What would you do?

United States
January 10, 2007 9:55pm CST
I have a friend that I've been friends with since we were 4 years old (I'm 43 now). We've been best friends forever and of course have had bad moments and such too. We've always been able to just move on with it and continue our friendship. It seems as though we've drifted so far apart now that I'm frightened we won't get back to the way were were. It's not unusual for us not to see each other for a while then just call up and say "where the heck have you been" but we've recently both divorced and seem to have gone in different directions. She couldn't wait to find another man to comfort her. I personally could care less if I ever "marry" again, and date whenever I want company. We both have teens now, which does take a lot of time in our life. She works full time out of the house, I work at home and am able to do what I want. There's no "tensions" there but we just simply don't seem to be in touch with each other anymore. What should I do? Should I try to get together with her and see if we can get over the awkwardness we've experienced as of late when we bump into each other in the store? Should I just ride it out and know that we'll be best friends as always?
5 people like this
38 responses
• United States
11 Jan 07
I believe that you should call her up ( because if she is anything like my best friend, I would have to call to see what is going on) and tell her all the things that are going on in your life and explain to her that you really miss her and need her back into your life again the way it used to be. If she agrees, which she probably will, suggest that the two of you have a girls night out once every two weeks to catch up on things. That is what I am planning to do with my best friend. I miss her a lot. We both have a lot of things going on in our lives and it is hard to make the move to call sometimes. Good luck and best wishes!!
• India
11 Jan 07
if u take my opinion ... go for a hollyday n take her out 2 some romantica n make luv 2 her .. she will definitely fulfill whatever u want n u both will be back 2 hevean ... if it dosen't works then i'll be sorry for u both
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Jan 07
Dude, they both are women. -_- Anyways to the orininal poster, sorry to hear about your situation. I haven't had a friend for that long (I'm only 21), but I have lost touch with some friends I had when I was in high school. My closer friends I still talk to occasionally, and we rarely ever meet up anymore becuase we all go to diffrent universities. But when ever we meet up it quickly falls back to how it was back when we were in high school and I feel close to them again. Maybe you should meet with her and the same may happen to you, just make sure you find something fun you both can do.
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Jan 07
ROFL... Nate I'm so glad YOU realized we were both women!!!!! I read his answer and went.. Um.. well.. okay..um... but I don't think so!!!! lol
• Ireland
11 Jan 07
LMAO@ vincial's answer. Whatever response I was going to give just went straight out of my head.
2 people like this
@cjsmom (1423)
• United States
16 Jan 07
I wish I had a best friend. I've tried to make a few while living here in the boondocks of Illinois but they have their own lives and seem to be too busy for anything else. I would, when you get the chance and feel like it, just call her up out of the blue and ask her out to lunch/dinner. In your heart at least you know you'll always care for her.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Jan 07
Yes, I'm lucky in that we've always been able to just pick up where we left off even if we haven't seen each other for months. So I know she will always be there for me and I for her. I know we tend to go thru these spurts anyways. I understand having troubles finding "friends". My problem is that while I'm a very outgoing person I'm also a very secluded person. I prefer to have friends and yes keep in touch but I don't feel the need to be together all the time and call each other all the time. I'm weird, I know. LOL
@Celanith (2334)
• United States
12 Jan 07
If your best friends, you will not lose that, I have a best friend, she moved miles away and then I moved in the opposite direction even further, she got divorced, I stayed married. We did not see each other for years, but sent birthday cards, pictures of kids, and holiday cards, called each other a couple times a year. She worked full time as a Kindergarten teacher, I as a homemaker. But two years ago when my mom passed away she was there for me. She put me up in her home and helped and provided flowers from her own yard for my mom's service. We visited again. Though we are 632 miles apart recently she came to see me and stayed over night. So call her, have lunch or dinner or something and talk and just be the friends you have always been.
• Malaysia
12 Jan 07
Me too I have this experience just like yours. I have two close friends from university. Both of them are working outside and I am working at home like you. I am married but the two others still not married but both are engaged. We used to be drifted apart for so long and we can always call one day and say where the hell have you been. But lately one of them got married and when I bumped into her one day at the shopping mall, I sensed she no longer have that warmth towards me. She didn't even smile the way she used to. I felt sad and afterward I didn't have the courage to give her a call to meet her. I am also in dilema. I miss our relationship once upon a time ago and i really want to patch things up. But I don't know what have I done wrong to her? I suggest to you that maybe you should just give her a call and make an arrangement to meet somewhere if you really miss her. I do miss my friend and I really want to call her but I don't have the guts. Well wish you all the best of luck.
1 person likes this
@jamie11982 (1662)
• United States
12 Jan 07
If i was you i would call her up and see if she wants to go to lunch and set a lunch date. Maybe if you 2 spend time with each other maybe once a week then it will pick back up again where you are calling each other all the time and spending time as friends again. It sounds like because you went on diffent paths that you need to get them paths to start to over lap again. it will take time but if you work on it then those paths might just get you back to the way things used to be. Good Luck
1 person likes this
@marty3888 (2359)
• United States
11 Jan 07
I sort of have a similiar situation except I'm male, she's female. We met in college and have been best friends, nothing more. We saw each other once a month, sometimes more. She got married, had 3 kids but we still saw each other. Her husband didn't mind. Now I'm in a relationship, she's divorced and we see each other maybe once a year. But we talk on the phone and maybe that's what you should do. Keep in touch, never give up. That kind of friendship is very important; I'm sure you're still important to her. Maybe you just need a good talk on the phone to remind her of your special friendship.
1 person likes this
@beverly1 (1130)
• United States
11 Jan 07
i would try to talk to her to see his you two are still friends. you should tell her you want everly thing be ok and you want get alone with each other and you dont want to firght. friends are hard to come bye. good luck
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Jan 07
Maybe just is just to busy dating. It their no contact if so how have you experienced awkwardness? I would never let such a long friendship just fade away. I would want to find what, if anything, is wrong.
1 person likes this
@BLADE786 (72)
11 Jan 07
keep in touch more and try to help each other
• United States
11 Jan 07
if you value the friendship, and it seems you do, you should at least put forth the effort. you two may never get back to the way things used to be. which is normal. people grow and change throughout their entire lives, and maybe youre right and you guys have just drifted too far apart. but you'll never know if you dont try. and almost 40 years of friendship is a lot to let go of. im sure if you sit and talk with her about it, you'll find that she feels the same way. you both probably feel awkward and arent sure what to say, but once you talk it out, things will fall into place.
1 person likes this
• India
11 Jan 07
You should cotact her daily via phone or something.And give good suggestions also.It will give to your friend good working mind.
1 person likes this
@shywolf (4522)
• United States
11 Jan 07
I am really sorry to hear that you feel like you and your lifelong friend are drifting apart :( The thing is, this happens sometimes, that people come and go even when we feel that we are not ready. I am not saying that you and your friend can't become closer again - you should by all means try! ^_^ I am just saying that people come into our lives for a reason and sometimes drift away when that purpose has been fulfilled. Even with friends of years and years, there are times where we all part, and there will then come new people into our lives who will serve their own purposes as well. Some things are just meant to happen, no matter how painful. I do hope that you and your friend become close again, though. I truly do. I have had very close friends drift away and it still hurts sometimes, but I also see how it had to be that way in most of the cases. We just grew apart and grew too different.
1 person likes this
@micheller (1366)
• United States
11 Jan 07
i think that you should sit down with her and have a talk and tell her how you feel. If she is your best friend, do not risk loosing her. Maybe she feels the same and just isn't saying anything either. Always act upon something that is in question or you will NEVER really know.
1 person likes this
@kbkbooks (7030)
• Canada
11 Jan 07
Hi Sweety. Hope you're well today. If you value this friendship enough, it is worth trying to get over your awkwardness. I am divorced too. Remember you divorced your husband, not your friends. Of course if you met because of him, it's going to be a little strange, but if you have a sincere bond, things will work out. It might be a good idea to say to her something to express that you are concerned about the awkwardness since you have been divorced. She may be feeling the same thing.
1 person likes this
@anjuscor (1266)
• India
11 Jan 07
You should not let your best friend go away. Keep in touch with her. Who knows about future. So go ahead and call her, talk to her. Best friends fight, but they apart, still they get back after a few days, So it is the samething happene dto you guys. So just get back , stay in touch. Friends will come till your end. So dont leave them out. All the best. Hope youw guys will enjoy each other's accompany.
1 person likes this
@superbren (859)
11 Jan 07
yeah , i understand what you mean , i have lost touch with friends over the years and frankly i wish i had tried harder. i have a best friend now whom i see every wednesday night , come hail or highwater.she moved in a different direction in life but it made no difference to our frienship. i think the problem is finding the time to see your friend . if you arrange a night once a week or even once a fortnight asnd you both agree to keep the commitment.you will after a while look forward to that meeting and nothing will stop you . keep trying anyway , friends are hard to beat.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
11 Jan 07
Staying in touch with her would be the best option for me.
1 person likes this
@Bev1986 (1427)
• United States
11 Jan 07
This sounds very similar to me and one of my friends. She's been my "best friend" forever, but for the past couple of years, we've slowly drifted apart. I've found that if I don't make the call, we don't talk at all. When I do call, it's great! We'll go someplace or just chat on the phone and we laugh and have a great time. But if I don't make that initial move, I never hear from her. I need to make a decision as to whether I'm willing to always be the one to make the call. I'm leaning towards yes, simply because I may have to just realize that that is the way she is. If I want a friendship with her, it may have to always be me making the first call...
1 person likes this
@sbbcackk (99)
• Ecuador
11 Jan 07
if you miss her, reach out to her. Maybe she's moved on, but maybe she's also not sure how to approach you again. Worse case scenario, she'll come up with an excuse and you'll know where you stand
1 person likes this