hospital everyday without worrying if should go back into emergency surgery will we have someplace safe for our son to be. A long car ride to & from the hospital and a hospital playroom is no place for a healthy 15 month old baby to spend his days on a daily basis, so we usually take turns on who gets to visit. On surgery days BOTH of us want to be by her bedside, and our friends and family don't charge babysitting fees which is a big life-saver.
1 person likes this
@brokentia (10396)
• United States
10 Jan 07
That is hard to figure out. You want to congradulate the person because they are carrying another life. But at the same time, being older myself, I know it will be a struggle. I was 14 years old when I got pregnant the first time. I was married by 16 years and before I turned 19 years, I had 3 children. So, personally, I know I would not want any of my children to have a baby at such a young age because I know what they would be loosing. But you also do not want to cast a negative energy on the person. I would be torn. I would be happy for the person if they were happy. But secretly, I would feel a morn for the person and all the growing up that person will have to do very quickly!
1 person likes this
@ljcapps (1926)
• United States
10 Jan 07
Thank you so much for understanding my dilemma. We love these two because they are wonderful people, and full of laughter and joy. I know that they'll be good to a child, and that my wife will probably steal that child periodically for spoiling. My question wasn't whether to look down on them, but rather a wish that for them of time. We wouldn't say anything negative to them, because right now, or ever, that's the very last thing they need. They'll have the support and the shoulders they need. And probably the help with baby supplies. I just wish they'd had more time to grow up a little more and experience a little more of life, before they'd had the joy of bringing a life into this world.
@brokentia (10396)
• United States
10 Jan 07
Well, it sounds to me as if they are going to be ok because they have a couple of really good friends to help them through. :) Hey, I would want to stealing the baby time to time too to do a bit of my own spoiling!!! :) I am so looking forward to grandbabies! And with seven kids, I sure hope to have a plenty! :)
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@ljcapps (1926)
• United States
10 Jan 07
yeah, even though our son is only four, we're looking forward to grandkids someday too, so we can do the same thing to them that our parents do to us. Take him for a while, spoil him rotten and send him home so mommy and daddy can run the energy down! I've been told it's a lot more fun being grandparents than being a parent, but i don't know. I love that boy an awful lot.
• Canada
11 Feb 07
ok this might sound rude but this is my opinnion and i just want to make my point. i think you should stop thinking of your feelings about it and start supporting your friends. be a good friend and be there for them. They need your support and not your critisisms. i don't think it's too young, if they are finished school they they will be able to suport themselves.
1 person likes this
@ljcapps (1926)
• United States
15 Feb 07
You weren't being rude, it's okay. but i wasn't criticizing them. it's more my heart hurts for them, and how difficult this will be for them, even with the love and support of their friends and family. However, a child doesn't always make the couple into a family. I just pray that this one will, in this day and age of divorces and separation.
@ugachaka (297)
• United States
10 Jan 07
Nineteen isn't so young anymore. With programs like WIC and welfare, it's not that hard to make enough money to get by. My girlfriend was 19 when she had our daughter. I was 24 but these days, and it's only been 6 months, she's making more money than I was so she's the breadwinner. Once you get past the pride of accepting government handouts, it's really just about being good parents. WIC pays for all of her formula (about $60 a month) and foodstamps cover all of our groceries (about $300 a month). If you can get in touch with enough people that are done having kids, getting some toys and clothes should all be free.
1 person likes this
@ljcapps (1926)
• United States
10 Jan 07
Thank you for your well thought out comment and also knowing that being a parent means you have to swallow your pride. When we first had our son we didn't have a lot of money either, and also used WIC. It's a wonderful program. I'd just hoped that they would have a firmer base under them than we did before starting a family,
@vanities (11401)
• Davao, Philippines
10 Jan 07
well theres nothing wrong with being pregnant at nineteen if they think theyre capable and responsible enough for the consequences..
@ljcapps (1926)
• United States
10 Jan 07
oh, i don't think there's anything wrong with it, because they love each other. I just don't think they were quite ready to jump in this vast ocean yet. This baby wasn't planned. S/he will be a lovely surprise, because children should always be thought of as lovely. I just worry that they're not quite, well, ready isn't quite the word i'm looking for, but close. But we'll be there for them. And i'm sure my wife will periodically make off with their baby to give them some of that alone time they'll so desperately need.
@anne_143god (5390)
• Philippines
10 Jan 07
Maybe you just support them emotionally because they have no choice but to face the fact and their situation. Nineteen is too young to have kids so what you have to do is to support them.
@ljcapps (1926)
• United States
10 Jan 07
And that's what they'll do. I keep catching myself about to put "they're good kids" they'll do the right thing. and that makes me kind of sad because at nineteen i still think of them almost as kids in a way because they're so young and have so much left to experience. We know how hard it was for us, so we'll be there to try to make it a little bit easier for them. And if they need congratulations and to cry, well, we're good for both.
@chrisie (207)
• United States
10 Jan 07
Well, even though nineteen is still a young age, you should definitely congratulate them! It may seem like quite the wall to mount for a couple so young, I can't imagine having a baby of my own right now, so I cannot even imagine trying to have one three years ago. Tell them you wish them the best, and give them your friendship. Regardless of other feelings.
1 person likes this
@ljcapps (1926)
• United States
10 Jan 07
You're exactly right. My wife and I had our son at 22 and that was huge to us. We didn't know if we were ready but we didn't have a choice but to be ready. And he's turned out all right. So far. We're here to support them, and thank you for understanding a little bit of how we feel on this. We just don't want them to be overwhelmed with their situation, but we don't want to be the ones to jump up and down and say "oh, this'll be easy" because it won't.
• United States
10 Jan 07
I had my first child a month before my 20th birthday. I would have to say that you have to be happy for them based on them. At 19 it is a very iffy situation. Like I said I was 19 my daughter is now nine she is excelling in school and very well behaved and liked child, however I have a friend who also had a child at 19, her child is out of hand at home and in the class room. They are your friends so you should congratulate them weither or not you feel they are ready for this, and be there for them because they are going to face people who are going to put them down because "19 is to young to be having babies". Tell them to hold there heads up high and delight in the wonderful gift they have in making that baby. Good luck to them
1 person likes this
@ljcapps (1926)
• United States
10 Jan 07
Thank you for your positive comment and understanding how my question was meant. We wouldn't look down on them because they are good people, and they will make good decisions for their child. And we will always be there for them in whatever ways we can be.
@zaratoga (83)
• Indonesia
10 Jan 07
Nowadays, having a baby in the young age is not too bad to be a young parents as long as they have responsibility for their baby. Maybe they have not been grown up enough and too young to have the resposibility the child but it will not something to be fear. Give them suggestion, moral support, love and guide them how to care the child. Having a baby is a blessing and it will bring a new life in the world.
1 person likes this
@ljcapps (1926)
• United States
10 Jan 07
Thank you for your great response. And these are wonderful people, who will love that child more than anything, and really, that's the most important thing. I just don't want them to become so, caught up in trying to provide at such a young age that they lose each other. We were 22 when my son was born, and wouldn't change him for the world, but sometimes i think even that's too young an age to have children. He helps keep us young at heart, and at the same time helps balance our priorities as adults. I hope this works the same for all young parents.
• India
10 Jan 07
i think 19 is very young for pregnant.
@ljcapps (1926)
• United States
10 Jan 07
I agree. Many years ago, nineteen was a normal age for people to have children, then it wasn't acceptable, then it was, and then it wasn't. really i think it comes down to this, maturity level. some people at nineteen have children and are wonderful parents and don't ever feel they missed out on anything else. But for some people, nineteen is just too young. Especially if they don't have a support system, and aren't partners who truly love each other.
• India
10 Jan 07
if my friend get pregnent at the age of 19 is not just a serious matter because when our society is declairing that at the age of 18 you are adult and mature in many ways.
1 person likes this
@ljcapps (1926)
• United States
10 Jan 07
see, and that's part of the problem. Just because the law declares you an adult at the age of eighteen, that doesn't make you an adult. Now these two are actually very grown up and very good people, with good senses of humor and a joy of each other that everyone should have, and that will be a wonderful basis for their child. But that doesn't mean i wish any less that they'd had the chance to enjoy just each other, and growing a little more into adulthood and responsibility for a little while longer.
• United States
10 Jan 07
I think you should be happy for them just because they are 19 does not mean they are going to be bad parents.I was 19 when i had my first daughter im 29 now and i know from experience that a 19 year old can make a good parent.people tend to look down on young parents but i wouldnt only because i was in the situation before.If i was you i would be happy for them after all they are going to be parents and bring a new life into this world having a child is a blessing it doesnt matter their age as long as they take good care of their baby.
@ljcapps (1926)
• United States
10 Jan 07
I agree that as soon as a child is known about, that that should be their first priority. The love, and care and growth of a child is an amazing thing to be a part of, and to love. My wondering whether to cry or congratulate them is not a judgement on their age at having a child, because truly they're starting in a decent position. they love each other and are committed to each other, which is more than it could have been in this situation. No, my thought is more that they were able to grow up a little more together before having a child. My wife and i have a four year old, and he was indeed a surprise. Best thing that ever happened to us, he is. But we had time to know each other and live with each other before he was part of us, and that's what i wish for them. Like i've said before, love and support won't be a lack for these two. well, actually, three. :)
• United States
10 Jan 07
It's not so bad to have a child at 19. It's worst when having a baby at 14 I would say. As long as they are prepared and know what their up against and still decide to go through with it, then I would congratulate them.
1 person likes this
@ljcapps (1926)
• United States
10 Jan 07
I agree completely. At 14 i couldn't even imagine having the bear the responsibility of a child when i was just a child myself, then. I hope they're prepared, and we'll do all we can to help them. And to help them see what's ahead, because it will be hard. But as long as they love each other enough, and love that child more, then i'm thinking they'll make it.
@Island_Geko (3760)
• Canada
10 Jan 07
Baby - Baby with a silly Grin
If you think of this in the 1940- 1950 my Aunt and Aunt got married at 18 and 19. They were already on their own for 4 years and 3 months after their honey moon she was expecting her first child......Why has our views changed so much since then?? I mean they are Adults and if they are happy and all the power to them....be happy for them.
1 person likes this
@ljcapps (1926)
• United States
10 Jan 07
See, but you're sayingt they were on their own for several years. in those years they'd really done some growing up together and had spent time together before there was a child. In this day and age, marriage isn't considered appropriate as young as they were back then. Its not a judgement on them being nineteen and pregnant, it's more a wish that they'd had more time together, to know each other, and to reach a fuller level of commitment to one another, on their own time. These are good friends, and won't have to worry about being judged by us..just a wish they'd had a little more time to become adults. In this days society..adulthood isn't reached at the age of eighteen even if that is the legal day of emancipation.
@hiitssomu (657)
• United States
10 Jan 07
now-a-days we don't think of having a bay at nineteen, but nineteen is not bad enough to have baby if both are ready. from your part you should give them moral supports, because if then don';t get proper support or guidence and that may affect the baby, baby who is going to see the face of world very soon, didn't do any bad. so we need to see baby should not suffer from that. baby should get all support, care and love. so you should congratulate them and support them so that they can give a birth of normal baby.
@ljcapps (1926)
• United States
10 Jan 07
we'll give them support. and we'll give them love, and pretty much anything that's in our power to help them with. They're both adored by each other's families and have only to ask. they love each other and were planning on getting married anyway, so that's wonderful for them, and for the baby. But i just wish they'd had more time to find themselves. Nineteen is a hard enough age, without wondering how to further support and take care of a very small child. But don't worry, love and support is something they won't lack.
@ralevi (1887)
• United States
10 Jan 07
nineteen is not to small to have a kid I think you need to congratulate them.
1 person likes this
@ljcapps (1926)
• United States
10 Jan 07
Oh we love them. And we're not judging them at all. But they're so young to have the responsibility of a child, and i wouldn't call nineteen grown up, quite yet. My wife and I are in our late twenties with a four year old, and sometimes I'm not sure we're grown up enough for a child. I just wish they'd had a little more time to get to know each other before this little bundle comes along. But they shouldn't worry, my wife will probably steal the child periodically so they've got some alone time.
• United States
11 Feb 07
Nineteen may seem young, but if they're both nineteen, and ready for the responsibility of a family, celebrate with them. Not everyone will choose the logical path and prepare for their family before it comes. Some people will just dive in and take life as it is.
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@gharinder (2044)
• India
11 Feb 07
still you should congratulate them
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@dbcraff (162)
• United States
11 Feb 07
Me and my husband got pregnent at 19 and everything worked out just fine. We know have 4 beutiful children and we have a good paying job. Sure it was hard at first but, I think everyone goes through those difficulty at any age when you have your first. I think congratulations and some support is what's needed? Not a caution light. Just be there for them adn be happy for them. New new baby is something to celebrate.
@nicky35 (748)
11 Feb 07
are they happy?if they are happy then you should be too.just be supportive,thats all you can do
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