partner works night shift

Australia
January 10, 2007 7:28am CST
I guess most people would think that having thier husband home during the day may be a bonus, but it's starting to drive me a bit mad. He used to have a job that was from 5am to 1pm in the day, but now he works nights. The thing is, I am used to having the day at home to do what I need to do, and I feel like I'm in a bit of a rut. I don't feel as motivated and am finding it hard to accept that 'my space' is being shared in the day, and he is so grumpy that most of the time we run for cover. Am I being selfish or am I just set in my ways or used to doing things my way and I'm not being flexible? I feel like it's making me more tired because I use most of my energy doing things around him.
3 people like this
26 responses
@mtdewgurl74 (18118)
• United States
10 Jan 07
I know exactly what you are talking about because my husband went from full time to part time in the colder months he's a carpenter and also somedays they finish a job early and are home for a few days at a stretch and it drives me nuts I find that we fight more on the days he is home about stupid stuff. Even housework he thinks as soon as I open my eyeballs I should jump out of bed and start cleaning. Me I like to wait a few hours get caught up on other things and then clean so we argue about that when he is home or me getting on the computer and other things and it drives me batty. I dont have any kids but I do babysit often sometimes and he hates that especially if he isn't working and starts stuff then too and it all adds up and emotionally drains me and gets me depressed and just makes me want to emotionally withdrawal from him. My dad after he retired has gotten on my moms nerves and she tells me that he drains her because of the emotional stress too.
1 person likes this
• Australia
11 Jan 07
You get best response too.
• India
11 Jan 07
Its better to cooperate with your hubby..
@shyludev (65)
• India
11 Jan 07
if u love ur husband u wont be saying like this...do u bwork? if not why couldnt u help him....
@lxwy2005 (167)
• China
11 Jan 07
Ha,it seems really a boring thing,my boyfriend and i is the same company,but different department,so we aren't see each other in any time,and he also outside,always get home at night,i also very boring about this...
• Australia
11 Jan 07
The frustration you are feeling is common to many retirees. It isn't always easy to adjust. He is used to being busy, or at least occupied. She is used to getting on with her duties without being followed around and asked questions about why she is doing what. A degree of compromise is necessary. In the case of retirees, who have spent many years together, they can usually sit down, quietly and rationally talk about how each other feels and work out a solution. I am sure if he knows how you feel about your space, he'll understand. Can you interest your hubby in gardening, DIY home maintenance, woodworking or some other hobby? Maybe there is something you can achieve together?
@manzician (4734)
• India
11 Jan 07
I understand your problem dear. I have worked in night shift myself for 2 years. Even though I am single, but I know that my family do face some problems because of my graveyard shift. And this is a problem whose solution is not easy at all. And let me tell you something, you are not being selfish at all. What you should do is to talk to your partner and try to bring up a solution. Best of luck t you.
@pradesh13 (287)
• India
11 Jan 07
Even if you are feeling that you are selfish its fine! Just let him know what do you expect and let him tell about his expectations. You will get adequate space individually and togetherly if likings are taken into considerations and also controlled. I think the best way is to feel that " Opposite person has its unique nature and he/she will behave accordingly" so we should not get upset on such issues.
@kiran511 (22)
• India
11 Jan 07
your opinion is correct in my view. as partner works in night and rests in day at home it will be good for some time but it wont continue the same for ever. If he works in the day and rests in the night, it will be better to enjoy a lot. as he may get relaxed at night. if he works in the day time he may not be able to relax and disturbs his work at night times also. you please make him to change his works at day time. all the best
@anup12 (4180)
• India
11 Jan 07
Night is for sleep and day is for work that is what I believe so try teling him to get a job in day shift and always communciate with him becuae communictaion is the key
• India
11 Jan 07
It is a real pain that one of the life partners do some kind of job that they can hardly spend time together. But these days it has become a routine thing to work till late night or overnight...It is all a rush to earn money and nothing else
@cisco1 (539)
• United States
11 Jan 07
sorry to me i think you are being selfish. you cant alway have things your way, and you cant take it out on your partner for one he cant change his hours at work just to please you.
@aryaman (245)
• India
11 Jan 07
I think you are not being selfish, its just u are taking some time adjusting to the changing conditions. Its is obvious and happens with most of people. You should start considering your partners need for space too and than it will help u to respond to the change in better manner.
@vkbllm (474)
• India
11 Jan 07
Hi..its sorry to see you in distress! You are not being selfish,avtully things around you are not quiet easy at all. Its hard to make a swing between days nd night! You have to work around the clock. I think only time can heal you. Its just matter of time and you will be used to such situations soon!
@Lovely_Lady (1524)
• United States
11 Jan 07
Learn to be flexible and go easy. You're just use to doing things your way and now things has change. I'm sure someone would appreciate it alot and don't be hard on yourself. Sometimes things change and change is good. It's what you make out of it and being able to work around everything and setting your daily routine. It's not no one's fault. Just learn to be flexible.
• United States
11 Jan 07
I am in the same position. My husband just moved to the night shift, and although I only see him about 3-4 hours a day it has changed my schedule around a lot. I find my whole day is a little off now. The hardest part is trying to plan meals. I find it difficult to make dinner for just myself, and my lunch is his breakfast, so all of our meals are different. I also find it hard to get things done while he is here. I love to spend time with him, but then I dont get things done that I need to do and that throws me off. I am slowly adjusting, and I know that eventually things will get easier, I just need to readjust my day and schedule in time to spend with him and get the housework done. Life will return to normal, just a differnt kind of normal.
• India
11 Jan 07
come on u r being a bit tough on him.think of ways to keep him engaged.may be u can use his help in house hold chores.and buying stuff from outside!!it is very difficult to get jobs so try coping up with his presence and at the same time try to motivate him to get a regular day time job.may be u can send to do his job-search in the day time at the same time take a good nap so that he is fresh to work.
@kylerrhys (164)
• Philippines
11 Jan 07
my husband works at night also..he works as a technical support. what i do is spend as much time with him. sometimes, we all have to sacrifice for the sake of the family. Nowadays, it is hard to be choosy. You have to compromise and sometimes people do get grumpy when they are super stressed out.
• Australia
11 Jan 07
How long has he been on night shift, amybe it's just that the settling in phase has been completed yet. Give it a little time, find things that you like to do together. Hoep it all works out in the end.
• United States
11 Jan 07
I FEEL YOUR PAIN!!! My husband works 2nd shift and is home until the late afternoon. Some days he drives me crazy!!! He sits on the couch all day until time for work. Of course he does have to get up to eat and take a potty break but that's it !!! I have tried everything to encourage him to help me, go volunteer to help at the kids school, just do something!!! No luck. I guess we are just stuck with the nonsense!!!
@ukchriss (2103)
11 Jan 07
No I dont think you are being selfish, we all get used to doing things our own ways in the time which we have on our own.. yes we get set in our ways but we do have to be a little flexible from time to time. My partner works 7am till 4pm but he also has to travel over an hour each way so leaves the house at 5.30am and arrives home about 5.30pm each evening. So we really dont have much time in the week to spend together. Which in a way I like as I was single for a long time before we met and I'm used to having my own space. I have the best of both worlds as I can still do my own thing during the day and also at night after he goes to bed early. I also have a lodger who used to work nights 7pm till 7am which was great as he slept through the day and I hardly ever saw him. But He lost his job late last year so has been getting under my feet and on my nerves! Me and my partner seemed to loose all our space and privacy overnight. He has now only just fornd a new part time job working 3 nights a week so things have eased a little. but boy oh boy will i be glad when he finds full time work again!